Having a 2Nd Child, but Feel like My Husband Still Plans on a "Single" Lifestyle

OK--so my husband was in SC golfing when my water broke, so I can kind of relate...BUT...I'm not sure you're being clear about what's going on here...or what it is that's bothering you.
"so called running event"? It is or it isn't.
How many days are we talking about here--overnights? a week?
He's a runner. It's part of who he is. You're a mom of several, and sometimes moms interests get pushed back, postponed, etc. But what do YOU do for yourself?
"Future planning for our child to be" means....what?
If he's gonna renovate the bathroom or go back to school, those aren't things he'll do in the span of a running event...
Can you sit and talk and plan out the significant things that need to be addressed?
I'll betcha if your bathroom was done and he was enrolling in fall classes, you wouldn't are as much about a running event., right?
He's not choosing running OVER his family--it's just part of him.

You have every right to resent your husband! I would be resentful too (VERY!). You are completely justified in your feelings. Your husband is married - he CANNOT go to overnight races with co-ed groups!!! That is for single people to do (or for married people who bring their spouses with them)!! Since he claims to love running, he can do it locally! I'm sure he can find plenty of marathons and 5K races (and whatever else) right ther in the South Florida area. He has no legitamite justification for his desire to do overnight travel with women (probably all single) just so he can run. There is NOTHING he can say to you that would justify this situation. It seems like you have unfortunately married a cheater, because I can't think of any other reason why he would want to be a part of something that only single people do (or married people who take their spouses with them). Clearly, you cannot go with him, yet he still wants to go, knowing you will be giving birth to his 3rd child. Not only does he not care about being a faithful husband to you, he also doesn't care much about being there for his new child. I am so sorry!!! This would be a dealbreaker for me.

I understand your concern. My husband loves his children and is a good father, but he too operates like he is single with no responsibility alot. For example, he always says "I'm gone" without ever being considerate that I may need or want a break sometimes. It's unfair and it keeps me in a funky mood. I don't know how to express it to him without all the explosive arguing, so I keep it inside or vent to my other mom friends. I guess my breaks will have to be when they are older and independent. Sucks big time. I hope your situation doesn't turn into a disaster and is better.

Yeah... The burden of parenthood rarely interferes with my husband's plans. I carry the responsibilty for childcare on the weekends and when home from work. He is a good dad, but it's not his strength. It used to annoy me after our first born, and then I decided to let it go. Because I knew, if I made a stink, we would only be a 1-child family and I wanted our 2nd. At least with our 2nd, I know what to expect. It's almost easier when it's just you all because you and the kids figure out a routine.

I rely heavily on my babysitter. She come over often, sometimes when I'm home and just need to clean the house or have a break. I would suggest you plan to pay the babysitter costs and if he complains, then tell him that he'll need to be there mote if he expects you to single parent.

i guess my biggest question is why did you tolerate this behavior the first time? sharing a hotel room with a female, and an ex at that? nope, wouldn't happen here, BUT i have a husband that respects me enough that he wouldn't do that to begin with... second, why do you continue to tolerate this? why have another child with him when you know the kids are not his priority? the reason he does this is because he CAN... what's the reason that you allow it? you teach people how to treat you, it's time to reschool him. set some firm boundaries, and do it NOW. i'm sure it'll be "but i already made these plan, my running buddies will be let down, i already paid for my spot" etc. etc. etc. please realize that you deserve better than that, and you have the right to be respected - there is a bigger issue here than him "going running". i wish you the best, good luck with your new baby and hope things improve in your marriage!

It maybe thats how he copes with the stress of work and babies. Not to be rude, but that may be what he needs. Just like us moms like to get out of the house every now and then, he is turning to running for some relief. Talk to him and ask him questions that arent meanly directed towards him, but open ended wuestions as to why he wants to leave soon after baby is born? Let him know youll NEED him to help you and be there to support you in this transition. Men like to hear things like that...! Dont be angry or resentful, itll only make matters worse and he'll shut down!

You need to talk to him about it, openly and honestly.
Just like you did here.

Show him your post.
Show him the responses to your post.

You cannot, with a newborn, participate in every running even he is doing. AND you will have 2 other kids, to tend to.
So my question is: WHERE is HE in all of this? Your taking care of a newborn plus with 2 other kids, and the daily upkeep of the home and kids, is a lot.
HE has to, be available.

Maybe he just thinks it is easy. Most men do.
So TALK to him.

When you are with the newborn for example, at night, and trying to get ALL 3 kids to BED.... what then? You will need to also nurse your newborn and wake at night. Getting 3 kids to bed, including a newborn, is no easy task.
That is just 1 example.

And yes, he has to help.
He cannot just make plans, for "Him."
He has 3 kids, a pregnant wife who will then have a newborn by the time of his activities.
How is he taking care of YOU, and the added responsibilities of a newborn?

You have to TALK to him.
That is what being a Dad is.
Being a PART of the family.
He can do his running. Fine.
But... any 'sacrifices' is just that. It is not something to hold against you, because, his ROLE is as a Dad and Husband. And he IS a Dad a Husband. He cannot chose when to be a Dad and Husband. He is a Dad and Husband, all the time, 24/7, day AND night.
How can he 'resent' that?
He IS a Dad and Husband. It is not a part-time job. It is all the time.
Unless, he values his activities, more.

Well, you do resent him already b/c he gets to go out-of-town on "so-called" running events and if you restrict his ability to do so at this point then he will resent you for it. This isn't a new behavior on his part, so I doubt that it's tied to the new baby, it's just more pronounced.

If you trust your husband, it doesn't matter if the event is "co-ed", we're not in high school anymore. If he wanted to have an affair, he would do so and it wouldn't have to involve a trip that he not only told you about, but seemed to think you would attend with him. Are they sharing hotel rooms? If so, that's a different issue.

If you really don't want him to spend so much time on the running, then have a reasonable discussion with him about it. Tell him about your concerns- home alone with three children (one of whom is a newborn); projects that need to be completed before the baby arrives; not sure what rearranging needs to be done, but discuss that too.

Talk about a plan- if he really wants to go on that trip to PA, then ask him to spend the next two months focusing on getting things done around the house. Don't say "no, you can't go b/c I don't want you to"... all he'll think is "here we go again... at least I'm not out bar-hopping like so-and-so".

In this case, you have different definitions of "balance" and it's time to find some common ground. Acknowledge that running is important to him, but there are realities involved in getting ready for a child and those need to come first. As my husband's very German grandfather says to us all the time... "Do what you have to first and what you want to do second."

Your title implies that you have a more significant concern about his fidelity, so if that is the case some counseling if things don't turn around!