Why Am I the Only One??

N.:

You aren't the only one. My 10 year old son does NOT have a cell phone. He doesn't have one because he doesn't need one. He doesn't have any after school activities that would serve as a reason for him to have a cell phone.

They don't need a phone to listen to that - it's on the radio, TV and internet.

It's okay to tell her the truth. That she doesn't need one. And if her friends don't like that she doesn't have one? They really aren't friends.

Good luck!

My son is 10. No phone for him.
I don't feel bad about it at all. I don't care what the other kids are doing. I don't care why the other kids are doing it.
I am my kid's parent. I get to make the rules.
I don't believe there is a good reason for my kid to have a phone right now. So he doesn't get one.
It's really just that simple.
L.

My son who is now 11 , just got one.. it's not fancy and used mostly for emergencies.. E.g. we take public transportation a lot and in the event we ever got separated (albeit rare) I want him to be able to call me asap... this goes for other situations..

I'm not clueless. But then I'm not in denial about what my kids are exposed to either.

In fact, I've used every single inappropriate thing as a learning opportunity. We TALK about all of it.

Of course if would be easier for me to deny that my child will have exposure to adult subject matter (with or without their own phones) before I'm good and ready to address it.

I'm sorry but innocence and naivety go hand in hand. And I want smart kids, kids who know how to deal with all these issues.

Your girl is growing up. Yuck. She can't learn how to safely and effectively navigate today's technological way of life until you learn to communicate with her. Face to face or via text.

I have no problem with YOUR parenting choices. I not sure why you struggle so much with mine.

:(

Okay, well this post is beyond annoying and judgemental. I get what you are saying and where you are coming from, but how in the world do you come up with a 10 year old having a cell phone turning into a 15 year old pregnant girl? I could just as easily argue that you being so "strict" on your daughter will make her go out and rebel, causing her to be the pregnant one at 15.

My daughter got her first phone at 6. GASP! We turned on an old one of ours for her because of dance. There were times I couldn't be in the room with her (restrictions on amount of parents in the building) and while I trusted the adults, I wanted her to have immediate access to me. She is 9 and has a newer phone, but again, an old one of ours we turned on for her. She uses it to talk to her friends and knows that we have 100% access to the phone, texts, and voicemail. In almost 4 years, we have never had to ban her from it or take it away (minus once losing all electronics for her room being a disaster zone).

All 3 of my kids have ipod touches and Kindle fires, they have music on them and access to Netflix. We are involved parents and monitor what our kids watch and listen to, but more importantly, teach them what is right and wrong so they don't take advantage. Oh, and my kids are 6, 8, and 9 (10 in two weeks).

My husband is a DJ and we listen to the satellite radio in the car. My kids know what bad words are and they know not to repeat them. If we hear a song with too much on it, we change it - but they listen to the current music out there, the stuff my husband and I enjoy.

Most of my daughter's friends DO have phones. The one that comes to mind who doesn't, is the only one who has a stay at home mom. And for them I know it's more about budget restrictions than anything else.

Honestly, before you start ranting and judging parents who give their kids phones, you may want to go back to school. I had trouble reading your post..."becuz" is not a word. You are not texting us. Maybe work on that first.

My 10 year old has a cell phone. There's no data so she can't access the internet or anything. She can put music on it, but it's the music I put on it.

Before you start judging all parents and assume that because we gave her a cell phone she's going to end up pregnant at 15 stop and think about the "good kids" your daughter hangs out with. If they're so "good", why are they acting inappropriately with the phones?

She has a phone so she can contact us in an emergency, while at a friend's house and so she can talk to friends without using my phone because we don't have a home line.

All my friends have one . . . all my friends get to . . .

Didn't work for my kids. Didn't work for my brother. Didn't work for me.

Real parents investigate these "all my friends have one . . . "and usually find these are simply exaggerations. I don't think I ever fell for one of these exaggerations unless I wanted to.

Good luck to you and yours.

I can tell you that my daughter was one of, or the, last kids to get a phone last year and she was almost 12.

So I am sure in her world, everyone has them!!!

I wasn't about to get her one until I felt it wouldn't be lost.

So far as music goes, they don't need a phone to listen to music so I consider that a non issue.

