Help - Buda,TX

I know it has been a while but postpartum depression can persist for monthes if help and support and the proper
treatment is not untilized. How are you doing now ?

I am avaiable to help with this kind of issues and also
adjusting to be a new Mom and balancing the many demands of juggling roles .
N. Dinerstein ____@____.com

You know, I had the same thoughts. My daughter was born 3/12/2008 and everything was ok when we first got home from the hospital, my husband helped me do everything...until he went back to work. I let it go for the first couple of days thinking I just needed to get adjusted, but after a while you realize you just need a break, even if it is 30min. a day. I was really protective and didn't want to leave my daughter and my husband was nervous about keeping her by himself but finally one day I handed her to him and said I am going for a walk. When I came back everything was fine and he did great and I felt better. Sometimes you just have to push them in the right direction. Now I am back at work the whole family is doing great. We both get a break and love every minute we do get to spend with Rylee.

My advice...leave dad alone with the baby for a FULL day at least a couple times a month. He sill start to appreciate how tedious it is and he will help more. Plus! Its a day off for you. If you have to, make up an important reason that you have to be gone. (fake Dr. appt)

Hang in there.. being a new Mom is the hardest thing in the world to adjust to. When I had my son 7 years ago, I was the first out of my close friends to have a child and nobody told me what it was all about. I had no idea that babies didn't sleep through the night. I breast fed for 3 months and hated it... I felt so pressured to do it and I started resenting the whole thing. I think you must be so sleep deprived and without a supportive husband, that doesn't help things. Sleep when the baby sleeps and you have to stand up for yourself and your hubby and tell him he needs to wake up. I dated a guy who was in a band and I can relate.. it is a very frustrating career to live with. But he needs to take on the same responsibilities as you have, he has no right to go on with his life as if nothing has changed, everything has changed and he needs to get a job... Be tough... When he is home, unload the baby and either go to a friends house and relax or if you have family, go and get away.. if you are pumping save enough milk for your husband to feed to baby. You have GOT to take care of yourself. The baby will sense your emotions.. my son did and it made it so hard... The first 6 months were so so hard, but he is now 7 and he is a sweet joy. good luck to you.. remember, if Mommy isn't happy NOBODY is happy... :-)

P.,
After the birth of our 1st daughter, my husband was only home
one week a month. I also had a c-section. I tried to do it
all just like you and was also wiped out. My daughters dr.
gave me the best advice I could ever get. He said that every-
thing else will keep-it's not going anywhere so when the baby
sleeps you sleep. It made all the difference in the world! I
promise you that it will get better. Prayer works wonders too. Just enjoy your beautiful little girl and don't sweat the small stuff. My girls are now 22 & 25 and there are days
when I really miss them being small. I am lucky to have 2
beautiful grandsons now and being a grandmother is more fun
than I could ever imagine. When they are little time flies
by faster than you know. Nobody will think less of you because you have dishes in the sink or dirty clothes stuffed in the hamper - I'm sure we've all been there and done that.
The most important thing now is to show your precious little
miracle how much you love her and I can guarantee you it will
come back to you ten fold. God bless you and I'll say a little prayer for you tonight.

C.

1) Dont sweat the small stuff. Who cares if your house isnt clean?
2) Wait until you are calm then sit that man down and tell him what you want.
You see, these men dont get it. What you think is important, they dont. I'm not tryin' to stick up for him, but he probably just doesnt get it.
What I did was , quite literaly, make out a schedule.
Something along the lines of, "you know, I can do x, y and z, but I need you to do l, m, and n..." Sometimes, as much as we think that they are wonderful, they just dont know until you tell them.
If he has a cranium, above the ears, he should respond.
Take one thing at a time.
Good Luck to you and your family,
Margaret

The first thing you HAVE to do is call your doctor!!!! right now and tell him/her your fears about possibly having post partum issues. There is nothing to be embarrassed about. Once you get a handle on that the other stuff will then be a priority.

You are a new mom and it is overwhelming so you are not feeling anything that is not normal, but everyone reacts differently to the pressure. You have to keep both you and your daughter safe.

I am a mother of a 5 year old daughter. She is the best thing that every happened to me, but being a mom is also the toughest thing I have every done.

My husband is a great guy, but had absolutely no idea how to help me when the baby came home, particulalry after having a difficult preganacy. I too was struggling with breast feeding, lack of sleep, having the pressure of getting back to work asap. My sister came to visit shortly after I gave birth and we still laugh about the fact that I was in my pajamas most of the time. Breast feeding had me in a coma most of the time. :) Eventually my husband caught on and figured out what I needed from him. Basically, I had to spell it out for me before he caught on. They think this mother thing is just automatic! :) I hope this helps a bit, but please get with your doctor asap. Write back and let me know how your doing. D. N.

Your feelings are normal. Do you try talking to your tp be husband about this? Sometime we assume they know everything about us, including our feelings.

At this point, your main goal is feeding your baby and taking care of her and yourself. Fit in whatever you can and as she grows you will realize you will start having a little more time along the way.

The schedule is such a shock, that is can be very overwhelming. Don't worry! You're not alone! Hang in there and these crazy days will be over! Try to enjoy them as much as possible!

Sweety, I dont think that is PPD, I think it is just the normal pressure of having a new baby and having to do everything. Don't worry about the house being clean. She will eventually get big enough where she doesn't require your complete attention and you can get things done. Just relax and take care of the baby. Your fiance needs to grow up and get a job and support his family. that is another thing adding stress on you. Being a new mom is stressful. But it will get better.

At this time in your daughter's life, to hell with the housework! Just keep her clean and fed and loved - this is your bonding time - nothing else matters. This precious time will be gone before you know it - the clutter and dirt can wait! Let your partner know what your plans are and that maybe he could lend a helping hand. I felt the same with my kids and didn't learn how to treasure that time - luckily I now have the chance with my grandson. Nothing is as important as you and your daughter right now.

some suggestion that i have would include to make sure you schedule time to get out of the house. i am a breastfeeder with a nine month old little boy. i do work part time and although i hate leaving my boy behind while i work, i found that it does refresh me to get out of the house. i also am a firm believer in doing community service, and being with friends. i schedule about one night a month to be with friends without my son. i also am trying to plan some frequent get togethers with my son and other moms. being with others and changing daily routines sure do help me.

P., I am a midwife and I have dated LOTS of musicians! If you think you have PPD please get some help! There is a difference between situational depression(which you sound very intitiled too right now) and actual PPD.. The TDSHS has some resources for you call chan Mcderrmott perinatal Health program ###-###-#### or ____@____.com
One of my clients also teaches and does support through Le Leche Legue LLL. They are in San MArcos but we can find one near you. Get in with some other new mommies and get out of the house! Most people with PPD love there babies, Andrea yatts had something called postpartum physcosis! So dont think you have to want to hurt your kid to have ppd. I will leave my contact info and would like to help if I can. HANG IN THERE MAMA!
Sam Evans LM CPM
Wholistic Midwifery
____@____.com

Pam,

I think what you are feeling is very normal. It is overwhelming having a child and if Dad is a little MIA it is even harder. First, talk to him. Tell him exactly what you need. Tell him you need some support becasue you are feeling overwhelmed. Then write up a little list of things he could do to help. If you haven;t intorduced a bottle you will be able to soon. As soon as I started to do that it really helpped. Hubby would give her one bottle a feeding. I still had to pump but it was a little help that gave them time to bond. Try to figure out what you need...and ask him for help.

If you can for the next three months higher a maid service. I know money is tight so if people still need/want to buy you gifts. Ask for monwey towards that. We were in the same place and my dad gave me that as a gift. It was REALLY helpful. Take this time and snuggle. You JUST HAD A BABY! It has only been 4 weeks. Give yourself a break. Don't try to be perfect.

You will find that anyone you talk to will say the same thing about hubby/future hubby. They will drive you crazy right now. Part of that is they need to be asked/told what needs to be done. They are freaked out and unsure and don't realize that they need to step it up.

I would also suggest finding a Mothers Group. They really help. I am part of NAMC- North Austins Mother Club and I love being able to talk to women who are in the same place. Are you in North Austin? If so drop me an e-mail on the site. I can intorduce you to some peeps.

No matter what, talk about your concerns with your Dr. That's why you have one!

GOOD LUCK. It gets better. Your house may still not be like it was before but you have this person that makes you laugh and you just love with all your heart!

Me- late 30's
SAHM kind I just started doing some freelance
17 month old girl
Moved to the area 7 months ago

I was in a similar situation at one time, I was lucky not to have brought a child into it though. You need to have a chat with your fiance about his newest status as a father/provider. He really needs to grow up, get off his rear and support his family. Look, even Chris Daughtry had a job at a Toyota dealership and look at where it got him!

However, the fact of the matter is that you brought your daughter into the situation as it has been for a while. I think now the only difference is that your nurturing Motherly instincts are being turned away from taking care of him (because he wasn't taking care of himself) and are now focused on your daughter. You guys are still getting the swing of things and yes, a bit of hormonal swing is going to affect you and make things look a lot worse than they are. You have very high expectations of yourself and you have to let that go a little. I had to hire a cleaning lady and I felt like the biggest failure as a stay at home Mom. Every time I got the energy to clean, the kids would get into something really bad and destroy one end of the house while I cleaned the other...there are just realities of Motherhood and the main thing is...do what you can. There are still days that I have to ask my husband to pick up fast food on his way home from work, because cooking is just not possible some days.

Speaking of asking, instead of telling your boyfriend what he isn't doing around the house, just start telling him what to do. Guys work so much better like that. Hun, can you get the dishes while I bathe the baby. Then just don't do the dishes. If he doesn't do them right away, later on say "I thought you were going to get those dishes, I gave the baby a bath." Hun, can you vacuum the floor while I nurse the baby in the other room?

Anyway, if you are really concerned about postpartum depression, don't hesitate to talk to your doctor about it. He/she will ask you some diagnostic questions to be able to ascertain if you have it or not, and then be able to treat it. Until then, just rest, relax, share the chores, and know that you will get the hang of it soon enough!

It sound like you have undue stress. May I be candid??

If you have these issues now with your "soon to be husband" you will have the same issues after the "Ido's". As much as we women like to think we can change them or they will change --more often then not they don't.

