Have You Experienced People Talking About You When You Changed?

People either respect the standards and boundaries that I have placed on myself and my family, or they will quickly not be my friend. As far as family, I don't tolerate it either. I have absolutely no patience for that kind of thing.

Oh definitely - when my husband and I started making sure to live within our means, my Disney-every-year and new car every two years friend made fun of our decisions. She was like 'your kids are only little once, and you're wasting it hanging out at home every weekend!' But we were having fun, in our own way. I tried to explain the risks of living on borrowed money, but she would get really defensive.

Now they've declared bankruptcy, and are on the edge of divorce. Plus her kids are spoiled and whiny and neurotic. I feel sorry for what they're going through, but part of me is like...whelp, toldja so!

I can totally relate to you and your 'change'. I went through the same phase when I was newly married, and recently after my DD was born. Friends, and even family members.
Small changes like you mentioned - no calls between 9pm - 8am, almost no unplanned hanging out or yap-times, exclusively family-time, house-keeping weekends, etc. There was a time when I was newly married, working a 10hrs-a-day job, making b'fast, lunch (to-be-packed), dinner and house-keeping for the whole family (DH, and in-laws) everyday and weekends. I had to make these 'changes', not just because I wanted to give more importance to 'family', but without these changes, I'd go mad trying to get everything done!
I'd say, just stick to your changes, but remain unfazed by your friends or family members talking about it. Continue to be just as pleasant and cheerful with them when you are talking to them or with them, as if nothing's changed. They may find your new 'schedules & rules' (like I used to call them) a bit abrupt to get used to, but am sure they'll slowly get the idea that the change is just a matter of logistics, and not a change in who you are!
Good luck!

You are going to find that you will have very select, few friends who will be around for your whole life - lifelong friends are very rare...the others will be a revolving door of people you meet who can share in what you are going through. When you are a newlywed - other newlyweds and married couples will be your friends. When you have a baby, you will be drawn to other people with new babies...and so on. As you change, so do who your friends are. It's just a fact of life. The ones who always respect what you are going through will be around the longest.

I would never call someone's house after 9:00 unless they have specifically told me to. I have always thought that was rude.
You need to do what is best for your immediate family. Don't worry about what the rest of them think, even if they are siblings, parents or your cousins. You make the decisions that are right for you guys.

I'm 27. A lot of other 27 year olds are still living pretty reckless lives... I'm (almost) married and have 3 kids. I'm responsible. A lot of kids I went to school with laugh at me behind my back because they think I'm not having the fun they are, but the jokes on them! They are going to wake up one day in their 30's and realize they have nothing compared to what I have, and have done nothing productive with their lives... I WILL be the last one laughing.

Change is GOOD ;)

Generally I really don't give a ... about what people think or say about me. I live my life without apologies. I try to do the best I can and not hurt others along the way.

I try to treat people the way I want to be treated.

So really there is no need to answer a phone or door bell when you don't care to and make proper and healthy boundaries for yourself and your family. Your family may just be missing you because they were accustomed to having unlimited access to you. Try to find some scheduled time with them and that may or may not cure their angst or not but you really can't concern yourself too much with that just do the best you can without forgetting that you matter too.

Not everyone likes change ... I lost a lot of "friends" because I was changing my lifestyle ... it is what it is. People who are not happy for you are not your friends.

Just stay on the path you've made. If family calls too late--let the voicemail get it & return the call the next day. I'm guessing it's not your family isn't the ones wanting you to "hang out" with them? Ignore your friend's demands--they don't "get it" and most likely WILL get it some day. Ignore them.

My husbands family cannot seem to understand that when I say no shoes in the house anymore that includes them! My kids are crawling and of course put everything in their mouths. So I put a shoe rack & a reminder by the front door. His parents come in and have to be "reminded" that shoes arent allowed past the front area anymore. His mom commented that she used to be allowed and she didnt understand the big deal...well the whole reason I even implemented the no shoes rule was because my daughter put a piece of cat terd (complete with used cat litter) in her mouth. We dont have a cat, it more than likely came from s-i-l or m-i-l's house. And I have no problem putting my foot down with anyone that cant respect my rules in my house. Family or not.

People are always going to talk... because they think they are right, or they think you are wrong or because they are trying to justify their own thinking.
It is annoying and frustrating, but they are only talking about you because you are interesting.