I can't speak to the world of 10-year-old girls, but every generation of parents goes through this.

I mean, in ye olde fashioned times, when I was about this age, everybody else's mother gave them Sony Walkmans and Esprit wardrobes and (aqua!) CB jackets and all the hideous trappings of the 80s.

Probably, 100 years ago, everybody else's mother let them wear hoop skirts and walk with young gentlemen to church, or whatever.

In other words, the real truth is that everybody else's daughter is using this line too. And has been since cavepeople times (everyone's mother gives them the latest stone spear and buffalo hide!). You just can't give in to that line.

Eventually, as she gets closer to teenage-hood, you might research phone options for her. But not because all the other kids have them. It's your job to teach her to think for herself!

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ETA. I do want to take issue with the idea that having a cellphone is somehow a gateway drug to teen pregnancy. Believe you me, the problem of teen pregnancy is much older than cell phones (and older than Rihanna, Katy Perry, and the rest of 'em). I say all that not to randomly correct you but because it's important to give teen girls sources of confidence in their bodies and themselves, so they don't feel like they need to give it all to a boyfriend to establish their self-worth. Sign her up for sports. Sign her up for anything that will give her role-model friends. Not getting her a cell phone is great b/c it teaches her that you don't have to follow the crowd. But that all by itself won't inoculate her against teen pregnancy.

My son is turning 11 this summer and going to middle school next year. I'm going to get him a "dumb" phone - an older model that does NOT go online :)

ALL KIDS HAVE X fill in any word for x. are you really naive enough to believe her? not all kids have cell phones, and not all kids are abusing them that have them. some have purely phones for saftey that can call their parents so they can venture out a bit on thier own but have no data plans for internet. it sounds like your daughter is hanging around the wrong kids, or you are too strict. thats for you to decide

You have some strange ideas on how 15 year old girls get pregnant. They get pregnant from a lack of proper sex education and parental involvement and choosing to have sex. Not from listening to music. Listening to music can't get you pregnant, silly.

My eldest started begging me for a cell phone when she was 5 years old. I "broke her heart" every year until she entered middle school because of the demands of the schedule, especially this second year with me working again. My middle daughter has been begging since she was 3 because her big sister was begging at 5. My youngest daughter doesn't care as long as she gets to play on my phone because now she gets to receive and make calls on the house phone.

Trust me, your daughter's heart isn't broken. She's trying to get you to change your mind. If your mind is made up, it's made up. But your daughter is old enough for you to calmly and rationally explain your reasons for disallowing her to have a cell phone yet.

Your daughter, your choice. Stop wondering why parents buy THEIR kids phones, I can assure you they don't wonder why you don't ;)

My nephew got his first phone at 6, his private Christian school requested every student have one. A basic pre-paid flip-phone, no frills like internet or downloading anything, he can call or text, period. At 11 this year he went to outdoor ed camp without it as the rules requested, his camp was on lockdown the first day there because of a madman ex-policeman killer, Christopher Dornan, the kids could hear gunshots from the police shootout with him. (No one knew he was there until right after the kids arrived at camp.) The kids who sneaked phones in were getting calls from freaked out parents. After it was all over each child was allowed a phone call home, on a staff member's cell phone. My sister now insists he take it everywhere, because she wants to be able to reach him wherever.

If you broke your daughter's heart beCAUSE you won't buy her a cell phone, venting isn't the thing to do, really talk to her and help her understand why you feel the way you do. But truthfully, last I heard, no girl, 15 or otherwise, got pregnant from listening to music. Many young girls got pregnant way before cell phones were invented, maybe because they didn't get the proper parenting they needed. Each of us as a parent is responsible to teach our own children the way to make good choices, and we're not accountable to those who disagree with our choices.

I agree, they don't *need* cell phones. My 12yr old and 10yr old have phones. Not smart phones, but they are able to text on them. I like being able to be in contact with them directly.

Last Friday night, my 10yr old was at a school sponsored party. All incoming 6th graders (3 elem schools feeding into one middle school) were invited to a social event at the middle school from 7 to 9pm. At 8:30, my daughter used her phone to call me to tell me she was ready to get picked up. Lucky for her friends, she had a phone. A bunch of them borrowed her phone to call THEIR parents to come get them, too. I guess by 8:30, they were all partied out. This is just one of MANY times I was glad she had a phone.