Prayer for clarity in your decision making.

I am not so sure you have post-partum depression as much as lack of sleep. All mom's go through the "baby blues" and lack of sleep. Not having a supportive man in the picture does not help matters any. I suggest talking with your doctor if you think it is post partum depression. I also think you really need to have a heart to heart with your man. Try not to argue and blame, just lay it down. Tell him you are exhausted and need more help. Be specific about what he can do. Do you have any family around who could come for a week? It is hard to do, but sometimes house work has to be the last priority. EVERYTHING changes when you have a child. It will get easier, but for the time being, PLEASE be patient with it. Motherhood is one of the hardest yet most rewarding experiences and breastfeeding is so good for your daughter as well as yourself. Get a friend/neighbor to watch your daugter for just 2 hours even and go get a massage. Relax and take a good nap. Doctors and nurses say it is important to sleep when your little one sleeps. There is a reason for that. You need to rest in order to be a good mom. If your man is unwilling to help, I suggest you seriously think about your future with him and other children. Maybe he just doesn't realize how much he really can help. Good luck. Let us know how it works out.

P.:

I suffered from postpartum after I had my 2nd child. I was overwhelmed with the events and having a 2nd child and my husband was not any help with the first one and so I knew what to expect with the second one. I sought counseling and it did wonders for me. I also took a mild anti-depressant but fought doing it vehemently until my counselor said, "It is only meant to help 'settle you down' while you work out regaining control." Everyone is different......if you think you need some help, seek it. Asking your doctor is good advice b/c he or she may be able to help calm your fears and tell you that what you are feeling is normal, too.

Now, having said that, I am going to pass along a reality check that someone gave me when I was trying to make everything perfect....I sincerely hope it doesn't offend you as it is not meant to be offensive in any way:

The 1st Question: How many funerals have you been to or obituaries have you read where it was stated, "Here lies Jane Smith who kept the tidiest house in the neighborhood and you could always feel great about eating off her floors."

My answer: None.

The 2nd Question: How many funerals have you been to or obituaries have you read where it was stated, "Here lies Jane Smith who was a great mother to her children. It didn't matter what kind of mess they made, she took it all with a grain of salt. She was a very devoted mother.

My answer: That's what I want said about me.

The truth is, yes, you want your house to be perfect and if you lived on Wisteria Lane, it might be. But, this is life. And, your babies are only babies once and for a very short time. And, it's ok to not be "perfect". That reality check I was given was 9 years ago.....and trust me, they don't always want to be held and cuddled anymore.....and they certainly kick and toss and turn too much to take a nap with me! And, as they get older, you won't have to pick up after them (so much) as you can make a game out of having them help and they enjoy it! (Oh, but they grow out of that too! LOL!)

You are a great mom! It's evident or you wouldn't be concerned! Don't be so hard on yourself. And, be sure you tell that hubby how you feel. Communication is such a key element in a realationship and it becomes extremely vital when there are children involved. Good luck!

Hi P.,

I felt like you after I had a baby. My husband had a regular job but would come home at 9:00 at night, so I also got no relief and felt stretched beyond what I could do. I even have photos of my daughter's first b'day party with a pile of laundry in the background! I believe I had postpartum anxiety, not depression, yet remember that anxiety and depression often go hand-in-hand. I sought out a professional counselor, which helped immensely over time. If I were you, I would network with other stay-at-home mothers and see if you can get some relief that way, as you must find time for yourself; your friends; your family; exercise; and time alone with your partner. It would be best to get these issues ironed out BEFORE you tie the knot. It does get easier with time, yet please seek outside help for coping. You are not alone. Good luck! jenifer

Hi there,

You seem overwhelmed with everything you're trying to do.

Speaking from experience, I also tried to do evertything and be the perfect mom, it is not necessary. Don't worry about your house it will still be there and will still need cleaning in a couple of months time. Enjoy this time with Dylan, she will never be this small and need as muh attntion ever again. The housework can wait. The most important thing to do right now is look after Dylan and make sure you eat and get enough sleep.

tryin do do everything you did before the baby was born will just frustrate you and make you depressed.

If you are still feeling depressed please go speak to your doctor, he may need to prescribe something for you.

Relax and enjoy Dylan :)
Tim's mom

I dunno if it's PPD or just new mom exaustion but I am in the same boat as you, My son is a week older than your daughter and my soon to be husband (if he's lucky) acts like he does all his work at the office then just sits around when he gets home.. he cooks dinner but only cause I dont anymore lol! I cant stand the mess and have to clean the house by myself and if the baby cries during that time he will either tell me he's crying or pick him up and bring him to me.. im to the point where I want to stop nursing him just so he cant use it as an excuse anymore! I dont have a pump..

oh, and since my dr approved me to start working again I had to go get a job yesterday... one more thing to deal with everyday... I just know when I get home from work at night he's going hand the baby to me then go to bed and SLEEP ALL NIGHT!!

i've gotten to the point where I just break down and cry all the time and cant stop..

my email is ____@____.com if you need somebody to talk to

I have been where you are four times now. Nothing is as hard as the first baby though. It is a total reality check. You are used to doing things when you want to and having the world revolve around you and your schedule and now it is revolving around your baby. It is really hard but it does get easier. I just had my 4th baby 6 weeks ago and am still trying to figure it all out.
As far as hubby goes, he is probably like my husband and just about every other one. He is scared because he doesn't know what to do with this little "leech" (my husbands words not mine). My husband admits he is not a fan of babies until they are 6 months old and more interactive. Until then, when your man is around and the baby is happy and sleeping ask him to hold her and snuggle with her while you go take a bubble bath or go for a walk. The first 6 weeks are the hardest too because your hormones are trying to get back straight.
As far as the house work goes, let it slide for a little bit and sleep when your baby sleeps. If you feel you can't handle that then pick one thing a day to get done. For example, Mondays I deep clean the kitchen-meaning the floor gets mop and the sink gets scrubbed with scrubbing bubbles and the appliances get a good wipe down. Use paper plates for now so you don't have dishes to worry about.
Tuesday I wash color clothes, Wednesday errands, Thursday clean the bedrooms and vacuum them, Friday, wash towls and clean bathroom, Saturday play with the kids and help them clean up the game room. Sunday I do nothing. If you can divide your chores up between the days instead of trying to get everything done in one day it is less overwhelming. And, If I don't get to my monday job on monday I wait until the next monday to do it. It is less stressful for me to handle things this way.
I think the most important thing though if you are feeling blue is to get out in the sunshine for a bit each day. Plus it will help your baby get her days and nights worked out too.
I am always available to talk if you need to.
I'm a SAHM of 4.

Congrats mama!! Hang in there! Being a 1st time mom is scary when you're sleep deprived & worried about everything. Your 1st focus should be you & your baby - your house can wait!! Try to not let it bother you as much - you'll never get this time back w/ your girl, so enjoy her as much as possible! Sleep when she sleeps (if you can) as you are not much good to your family if you don't take care of yourself too!! Try to talk to your hubby about your concerns. As for a new baby, unless something drastic happens, I bathed my son (18 mos. ago) every other night so I could adjust to the new schedule & get some tasks tackled each day. Good for you for nursing!!! Way to go!! Stick w/ it, pray & have peace that you'll get thru this!! You're definitely NOT alone. I was a fanatic in the beginning about my house cleanliness, but I have learned to let that go. If my hubby wants it clean - he can do it!! I wanted as much time as I could get w/ my son & tended to his needs & mine. Keep your head up - you'll get thru this! :)

Hi there P.,

I read your request, and though I don't have a lot of time, i couldn't help but want to respond. First off, remember, or think about soldiers in the war, the gruliest of them, the green barretts i think- are trained in sleep deprivation. If you ever see a documentary on these guys they will tell you it's the narliest thing they have ever gone through. I actually personally know the last man out of Siagon- James Kean...anyway, sleep deprivation will not allow us as mothers to think straight- no matter what, but think of this- you body is SO INCREDIBLE!!! that you are actually caring for this beautiful new miracle AND doing all the laundry and dishes, etc. and you are still standing right?? I have to tell you when i first gave birth, my husband is from Buenos Aires and I had brought him to the US for the first time (he had been here before on vacation) but as a man that had to find a job and support his family as well as learn how to be a father and adjust to our "American" culture all at the same time, and let me tell you, he has an MBA and worked as a financial controller for Arthur Andersen, an American company while he lived in Buenos Aires anyway, so he was not "new" to the corporate world, and has many credentials to back up a good resume. He's also a CPA. With that said, he spent 2 YEARS after i gave birth "looking" for a job!!! And in the meantime I got a job with Microsoft (a godsent) as I could work as a contractor from home on my own time for the most part. We even hired a NANNY after about 6 months because apparently he needed to look for a job 24/7. Okay, resentment building? YES!!!!!! You have a new little MIRACLE, that will get easier, cuter, more lovable, and more rewarding by the second. Right now it's tough, and if you don't mind me offering you some unsolicited advice...do NOT even ask your husband to pick up the slack, it is a fight that is not worth fighting and some men believe that if you can't run your whole household with a babe in arms, then you shouldn't have had one in the first place....i know that sounds HORRIBLE, but it's true, and the other thing that's true, is that YOU CAN DO IT!!! You really have to organize your time, DEMAND to have the things you need to make you and your baby comfortable, whether that's a rocker, glider, boppy for nursing, sling, stepping stool for nursing, whatever that may be. Then get some friends or family memebers, or do it yourself on a day that you ask hubby to specifically watch baby ALL day (on Sunday) besides nursing times ( my daughter NEVER took a bottle and NEVER took a pacifier, so I couldn't even pump and get a moment of freedom) i had to be there around the clock to feed her every 30 minutes. Anyway, on your sunday, make two large pans of lasagna, spaghetti sauce that's left over or easy to make at the same time, defrost like 15-20 chicken breasts, if you eat meat, supplement whatever it is that you eat, cook them, i did the oven baked fried chicken, and store this food away in the freezer, you will be eating it for the next two months! Anytime you are nursing and begin to starve and die of thirst, ask hubby to go into the freezer and defrost you and he a slice of lasagna and bring you a large glass of ice water. This WILL get better and easier, and in the end all you will realize is how absolutely AMAZING the woman's body mind and will are. We are special creatures, and remember as well that your husband couldn't do half of what you do if he tried, or was told he's win the lotto. Please hang in there, let some dishes go, instead of thinking about HAVING to do everything with your daugther, think of it as GETTING to do everything with your daughter. She is listening to you, she can sense your feelings, and she is bonding with you like crazy. Every night, i would fill the bathtub up to the brim and take a bath with my daughter even as young as a couple days old. They don't need those little sponge baths, emerse her in the water and hold her up, rock her back and forth in the water and then even lay back and nurse her in the tub. You will be killing two birds with one stone. Also, think of nursing as your down time, almost like a time for meditation. You are so close to that child, and your body is creating and producing everything she needs, you have NO IDEA yet HOW MUCH SHE LOVES YOU!!!! Please hang in there, and start singing to her in the bath, at night, do things that calm YOU down, that give you a sense of security and peace, and work that into your routine for what you do for her. I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. I am not sure where you live, but I am in Kingwood, and would love to be here to chat with you at any time that you may need. Please email me at ____@____.com if you'd like someone to talk to about this. You are doing what every mother does, it is a right of passage and it will only make you stronger. You are blessed to have a child, so many couples are struggling like crazy to have their own children, and you have one!!! Please smile, and think about yourself as a baby that small and give YOURSELF and your daughter what you would have wanted if you were your own mother while you were a small infant. It is an amazing experience, and I know it may sound crazy to you now, but you will want all of this that your are going through AGAIN!!!!! My heart and prayers go out to you so that your brain and lack of sleep stop torchering you into thinking that you are not cut out for motherhood, or building resentment for dad. You are cut out for motherhood, we all felt this way, other women many times forget this time, and other just aren't honest about it. This is the beginning of motherhood, and before you know it you will be a pro!

