HELP 22 Month Old Out of Control

ed.

Three things I'd like to say here - 1) He is a boy. Boys are more aggressive than girls. It's innate. It's part of how their brain works (the book "Raising Boys" by Dr. Dobson is great at explaining it all!). 2) This is extremely normal behavior for this age. My son is 23 months old and is often hitting his brothers, the dog, the cat, the furniture, etc. It's an exciting time for them - they're learning about cause & effect ("If I hit the dog, mommy yells at me. Wonder if she'll do it every time or just when she's in the room to see?"), they're also developing so much in the way of gross motor skills, etc. 3) PUNISHING him by slapping his hand shows him that hitting is perfectly okay. PUNISHING him by taking his toys away is retarded - he has no idea that you taking his favorite toy has *anything* to do with his actions. His less than 2 year old baby brain is completely incapable of making that connection! Putting him in a corner also teaches him nothing. Scolding, yelling, etc. all create confusion within him and do nothing to teach him how TO behave.

So, what TO do? Focus on what you want him to be doing. Spend more time with him being gentle and showing him how to touch his sister gently. Yes, he'll still hit and see what happens, but if you can stop it before it starts (when you see that funny smile or maniacal gleam in his eye just before whacking her a good one), redirect his attention or tell him he needs to touch his sister gently. Also make sure he is getting a LOT of outside time running & climbing to burn off some energy. Make sure you're spending a lot of time with him on the floor playing trucks, reading books, etc. The more present you are with him, the less he'll need to try and get your attention (in a negative way).

Finally, I don't yell at my son at all. The other night when he kept grabbing the cat by the foot and trying to drag her off the couch, I told him he needed to be sweet with the kitty, showed him how to pet her and he kept grabbing her foot anyway. So I told him (with a huge smile on my face) that he was in big trouble, grabbed him, tickled him and then was able to get him interested in his favorite book. I didn't have to yell to make him stop - I just had to make something *else* more interesting.

Spend more time focusing on what you WANT him TO BE DOING rather than harping on what you do NOT want. And punishing a baby for doing normal baby things just makes no sense to me!

One thing I would do - look very, very carefully at what your son is eating! Get rid of anything with artificial flavor or color (even things that say "natural flavor" are not good), high fructose corn syrup, anything that has sugar as a main ingredient. My gf's daughter was acting out in a similar manner .. and she cut out all the highly processed foods .. it was a bit of a battle .. but it worked. Don't let him drink soda ( I used fruit juice to which I would add low-sodium club soda .. they loved it!).

Channel that energy .. use it to have him help you with your stuff... let him toss the dirty clothes in the washer .. giving points for each item that makes it in from the 'throw line' (put a sock or something on the floor for him to stand behind) ... give him a clean rag and ask him to help you 'Get the Dusties' - off the rungs of chairs, along the baseboard .. from the lower cabinets .. whatever .. just make a game out of it! Let him show you the dirty rag .. then let him shake it out outside .. 'bye, bye Dusties!' my 2 loved doing that!

Have your 2 children earn things together by cooperating .. but don't let the 3yo 'be in charge' as older children have a tendency to be bossy! Find things that they can do together.

There's a great book about raising self-sufficient kids .. 'Life Skills for Kids' by Christine M. Field .. it's got lots of information about what kids are capable of doing and at what age .. there is a section about dealing with siblings.

Hope this is helpful .. good luck!

At 22 months I was experiancing the same thing with my son, he was beating up his little sister every chance he got. I also tried everything from time outs to a slap on the rump - none of which helped. The only thing I found to make any difference was ignoring it, comforting the other child and then giving him tons of praise when he was good with her. I showed him how to touch her. Held his hand and told him to do nice. I would tell him no hit, but that was the only attention he got after hitting her. It is a scream for attention I think, he does not care if that attention is good or bad. The hitting constantly has stopped. He still gets her once in awhile but I am pretty sure that will go on for the rest of the time they live together.Good luck!!

Take time alone just you and your son. Take him to dairy queen or to the park have alone Mommy and son time. Spend alone time with your daughter too the same way. Then all of you as a family go to the park, have fun together. Ask your husband to step in and help as well. Do this in a neutral territory instead of the house. Try to incorporate games for you and your children to play together that is fun for them. Make cookies (easy bake ones that all you have to do is cut out and bake) draw together or watch a movie and share popcorn as they sit on either side of you.
That is about all the advice I can think of as I have not been in this situation but I hope I helped.
Chris

Hi B.,

I have this to add: Whatever you find that works, do it each and every time he hits, bites/ etc. Also, do it silently. Or with a two word, firm statement like, "No hitting!" Don't let him see you getting worked up - he may seek your negative attention. Don't warn, nag, or yell. Be consistent. This is what worked for us when our son was pushing his little sister. (We took him silently to a chair at the end of the hallway out of sight, but that may not work for you. We did not talk to him while he was in the chair under any circumstances. He was allowed to get up when the timer went off.) Much luck to you! It can be so frustrating! Also, make sure you are getting time for yourself during this period!

Well, I think it is time you start spanking him. And yelling NEVER solves the problem, it only heightens the anger and outrage he is feeling. I would also suggest you spend seperate time with each of them so they feel that they have your attention just for them. Another big problem I see is the tag at the end of your "about me." You need to let Daddy in on the discipline if not him doing most of it. He may act like a child at times, but do you allow him to be a parent? And do you make time just for you and him? This will go a long way in showing your son that you and he are in control, not him. How you respond to each other is very apparent to your kids even at that age.
And if he is biting, bite him back, and hard enough that it hurts!!

When my 2 year old acts up, I put her on the floor, and straddle her - putting her arms at her sides - not putting any weight on her, but this position makes her look at me, and she doesn't like it because she can't really move, and I tell her why she can't continue to do what she it doing, and I make her say "OK", and usually she won't repeat the same behavior in the same day. Time outs don't work for us either - and I won't hit her either. Afterward we give hugs and I tell her ho much I love her, and we move on.
Hope this helps.

PS: you made me laugh when you said you husband reminds you of a third child!! I know what you mean :]

WOW, I have read all your responses, and this is what I suggest. Spanking is not the answer! Why would we do something(Hitting, yelling, spanking..ect) if that is what we are getting upset with our child doing....why would we hit them if we just got upset with them child hitting????Hmmm..I bought this book called...dicipline without yelling or spanking....I love it! It is great! Just remove him and focus on something you want him to do.....I love that the one woman tickled her child(the kid and the kitty)

I'm not really sure how to respond to you, other than to say that what you are doing is ineffective. Your son is doing exactly what he should be doing- testing limits, getting your attention and his sister's attention, figuring out his place in the world. Your job is to set limits in a consistent and calm way. Hitting, yelling, and standing in a corner are not effective methods unless you want your son to be a hitter and a yeller as well. The Happiest Toddler on the Block is a book that you can read to help you to more effectively deal with your son's behaviors, but for pete's sake, please don't hit him or yell at him anymore. Good luck.

Hi B.,
I remember at that age, time outs did NOT work for my son. I would end up having to practically bodily restrain him in a corner for 2 minutes! What worked much better for him was taking a favorite toy away and placing it out of his reach but in plain sight (like on the refrigerator) for a certain set amount of time (1 hr, 1 day--you decide). It might get his attention and may be worth a try. Good luck.