Help! Always Correcting My 8 Yr Old Son.....

That poor little boy!
You need to find time in every single day to spend time just the two of you. If he sits quietly and reads a book, praise him. If he comes when you call him, praise him. You need to catch this kid being good and reward him for good behavior. He is crying out for attention and he'll take whatever attention he can get. Ignore the bad behavior -- if it's ignorable.
Tell him what you like about him.
Find some positives and focus on those...
LBC

.... KNOW this: a child, will always KNOW darn well, when their parent (biological or not) does not like them and resents them and doesn't enjoy them at all.

A child, knows.
This, sets them up, for behavioral problems.
Because, they are never accepted for who they are as a person.

It is very hurtful, for a child's emotions, when they KNOW that their parents do not like them, and is closer with the other kids, instead.

Your son, is also very bright. He is NOT understood... because he is probably on a different set of interests and ways of learning. Which you or the others do not understand.
Thus, he is at a deficit, at home emotionally... because, he has no one in his corner.... nor a soft place to fall.

Your son, is the odd man out... in your family, it seems.
That must be very hard for him.
Very hard, for a young child.

Sometimes, you just have to have a "relationship" WITH your child... it not being based on performance. Just to know and accept a child for who they are. And to have unconditional love etc.
Luckily, your son has not given up... on his academic performance yet. In order to get attention.
Some kids, do that. Out of desperation.
But your son is also as you said, "fussing" all the time.
Well, did anyone simply TALK with him and ask him why????

And, what do you mean by "he makes all the wrong decisions"????
Is he just different from you all, or is he just a bad kid????
There are bad decisions and there are different decisions. It does not mean he is making 'wrong' decisions.
So, discern that difference.

Your son, seems to have no one, who can relate to him. Maybe because he is so bright and outside-the-box, in thinking. That... does not make him "wrong" in thinking or that he is just wrong.
He is different.
Einstein was too. And even though many may have told him he was 'wrong', he was a Genius and made many discoveries, because he was true to himself.
If your son is true to himself, and it is simply because you or others cannot understand him... then that does not make him 'wrong.'
It is because, he just does not think like you all.
Nothing is 'wrong' with that.

Do you know why you are not close to him, anymore, for the past 2 years??? You said you both were inseparable all this time, when it was just you and him for almost 6 years.

Now you have a blended family.
And so, is he lost in the shuffle?
How has he adapted to his new family???
Is he still important, to this family and you???
He does not seem, to be.
He was your 1st child.
And now, he seems to be, the forgotten child or the one who is really feeling.... left out. I imagine.

I really feel bad for him. He must really, be unhappy. And he has no one to turn to. He is, alone.

A child can tell, when their parent(s) don't like them.
Then, they will either stay nice or get hateful toward you too.
They are just a child.
I have a sibling that was disliked by my Mom.
Do you know, that for her entire life... my sibling had LOTS of problems... all because, my Mom, was not bonded very well, to her.
AND, all her life, my sibling BLAMED my Mom. Even if, she admitted that she was a giant pain in the rear.

So, you do something about this NOW.
And create a real relationship with your Son.
Instead of saying you do not like him.
No one in this blended family, seems to like him.
Poor boy.

I think... this blended family... is a hardship for him and it really was not a positive thing for him or an easy thing for him to adjust to.
He probably feels he has no one, and no say, in anything.
And he is right.
He seems to be.... nothing.... and is marginalized in the family.
No wonder, he is fussy.

He must be a very lonely boy, in a big family like this.... 2 siblings and 2 parents.
How sad.
Like he is a 3rd wheel.

Change your attitude and stop resenting him. He's 8 and he is who he is - a smart kid who makes some mistakes. Take some time to get to the why of his behavior. If you continue to ride him constantly and resent him and make excuses for why your husband doesn't make time for him and why you resent him and get along with the other two just fine its going to seriously damage this poor kid. I can understand your frustration because i have a daughter who is behaviorally challenging and one who is just easy and sweet. I GET that part but you cannot resent him. When I struggle with my one child I just take a step back and try to see her as God see's us all - a perfect creation - though we may not live up to it and we are all imperfect. He's making some bad decisions so let him reap the consequences and teach him right from wrong but don't resent him for not being perfect because you aren't either and neither are the other kids. And as for husband not having time to bond that is baloney. My husband is a Marine and gone 7 mos a year and works exhausting hours when he is home but when he is here he is bonding with his kids. It's the quality of time spent and the willingness of heart that matter most.

