Have You Read 'The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands'?

Yes I bought the book but haven't read it so I don't have an opinion yet. Good question though because I was wondering how others felt about it.

Although, I am wondering if there is a similar book called "The Proper Care and Feeding of Wives" because I would like to buy it for my husband.

Hi R.! Your first impression was right.....the author DOES hate women. She actually says that men do NOT need the book because women are the ones who need it to stop their whining and nagging. She really does have derision for women and degrades men by calling them simple.

I am appalled by this book. It teaches manipulation to get what you want, using sex as a tool for you to have "power" over a man. I have seen so many people who love this book tell women on this site that it's HER fault that her husband treats her badly, her fault that her husband cheated and her fault that she is abused. It's a dangerous school of thought.

Go back and read it through the eyes of an abused woman. The thing that really gets me is that so many Christian people take the book to heart. It's so far from a biblical view of marriage that it's not even funny.
But, Dr. Laura uses a manipulation tactic as well. She accuses people who don't like her book of being "feminist".

I recommend a book called "The 5 Love Needs of Men and Women" and also a book called "The 5 Love Languages". These books have excellent principles and the people who write them actually have the credentials to do so, unlike "dr" Laura.

I know I have gotten a reputation of speaking out against this book, but it's because I passionately hate oppression and I think this book (along with others, such as "Created to Be His Helpmeet" and "Fascinating Womanhood") teaches women that they only exist to make a man happy.

My husband HATED this book!

Try reading it to him. Not the whole thing of course, but make special paragraphs and read it to him. Make sure you read things that he will benifit from and what you will benifit from so you are not just pointing at him. I have read the book but it has been years, and what a different it did for me and my boyfriend now husband.

i'm glad so many people are finding the book useful. seriously. it's always good when a book changes people's lives for the better.
but i still think dr. laura is an utter twit.
khairete
S.

I find it interesting what women have gleaned from this book, and it makes me wonder what kind of marriages they really have. "All responsibility lies with the woman", "it teaches manipulation","read it through the eyes of an abused woman", etc. This book is not about that, and I think women that have read those things into it have missed the point. This book is for women who are in normal marriages where they've lost sight of what really matters. We all know it can happen. It is NOT for the woman who married to an abuser, philanderer, sex addict, etc. Perspective, people?
Most of these posts have come far away from your original question and have, instead given their opinion of the book, myself included. It definitely stirs the emotions.
I read this book WITH my husband very shortly into our marriage, before there were any children. It made me reevaluate how I treated him, and am glad for the help it offered. I didn't treat my husband very well. My husband felt that it hit things right on the head, and he pretty much thought Dr. Laura was a nazi before (I think she still is - on the radio - but I love her books). I realize you have children and reading it together is a little harder to come by, but that would be my suggestion.

R. - I've read some of your past posts and you are struggling with so much - my heart really goes out to you. I have not read "Care and Feeding" since anything I have either read or heard coming out of "Dr" Laura's mouth has been absolutely toxic. (You all realize her PhD in in physiology right? not psychology. Her thesis was "Effects of Insulin on 3-0-Methylglucose Transport in Isolated Rat Adipocytes". She's never taught at an accredited college or published a paper in a peer- reviewed journal.)

R. - I am currently reading a book by Dr. Terri Orbuch a researcher who has been following almost 400 couples for over twenty-two years in a National Institutes of Health funded study. Her book "5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great" is easy to read and based on years of following couples who are happy and those who are not. It's a great book and it's based on research not edited anecdotes.

I too find it easier to read my husband bits and pieces rather that expecting him to read a whole book. The important part is that my husband is committed to always keep working on our 26+ year marriage.

Whatever you decide to read I hope you find something helpful - good luck.

Never read it, though I know a lot of couples have read the Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus book together. That may be closer to what you would want a man to read, based upon what I know ;)

I read a lot of parenting/couples books and such, and when I find an important point that I think would really help, I whip out the book, read the short segment to him while giving a backup account of the text, and then we talk about how we can apply it to our parenting/relationships...

I read The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by accident. My wife gave me a gift certificate for Christmas. I went into the book store and saw it. I didn't open the book or read the flyleaf. It looked like a cook book to me. Well, it is a cook book with recipes on building a better relationship. I've read it several times and liked it so much I bought a copy for each of my married kids. Some of the wives have read it and some have not.

I asked my wife to read it and she refused. I did the same thing Dyreka did. I read certain passages aloud and asked her opinion. She finally asked to read it. The funny thing about the book is that Dr. Laura didn't write most of it. Most of it was written by her fans. Dr Laura just accumulated their writings, their comments and assembled them, placed them in a common sense order, and added her comments.

I have been amazed on how well my feelings were represented by other men and women in America. I feel "The Proper . . . Husbands" was written about 75% for women and 25% for men.

I would give your husband my comments. I thoroughly endorse this book. It will make your marriage better and is very beneficial to men. I was married for 30 or 31 years before I read the book and it helped my marriage tremendously. It finally told my wife that others had the same feelings that I did and refuted what her mother had taught her since she was old enough to understand words. I just wish Dr. Laura had written the book long enough ago I could have received the book for a wedding present. It would have made my marriage ssssooooooo much better.

Good luck to you and yours.

R., a lot of women don't get far in the book because they don't want to hear what it has to say. I agreed a lot with it. I probably need to get it out and reread it. I didn't even bother showing it to hubbie. Maybe since you are reading the book and you may make some of the ideas your own you can just tell him about the suggestions in your own words. Then if he notices your new way of thinking and gets curious you can show him. Maybe if you can show him some "results" in your life together then he'd be receptive to learning from the book himself. My hubbie likes if I read things to him rather than himself because he retains info better that way. He says when reading he barely remembers what he just read.

My husband is the same. He doesn't want to read anything that he doesn't select (about fishing, hunting, etc). I have read ProperCare..Husbands. It was similar to another book that your husband might read:

For Women only (similar to ProperCare..Husbands) by Shaunti Feldman (speling of her name? Not sure).
and it's pair:
FOR MEN ONLY (by the same author) - about why your wife wants you to tell her she's beautiful, why she does this and does that.

Of course, we own both books and he hasn't read his book. I don't think men want to be told how to be a better husband. I think they think they're great already. So my suggestion would be to get a book more geared towards him. He may come around.

Be seriously careful about ANY advice you take from Dr. Laura! I do think she hates women! I hope you understand that she would REAM you if you called into her show for not being married! That's one of her biggest pet peeves other than homosexuality and women actually desiring a life for themselves. IF you want to follow her advice, get ready to get down and grovel. Funny how none of her advice applies to her own life and marriage...

I read it, I paid no attention to her ranting about the womens movement, but found that doing what she said was very helpful because she described how men feel very well. My husband read it too, and he could not agree more with how she has pegged men. I did not like reading that I had created a lot of the problems in my marriage by expecting my husband to see everything my way because he loved me, but it was true, and in the 5 years since I read this book, my marriage has never been happier for both of us. I don't think he really needs to read the book, but if you leave it laying around, he just might!

I personally don't feel manipulative, but my husband thinks so, and he could not care less, or maybe more, because he is estatic about it. He really would swim through shark infested water to get me a lemonade.

M.