I had planned to pick up my 12yr old from school today. Turns out, something came up and I can't. I'm texting her right now to tell her to take the bus. Without that phone, I'd be in a real pickle RIGHT NOW.

I don't see having a phone as a privilege. For us, it's a tool to make our daily lives a bit more efficient. I'm happy my kids are learning appropriate use of their cell phones now and not later when peer pressure to do stupid things is much stronger. Having a phone is just not a big deal in our family. It's simply a tool, not a magic wand.

My daughter, at 9, started asking for a phone because some of her friends have one. She doesn't need a phone and she's not getting one. I don't care what her friends have.

Is she the one telling you that she's being teased because she doesn't have a phone? Or have you heard her being teased by others...?

I think this is the first on a long list of things that kids want because "other people have one." And we are a society where that is true for adults too. I think if you have good reason not to get her a phone, then stick to that... are you going to feel pressure when "all" of her friends are wearing make-up, dating, going to concerts, seeing R-rated movies?

You aren't breaking your daughter's heart. You are parenting as you think is best. All we can do is our best with the information that we have. I doubt you'll ruin her 10 year old social life by saying no to a cell phone right now.

Good luck~

My daughter was 17when we purchased the "family phone". Both kids used it when they went somewhere. Worked for a little while but then our daughter was on the go all the time and our son was coming home alone. So he was 13 when he got his phone. Neither phone had texting or data on it at all. We told them it was a phone!

We got texting for our daughter when she was in college (19). She joined a sorority and they texted all the information so she did need to have that function. I'm not a fan of it.

I don't think every 10 year old has a phone. Our kids pulled that and I would respond (well if everyone was jumping off a bridge, would you?" I sounded just like MY mother!! I think 10 is too young. Personally, I wouldn't do it.

My almost 10 year old son won't be getting a cell phone until he needs one from a safety standpoint (if latchkey kid situation) which I don't see happening for awhile. And even then it will be a prepaid cell phone like what my husband and I have. I refuse to pay big cell phone bills. If he decides to get chatty on it, he will have to pay the difference. Unlimited Internet access? Not for a long time yet.

Smile and very sweetly say, "Honey, I've decided that every time you ask for a phone, I add another year to the amount of time you will have to WAIT to get a phone. And you're already not getting one for a long time. Unless you want to never, ever have a phone before college, I recommend you drop it. No means no."

If she has "friends" who are the kind of kids who tease her about not having a phone, "friends" who expose her to songs and other things you do not approve of -- time to direct her towards some other kids to spend her time with. If I found my kid was listening to, seeing or looking up junk on friends' phones, it would be the friends she'd be doing without. Be sure she has real activities to occupy her -- not just "hanging out" time which is when this mess gets started. If the kids are doing this at school -- check the school's phone policy. I would bet that it forbids kids from either having phones at school, period, or says they cannot use them during school hours. As for summer -- again, you are the parent and she is 10. Direct her time away from kids who are freely exposing her to stuff that you don't approve of. Don't make a huge deal of it or she will see these kids as forbidden fruit and want to see them even more; just ensure she is busy, creative and occupied, not hanging around all summer.

My 10 year old doesn't have O.. Neither do most of his friends.

Your daughter is not the only one. I suggest you learn how to not engage with your daughter in an argument. You're the mom. You say no. You've already given her reasons for your decisions. Now, it's time to just say no and walk away.

You are not breaking your daughter's heart. She is trying to manipulate you. So normal! Just know that you've made a good decision and stick with it. Be mildly sympathetic but don't let her turn this into a major issue. It's not.

BTW My granddaughter got a cell phone when she was 12 so that she and her parents could reach each other. Very few girls had cell phones at 10. She has just a basic plan and cannot download songs or games. Are you sure all her friends have them?

She does hear the music you're talking about on the radio. Not having a phone will not prevent her from hearing the music you're concerned about. What has worked for my daughter and her daughter is to be open and talk about song lyrics.

I couldn't agree with you more. I didn't let my oldest son have a phone until he was 13. He started asking when he was 9 and my step-daughter, who is the same age, had a phone that her mom gave her. I disagreed with SD having a phone but that wasn't my call. Anyway...she had a phone and he didn't for 4 years. He lived. My younger kids won't get phones until they are 13 as well.