Kindest Regards,

S.

As a mom of a 6 month old who is just coming out the other side of ppd, don't wait to go to the dr. I waited a while, thinking it was baby blues, sleep depravation, and by the time i started taking medication it didn't have a chance to kick in before the "big meltdown". I wasn't a danger to the baby, but i did feel like i was going crazy.

Lack of sleep was a big part of it and my fiance did help out w/night feedings. I breastfed for 2 months and hated it. Not the actual act, but the lack of freedom and the pumping. I had to pump for a while because she was in the hospital 3 weeks and i wasn't. I quit and i don't feel like a failure and my baby is very healthy. And this is even after i put her in daycare at 2 1/2 months.

People will tell you to enjoy this time. Don't feel guilty if you don't. I didn't. I thought it sucked. Never sleeping for more than 2 or 3 hours at a time, hormones all crazy, all the laundry, your body being a mess(at least mine was)the expenses, everything is so overwhelming. It does get better. When your baby gets a personality and starts to sleep more, life ain't so bad, lol. When you go to change their diaper and they stretch and give you a big smile and crinkle their little nose...then you think "Ok, maybe i won't try to take her back" LOL.

I just read a book i wish i'd had from the beginning. Postpartum Survival Guide, by Ann Dunnewold & Diane Sanford

Hang in there. D.

I understand!!! As I'm sure alot of women out there do. I felt fine untill after I had my son. (He is 3 1/2 now), but after I had him, I walked down to the nursery and didn't know which one of the baby's was my son. When the nurse said "Here he is" I looked at my son and didnt connect w/ him at all. He didn't look like me and I was so confused w/ what was happening. I thought I would bond right off the bat. When I went home, I didn't want to leave the house and cried all day. Don't get me wrong, I loved him and wouldn't of traded him for the world, but I didn't bond w/ him and I felt like I didn't bond w/ my husband anymore. I felt like that for about 6 months and I didn't talk w/ anyone. I just held it in. I RECOMMEND TALKING W/ SOMEBODY. I KNOW that I had postpartum but never even spoke w/ my doctor. I thought that my husband would think I was weak or treat me different like something was wrong. I was always annoyed w/ him (Poor guy couldn't do anything right because I was so angry w/ him all the time) Eventually, I bonded w/ my son and reconnected w/ my husband, but if I could do it all over again I would of talked to my doctor about it because I felt alone for about 6 months and felt like everyone else was at fault for alot of things. I love my son and husband so, so much. I felt alone and felt like he couldn't understand what was happening. Let me tell ya, you are definately NOT alone.
R.

OMG, P.! I totally feel your pain, frustration, etc. etc. Being a new mom is THE hardest thing in the world! It's also the most rewarding too. Just hang in there...it will get easier, I promise.

I thought I had postpartum depression with my 1st son, but I refused to take medication for it. I thought I could "handle" it on my own. I'm NOT saying that YOU should handle it on your own, but before you take medication, just keep in mind that lack of sleep AND hormone imbalance can make you "crazy"! It did in MY case anyway. Once I got some much-needed SLEEP and stopped trying to be "super mom/wife", I felt a LOT better!

There's no doubt that being a new mom is overwhelming. But just remember that we are human, and we can only do so much! Try not to stress about the "little" things... Cleaning house is NOT priority! Just take care of yourself and that beautiful baby of yours. Try to nap when your daughter naps, and try not to worry about things "getting done". Everything will fall into place, you'll see. And don't worry about finances...it will all work out. Just try to be smart about spending. Babies don't really need that much. You already have "free" milk because you're nursing her, so that's great!

Now that I'm a SAHM (stay-at-home mom), when I go shopping...I ask myself "do I NEED that...or do I just WANT that??" Money is tight when you only have one income...especially when the one income is not very stable/dependable, in your case. Just try to remember that men get stressed about finances and don't always show it or talk about it. I'm sure this is very hard on your fiance too...he is providing for you AND your baby. Let him know how you feel, but in a nice way. Maybe you can work out a monthly budget...or suggest one to him?

Oh, about the breastfeeding/pumping/storing...why are you doing all of that? It's such a PAIN...and a waste of precious time...from my experience. If your daughter is only 1 month old, you can exclusively breastfeed her. Don't worry about pumping and storing milk if you don't have to. You're not working, are you? I went back to work after I had my 1st son, so I breastfed, pumped, stored... But I did NOT go back to work after I had my 2nd son, and let me tell you, it is SO much EASIER just to throw the baby on the boob when he's hungry! I have NOT had to use an electric pump ONCE since he's been born (he's 7 months old now)! It's great! I DON'T miss pumping at all!

Anyway...sorry for rambling on... I'm just trying to let you know that we ALL felt overwhelmed with our 1st babies. The KEY is to get SLEEP and try to RELAX. You should also take your prenatal vitamin every day, drink plenty of water, don't go more than 2 days without a shower (lol), and get out of the house every other day or so. Don't stay cooped up inside... that is depressing! Put your daughter in a stroller and go for a walk. Get some fresh air.

OK...rambling again :) It's good that you are reaching out to other moms. It sounds like what you are feeling is NORMAL.

I hope this helped a little...

Take care & may God bless you and your little angel. :)

Ok, so normal. I felt completely overwhelmed after each of my girls were born. First of all the workload alone in tremendous, plus it takes quite a while for some of us to get our strength back because you've just produced something amazing. And your body is still working hard feeding this little one. Of course the house and the mess drives you crazy, but as one of my good friends said so well, this is your new normal. You can't do it all. Don't even try. It's so important for you to get your rest right now, and eat really healthy. Please lovingly tell your man you need some support and tell him it would just make your day if he did...the dishes or whatever. Work with him because it's a really weird time for him, he's going to feel quite displaced because all of your love, affection, energy, and thoughts are wrapped up in the baby, and there's not a whole lot heading his way. Show appreciation for every little thing he does and he just might rise up to be your night in shining armor again! Good luck! It's a very tough time, but things will get better, you'll get more rest, and everything will look brighter.

P.;
Just one question, why are you pumping and storing? Don´t you have enough milk? Your baby is only one onth old so if you are storing milk for later it is rather early. Maybe you can postpone that part, or let it go altogether.
Anyway it may be too much chores. Having TWO babies ;) can be very strenous as I can tell you, put the "older" one to play some music to the baby while you do some of the chores, or just sit together and ENJOY and my real advice is. LET THE HOUSE FALL DOWN if it will, do just enough to be comfortable, little by little you will be able to get more things done, the house cleaning has no end specially w/a newborn around so let it go a little. Have a "nother, aunt, friend" call them over for some support and HELP and above all, do not overexert yourself, really, the house will still be there, do the bare minimum...
T.
about me;
Old mother of two. A woman of 23 and a man of 23. Breast fed them for eight and ten months, awfully close together! you will survive, believe me!

Hi P.! Reading your message completely takes me back to exactly how I felt after I had my first daughter. Please know that what you are feeling is NORMAL -- I think!! :) I had exactly all those same feelings. And it was a huge adjustment for myself and my husband. I now have 4 kids and felt the same way for a month or two after each of my kids. I promise your hormones WILL calm down. Taking care of a baby is such a full time job -- 24X7. It was really hard on me at first -- I mean, I loved my baby DEARLY -- but it was a shift!!! If you ever want to chat, feel free to email me. ____@____.com. I know how you feel and I promise it gets better. Don't worry about the house stuff. Your baby is only little once -- so let go of the housework a bit. Don't stress yourself out about it. Give yourself a break - you just brought a sweet new life into this world!! :)

Congratulations!

Here's what you need to do. Forget about having a clean house. You are absolutely right that you cannot do it all. The baby is more than a full time job by herself. Plus you need to make sure that you take care of yourself... get enough sleep, try to eat right, etc.

If you are still trying to do everything that you did before you had the baby, you will only end up exhausted and depressed. I know it's hard to (temporarily) lower your standards. I myself remember growing up in a house that was always spotless. My husband and I moved to a brand new house right before we had our first. I nearly killed myself trying to keep the house looking new & hubby wasn't much help. He likes the house clean too, but not enough that he would actually clean it himself. I was mortified at the thought of visitors, especially my mom, when the house was such a wreck. I found out recently, from my dad, that my parent's house wasn't so clean either when my brother and I were younger.

So relax. Enjoy your little one while she is still little.

Honey...you are getting so many responses because as mothers we have all been there.

