Help Daughter Who Refuses to Listen.

Hi J.! I am going through this same situation with my almost 3 year old daughter. She is in preschool and she hits all the kids including the teachers. SHe hits, kicks, screams, scratches and throws things! I get so frustrated for I never hit her. I felt as thought hitting her would condone the action I am trying to stop. Time outs do not work!!!! I began taking away toys for bad behavior. I also began cleaning her room! I put almost all of her toys in the attic and now only take out a few and give them to her when she exhibits good behavior! I am hoping this makes some improvement. I hate when people say its a phase that will pass because just like you I am at my witts end!
Please keep me posted as to what is working for you so we can work together!!! Just like you I am in need of assistance!!!!!
Good luck!
M.

You are the boss. No matter what is happening at the time she is not listening, you need to stop and get down to her level, look her in the eyes and with a firm voice tell her what she NEEDS to do. Use as few words as possible so you don't get into a big discussion. For example, say "you need to stop kicking me, it's not acceptable" No begging or pleading and you shouldn't have to ask her more than once. I found that ignoring the tantrums and not giving into them eventually extinguishes that bad behavior. Still put her in her room but, if she has a tantrum don't keep running in and trying to dicipline her, she's too upset to be rationale. Being consistent and firm and letting her know your expectations before a meltdown begins is the best advice I can give.

Hey J., so sorry to hear about your troubles w/your daughter. Have you tried bribes and rewards? I used to teach preschool and you would not believe what they will do for a sticker - or find their currency. What is she into? Is it time outside or trips to the park, or even TV or computer time(to a certain extent). When my kids would not go to bed, I gave them applesauce jars & tissue paper and glue to decorate. Once that was done, I left a penny on the kitchen table for every night they went to bed nicely and in the morning they had the privelage of dropping the pennies into the jar. Simple and very motivating. We have a thrift store nearby that has kids books, so once they had enough pennies, we could go and get a new $.25 book. FUN. When it comes to clean up time. There are a couple of good clean up songs, one by Barnie and the other by Laurie Berkner to sing. They really respond to positive fun clean up. ALSO, somthing I learned from my Aunt, is to make it a race. Who can clean up faster the 3's or the 2's? Or let's see who can clean up the most toys...ready, set, go! It sounds crazy but try it w/the happiest face you can put on & the result is amazing. Good luck.

Hi, My brother had the same problem with my niece. He did the boxes as Amy suggested but that didn't work. He also cleaned out her bedroom and put it in the basement. He also did not allow her to see any of her favorite shows. All she was allowed to watch was the discovery channel for children. All I can say is that it worked.

Good luck!

J.

My daughter is 2 and when she used too act up i would put her in time out in her room and she would scream. I didn't think that it was accomplishing anything because she would open the door or when she came out she would still act up. I have recently started putting her in the corner. I keep her there for 10-15 minutes. At first she would scream and I would tell her if she cried she had to stay longer.Now after a few times she doesn't really cry as much when she is there and If i tell her no or she will go in the corner she immediatly stops because she doesn't want to go in the corner. Hope this helps a little!

T.

Get large transparent rubbermaid boxes. Label them each with the behavior you want to stop. 1 box could be labeled "hurting" another could be "not sharing" etc. Try & combine behaviors so you don't have too many boxes. 3 is a good number & illustrate the behavior so she can recognize what box is for - a simple sad face etc will do. For every bad behavior take a toy away & put in appropriate box. If she doesn't clean, put a beloved toy in the "didn't clean" box. Tell her that she can earn the toy back when she cleans up.

If that doesn't work, I have had to empty my daughter's room of every single toy. She slowly earned them back with proper behavior. Difficult and time consuming but effective. Good luck.

Unfortunatly I don't have any good advice except that it is a stage and it to shall pass. I just wanted to let you know that you are not the only one in this situation. My daughter is the same way and will be 4 in November. She is just strong willed and trying to see what she can get away with. Just be consistant. You are the boss she isn't. My daughter has been getting better since she has been losing privalages for her behavior. When I tell her to stio and she doesn't she won't go outside later to play with the kids next door. She has to sit inside and watch them. She is beginning to learn that to lose things she enjoys is not fun and she is getting better. It will pass just be firm and consistant.

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J.,
You are not alone. I agree with alot of the responds below. What I do is reward. When she doesn't eat, or screams, bites or tries to throw I bring up something she likes. For example my daughter was throwing just about 2 months ago. She would always tempt me and now I say "What did mommy say" and she would respond "no throw" but she still threw so I took the things she loves away and I placed her in time out. Time out actually worked the opposite for me so now I take her favorite things away. Like her coloring or currency. Or I tell her if she throws she won't get her money or coloring and she actually won't do it. I would try to find what interests your daughter and start taking it away. It takes alot of patience. My daughter started early and she is going to be 2 and I realized the more I get angry the worse it gets. So, I get down to her level and hold her had when she puts it up to hit and I say "thats not nice and look her in the face" I keep on doing it and she will put up her hand but will never swing. At least to me that is a step and everyday I am finding that she does it less and less. Just stay firm and patient and it will blow over. Good Luck

I had the same issue with my son at the same exact age. I was not sure what to do either, so I took him to therapy, which turned out to be a waste since he just treated the therapist the same way he was treating me, and we just quit. What did work was trying to spend a little more alone time with him. Plan little projects, like gardening, etc., whenever the baby (8 months at that time) was napping.
The other thing that you can do that works is make a fun chart. It should consist of bad habits you want to curb. For us the categories were:
Be nice to your sister
Do not hit, kick, or throw things at anyone
No screaming
Pick up toys
No bad words

If he suceeded at curbing these items throughout each day, he would get a star ( stickers). If he got at least 12 stars for the week, he would get to pick a prize, like a place to go with the family (park, etc), pick the family dinner one night, get a new race car, or pick an alone time activity (bike riding, etc).
The structure of the chart really makes a difference. Do it on paper that is the right size for copying to make it easdy for you, and let the child decorate it every Sunday night when you're starting the new week so it is truly thier chart with their art work.

Good luck!

I am just reading a wonderful and eye-opening book - "Setting limits with your strong-willed child" by Robert MacKenzie. You can buy it online at Barnes and Nobel. I highly recomend it!
Good luck!