I hope that as this technology gets more common someone comes up with better controls over content. Kids access music and internet content on phones, video game consoles, internet-connected televisions, and portable video game devices. I think that most parents have no clue what their kids have access to on these devices. My first grader has several friends who have PSPs or similar portable video game devices on which the kids know how to go to YouTube and pull up music, videos, and even take videos and post them on-line. I always find that absolutely staggering.

All I can say is hold the line...and wait another fews years and be prepared to be totally appalled by what her friends post on FB, Instagram etc. You can easily tell whose parents actually monitor what their kids do on-line and who has no clue what's going on.

ETA: I read an article recently (I can't remember where otherwise I would link to it) on how constant access to phones is making adult children more dependent on their parents and, frankly, dumber and less able to function in the world. There are teenagers driving who can't read a map or get from point A to point B without their phone or GPS telling them where to go. Now I like my GPS as much as anyone else, but I've had it fail enough to know that I need to consult a map before I go somewhere unfamiliar and print off directions as back up. Kids in college who talk to their parents several times a day instead of once or twice a week, and who call mommy or daddy first instead of trying to figure something out. Kids who don't ever have to plan anything in advance or think ahead when going out, because it's always "I'll text you when I get there" instead of "well let's think about it...there's a Walgreens on the corner near the footbridge, let's meet there at 7." I mean really, who needs to access a kid via phone in dance class? What's going to go so wrong at a playdate that a kid can't have the friend's parent resolve the issue or ask to use the phone to call you? Sorry but those examples as "reasons" for kids to have phone seem like true over-parenting to me. Instead of helicoptor parents, we have tethered parents.

The bizarre thing is that although phones give parents and kids too much attachment on one hand, once kids get phones I notice that the parents are suddenly far more lax with making arrangements. Because these parents can always call their kids directly, they are less likely to actually connect with parents when sending their kids to someone's house or out somewhere. I found that as my oldest son's peer group became more and more likely to have a phone, it took a lot of effort to hunt down parents when making arrangements because the kids were just doing it themselves, which is great, but there was no sense that they had actually consulted with an adult before calling my child. I don't expect to arrange "play dates" for a 10 year old but I do expect, even at 15, to actually talk to a parent and make sure we both got the same story about where they're going, what they're doing, who is driving, and who will be home.

No 10 year old needs a cell phone. It is crazy. If next year she still wants one get her what my husband has, an old type flip phone. It makes and receives calls. I got my first I phone at 60.

A phone in case playing goes bad! Now I have heard everything. No wait, a six year old because mommy cannot be in the room for dance class. OMG.

I am starting to think that some of you, not you N., could never have had kids years ago.

Stick to your guns N..

MY kids are 7 and 10 and they do not have cell phones. I am 42 and I don't have one. We have the highest cell phone rates in the world in Canada, so it is not at all common for kids to have cell phones. Most kids have to wait until they have jobs, and then they have to choose between a phone and a car. Anyway, we still have payphones and courtesy phones available here, so there really is nor need for a cell phone. My 10yo has an ipod touch. He can text his friends and watch music videos etc. I don't really censor what he watches, and I don't think watching music videos causes teenage pregnancy.

You have more then one topic going on wrapped around a phone.

Does the average 10 year old need a phone? No, however as with anything there are exceptions to that. My older ones were 13/14 and were doing more sports things that took them away from home, and while there was always an adult with them it was reassuring to know that they had their own. My younger ones have been bugging me (the 11 and 9 year old) and they were told the same age as the older ones.

Does that mean at 13/14 they need data on their phones? Nope, they will have a semi-basic phone, that they can call and text me from.

Do I know what my kids listen to? Sure do, we like all of the singers and song writers you mentioned, and then some that would probably make you blush if you find those singers bad. Oh, and guess what my adult children (21, 20, 20 and 19) have never come home pregnant. The music isn't the problem, TV isn't the problem. Parents not talking to their children often and regularly is the problem.

As for internet access, my younger ones all have tablets that they use, with internet access. Do I think they have never looked up something they probably shouldn't? No, I'm neither dumb nor naive, this is far from my first rodeo.