You are sleep deprived and trying to do way too much (as so many have already told you)!

My DH (dear husband) actually told me he couldn't get up with the baby because it would mess with his sleep schedule and he had to "work' all day (even on the weekends he needed his sleep). I actually let him get away with this for three whole weeks until one night I was having a conversation with my mother who had been dead for over a year...yes, I was hallucinating from lack of sleep.

So, he came home from work at 5:30...and I would hand him our son and go to bed by 6:00pm. He was not allowed to bring me Nathan (our son) until midnight. That saved my sanity getting 6 straight hours of sleep in a row. I was breastfeeding also..so I would leave milk in the fridge and if there wasn't any pumped Nathan got a bottle of formula. I figured one bottle of formula a day wasn't going to hurt him...and it didn't.

The house still fell apart, I lived in my pajamas, only got a shower every day or two...but with some sleep I was able to cope better.

Let us know how you are doing...I am just down the road in San Antonio and I can always talk if you need too...do you have family close by that can help? (I didn't, so I understand that!) You can send me a PM and I'll give you my number if you just need to talk. {{{{{hugs}}}}}

Hi P.,
If you suspect post partum you REALLY need to go talk to your doctor. You may not have it or you may just be really overwhelmed. I know I was diagnosed with it when my son was around 3 months and let me tell you once I received treatment I was a much better mom for it. You're not alone, but please go see a doc.
Lace

Congrats on the new little one. My little girl is about to turn 9 months. Girls are so much fun!!
First off, I think every mom goes through this. I know I did. The hardest part is letting go of some of the less important things. Dylan and rest should be most important. Let yourself get the mom thing down and then worry about the house. I had to have a heart to heart with my husband about helping out with all of the day to day stuff. He had no idea what I was doing while he was gone. I left him home alone with her at the 1 month mark to go to my check up appointment. Needless to say she had a blow out diaper!!! When I walked in the door he was so excited to see me. He finally understood!!
Please don't be afraid to ask friends and family for help. That was the hardest thing for me to do. Since I kind've have a control problem. People love to lend a helping hand!! Whether it is watching her while you take a nap or letting you run errands alone.

Pam,
Don't worry. You are completely sane and not going through depression. Your fiance is the one who "seems" insane. I don't think reality has set in for him yet. Did y'all talk about finances and stuff like that when you became pregnant? If not, better late than never.
Also, have you informed your fiance about how you feel. It sounds like he should be able to see/hear/feel it from what you describe. If he's a sensitive guy, hopefully he can "read" the signs of exhaustion you have and lend a helping hand around the house.
You will get through this though. If you need some time to yourself, ask a friend to babysit for a few hours so you get some rest. If you don't think you'll be able to sleep, then just "zone out" for a while. Close your eyes, shut your mind off, and think of a relaxing place to be. Every little bit helps.
Going back to your fiance, maybe he should take the baby for a few hours. Ask him to do that and let him know that it's better for everyone in the house if you get R&R (win/win situation for all).
If you lived in my town (Cedar Park/Leander), I'd be happy to take your baby for a few hours for free...maybe even longer if you need it. Especially if you don't have family around. I know how that feels if you don't. My family is 2,000 miles away so no one helped us. My fiance helped out with our baby but only because I expected it of him and let him know if he didn't, he wouldn't be a very happy man. We live by the phrase "if Momma ain't happy, nobody's happy" in our house. Not a bad rule to live by. :)
Hang in there and email me whenever you want!
-Jen

i went thru this after my second child.. i want as far as seeking professional help.. the best advice i can give you came from my doctor.. he asked me "what do you do for yourself?" you need and deserve time to be completely selfish indulge yourself at least once a week. mom is 2 full time jobs, there are no sick days ,down time ,and the only beniftit package is paid out in hugs and kisses. (but thats why we do it) you need time to be yourself not mom , the maid, the finacial planner, the chef or the WIFE. taking time for yourself also requires daddy helping out with the daily grind... good luck with that i've been married 10 years and have no advice on that one.. find something you enjoy and MAKE the time to do it !

If you are truly concerned about post-partum, see your OB right away. Just reading your "to-do" list sounds physically and mentally exhausting!

Here is what web.md says about postpartum depression:
"Some symptoms -- such as poor concentration, extreme tiredness, sleep disturbances, and changes in appetite -- are common among new parents, even if they aren't depressed.

But other symptoms -- such as persistent anxiety or irrational fears, recurrent thoughts of dying or preoccupation with death, and thoughts of harming yourself or your baby -- should never be ignored."

P.,

What you are feeling is very normal as a new mom. It is very intense and overwhelming in the first few months. While taking care of a newborn is very time consuming, it is important for you to take care of yourself. Since you are pumping milk, leave baby with Dad a couple of hours and take a walk or visit with a friend. I do Taekwondo, so as soon as I recovered from having each of my two boys, I went to my classes twice a week, and that has been my sanity break. You just need to find something that works for you, and exercise is a great way to help you feel better.

If you think you may have postpartum depression, make an appointment with OBGYN. Usually it only lasts a short while, but it never hurts to consult a doctor. A good book that might help is called "His Needs, Her Needs". Men and women each have particular needs. One that women have, and this is probably your top one right now, is the need to have a husband who is a good provider. Since you have a child now, that is foremost of your needs, and it can be stressful if that need isn't being met, especially if you are not married yet. That provides a certain element of insecurity and instability.

Hang in there. Just know that as your daughter gets older, it does get easier! I'll keep you in my prayers.

Bless your heart! I remember those overwhelming exhausted days when my two girls were infants. They are now both grown. It really truly does go by fast. So, my advice for you is to get some rest. You really don't have to be "Super Mom". There will be plenty of time for that later on when you actually get to go to bed at a decent hour and sleep undisturbed. You don't have to be "Super Wife" either. Just because your husband works outside the home doesn't mean he works harder than a new mother. Sometimes you just have to let go of the housework. It will be there later for you to do. Get some sleep when the baby is asleep and don't feel guilty doing so. You will feel better and be a better mom for doing so. Spend time with your precious little one because like I said, time flies. I wish you the best!

Hi P.! I have a 2 wk old, and yeah - I can relate. I went through this with my first son, who is now 3. It's HARD and you feel like you're getting no help. A few things that worked for me -

Men are dense. If you don't give them specifics, then they won't help. So flat-out tell your man to vacuum the house next time he's home. Or dust. Or clean the toilets. No nagging, or dropping hints - tell him you need him to do this specific chore NOW. Let him do things his way on the chores he can. It may not be up to your standards, but it will be DONE. Obviously he can't nurse Dylan for you (wouldn't THAT rock!), but he sounds like he's physically capable of at least housekeeping.

Take a nap! I know everyone says to sleep when the baby sleeps, and I always would say YEAH RIGHT - that's my mad time to get stuff done! But take ONE nap a day, late afternoon works best for me. The housework and laundry won't suffer too much for it, and you WILL feel 100% better.

Let go on the housekeeping a bit. See what happens if you don't clean as often as you used to. I went to a 1-chore-a-day schedule - Mondays I dust, Thursdays I clean bathrooms, Fridays are floors, Saturdays laundry, etc. I do this every other week. And you know what? Each chore takes 20-45 mins (some can be done with the baby, if you get a front carrier or a sling - I vaccuum while wearing my kid!), if it's a nasty chore like bathrooms, it can be done during a kid nap. And by doing it every other week, the house still looks presentable at any given moment. And I'm no longer overwhelmed...if I saw "clean house" on my list of things to do, then I'd be lost. But if I knew I ONLY had to dust that day, then heck, that's easy! Plus if I see a dirty floor on Tuesday, I can just ignore it, knowing it will get cleaned on Friday. It makes life a lot easier.

Get out more and socialize! Your baby isn't fragile. Find some local moms groups - yeah, there may be babies there older than yours, but EVERY mom there has been through what you're experiencing. And that's what moms groups are about - the moms, not so much the kids. It may be tough to jump into a group of strangers, but when you find the right group, you can make instant friends. It's well worth the risk, trust me.

Make time for yourself. Get a front carrier or sling to make your hands free and get back into what you love doing - or did before the baby came. Go on walks, try new recipes, scrapbook a baby book, whatever hobby you used to do. If it's only 15-20 mins a day, that's enough to make you feel like yourself again. And if you're happier, your baby will sense it.

Finally - and I know you've probably heard this before - the newborn stage won't last forever. It will get easier with nursing (the every 2-3 hours will stretch to every 4-6 and it's soooo much nicer), and you'll learn little tricks here and there to make things go smoother. Right now, just enjoy your little girl. They grow up SO fast it's unreal. I'm really trying to savor the baby stage - they're so darned precious!

Good luck, and hang in there!!!

Hey girl, I just sent you a long email and then hit something and it erased it all so I hope you're not getting this twice. :) I was the exact same way after I had my son. He was 2 months early, in the NICU for 5 weeks and came home on oxygen for 2 months so I thought that was why. I was just flat out sad, frustrated very easily and extremely exhausted. It was an emotional roller coaster and I thought for sure once he was home things would get better but it took about another month. Between trying to keep up with the house, fix food, feed the baby, pump, clean everything from pumping, etc it was exhasting and overwhelming. I Hope you have someone that can help you a little bit...even if it's just a few hours a week so you can rest or take time for yourself. I know everyone says sleep when your baby sleeps but I didn't start doing that until later and I regret it. The house can wait but if you don't sleep and nurish yourself it can hurt your milk supply as well as your ability to care for your daughter like you want to. I know it's hard girl but keep your head up...it DOES GET BETTER I promise, it just sometimes takes a little bit. I wish you all the best and no, you're not alone...everyone I've talked to has been through the same thing. Good luck!

Congrats on your new baby. It is absolutely the hardest adjustment I have ever had but it is so worth it!!! Pls do not feel that you are a bad mom that cannot handle things. It sounds to me that you love your baby very much and putting her needs first. Things will get easier in a few months. Do you have family members you could call? Talk with them about the way you feel. Maybe they could help out for an evening to get caught up on some sleep. It is the accumulation of the lack of sleep that got to me. That was my main problem during both of my kids infancy stages. Also, let the house go a little and order food out more if you can. Sometimes husbands are slow to respond at first. It drove my nuts as well. But my ex husband is now an excellent dad.

