Having Anxiety over Sending My 4 Yr Old Daughter to Preschool in the Fall

It will be hard on her for the first few weeks but after that she will totally love it. Like you said she needs the classroom setting before starting Kinder, this really will be harder on you then her. Can you take her to the school before the new baby is born and let her just play with the kids for a little while? My youngest is 20 months and he will be start school where his big brother is going in June and we are taking him a week or two before and letting him go into the classroom and see how he does. Contact the school and see if this can happen for you.

I went through the same thing when my daughter started kindergarten. She was fine, and I was about to start crying! :-) Even if it's hard for her at first, she will adjust, and remember, there is tons of fun stuff for her to do at preschool that she will adjust quickly and love it. It will also make it a nice break for you with the new baby, and it might make her feel like she's a really big girl to be able to go off to school. Just remember, if it is a good program, and especially since she will have a friend already in class, she will have so much fun playing and learning that she will do great, and it'll be good for both of you.

Whats funny, is YOU are the one I worry about. Your daughter is going to be fine. She will be with other children her age and teachers who love children and are totally used to all sorts of children.

Remember you set the tone. If you are excited for your daughter, she is going to be excited. If you tell her she is going to make good friends. She will make good friends. If you remind her to listen to teacher, she will listen to teacher.

Make plans for the first few days of school for you to run errands, go for coffee with a friend, meet up with your husband for coffee.. Time will fly.
3 hours is nothing. Your daughter is going to beg to stay longer.

I agree with Laurie. I think you are having seperation anxiety. She will be fine. She will love it! This is a right of passage for her, a real milestone. Let it be a positive thing that you look forward to.

Laurie said it all. YOU have the anxiety.

It is so true that you set the tone. Be excited for her, go shopping for a new backpack, make this milestone something good for both of you.

There are many more milestones to come... letting go is hard but we have to do it.

take a deep breath! she will be fine, having a blast for 3 hours, while you bond with the new baby. do you not want/have me time where your child isn't superglued to you? you need it as a person/woman for personal growth. find a babysitter or send her on a playdate for a few hours and then grab some decaf coffee for peace and quiet. you'll be a better person if you ease up a bit on the clinginess. the child will take cues from you. if you are freaked about it, then she will be too. if you are calm and assured, then likewise.

J.-
She REALLY needs to get to Pre-School and experience being away from you. She will learn to share with others, follow rules that are different from yours and will learn to respect direction from other adults. Getting out of the house and into a school environment will only help her when it comes time for Kindergarten. Although it will be hard on you, you need to realize this is will be sooo good for her. And I bet you she will love being around other kids and having an array of different activities to do that she probably does not do at home.

You worry because you are a mom. It's your job to worry. You are just going to have to let her go to preschool and then put up with the worrying.

If you think that's worrisome, wait till she gets her driver's license!

If the preschool is good, then the teachers will know how to handle the separation for both of you! A good preschool teacher will understand that it will be your first time away from each other. They will be firm but loving, gentle and kind as you both transition away from each other.

They will also play a very positive roll in helping your daughter transition into being an older sibling.

I'm so glad you have a close relationship though. Most moms can't wait to get rid of their kids at preschool!

My son had huge separation anxiety when he first went to pre-school, and it broke my heart. I told myself I'd give it two weeks, and sure enough, after two weeks the crying (his and mine LOL) stopped, and he started to love it. It really is good for them, in terms of preparing for kindergarten. And, if you're lucky like we were, this will not be the first time your preschool teacher has encountered this type of situation, and I'm sure they will be really comforting and loving to your daugher to help her through the transition. You can make this fun and exciting for your daughter. Play "school" at home and talk it up. Don't worry, it is hard, but you can do it, and your daughter will be better off for it! Good luck!

It's the best thing you can do for her. She will enjoy having some time away from a little one and you will be able to bond with the baby.

Preschool is a wonderful learning and playing environment. She will love it. And don't worry if she is scared at first, she will come to love it in no time.

Just be sire that the environment is a loving and nuturing one. That's what is most imporant in Pre-k.

Hi, J.:
Don't worry until the time comes.
If she has issues at pre-school, you can
always change your mind.
Good luck.
D.

Aw, I know how you feel. It's so hard to let them go!! I cried after I left my son at school on his 1st day of kindergarden. For some reason pre-school wasn't as hard for me though. Maybe because he was there for such a short time, and only 3 days a week. Also I loved the pre-school we chose, and knew he would have a great time- and he did.

My kids all loved pre-school, and didn't have any trouble adjusting. Kindergarden was harder for them because the days are so much longer than they are used to and it's 5 days a week.

I think it's really important that your DD doesn't pick up on your anxiety. If you act excited for her, she will be excited too. For each of them, we made a big deal about what a big boy he was. We had fun shopping for a backpack and lunchbox. They were all so thrilled when they got to use their backpack and lunchbox for the first time!!