Kids will always say how mean we are, and so? That's life.

I was just like you.....till both my kids had soccer practice at different locations on the same night necessitating the 'soccer shuffle'. I bought a phone they share, they carry it when I tell them to, not when they want to. My son practices with parents I know well, he doesn't need it at practice. My daughter practices with a new team where I don't know the parents as well, so she takes the phone. Now my son is switching teams and we are talking about adding a phone for him too. Reality is that I can't be both places at once and we all feel better with them having a phone to call me if they need to. They don't, and won't carry them all the time; but it's been nice for practices, tournaments, sleepovers, etc etc.

ETA: They do not have an iphone. They do have text, but more as a convenience for me to leave them messages. They haven't even tried the "everyone has one" argument on me, they know it won't work.

My daughter is 12 and I'd say only about half of her friends have cell phones.

Just recently some of the moms have started with the "extra family phone" thing. They get one extra no-frills phone (one that can't even text) and they let their kid have it if they are going somewhere without them like to the movies or the mall. It's not "their" cell phone, it's just an extra family phone that goes with whichever kid is going to be out of the house at that time.

I would say that almost ALL of my daughter's friends have iPods. Perhaps that is what your daughter is seeing? I like the iPod touch over a cell phone. You can listen to music, play games and even text (if you allow the settings to be on). When the girls are gathered around, they are usually on their iPods, not their cell phones. At cheer practice a lot of the kids text via their iPods because there is free wifi in the building. With an iPod you can turn off the internet and control the music that goes on there.

I'm surprised at the number of parents who let their kids just surf the internet on their iPods or YouTube without supervision! My daughter's iPod has YouTube and the internet turned off. She can play games, watch videos that we put on there and listen to music we put on there.

My daughter has a phone and has been begging for an iPhone. I said she can have one when she gets a job and pays for it! She's had one since she was 7, but it was because she's at her mom's sometimes and she needed a phone to feel safer. Right now her phone is restricted to when she can use it, she can text her friends and she can call and receive calls from selected family members. I periodically check her phone. I wouldn't have it any other way.

It's not normal in our community for 10 year olds to have cell phones. Some of the kids have their parent's old iphones or ipods and they play games on them, but no phone access. My kids are always with an adult, so no need for a phone yet. The kids don't listen to much pop music either. Occasionally, I'll put on some "Pre-teen" pop music for them at home, but they don't listen to it on their own. I guess my kiddos are growing up slower than I thought. They do have access to the internet with monitoring. It might be the friends my daughter has, not sure, but they don't seem that interested in the teenage stuff yet.

My 9yo does not have a cell phone. My 15yo has a cell phone, but not a smart phone.

I am so with you. There are so many little things that steal away their childhood.
I'v read some of the arguements and none of them are valid in my situation and it doesn't sound like for you either.

Cellphones have their place but at 10 y o that place isn't in my kids pocket.

my daughter who is 10 does not have a phone. really no need for her to have one, i drive her to school and her activities.
she asks for one from time to time but i just say no.
good luck
many blessings

I have a 10 and 12 year old and they don't have phones.

They do have iPod Touches, which they can text me and my husband with, but they have limits on those. They get them on the weekends. That's it.

Your reason is that she doesn't need one. That's good enough.

As a parent you shouldn't worry about what other parents are doing. Those are their choices and their business.
Having boundaries is not the same as "breaking your daughter's heart." Sure we like to do nice things for our kids to make them happy but that's not really our job, is it? Soon "all" the kids will be doing a lot of things you don't want your daughter doing. Maybe some things you can compromise on but you need to stay rational and not let her emotions (or yours) affect your parenting decisions.

You're getting upset over something that's simply not true, don't let your daughter manipulate you like this!
I promise you that you are not the "only" one. All it takes is ONE kid to have something (be it a phone, a lap top or a pony) then suddenly "everyone" has one. It's just not true.
If you don't believe me talk to your daughters' friends parents, you will find very few kids have a phone at this age (even if they say they do) and those that do are usually kids who go back and forth between two homes, or are home alone after school.