Hi P.,
I'm right there with you. My new one is just 3 weeks old. She's my second. You can and should talk to your OB/GYN about how you're feeling. With my first I kept getting this thoughts that I should just drive myself and the baby off of a bridge, because I felt like we were a burden to everyone, but I kept acting like there was nothing wrong. No one knew, and I was drowning. With this one I have let down my pride and accepted all the help I can get. I tell my husband now when I need him to do stuff. Even if I think I'm asking a lot. He loves me very much and so he wants things to be easy on me so he very happily complies. Your soon to be husband needs to know that he has a responsibility now and needs to step up to the plate. Especially if he is about to marry you. He doesn't get to just have that one night and then leave everything else up to you. That's not how it works. He made a conscious decision to have this baby too. He needs to take responsibility for his decision. If he won't, then you know before you marry him what kind of relationship you're walking into. The best help I got was just talking to a friend who had been through it before and she reassured me that everything was going to be okay. And also talking to my husband about how I was feeling and what I was going through. It really helped. Good luck, and message me if you would like to talk more!
-F.

P.;
I think you know in your heart what to do. Your fiance (which you really need to seriously look at marrying)isn't helping out with his own child and won't grow up by getting a real job. Maybe counseling is the answer. Either way this life isn't working for you and you need to get the strength to tell him what you expect of him and go to counseling or decide if you will be happy in another situation. Good luck.

P., I know how you feel! When I had my daughter I was the same way. I was the one BF around the clock and it really was taking a toll on me and my body. The best advise I could give would be to supplement. Let your husband help you feed the baby.. If you don't want to start on formula, then if you have some storage, use that for him to feed the baby. Don't be afraid to ask him for help. It's his baby too. I'm not meaning that as though you are afraid or anything of that sort. I just know that when I had the blues I was scared to ask for help and it really took a toll on me. You can also call and speak to your OB about the blue and they can also either prescribe something or give you some suggestions. I really hope that that helps.
M.

Congrats of your baby girl. I know just what you're going through, I had twins that are just now a six months old and I totally felt the same way when they were a couple weeks old. I would just when I was feeding them because I felt so overwhelmed and stressed out. I. married to a wonderful man, but he's just that, a man and he didn't get it unless you spell it out for him. I found that I had to specifically ask him to watch the kids so I could take a nap or whatever I felt that I needed. It's not fair to expect them to just automatically know what our needs are; they just don't think the same way women do. My husband responded very well and my stress level went down so that I wasn't freaking out about the small things. If you think it is more than just getting your man to help out then I would definitely give you doctor a call and discuss your feelings to make sure you don't have a major issue that's not being addressed. Hang in there and it will get better.

Hi P.,
I can really relate to how your feeling. My son (12-04-07) is the most wonderful gift, but for the first 2 months, I was feeling like a single mother, which I'm not, and it was a HUGE shock to me. The father that I imgagined my boyfriend (soon to be husband), to be, turned out to be completely opposite. I was really going through some post-partum depression, but things have really calmed down, and have gotten so much better.
What I did was wrote him a letter, and left it for him when I went out of town with my mother and son. I got everything off of my chest, which was a great relieve. I would recommend taking it day by day, and do not let yourself get so overwhelmed with things that can wait. Like the pumping, and house work. Your husband has to do his part. I breastfed, and still do, but its OK if you want to introduce a bottle of expressed milk. Let him be the first one to give it to her. Marcus (the father) still doesn't like to feed our son, but he does help in other ways. Just try your best to involve him as much as possible, and trust in him that you daughter will be OK, and walk out of the room, and BREATH.
It is still early, just slow down, and concentrate on you and your new angel. It does get easier, and better. Try picking up a book I love to recommend, because it helped me so much. "The Secrets of The Baby Whisperer," by Tracy Hogg. Let him read it First, and then you.

first of all congrats. Youve made it a month:) It's very hard being a mommy for the first time. What you really need is a mommy's day out to hang with your friends or your mom. Tell your husband everything you expect to have done by the time you get home. Put EVERYTHING on a list plus add a couple extra;)~. Your husband may not see that you cant do everything by yourself and giving him the list plus your little bundle of joy for the day or for a couple of days (you being there later in the day) may show him that what you do all day is hard enough (full time milk supplier). Knowing that he will never complete the list and be there everything your baby crys will show him how hard it truely is on you. then have a sit down with him and tell him you NEED his help. Split up the house work because he doesnt have a full time job. Let him know how much it stresses you out but dont do the yelling match no one wins there. And see where it goes from there.

One thing you should know: since you have a baby now your home will never be as clean as you want it. Main thing is now keep it safe and pick up alot. Little babys will put anything in their mouths. Baby proof your house now so it will be easier later on.

I hope I didnt repeat someone else since I didnt read all the other responces. Good luck. I had a sloppy husband once too, and it took me giving him the list of things I do on a regular bases for him to see that being a stay at home mom is hard. So we split the house work and now he wants me to get a job too....:( I guess you cant win them all.

I would say that no you do not have post partum depression but are feeling the crunch of being a mom and wife. PDD is serious however so talk with you OBGYN.

If your man has not stepped into the role of helper like many do not, you will be tired and overwhelmed. Do you have family or friends close by? If you ask surprisingly many of these people are willing to help in many ways, stop to watch the baby while you shower alone, or come and wash dishes for you once a week. Ask for help, it is the hardest thing to do because you feel that somehow not doing it on your own makes you an inadequate mother, not true, you are doing the best you can, and asking for help is the best thing you can do for you and your baby.

You need to find some other mothers in your neighborhood. These women are in similar if not in equal circumstances as yourself. Also, tell yourself "so what" if my house looks dirty. Do only one big priority a day and hopefully you won't be so stressed out. Good luck.

You know what sweetie, the first month IS overwhelming. The second gets better and the third gets easier. By the time 5 months hits, you are a pro. I was a basket case with my first child and my second one wasn't a piece of cake, but she is almost 6 months old and things have progressively gotten less overwhelming. But let me tell you it is GREAT to have a break, which I am sure you realized and well deserve! Take advantage of your husband and leave him with the baby to go do your thing on the weekends to keep your own sanity! You are going to make it!

You are NOT supposed to be doing everything!!! Your body is NOT strong enough yet even if you feel great! You have to give yourself time to adjust to life w/a baby. it is so hard adjusting to having a little life depend on you for everything!! You are not used to it yet. Your priorities cannot and will not be the same as life w/o baby. Enjoy each day w/her; you can never get it back. Don't worry if your house isn't perfect!

I agree w/ pp. Why are you pumping? Are you planning to go back to work? If not, I would not be pumping. Just like pp said, it is easier to just give baby the boob!!! It is better for the baby too. Your baby will go thru growth spurts when she will want/need to nurse more; that is normal and is not something you are doing wrong.

Also, if you are stressing a lot, it can affect your milk supply negatively. Try to calm down and think about what is really important. You CAN'T do EVERYTHING well and you're not supposed to! :) Be encouraged! You are giving your baby the best start ever by choosing to breastfeed!

Blessings and hugs sent your way,
M.
MOM to 5 Wonderful Kids
www.4MyChildrenSake.com
Helping Moms Work From Home

You might have postpartum. My advice to you is nap while your baby girl is napping, don't worry about the house right now and realize that your boyfriend is a musician. I think he really can not be expected to quit what he dose BUT maybe he can make more of an effort to be there more.
I had PP and it passed after I let myself relax a little and babied myself as well.

Being a parent for the first time is very overwhelmming and if you have concern about your buget that can add to the stress.

If there is anyone, friend or family member that you can trust to maybe keep the baby for a few hours a week so you can rest and do other things?

I can see your point I worked in a OBGYN's office for 6 years and PPD is real but if you have a great support group, and sometime that may mean letting the baby go to a mothers day out a few days a week, it can help to relieve some of your stress.
Also becareful, if your soon to be spouse does not want to get a real job than you have to think about that stress in a different way, it could be something you may have to searously think about before you say I DO...

I hate to say this, but I wouldn't make it official unless your soon to be husband realizes it takes two to be in a relationship! Being in a relationship means sharing good times and hard times. I'd lay down the law and let him know what your expectations are of him!
Having a baby can be very difficult at times. Be sure to take some time out for yourself, even if you are breast feeding; a friend or a family member (mom, aunt, grandma) can take over for a couple of hours while you go catch a movie or take a nap, walk around the mall.
I didn't ever believe postpartum depression was real, I alsways felt like women used it as an excuse, then I experienced it with my second baby....OMG! It's REAL! So take time out, even if it's only for an hour or two. Dress up and make your husband to be take you to a nice dinner out on the town! Have fun planning your wedding (even if it's not for a while)
And log on when ever you need to chat! I'll be checkin! :)
Hang in there!
C.

take heart,"this too shall pass". It seems soooo much right now because its all so new. The baby i mean. Then with all the other things that you have to do you do feel so over the edge. I can tell you from experience you take care of baby first and do what you can with the rest. Dont stress over the "dumb stuff" sure your house is a mess you have a new baby that should be the light of your life not a bother.she will grow so fast, so enjoy her.know that you are not alone at one time most of us mothers were there too.just enjoy your little girl. Cj

Hi P.,

I just joined this group so maybe things have changed or you've had plenty of wonderful advise but I thought I'd write anyway. I'm A mother of 7. My youngest is now 15. I also have two grandchildren that i babysit 3 days/week. My husband was in the Coast Guard and i was often left alone for extended periods of time with my kids and very little moral support. If you still need someone to talk to, feel free to email or call. ###-###-####.
L.

Hi P., I undersand what your saying. My yungest is now 1 and I still cant have my house clean as I'd like to. My husband, sister-in-law (15)and 6yr old son and my house is a total mess nobody helps me at all. The only way I get them to do something is if I dont do anything at all and when he gets home I leave to my moms a friends, and when I get back they have done something.

P.,

It is completely normal to feel this overwhelemed and exhausted. You baby is only a month old and you seem to have little help. That would make anyone want to cry. Plus you have an unstable income so you are worried.