Since you didn't specify what sorts of wrong decisions he is making, I'm going to assume that it is a lot of "little" stuff that simply earns him a talking to or some sort of correction from you. Just in the little bit of background you gave, it sounds like you have a very bright kid who is doing what it takes to get one-on-one attention from you. Negative attention works as well as positive attention, if he is lacking the attention he craves.

Try harder to find SOMETHING positive to say. Gifted kids can often have socialization problems, that have nothing to do with disciplinary issues and everything to do with not fitting in anywhere (too smart or "ahead" of their age-mates and too immature for their "intellectual" peers). Add to that, that your son is trying to fit into a blended family and he has a lot to work through. Not to mention, that 8 is around the age when boys typically start to test the waters and push limits to try to exert a little more control over their lives.
FIND a reason to compliment him. Just don't tell him how smart he is. Comment about something he has done like this: "What an interesting choice you made, to ________. What made you decide to do it that way?" And let him talk and YOU LISTEN.
Good luck.

Find any way you can to get your husband to spend some more time with him. Maybe on a couple of precious days off, instead of having the hubs to help you around the house with everyone, you could sacrifice for a special occasion and send those two on a fishing trip. Then thereafter, be sure they have a couple of regular "things" they do together.

My husband travels 8 months out of the year or more, but when he's home, he and my middles son, 3, have their "things". My son gets to "Help" take the recycling to town, then they go for a sprinkled donut at the farmer's market, or maybe lunch out at his favorite farm restaurant with animals there and cool activities. He always gets to "help" my husband in the yard on big yard chore days-which is just "playing near dad" most of the time. He gets to climb up in the hubs truck and sneak and ride int he front seat (don't tell mom) to the dump across town. I keep my daughters with me during those times.

This time is SO valuable, because not only is he with an adult male, but he's being appreciated and praised and loved during spontaneous activities, and ALSO my husband has his own "rougher" discipline voice etc that my son gets used to. My husband is even firmer than me on stuff and I'm amazed how even thought I thought I was pretty effective, my husband seems to hold the magic wand because he's a brick wall of boundaries as well as being very loving and fun. I always see my son walking more tall and being even more well behaved than usual after some dad time. Again, my husband is gone more than any man I know, but I make sacrifices of some of my limited time with him to make sure he has one on one time with each of the 3 kids when he's home.

You yourself need to make a point of befriending your son again. Almost ALL kids act out and develop poor behavior when they feel they are slipping through the cracks or a parent is "fed up with them". They continue to live up to the low expectations they feel the parent has, which you already know. HE may have started the vicious circle, and his personality may be more difficult, but the responsibility is squarely on you to love him.

Turn over a new leaf, do special stuff with him, give him some new responsibilities to live up to. When he is acting out, give a calm warning and a swift consequence for the action that he knows in advance so he can choose against it, but no NOT use angry "fed up" tones and show disdain in your reactions and by being angry with him. It's really hard when you've been through so much already, but you need to erase the past and treat him with respect and love no matter what and even though he needs discipline too.

Brighten when he enters a room, sincerely compliment him on things. If he hasn't been nice in a while, point out good traits in himself unrelated to behavior, like his talent at___X whatever he's good at. Make comments on errands like, "I feel so proud when I get to walk through the store with my handsome, nice son. I'm a lucky mom." Recall something that made you proud during the day to tell him before he falls asleep-and you can find SOMETHING. And WHEN is needs discipline, keep it brief, immediate and firm with NO anger on your part. If you are consistent and firm enough, he'll quit trying it, but if you are angry and disappointed in him PERSONALLY, his character will continue to sag.

Don't be hard on yourself, and good work addressing this. It will take sacrifice of people's time, and you have a lot on your plate, but nothing is more important than your son's self worth.

My step sister had a brutal divorce with two sons in your sons age range who were acting HORRIBLY. Once she got them back to her family where they had positive attention AND firm discipline, they made a complete turn around. They are now thriving in a blended family of 7 kids!

Here's some great discipline tips that will help keep discipline to a minimum and improve attitude-Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson.

I have to agree with the answers you've gotten so far. Your son needs your love, admiration, and appreciation, almost as much as he needs food, and I'm sure he can feel that you and his step-dad don't like him much. It would be really hard for a child to do his best knowing his primary nurturers resent him.

There's a really excellent, easy-to-read and apply book that I strongly recommend. I think it could improve your relationship with your son dramatically, and bring out the best in all your children (and yourself): How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. I've watched the simple techniques turn around some difficult family situations for parents I've loaned my book to, and they bought their own copies as a go-to resource for future dilemmas.

He's a kid. We all learn more from our mistakes than from our triumphs. You aren't specific about the kinds of things you have to fuss at him about. Since he is intelligent child, he may need to be given some instructions about how to do what needs to be done and given a proper time frame to do it in. Understand that he is going to mess up but love him through his short falls.