My kids are 10 and 12 and neither has a phone, they do have tablets that they got for Christmas, they use them to read, play games ect, but no phone and when they do use the tablets, we monitor. So no your daughter is not the only one her age without a phone. :)

No cell phone until high school.
End of subject.
If they go somewhere where they need one, they can take a spare you keep for such purposes.
LBC

Funny thing.. Our plan gave us free fancy phones.
Free extra people if we had a larger family.....

And of course you can make a phone only for phone calls and texting... Or just phone calls.

So if you think it might be convenient for your family to be able to communicate with her when she is not with you, would you be willing?

We did not need Our daughter to have a cell phone until middle school. That is when there were times that her after school schedules could change or I needed to let her know my plans had changed, but all she had was a basic cell phone. From there she earned more items on the phone. Texting..etc,

Did not cost extra till she left for college...and was going to be out of state and traveling alone.we upgraded her. But the phone service tells us we are due for new phones every year. No extra charge's.

You do not have to do anything, but I do remember my princess phone when I was 12. It was hot pink and I was on that phone all through high school.. Never got pregnant till I had been married 10 years.

First on the music issue, music is not the reason kids get prego at 15. Never has been. Teens have sex, always have, always will. The way to avoid teen pregnancy is not to censor their music, but to teach them well what they need to know about sex, safe sex, and all about the emotional side to sex. And then show them trust and respect. My mom took me to the doctor at 14 so I could ask any questions I had and make my own choices about birth control, and because of her trust and forethought I was smart about sex, and protected when I did decide to become sexually active.

Now, on the phone issue. I used to think just like you. NO WAY was my child getting a phone before they really needed one, like when they started driving maybe, and no iphone until they could pay their own bills. Then I realized that a third iphone on our plan was only $25 a month. And then when my 9 year old had ski lessons and was gone all day for that it was nice to be able to text him and call him without having to go through the teacher. And when he goes out to play with his friends I can reach him. Now, could he and his friends use the phone to look up info on sex? Sure they could, but we have been talking to our son about sex (at an age appropriate level) for years now and he feels comfortable coming to us with questions, so I am not worried. If you have really open communication and trust with your child you don't need to censor them from the world in my opinion. And at some point we just have to take a step back and let them learn about the world they live in on their own. Maybe not at 9, but he is growing up fast and that is something I, as a parent, need to accept.

Now, we did not go out a buy my 9 year old an iPhone. We had one from when my husband upgraded and it is only $15 more to have it over the call only phone, and it is way easier to use and can do soooo much more. Right now my sons share the one iphone, when I upgrade mine we may get a forth line in a couple of years for my now 7 year old, but not just yet.

cell phones now are like having cordless phones in your room or your own landline when we were kids. I think I was about 10 before I was begging for my own landline. could you compromise with her that she gets a basic one that only allows calls and texts that way you dont have to worry about the music or internet? Then have her do extra chores around the house to pay for the monthly difference? Texting is the way kids talk like we had the folded up notes passed back and forth. Times have changed and phones are the thing. I wont get my kids phones before 10 but I don't think that 10 is too young for a phone (for an ipone and everything it comes with yes but for basic no)

Sounds like quite a few of us feel the same way--not all kids need their own cell phone. My kids (ages 8-14) know that we are not going to get them their own phones and they will just have to live with it. We told them when they are old enough to have jobs and can help pay for the phone, then we'll talk about it. Now, my kids lose something or break something just about every day so there is NO WAY we are going to get them phones!
I really don't need another monthly bill, either. ha ha
You know what I find depressing? When I go out to a restaurant and see each member of a family peering into their smart phones instead of looking at each other. Seriously, you will see no interaction, just watching their phones for an hour. Sad. *I give my husband the stink eye when he checks his phone too much while we are out. Give it a rest, already!

Wow - no kids here have phones at 8 or 9!! I'll see when they turn 10 but I doubt many. A phone that only allows calls I can see. I agree no way internet access... And you're entitled to vent here. That's what this site is for. ;) I'm sure it's tiring arguing with your daughter all the time. How about telling her when she turns 11? Just one that is phone only. My plan is to hold out on stuff to teach delayed gratification, ignore peer pressure etc but when enough time has passed that my kids are literally the only ones left, I likely will give in unless it's something I consider damaging. A phone that's only for calls isn't really. And setting a time limit for her might ease the pain now but still show her how to buck peer pressure, she doesn't get what every kid has just bc every kid has it etc. I'd hate to hold off on something that won't cause harm too long. I'd rather save it for things that really could be damaging. Giving in on this might help you be able to more easily say no to the next thing...