You really need someone to help you out. Is there any family, a neighbor, or a church member you could ask to help you out for a few hours during the day? Think about joining the local MOPS group (mothers of preschoolers) Just go to MOPS.com and you can search for the group nearest you. They saved my life!!!

I suffered from postpartum depression when I had my 1st baby. I felt like I was all alone and I didn't want to wake up in the mornings, I cried when my husband went to work everyday, and I even had thoughts of harming my baby. If any of this sounds familiar you need to talk to your Dr. immediately! He can help you feel normal again.

I am here if you ever need to talk! ____@____.com

Hi P.,
Congratulations on your new baby!
Being a first time mother to baby is THE hardest job in the world! I went through the same when I had my first child. You may have depression or it could be that you are exhausted. My kids are 4 and 3 now and I ended up going on anti-depressants last year. It made and enormous difference to me. I did not feel so crazy and was finally able to find myself again. You don't have to necessarily need to go on anti-depressants, but go and talk to someone. It helps. Joining a mothers support group is a lifesaver as well. You will soon find that nearly every woman that has ever had a child felt like you. I never new how hard it was going to be having a child. It was such a shock. I thought anyone could do it. Where I come from there are so many single mothers who do it like it is so easy. I am not single and I still struggled.
Some good news is that it does get better. I sometimes just tried to think of it as a job and if I was at work I would just do it and operate on auto-pilot. Your husband may need a boot in the backside to start living up to his responsibilities too. He may not realize how hard it is for you. If his mother did not get help from his dad he may be copying how his dad was. Men don't seem to pick up on clues very easily.
Good luck. I really feel for you. It is so hard and when you feel horrible it is hard to enjoy life.
W.
About me. Mother of two boys 4years and 3years. My 4year old is autistic. We have been living is Singapore for the last 3 years and have just moved back to Houston to get more autism therapy.

W.

P.,
I read many of your responces before I decided to respond myself. It sounds to me like you are goingthrough what every new mom goes through. My daughter is adopted & I went through the same thing. Like many said the house will still be there in a few months, do the minimum cleaning. As for your soon to be hubby, many guys have no clue what to do with a baby. Most didn't babysit growing up. You may need to show him some of what to do. I let my husband who is wonderful, but wasn't too sure about watching the baby by himself, get away with not doing much at first. One day our daughter filled her pants while he was holding her & I was busy doing something, so I talked him through it. It was the best laugh I had all week, between the gags & the "how can something so little do THAT". She is 4 now & he can tell when mom needs a break & will take her outside to play or they will go do something together. Talk to your man! I don't know if you have family close or not, I didn't but would even call a next door neighbor if I needed to. Sometimes just being able to take a hot shower can help. Call a neighbor & ask if they could watch her for 30 min while you take a shower. Nap while she is napping, I didn't at first & once I started it really helped. You can e-mail me if you would like(____@____.com) & I will give you my #. I'm a SAHM so you can call anytime.
L.

I would not call it pd I 'd call it what it is exhaustion. Sounds like you need help that you are just not going to get unless you put your foot down. It should be a team! I do not mean to sound rude, but he does need to man up.
There is nothing wrong with following his dream but now he has more than one dream. My husband is a musician but while the kids are babies that is limited and he has a staright job. I do all the housework and baby care but I do stay at home... never the less he will step in and help when I am completely pooped and sometimes before. I am sure you want to support him in his music career but you deserve support also

Hi P.,

I think your situation is too complex and difficult to be addressed like this, but I just want to reassure you that anyone would be depressed in those circumstances. You need help however you can get it. Either your husband needs to step up with money or house/childcare, or someone else in your family. Handling a baby and a house and lack of money is extremely difficult and stressful. Get help wherever you can! Music is a wonderful career, but if you have children, security and your wife's sanity must come first.

All the best,
G.

First of all, take a deep breath and know you are not alone. Your hormones are on a roller coaster ride right now. It will take a while for your body to adjust. Exhaustion is a HUGE factor, also. Talk to your doctor right away and describe your symptoms. Take your boyfriend with you to your doctor appointment and also to your daughter's well-baby checkups.
My doc told both my husband and I that the baby came first and some household chores would have to slip. I was exhausted, recovering from a C-section, breastfeeding around the clock, etc. My husband came home from work one day and said, "I've never lived in such a pig sty!" It still breaks my heart to think about it. I'm such an organized person that it really cut to my core. But, the BABY and YOU come first! Take care.

everyone has difficulty adjusting in the beginning. It will be alright and it will get much less stressful as it goes along. don't worry.
in the long run it will be better for both you and your husband if he has a job he loves doing. He will be happier with life and won't resent his work situation. Perhaps you both can budget your finances to make adjustments? Cloth diapers are an upfront cost but then are reused so you definitely don't spend as much as with disposables...stuff like that.
i was stressed when my daughter was born, i stay home and care for her and our home and i wouldn't have it any other way. it can be done!
so it will be okay.
just try to relax :)

This is such a wonderful time in your life, I'm so sorry it's been so stressful. DO NOT worry about the house, it won't fall down if it's not spotless. This is also your recovery time as a new mom so you're not supposed to be doing much more than taking care of yourself and that precious bundle of joy. Sounds like you're going to have to lay down some ground rules with the hubby to be--it's time to step up and be an adult and help out with the house hold. If you don't have any family or friends near by, reach out to one of the local churches, many have programs where they can send someone out to, if nothing else, just sit and talk. Reaching out like this is a good first step--keep you chin up, this is the best journey of your life!

Oh hon, I am so sorry you are going through this, but there is a good chance that this is actually NOT post-partum. Having a baby is a MAJOR life change that affects everything you and your fiance do. I became a stay at home mom in September, and I am just now feeling adjusted.

No matter what the finances are like, take care of yourself. Be sure to do something for yourself when your baby naps. If she sleeps for 2 hours, then take 20-30 minutes to do something that you find relaxing. Read a book, do yoga, give yourself a pedicure, meditate, etc. After your special time, you will be able to return to your chores with a clearer head.

It also might not be a bad idea to take baby for a walk. The exercise will make you feel better, and help shed those post-baby pounds.

If your fiance has ignored repeated requests for help around the house, then stop doing his stuff for him. Don't do his laundry, make his meals, or clean up after him. It's going to drive you nuts to see his messes around, but it may open his eyes to what it is that you do around the house.

If he still doesn't help out after that, then I'd say maybe you should re-evaluate your relationship with him. A marriage is an equal partnership, and he is not being an equal partner at all. Do you really want to marry someone who isn't willing to help you take care of you?

Good luck and keep us posted!

P.

I have a very soft spot for new moms with baby blues or postpartum depression. I've had the baby blues with all 4 of my pregnancies, and after the last one I did require some medication to help me out. It didn't last forever, but it is totally frustrating when you are dealing with it. I'm really sorry that your less than motivated fiance isn't making things easier for you (I have some advice towards the end for that).

It never hurts to talk to your doctor. He/she can really help you and I would recommend talking to him/her above all things. Here are a few questions that might help you to determine what is going on. All of these things have happened to me, but not necessarily all at the same time (or in the same postpartum).

Are you crying over things you wouldn't have normally cried over prior to the baby (related or unrelated to the baby)? Do you want to be alone and undisturbed? Do you want to avoid going anywhere in public (I'm a really social person, so this was a big one for me...)? Is there a certain time of day when it is worse? Are you trying to do too much too soon? Are you really sad, not necessarily stressed, but truly sad? Do you cry when you start talking to people about possibly being depressed? Do you cry when you watch emotional TV programs (or even commercials in my case) that you wouldn't really cry over normally?

Your hormones just went from being really high to dropping through the floor as soon as that little girl was born. Your body is scrambling and sorting and healing in so many different ways.

Here are some tips about being a new mom. When I was in the last month of my first pregnancy, I just wanted the baby OUT! I remember many seasoned mom's chuckling and saying "that baby is easier in than out". Boy were they right (as I'm sure you've learned)!

Breastfeeding itself is as emotionally draining as it is physically (even if it is going perfect). If you are anxious about this, you are really normal. Being the only one to be able to stop the hunger of the crying baby is NOT easy, especially if you are emotional.

You need to rest. Everything you are hearing is "you can do this or that after 6 weeks". I felt physically pretty strong after my first baby. But I soon learned what they meant by "after 6 weeks". I remember finishing my 6th week postpartum and thinking "Wow! I feel great!" My body felt more like it did pre-pregnancy (not that it LOOKED pre-pregnancy!), but it was great.

Another bit of advice that came ringing true was after my 4th baby was born. I was visiting with two older friends (one had 5 kids and one had 8). I looked at them and said, "Everyone who has lots of kids has always lied to me! They've said, 'after you've had 3 kids, it doesn't matter how many more you have'. That is not true! This is SO hard!". My friend with 5 kids gently smiled and said, "You're just new at it. You'll get the hang of it. You'll do just fine."

It almost makes me cry right now thinking about it, because it is so true and she was right! I will pass this advice on to you. You are just new at it. You are learning so much every day. Just relax and do your best and you'll get better and faster at doing the routine things every day. Set small goals to get the little things done. Maybe one day it is just the dishes. Your baby is going to help with this as she falls in and out of routines (almost weekly for a few months). You have to allow yourself the time to learn and give yourself the freedom to do so. You won't be a perpetual slob with your house :), trust me!

The last thing I can say is, that in order to be the best mom you can be, you need to continue to take care of yourself. Do your hair, put on some make-up, eat right, exercise (AFTER 6 WEEKS!), and do whatever it takes to not lose yourself. Your baby will appreciate it in the long run. YOU MATTER, and you need to take care of YOU so you can take care of her.

Advice on daddy.... he needs to step up, there is no doubt about that. BUT I've been married for 14 years and I will tell you that the best way to get him to step up is not to criticize everything he does or doesn't do (even if he deserves it). You need to inspire him. I'm sure all of this is new to him and he is feeling a lot of pressure too.

I would approach a conversation with him in a non-threatening way that acknowledges the changes going on in your lives and routines with the new baby. Ask him to work together to make a plan for the future that can help to make this transition easier. (Hopefully this includes a JOB-- ha!ha!)

If things don't change, look into some pre-marital counseling. There is NO SHAME in getting help. Having a baby doesn't make things easier (or more committed), and weddings don't make them either. You need to get things resolved. But don't give up! There are a lot of different avenues for help.