Don't worry, I don't think she will think you are trying to get rid of her. When my 1st went to kindergarden, my 3rd was still a newborn. Actually, when he started pre-school, my 2nd was still a baby. I think he liked getting to do something "special". He got plenty of attention for it too :) We always asked what they did at school- oohed and ahhed over the artwork they brought home. Grandparents and other people in their little world also asked them about school.

And, while you're not sending her away to be alone with the newborn, it really is nice to have that one on one time with the baby. Siblings don't get the same one on one that the 1st does. I always enjoyed that time, while rejoicing in the new experiences my first was having and in the friendships he was developing. It wasn't like "real" school- no stress, just fun.

You'll be ok, Mom. And so will she :)

I'll give you some good advice that was given to me a while ago. Our job as parents is to get our kids ready to face the real world. Protecting them and doing things for them tells them that we don't have confidence in them to do the right things, or we don't think they *can* do it.

Give your daughter some confidence that she doesn't need you all the time. You may need her, but you're a grown up. Push her out of the nest, confident that you raised her to fly on her own.

Kids grow up so fast. If you are not ready to let go, then you don't have to yet. You can keep her home another year. Just make sure you are teaching her all the things she would learn in preschool. And find some kind of "class" (like gymnastics, or music) that she can take without you once (or more) a week, so she gets some time apart from you.
And if you never want to part from her that is ok too. You can homeschool for as long as you want. But you will actually have to teach her a curriculum.
My son turns 4 in august. He is academically & socially ready for preschool. But our town's free preschool is 5 full days a week. I am not ready for him to be apart from me for that long. And I am not willing to pay for preschool either. So, I have decided that he will not do preschool & will just start with kindergarten next year. Or maybe I will decide I don't want to part from him & we will home school. Who knows. I will make that decision when the time comes.

I know it's hard, but you need to address your feelings. Talk/vent to someone else when you're sure that she's not within earshot. The pregnancy hormones are making an emotional separation even tougher on you (our little angel is already five months old, and mine are still fluctuating).

Your daughter will take her cues from you. If you talk about how excited you are for her to start school and make new friends, she will be excited too. If you buy her new clothes and tell her how special it is for her to be getting bigger, she will be proud of herself for this next step. If you smile and wave when you drop her off (while squeezing your fists until your palms are bloody to keep from crying), she will be as brave as she can.

Remember this, you have done your homework and are doing the best thing for your daughter. The best way to thicken her skin is through exposure to other children. In my opinion, this is done much better in preschool than in kindergarten - there are fewer students per teacher/aide, the time together is much more limited, and the teachers are better able to continuously monitor how your daughter is doing. If you are overly concerned about any one area, talk to the teacher(s). Ask how to communicate on a daily basis (in 3 yr preschool, the teacher gave all the parents a verbal report every day and a chance to tell us if anything unusual happened; in 4 yr preschool, we use a journal with written notes - typed with the acitivities they enjoyed and handwritten notes for anything out of the ordinary) and to ensure consistency between home and school. Tell the teacher(s) about your anxiety - they're used to this and can help you through the transition.

Finally, remember that picking her up each day is as important as dropping her off. Ask her to tell you about her day and really listen (this will be hard with the new baby, but it's critical that you make time for this). If she knows that you care, she will NEVER feel like you are "sending her away." Chin up, mama... this, too, shall pass :)

This is going to be one of those things you look back on and can't believe you were so upset over! She's going to love it, and you (and she) are going to need a couple hours away from each other. The new baby is going to completely change the dynamic in the house, and it is a great time for your older daughter to start venturing out on her own. Sounds like it is a heaven-sent opportunity to me!

If she expresses that she is scared or unsure let her know that this is new so it is ok to be cautious. Do not let into your own fears, she will freak out then. Let her know the teachers are there to help if she needs anything or she is unsure of something.

What worked for my daughter was when I dropped her off I would go in with her, she would hang up her backpack (which she got to pick out) and coat. Then we would give each other a big hug and kiss, and I would tell her that I would be back at 11:30 (or whenever you are picking her up). It might help to teach her what it looks like both types of clocks, maybe even draw a picture of the time in both forms. Also if my daughter was having a hard time "detaching" from me I would put out something fun for her to play with (of course only if the teacher says it is ok, or it is set out to play with), that helped her focus on something else besides the mommy leaving feeling.

With the new little one on the way, congrats, maybe arrange some specail time with just your oldest and you. That way she still feels connected. Also you let her share all the fun things she did by ask her to tell you and baby. My daughter loves tell what she did during the day to anyone.

I'm sure she will be fine, to help her be comfortable when she starts school read Lots of books to her about Preschool it will help her know what to expect. Teach her to put on her own jacket, and to hang her jacket on a hook within her reach. Make sure she wears clothes that are easy to pull down and up when she uses the bathroom. Maybe she can go on some playdates before Sept. and you could invite her friends over to your house, so they all get to experience being away from Mommy for a few hours.