Ugh..I hate that kids are growing up so fast. Some friends of ours bought a track phone for their daughter b/c they don't have a home phone and she sometimes stays by herself for an hour or so at a time. This allows her to call mom or dad if she needs and them to call and check on her. I don't feel that you should buy her one just b/c she's the only one. I'm sorry she gets teased for it, that sucks. I think it will mean more to her if she has to wait. If it was me, I for sure wouldn't get internet on the phone. In the day of sexting and instagram, things just are temporary anymore. Not saying your daughter would do any of that but kids very young are doing it. What is your daughter going to do with it? Does she want to TALK to her friends or simply Text them? There may be alternatives out there.

Well, first off, your not the only one!

My younger kids don't have phones, yet. My older kids got them at 16y/o.

I will say that we are moving to NY in the next couple months and with the hubby being a good 45 min train ride away, we have been considering getting our 10y/o son one to have, just in case....we don't do 'land lines' any more and if I am running late I want him to have access to a phone in case of an emergency, ya know?

For what it worth: I am NOT big on censoring what my kids listen to on the radio..so I seriously don't have an issue with that part...my kids have all had Zunes (like an iPod only from Microsoft) since they came out and we love all kinds of music in our family!

I doubt they will have Internet access their phones IF we get them one at an early age, that will come later when they are teenagers.

My son just got a phone this past Christmas at age 11 1/2. For us it had more to do with him being in middle school and wanting to stay after for different things. There were times when he forgot he needed to stay after and was able to call. There were times when he was supposed to stay after and it got cancelled, so he was catching the bus home and his Dad didn't need to stop on the way home.

In Elementary, there is always an adult at the school until all of the kids have been picked up. At the Middle school, that is not true. So for us, it was a safety issue. Just last week he was able to call me and tell me that he had missed the bus. The week before, he was supposed to be on the bus instead of going to the Elementary to help out. He called to check in and I reminded him. Then I had to hightail it over to the Elementary school to get him.

We got him a regular phone with a slide out keyboard. He can make calls, send texts, and take pictures. He cannot surf the web on his phone. He does NOT have an iPhone.

Exactly, ALL her friends have access to the internet via their phones which they have access to most of the time. This means that YOUR DAUGHTER has access to these when she is with them so you need to start listening to the songs, etc. WITH her so you can have discussion and impart your beliefs and morals.

Yes and your daughter is right there with them listening and doing the same searches they are.

A phone is a wonderful bit of leverage. It carries a lot of weight when they are doing something you don't like. You say "If you don't do your homework you'll be grounded from your phone all day tomorrow" and they are going to get their hiney in there and do that homework.

No cell phone until high school.
End of subject.
If they go somewhere where they need one, they can take a spare you keep for such purposes.
LBC

My daughter just turned 11 in May and we got her a phone this past Christmas. It is just a call/text phone, but quite a few of her friends do have smart phones already. And quite a few of her friends don't have any phone at all yet.

For us it is a convenience - if I drop her off at softball and the weather turns bad, I like the thought of her calling me when she needs me without having to bum a phone from one of the coaches. Plus she is getting more freedom and doing things with her friends, and I like being able to reach her. The novelty has worn off it because often I have to remind her to take her phone with her.

My son is 9 and does not have a phone but he has some friends who do (not the majority though). I told him maybe middle school. Friends with older kids say you know when your child needs a phone...they are trying to go do stuff and need to call you or you need to reach them. I don't know when this starts happening...maybe age 13?

My almost 11 year old has one (for about a year) and will not carry it unless I give it to her for a reason. Kids are so different! It really depends on what the other kids they spend the most time with are doing. It does make a handy alarm clock though.

You are not the only one. My kids didn't get cell phones until they were in highschool. and then only when they were able to pay their portion of the phone bill. Now having said that the exception to that rule was the youngest. He got a phone in 8th grade as he was on a sports team and needed to be able to hold of us if games etc ran long and he needed to be picked up.

your frustration sounds more like a need to control what she is being exposed to than about whether or not she has a phone.