Age 8 is where boys transition toward the affection of their fathers over their mothers. Your husband needs to spend more time with this boy. You can't teach this boy to be a man, only a man can do that and it takes time and effort. Not just quality time but quantity time.

There needs to be some balance in this child's life. In 5 short years he will be a teenager. Relationship needs to be established before those years come in. It is the foundation of what will get you through the tough teen years.

You need to let your son know (through words and actions) that you love him with all of your heart NO MATTER WHAT HE DOES! I tell my children (and I try to show them) that I will love them just as much regardless of their actions. They get in trouble and are disciplined for their actions, but it is the BEHAVIOR that I have a problem with, not the child. Each and every one of your children needs to know that you love them and are proud of them, they need to hear you compliment them when they make a good choice and they need to hear you express confidence in their abilities and in their goodness as people. Your son needs this more than any of your other children right now. If you are religious at all, try praying sincerely for help to be the best mother you can for your son, pray for this every day, if possible, multiple times a day! Your son must have such a hard time right now, with a step dad who just comes in and starts picking at his behavior all the time, of course he is going to resent that and act out! And he knows that his own mother doesn't like him very much. Seriously, you have just a few short years to turn this situation around or you are going to lose your son forever.

STOP fussing at him all day!!!!!!!

Would you be close to someone who was on you all day long? Let the school mete out the discipline at school, and while he's at home -- REWARD THE POSITIVE, IGNORE THE NEGATIVE.

This type of kid will NOT respond to your being on his case all day long. Switch to a reward approach, fast, or you are going to regret it.

Get off his case, mom. It's not his job to make you "enjoy" him. You are getting great advice from the moms, I hope you listen to us. When everyone is telling you the same thing, it means something.

Amy J has good advice.
Overall, lighten up on this boy! (I have an 8 yo boy, so I can relate.)
When a family is blended, sometimes the kids, O. of them, or some combination gets "lost" (for lack of a better term).
Sounds like this arrangement is not working as well for him as it is for the other kids. You're his mom--you're invested in the marriage and you need to be invested in the well-being of your child!
I agree he needs more male bonding time, whether his step dad, biological dad, grandpa, uncle, etc. Can you arrange that? It's not so much to ask. He needs you now. Boys that age have a hard time seeing their father "replaced" -- no matter the circumstances. Divorce is different for boys.
Good luck to you & your son.

As it was just you and him for 6 years, he probably misses that time. I would suggest counseling for your whole family. Sounds like he has a lot of feelings and thoughts that he can't express, so his behavior probably reflects this.

first I think you need you need to elaborate on the "poor choices" I have an 8 year old and his day is full of "poor choices" they are 8 they are impulsive. I am not sure what is happening with him but let me just give you a little help- My 8 year old decided to play with the sprinkler valve as a "steering wheel" so now we have a broken pipe from the street that is going to cost 1000's of dollars to fix( he has been told not to play with this). He decided to play catch in the basement( not allowed in the house) and broke my Tiffany lamp, he chased the dog into the pool (she cant swim), He keeps EVERYTHING to clean his room I just grab a garbage can and throw out everything. He has never made it a week in school without getting "numbers" and has had up to 4 in one day. But then he will go three day s of perfect behavior.
You need to remember your son is 8 to him these are not bad choices just what they do. Yes for the really big things there should be probably disciplined but he is reacting to you, he can feel what you feel there is tension he knows it Trust me. Bad attention is still attention. He sounds like a pretty decent kid let it go take him to lunch reward the good let the little slide before you know it he will be grown and gone.

I think a family counselor would really help you find different ways to interact with him. do it now before he becomes a teen who just wants to rebel against his over fussy mom!

I can't say this is 'normal' this is my first rodeo with boyz, but I can say this, I have a now 16 yr. old granson who has been with us since 3 mts. off & on & permanently since age 4, we are GP's, his parents are only in the picture occasionally/rarely on FB my DH is his role model & they are so much alike BUT @ age 10 he changed so very much, the same as what you are describing with the exception of grades (he is an average student & that has been an uphill battle) he has his moments of the 'old' kid but few & far between. I just deal & love & discipline my best. I don't allow him to 'get away' with the bad behavior but I don't dwell on it either, I have a rough time with my DH cuz' he thinks that the boy, being the oldest should shoulder all the responsibility for chores around the house & helping without being asked. I have beat myself up about all of this but know in my heart I am doing the best possible job of loving & helping him grow into the person he is going to be & I believe with all my heart that is all you can do...Just love him for who he is & keep on keeping on!

Best to You! A.