You are making the wise long term decisions now and setting your priorities to make your family first. Good for you. Just be happy in the knowledge that your life is what you want it to be and do not worry about their lives.

Look, at the end of the day you're doing what you believe is best for you and your family. Who cares what outsiders think? Are they a part of your family (i.e., the family that consists of you, your husband, and your children)? If not, then their opinions don't matter. Simple as that. It was a hard lesson I had to learn too, especially when dealing with well-meaning family. You can always listen to suggestions, but you don't necessarily have to implement them. They had their chance to do what they thought was right by their families, and now it's your turn to do what you think is right by your family. If they can't understand that then that's their problem.

If you want to look at it from a biblical perspective, God intended for a man to find a woman to marry. The Bible expressly says that when a man and woman marry, they are then viewed as one. (Mark 10:7-9) In that respect, once you leave your parent's home, they are no longer responsible for your actions. You're a grown woman and you can make educated decisions for yourself. Your parents train you for just that - to go out into the world and make your own decisions.

I've come to a point in my life where I'm beginning to understand that just because your (extended) family is your family, that doesn't necessarily give them the right to impress their thoughts and opinions on you. They're still people just like everyone else. I've been in situations where my grandparents have said some things to me that have hurt my feelings, or my aunt has said something about my childrearing (even though she has no children of her own) that I didn't agree with, for example. But I've let them know that I don't agree with them, and that's that. I'd rather be happy with my decision and stick to it, then let animosity toward my (extended) loved ones build because they are overbearing with their opinions and I say nothing about it.

As long as you're not doing anything that harms you, your husband, or your children, your friends and (extended) family should respect your decisions, even if they don't agree with them. Everyone is taught that principle, and it is sometimes humbling when people realize that they have to live by it too.

You've got to live your life in a way that makes you happy (assuming you are not breaking any laws while doing so).
Would you tell someone else how they should live their life?
Heck, no!
Some people will tell you exactly where you can get off if you try.
So you can ignore them or tell them 'Bummer, Dude, but it's none of your business so butt out of it'.
Some family s will actually hold each other back because the success of one means the rest are left behind.
It's a form of jealousy - don't let it rule you.

You put family in their place too, lovingly but firmly. Think of it as them acting like children who don't know better....ok, you don't know the rules, here they are. I just told my brother "Hey, we wind things up by 9pm, then have some quiet time to just chill, just the 2 of us, so no calls after then ok?" He was fine with that, and never calls after 8, because we're good friends and DO talk! It is what it is. A few years ago, I had to explain to my dad a few times not to call my cell during the day but to call the house instead. The reason? I am HOME during the day, we do not have the same cellphone company, so I don't want to worry about minutes if I'm HOME anyway. (Different if I'm out and he wants to get hold of me). He was like "Whatever" and called my cell again. I just let it go to voicemail, then called from the home phone and said "Hey, saw you called, but I'm home. Remember the minutes thing? I have 3 people on my plan and have a lot of outside business that I deal with, that takes up my minutes. Try the home first ok?" The next time he called my cell, I just didn't answer. He figured it out over some time. There is NOTHING to apologize for, there is NOTHING to feel bad about, you are doing what works best for YOUR family. It is what it is, just a simple fact, and I would state it as just that: simple fact. If you act like you feel you should apologize or explain your new plan, they will treat you like you should apologize and explain everything you do. You do not! People will either respect it enough to work with it (you're not asking them to change, just to deal), or they will fall away and not be in touch so much. That is their decision, not yours. Good luck to you.

That sounds frustrating. I would speculate that your "witness" of making mature lifestyle changes is causing them to feel guilty about how they act. They either have to change their act, or get mad at you, and the latter seems to be easier. You might need to move on to healthier people to have relationships with. If people can't respect your wishes, then they are not your friend. If this is family, that is tougher because you can't just cut them off, however you can distance yourself from them. Set boundaries, like you've been doing, not answering the phone after 9pm or whatever you need to do. When they start to complain you might want to say "I'm sorry that my lifestyle bothers you. It is the best for my family. I don't expect you do change as well, I love you no matter what. Please be respectful of my choices." If they don't respond to that, then you'll have to limit your time with them so it doesn't drive you nuts!

Best wishes!