Absolutely do not care about everyone else. No freakin' way are my young children having cell phones. They only open a world of options for trouble and hurt that they are too young to have to deal with and unable make mature decisions regarding.

My daughter is 8 almost 9. She does not have a cell, but my son who is 12 does. We only got it for him because he rides his bike to and from school (it is also a plain dumb phone, no internet access). It is not that I do not trust my kids, I do but I cannot invest in an expensive phone that they will shove in their back pocket. Personally, when my son does want that more expensive phone, he will be purchasing it on his own. But he said he is happy with what he has and wants to save up for a lawn mower instead, to mow lawns for money. I think that in today's society, that parents are not as connected with their children. It is easier to let them do whatever they want.

My daughter is 8 and has asked for a phone and I've told her no. I am a divorced single mom and when she goes to her dads house even though he never picks up the phone when I call to see how the kids are I keep calling. She is 8 and just because one of her friends have a phone doesn't mean she needs one. And you can't let the fact that because all of your daughters friends have phones makes you feel like you need to get her one. Now a days on all these smart phones ect is not safe and your daughter will thank you in the long run when it's time for her to have a phone. She doesn't have to have something just because every one else does. Just keep doing what you are and if you end up getting her a phone do your research and have it for parental controls and you can get every text message ect that she does sent to you and you don't have to get Internet you can 100% monitor it. Good luck!

I read through a bunch of responses and Mom2many's response was good.

You are being judgmental. This is a personal decision that parents need to make. And you bring up other issues that extend beyond having a cell phone. Access to inappropriate music, websites, etc. - trust me, if your daughter's friends already have access to this stuff, then so does she (through them). Personally, I don't censor what my pre-teens/teens listen to or watch. I have a little more faith in my parenting skills to balance this stuff out. I do not for a second believe that they'll wind up pregnant because of exposure to less-than-pristine lyrics - that's like saying that playing violent video games makes you a killer (not!). Teenage pregancies happen because of ignorance (improper sex education, such as teaching abstinence-only sex education - because kids aren't taught about what they are abstaining from!).

That being said - if you don't want your 10 year old to have a cell phone, that's fine and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. It is true there is very little reason for a 10 year old to have a cell phone "just because." You may change your mind when she's older and becomes more active in extracurricular activities, etc. and she's not at home more frequently - because then it's nice to know they can reach you at a moment's notice if they need to. And even then you may decide a basic phone (no data plan, etc.) is more than enough. Just stop being so judgmental of others - you know nothing of their situations, their parenting techniques, etc.

My son is 10 and I don't think any of his friends have their own phones (I guess this is the difference between boys and girls). I do have a flip phone that we keep to give him when he goes out on his own - he often walks long distances to his friend's house to play. I want to be able to call him and tell him to come home or I want him to call me and tell me that he is staying over there for a while, etc. Yes, the friend's parents have a phone, but I don't want to have to bug them to check on my son. It's much easier just to call him directly.

Personally, I have no qualms with saying no to any of that stuff (phone, facebook account, etc).

Good luck,
L.

When my now adult son was in school is was the pager/beeper that everyone had. I never got him one.

As a teacher, those cell phones are a big pain. Many discipline issues, meddling, peer drama is caused by kids texting while in class.

In school, you can always get a message to student no matter the age/grade--so there is no need for that. In school tragedies, all staff have mobile phones--so no need.

If you child is on a weekend trip to the mall, let him carry your phone if dad is at home with his. etc, etc.

My daughter got one for her 15th birthday, and I was the only mom at her middle school who didn't buy their kid a cell phone.

It had nothing to do with the music she listened to, though. She liked Eminem and Linkin Park at that age.

If you trust her..why not? My husband logs in and sees who our daughters talk to and for how long etc. I've never had a problem with them abusing it. As a matter of fact you can use it as a tool for teaching responsibility. She can only use so many minutes etc. When we moved out here (6 yrs ago) my daughter did not have one she had just started junior high and we had a miscommunication about her pick up and she decided to walk home since it is close by and I was going nuts not being able to contact her. I was ready to call the police thinking someone kidnapped her from school or God knows what else. Ran to get her a cell phone the next day. No regrets.