Good luck, talk to your doctor, be patient, allow yourself to learn, and take care of yourself!

A.

P.,
Sounds just like me when I had my first child 10 years ago. I remember as if it was yesterday. First, your not insane and it's totally normal to feel overwhelmed. My husband recognized my behavior and secretly called all my friends and family to do "drop by" visits. I didn't want to admit that I needed help with house work, cooking, and laudry but evently caved in. It felt like I breast feed 24/7. After a few days these "visits" became something I looked forward to. I could actually take a shower or get some work done while someone held the baby and played with her. My advice is to call all your girlfriends, family, church members and neighbors to come by and visit you for some "adult" chat/time. You'll see that they too will be eager to help you out! It strengthen and developed my relationships more than ever. It will be a win win for both!

Hello P.,
I know exactly what you are going through. I felt the same way when my second boy was born. Don't worry about your house being a mess, nothing bad is going to happen just because is a mess. Right now concentrate on your daughter, she is still too little and needs your full attention. Now, do you have family close by? If so, have somebody come and help you out with the baby for a couple of hours a day and you can either do house work, or go out to lunch with a friend or go do your pedicure or shop or what ever else you want to do and cannot because you are so overwhelmed. If you let stress take over, you will get sick and everything will be worse than it already is or at least that is what you think. My mom always tells me that house work can always wait, but your sanity cannot, nobody has been harm or die because their house is a mess. That can wait! You just need to concentrate in your daughter and yourself. Your soon to be husband needs to help too!!!! He needs to learn to take care of his daughter just as much as you do, remember you did not make her alone, he had a big part in it too!!! I don't know how important it is to fully breast feed to you, but in my case I did not see the need. I did both, breast feed and bottle feed and my boys, thanks the good Lord, are very healthy and happy. I have an 11 yr old and a 3 yr old. Listen, you should take sometime for your self and relax. You and your soon to be husband can also go out for a date from time to time and that will help you and your relationship. Your baby is going to be fine without you for a couple of hours, off course leave her with someone you trust very much like, your mom, sister or best friend. Do not leave her with someone you don't know very well, remember she is your gift from God and she is priceless. Your first baby is always a difficult experience, because you don't really know how to be a mom and we don't really get a book to teach us how to do it, but you will do just fine. At first everything seems hard, just like your first day in school, you were probably scared and didn't know what was going on, but then you got used to it and you did fine. I hope my advised helps you and it will bring you a little more understanding of your new experience. I am sure you will be fine and you will be able to manage it all just great. Like I say, house work can wait and it doens't have to be done all in one day, just do some each day until you get the hang of it all. Stressing your self will not help you at all, it will only make things worse. Please talk to your soon to be husband about it and let him help you too!!!! And if you have family and close friends, ask them to help you, at least until you get the hang of it all. Don't be shy and ask for help, people will do it if they truly love you and they will understand. Best wishes to you and your new baby!!!! God bless you and your daughter and your whole family!!!
S. V.

This is gonna be hard love ok so brace yourself...Girl if that man ain't doin' right now, he 's not gonna later, don't marry him! ok that said...I don't think that you are going through PPD. I think that you are tired and over worked and putting up with a man who acts like a child while you just had a baby! Who wouldn't be going nuts? Do not marry that man till he straighten's up and flys right! he should be helping you and loving on that baby and doing all that he can to support the three of you! let him go! move out on your own and let him know that you are an independent woman and you don't need a man much less a man that acts like a child! we women should have a man in our lives because we want a man in our lives, and they should be loving and supportive and treat us like the prize that we are! take some time for yourself, who cares if your house is clean right now, you have a brand new baby! you don't have to be superwoman! and tell Clark Kent to hit the road "or" be your Superman!

Hello i am a first time mother as well and i also thought i was going insane ,but the older your baby gets the more you get a hang of it and the easier it gets .My boyfriend somewhat thinks the same way like i'm the mother so i should be the one to do things for the baby and he works then i should be the parent that takes care the baby. Well all i can say is that you need to have a talk with your soon to be husband and just explain how hard it is and that you need help by watching the baby while you take a shower or bath or even while you take a nap ..And you need some mommy time by your self so you can be a better mother and an alert one .. well I hope you feel better and hope everything works out better. take care

Your are doing great and being a Mom will be the hardest job you will ever have. I am just like you and the house not being picked up gets to me. You have to take care of yourself and baby first. The first 8 weeks are the toughest especially since you are breastfeeding- you and Dylan are still establishing a schedule and are inseperable right now. Talk to your OBGYN at your check up and if you already had it call and let them know how you are feeling and you can talk to your baby's doctor as well. It will get better and easier with time. Hang in there and good for you for posting- you will get tons of great advice and suggestions! Keep up the great work and let the house go for a while and get your rest!!!!

P.,
you sound very normal to me, you don't sound depressed you are naturally tired. Have you talked to your husband, if you haven't said anything he probally thinks your okay. He needs to step up to the plate or have a family member or friend come help you with the chores or with the baby and a much needed nap. Please don't think your depressed when all you need is a little help. I don't know anyone who didn't need help with a new baby.

WELCOME TO MOMMYHOOD!! Yes, it does get better... MUCH better! P.S. Thanks for hanging in there on the breastfeeding... it can be challenging, but the benefits (when one can breastfeed) are absolutely priceless (and Dylan thanks you in advance!) Reading all the posts... lots of GREAT advice. PLEASE talk to your "soon to be" as to what you would like to see happen. If he doesn't know your frustrations, he very well won't do anything about it. Even if you dump just a couple of chores on him. Or decide that you will take 45 minutes a day for YOU. Whatever you do - GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!! Whether it be walk around the block a few times, or run an errand at the store ALONE. It is VERY healing, and calming. Good luck!

I too was like that with my first and I dont think so much that it is postpartum depression. My husband worked nights and I bet over backwards for him and the house. Do u have someone to help watch the baby to give u a break or anything? I know that it is hard and just be patient and ask for some help from your soon to be husband. If ya need to talk you can email me at ____@____.com

Take it easy
ttys
S.

Well P. I know it is very hard I have a 4month baby boy i am the main provider of the house my husband unfortunately
is deported in Mexico I live in border city; El Paso,Texas my husband takes care of my baby I have 2 other kids a 14 year old & 10 year old.My finances are very tight also since I am the main provider I even have looked for another part time job on the weekends just imagine how I feel not being with my baby most of the time. I really understand how you feel especially when finances are very tight & you want to provide everything to your baby girl.I understand how man are and us women are the ones that look at things from a better perpective way.Please hang in there have patience for your husband remember his the father of your babygirl and I am pretty sure he is also trying to adapt to his new environment try and talk to him and tell him how you feel and how hard you guys are trying to stretch your monies try and make him know that he might need to find a job that can at least provide a little more money. Try and have patience and don't get desperate to find a job because then he is going to depend on you financially and you don't want that to happen ok...Unfortanely it is better for me to be the main provider due to the fact that in Mexico people get paid very little they get paid 70 dollars a week I get paid more since I work in the US but daycares here are very expensive that's why he stays with my baby. But I have faith in god maybe one day he might be able to come back to the US. So please everytime you feel very depressed and overwhelmed think about my life situation and just think that in some way you are blessed especially with your new baby girl that you have. May god bless you and your family.

P.,

I know exactly what you're going through. First and foremost, do not feel ashamed in any way to ask for help...if its from a friend, husband, doctor, neighbor....If you have a close friend that you feel comfortable with you can have her come over during the day so you can take a nap. who cares if your house is a mess (mine is as i type this :) ) I say that w/ such ease, but i know how frustrating that is and that it is hard to relax in that environment. With the new baby and exclusively breastfeeding there is a lot of the time that the baby needs YOU. BUT BUT BUT you hubby can clean, change diapers, bathe her and cook! I would sit down and talk with im in a calm moment...explain your needs and discuss what you see as the best way to take care of your family...men sometimes need you to spell it out for them...

you shouldnt have to pump for too much longer if you are planning on staying home..once your milk supply is built up then you should be able to just nurse....and are you just freezing your supply? take a nap and have someone else feed her...or have him get up in the middle of the night.. :)

Money-saving tip: My hubby made fun of me, but i made a monthly menu. I made a lot of inexpensive dishes and were able to use leftovers for other meals. i made a grocery list that went with it. I would grocery shop once a week and get everything I needed.

I probably havent offered any new advice...but just hang in there girl! Again, please dont hesitate to talk to someone about the depression. it is completely normal and i celebrate you for trying to get help!

Hey P.,
Don't worry about your house. I am a clean freak but I had to learn after having my little guy that the house will always be there and I can get to it when I have a chance and not to stress over it. Just enjoy your daughter because she will grow up so fast. My son is now 13 months and it seems just like yesterday he was a week old. My husband has been very helpful and supportive of me staying home though. I have even started my own business from home to help with the bills. I work with a lot of other moms and I love what I am doing and would love to share it with you.
I would join a mothers group in your area so you can hang out with other moms and their little ones. I am here to talk to if you ever need.
Keep breast feeding because it is a blessing to be able to do that. Like I said, I am here if you need to talk.

B.
www.MoreForMyBaby.com
###-###-####

It sounds like you're definately overwhelmed, and could use some support and help. I don't know if this sounds like PP depression, but you're doing the right thing stepping out for help. There are several resources for new moms, one in Austin which is free! Family Connections offers a FREE PP depression/support group lead by a clinical psychologist, Kelly Boyd, who specializes in perinatal issues and postpartum depression. I think they are on Tuesdays from 10-11am. You can check the website or call them to double check. I think if you are able to talk w/ other moms in similiar situations, it will be a big help. Plus, being able to see a doctor will help you identify if you need more help... or not.

Another avenue is to seek out help from friends, family, etc. just to get a break, or get a little help around the house. Especially with a husband who isn't helping much (that's too bad) it is very normal for you to feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and scared. You might also find counselors at the WIC office, if you qualify. Also Any Baby Can downtown offers free parenting classes... lots of good resources out there for moms just like you!

