I have a 3-yr-old and a 4-yr-old and a 9-mo-old baby. Bedtime is just a constant struggle. But I think it's mostly due to naps. To nap or not to nap - that is my question. If they nap, they seem to be up until 10:00!!! (tons of energy at bedtime - up and out of bed a thousand times, horsing around together, or another glass of water, etc.) This is after we try for an 8:00 bedtime. If I don't nap them, even dinnertime is a disaster - they're tired and cranky and nearly unmanageable from 6:30 on... tons of meltdowns over tiny little things, etc. School is starting next week and they both need to be up by 7:00 in order for me to have the 4-yr-old to school by 8:00. My husband and I are at our wits' end. I stay home with them and have tried every combination of things (even the "mandatory quiet time" in the afternoon - it doesn't seem to effect anything - they either fall asleep, or they don't - then they're up 'til 10:00 or crabby at 6:00.)... my husband is always late coming home from the office, so I hate to put them in any earlier than 8:00 or they don't see him much... but maybe I should try earlier??? ANY suggestions would be appreciated. Do 3 and 4-yr-olds need that nap? Should we really do away with it altogether? Or is it good for them? Ugh.
Check out the posting on www.partentingpearlsofwisdom.blogspot.com on "letting kids cry it out." There are some thoughts about the benefit of regular bedtime routines that might be helpful.
My three year old still naps 2 hours in the afternoon... as you said no nap and at 6pm they are cranky and crabby, we tried it but quickly went back to the afternoon nap. Here is your sleep schedule: wake up 7-7:30am, nap from 2-4pm, bedtime at 8:30pm. If you are thinking of doing away with naps then tell hubby that if at all possible to come home earlier so he can have more time with the kids (get some of their energy out). I know that with cut backs one person is doing the work of many (my hubby is in that position) BUT he goes into work at 7:30am and is home between 5 and 5:30pm so he has time with the family. So chat with him and be honest that something needs to be done differently so the household is more at peace at bedtime.
I believe the rule of thumb is that kids under the age of 5 should have 10 - 12 hrs of sleep... so if no nap then they need all that time at night to sleep. If they have an afternoon nap adjust the nap time (moving nap up) so you can get them to be earlier so they are up in the morning when you need them to be.
Also once they are put in bed you may have to do a bed boot camp in being strict about once in bed no more drinks, no getting up (which means putting them back down repeatedly if needed). It may be a rough few nights but it worked with my daughter and when visiting relatives they can not believe how easy I can put her down, say good night, love you, leave and you hear nothing from her.
Hope you can find something that works for your family!
C.,
I have to laugh, because your house sounds just like mine. We have a 4, 2 1/2, and 1 year old. Our older two do still take a nap in the afternoon (1-2 hours, usually the 2 year old sleeps longer). They stay up until 9:30 or 10pm in the summer, and they wake up around 7:30am. (In the winter, they go to bed closer to 8, but they wake up around 6:30am.) I have heard that older children do not need a nap, but I assume that is if they go to bed at a reasonable hour and get enough sleep at night. Personally, I like to "sleep in" until 7am on weekends, so I'd rather do naps and let them stay up a little later at night... gives me a little quiet time during the day, and it is convenient when all 3 kids sleep at the same time. Also, when we go out as a family, we don't have to worry about leaving early because of potential meltdown after 7pm! On the other hand, a nap may not be possible for the older one once school starts.
You didn't mention when your kids wake up in the morning, but start waking them up at 7:00am if you haven't already. I think their schedule will work itself out once they are on one.
If they don't take a nap and are getting tired at 6:30pm, then don't hesitate to put them to bed at that time. I know it's difficult in the summer when it stays light out so late, and your husband wouldn't see them in the evening. But crabby kids are no fun, and your husband isn't really spending "quality time" with them when everyone is at their wits' end.
Final note, whatever plan you choose, stick to it. Maybe it's not working because you've tried everything, but not for long enough. Be consistent in addressing the "horsing around" in order to make it stop. My older two share a bed, so I have to deal with it often. If they don't stop horsing around, then I separate them. Kids are smart, and they will do whatever you allow them to get away with.
Good luck!
E.
Hi C.,
Naps are a good thing. It's not the naps that are causing the problem...like you said if they don't have a nap you can't enjoy them in the evening, so they definitely still need a nap. Find some consequences that will make a difference to them, and follow through when they won't go to bed at night. We did this with our son, and a couple of times of discipline, and he found out we really meant it, and that is all it took. Always be consistent and follow through...this philosophy helps with every instance. Good luck.
C.