Good luck, and hang in there, it DOES get easier!
Shelley

It doesn't sound like you have postpartum depression. It sounds like you are very overwhelmed. I, too, am married to a musician so I can relate to you on that part. :) My advice to you is this: Don't focus on what you're not getting done. Focus on the things you have done! Being a stay at home mom is hard! Especially a brand new one! Don't stress over the house! One day your little one will be all grown up, and then you can focus on having a "perfect" house. Take time to rest! Your body needs it!!!!!! I think you need some encouragement, and prayer. I'm here if you ever need to talk!!!!! God Bless!!!!!

Taking care of a one-month-old is a full time job, never mind the hormones, etc! Please talk to your man about your needs. Even if he doesn't want to get a "real job", let him know how he can help you with the home and baby care. Some guys don't even know where to start! And when he gets a task...you can't tell him how to do it. (and that can be very hard for us gals!) He may hold the baby differently, etc. but as long as he's safe with her and not destroying your laundry by not sorting (or whatever) let him take over something! It's his baby, too and his house, too. Communication is so important with our partners. If you can't get anywhere alone find a support group for new moms or families or something like that and invite him along. Maybe without a 9-5 job he can be a better dad! He just doesn't know it yet, maybe. And if your depressions isn't better please see your OB or midwife for help. It's not just a little "blues" sometimes and you need support for yourself to take good care of your baby. (and leave the laundry sometimes and take a nap!)
P., mom of 3 boys 7,5,and 2

It might be depression, so please don't ignore it. But I think becoming a new mommy changes your perpective on things quite a bit. I was completely overjoyed to have my daughter but my husband drove me crazy for awhile. All those cute, quirky things he did before she was born were just that but after my daughter I began to see those things as annoying habits she would someday pick up, mind-sets that would tarnish her innocent thoughts, and ways that he might cloud my perfect world with her. I wanted everything ot be just perfect for her. Also he was not the type of Dad who did well with itty bitty babies so I felt like he was disinterested in her and I did EVERYTHING for her. But when realistically I stepped back and took a better look than the one as exhausted Mommy I saw that he was a good dad, the house would eventually get cleaned, as long as it is not a pig sty, it would do for the time being. But I also realized that my baby girl would only be little for a while. One day I was obsessed about vacumming and realized I needed to hold her becasue she would only be 9 days old once. So if you can let it go, let it go. Enjoy your baby and please know other people feel like this too. If you think it is more seek help. I have two friends who had to have meds and did so much better with them. There is no shame in that. But it might just be new mommyness too.

Congratulations on your new baby girl! I have an 11 month old, but I can still remember when she was a month old. It is extremely overwhelming, and you really have to talk to your husband and let him know how you are feeling. Don't diagnose yourself just yet with postpartum. I think we all go through it, feeling overwhelmed and even crying sometimes. I had to sit down with my husband and have a talk with him. When he saw me cry, he knew I was serious, and even stayed home from work to help a couple of times. I am still breastfeeding, and I know how you feel, it is a lot of work, but the best thing you will ever be able to give your baby. I used to have my husband give our daughter a pumped bottle on those days when I felt overwhelmed. That helps a lot. Also, do you have any close family members that live near you? You could ask them to come over sometime while you take a nap. Take advantage of any help you can get. People always told me to sleep when she sleeps, and I really never did, because I always felt like I had so much to do. My advice is to do it anyway, and maybe try and getting a maid every 2 weeks, some are pretty inexpensive, and that makes life easier. I hope I helped! It gets so much easier, just hang in there!

I felt all of the same things. i ended up seeing my doctor and he did prescribe me Lexapro for postpardeum. Ithas worked great for me. However, he did tell me that all of it waws not just the postpardeum, but some was just issues I had with my husband that were valid. Besides taking meds which were needed, I also needed to talk with my husband and work on things as well as, relaxing and realizing not all the things I was obsessing on had to be done everyday. I needed to let some things go and evaluate what was really a have to each day and just a want to each day. The meds help you relax and do the later part. I hope this helps you and if you want to talk more feel free to email me.

A little about me: I am a stay at home mom of three kids. A 6 year old, a 2 year old and an 8 month old.

Hi Sweetie,
guess what? My kids are 15 and 12 and my house is still a mess!! I work 3 jobs and cook, clean etc. This is your first child, it just takes some getting used to being able to balance the new change in your life. Don't get upset and frustrated because your baby feels what you feel when you are breastfeading her. Things will work out. It is stressful as well with financial problems also. Thank God for everything you DO have and not what's not going right. You have a beautiful baby girl, coo her and love her and the rest will fall into place.

God Bless!

check out flylady.net. She and her system can be a lifesaver.

hi P.!
Do you live in the Austin area? If you do, check out Family Connections at 825 E. 53rd 1/2 St near Airport Blvd. Their phone is ###-###-####.
There is a great postpartum support group that meets every Thurs. from
10 - 11:30 am. Dr. Kelly Boyd leads the group and specializes in the
treatment of postpartum depression. You can call her at ###-###-####
if you have any questions about the group, postpartum depression etc.
I went every Thursday when my son was between the ages of 3 months and
8 months. I also went to therapy to sort out my depression and learn how to
cope with the stress of being a mother. A positive way to deal with stess is to ask
for help. Is there anyone you can call on for help with the house or baby?
Can your future hubby help more to give you a break? It helps to mingle with other
Moms, too. Family Connections is GREAT for that. Everything is free. They have
baby care classes, playgroups, a play area, library and toys that can be checked out.
We go there twice a week! It helps to know that you are not alone. Hang in there!
It's hard and exhausting, and we are always passing from one phase into another.
If the baby is fed, diapered, washed, napped and loved etc. then sometimes the
other stuff just doesn't get done. Just take one day at a time. It all passes very
quickly. I can't believe my baby is a toddler already! Amazing! Best Wishes, Theresa

Yes, you do need help. Do you have any family or friends that can come over while you rest or take a nap with your baby. What you are feeling is normal. It is exhausting to have a newborn baby. Nothing prepares you for how tiring it can be. You will need to talk to your soon to be husband and get his involvement. He may not know what to do unless he is told. When your baby naps, take the opportunity to rest yourself. The household work can wait, but it is vital that you get your rest and maintain your health. One thing that helped me tremendously was La Leche League. They meet once a month and are so helpful and supportive on breastfeeding and motherhood. You can meet many wonderful new mothers like yourself. Good Luck. Get some rest and be kind to yourself.

Hi P.,

I know exactly what you are going through. I have a 2 month old baby girl, first one, and I have no family or friends in Houston to help me. My husband works a lot and is a neat freak which puts alot of pressure on me. Don't worry about it, I can tell you that for the last 2 weeks y life is finally getting straight. You will get through this and for some weird reason you will be able to do more in a day like if they were 28 hours long. You will be able to learn to understand your baby more and differentiate her crys this will make it easier on you.

I live in Cypress area and I am also in need of someone to talk to. If you want maybe we can talk to each other and help each other out since our babies are close in age. Email me if you are interested at:

____@____.com

Maybe we can start a new friendship and a playgroup for our babies. I will love to talk to you and help you out in anyway possible.

Be patient and don't stress your self out. My baby is only one month older than yours and things are getting better.

Good luck and hope to hear from you,

Y. G
I am 26 years old and a mom to a beautiful baby girl.

Well of course I don't know all of your feelings but to me it sounds like the normal adjustment from no baby to having a baby. These little ones require so much work and at first it is a huge shock to the system. My little boy is 9 months and I remember when he was 7 weeks old I just had a meltdown! We had to have our shower fixed and that meant we would not have water for about a day or so. I went crazy, crying, full of hysteria because I could believe I would have to take care of baby with no water in the house. Of course now that would not even bother me. The transition to parenthood is huge! Plus your baby is only a month old. You are in the thick of it, it really really does get better. You hormones are still a bit out of whack, they will settle down. Do you have any family around? Having some help from loving family members is a great help if you have them. As far as the house goes, it will get cleaned up. Don't beat yourself up about it because you are doing the best you can. Breastfeeding requires a lot of energy. Your guy might not be stepping up to the plate as he should, but he is in an adjustment too and it is big for him too. When you have a moment where you are relaxed, talk to him about helping out a little, maybe give him a specific job that would help you out. My hubby cleans the bathrooms and does the laundry. That is a huge help! But it took a while for us to get a system in place because neither one of us had ever done this before. Lastly, talk yourself into a good place. When the swirling thoughts of doubt, depair, and frustration come, pause, take a breath and thank God for a healthy perfect little baby. The weather is pretty nice so take a short walk or run out to the store even if it is just to window shop for a few minutes. And rest, even if the house is dirty when that little one sleeps you put your feet and sleep too. Remember the house will get clean, don't worry! Being overwhelmed is normal, it will get better. If you ever have any feelings that you might hurt your baby, don't feel guilty, go to the doctor immediatley because that is postpartum depression. You are a great mommy, doing a great job, your baby is lucky to have you!!

Your "soon to be husband" needs to step up to the plate and start taking care of many things to make your relationship work. You do not sound like you have "postpartum" depression, but are overwhelmed by your life situation. Tell your boyfriend to get a job and start helping around the house. You need to stand up to him. If he tells you that he needs all his time to compose, you need to rethink this situation. Do you have family nearby? Are they supportive? Can your Mom fly in for a few weeks if she is far away. You and your boyfriend need to get family counseling. The Austin Child Guidance center has counseling for families, couples, and children on a sliding scale basis.You do need to let go expectations about the house for awhile. It is not that crucial for right now.Also, check out the support groups or other Moms that have offered support. This will help. You may want to see your doctor about post partum depression, but I really think you should try other solutions first. Good Luck. J. K.

Hi. Congrats on the new one. It took me a couple of months or so to get into a routine with my daughter and then I was fine. My sister stayed with me for a week or two and my husband the first week was home also. If you have someone to come and stay with you for even a few days to help with the baby and or help clean house that will help. Please do not stress out about the house it can wait and when your little one naps you nap so you are rested up. Take care of you as well as your little one. I am lucky because I have my Mom and sisters who help me when I need them. I am also close to my husbands Mom and Dad and they helped me also. It is good that you pump when you feel overwhelmed then the Dad can feed her. It will give them some bonding time and you a chance to take a bath or sleep. Let me know how you are doing sometime. K. K