HELP! I Need Someone to Help Me Make a Schedule for My Home.

Hi N.,
Wow, you have your hands full! Don't be too hard on yourself. All moms go through the hard times like you are going through now. Is there somebody maybe a neighbor or a family member on your husbands side that could come over once a week, or more often to give you some time to have by yourself? It sounds like you need some time of your own to clear your thoughts and breathe.
I don't have a "set" schedule, but I try to keep close to the same routine every day. I do laundry as often as I can, and I try to put it away as I do each load so I don't end up with 10 loads to fold or hang. I also do my kids laundry seperate so I don't have to spend the time seperating it out.
Sometimes I feel like my day goes so much easier and smoother if I wake up earlier than the kids and get showered and ready before they wake up. That doesn't always happen though, so it's just day by day for me.
Another thing that helps, and I try not to use it too often, but I let my son watch 1 hour of TV in the morning while I am fixing breakfast, putting away dishes, etc. That way I don't have too many hands all at once in the kitchen.
Do your kids like to help you clean? Maybe you could give them special "chores" that keep them busy so you can actually get something done. My son likes to help fold washclothes when I do laundry, and loves to spray the table and wipe it off. Maybe you could get them spray bottles and let them go at the walls or slider door, something like that?
I hope some of this helps, and if you ever would like to get out and take your kids to the park, I also live in Aurora, for only a few more weeks, but maybe we could go play one day. Our kids are close in age!
Good luck N., hang in there!
M.

If you could find a cooperative nursery school where mother works to reduce tuition, you should join it. You would make friends and gain suggestions with other mothers. I would take turns at night letting Brooke and Jacob decide the story you read to them. Let Dad take care of Charlotte. Next week switch , allowing husband to read book to the older two and you spend that time with baby. LEAVE KIDS HOME WHEN YOU GROCERY SHOP. Once a week use a babysitter, high school age or older woman who drives to your place, to allow you to go for coffee or library to have time for yourself. YOU NEED THIS. OLDER woman could perhaps help you to organize yourself. I am helping a sudanese young woman two times a week for four hours each day or I would offer. S.

Hi N.. I understand a lot of what you are going through. I have 2 boys, 2.5 and 4.5 years old. A schedule helps so much! I've also found that it helps to spend a little quality time with the kids playing in the morning to get the day off on the right foot. Maybe after that, they'll be more likely to continue to play while you get dressed or do the breakfast dishes. Even though getting out of the house may seem to take time away from house work, really, are you getting anything done while you are home with them anyway? Mine are happier and nap better on days when we go to the park or a play date in the morning. Basically, our day looks like this:
7:00-Get up, have breakfast
8:00-watch TV/play while I tidy the kitchen
8:30-get dressed
9:00-snack
9:30-drop 4 year old at school and run an errand or do an activity with the 2 year old; or go to the park or on a play date on the days when there is no school.
11:30-12:30 lunch, pick up 4 year old
1:00-nap, quiet time for 4 year old. During this time I usually e-mail, pay bills, clean something (not the whole house, just one thing at a time).
2:30-quiet time for myself. Kids are still napping if I'm lucky. I read or watch TV for a few minutes until they wake up.
3:30-snack, then play. Outside play is best at this time of the day, so I'm glad warmer weather is back.
5:00-they play while I make dinner. this is a difficult part of the day.
5:30-dinner
After dinner they play with dad while I clean up. Then baths, TV, books, and bed. They are usually in bed with the lights out around 8:30 or 8:45. I fold laundry in front of the TV after they are in bed.
My house is clean enough, but not perfect. Just let it go. Sometimes there are just more important things to do, like play with your kids. You might consider splitting work and child care with your husband. If he works that much, you never see him anyway, right? Maybe he could work less, and you could work evenings, or something so you at least get out of the house by yourself. I'd go crazy if my husband didn't get home around 5:00 every day. I'm more than ready to hand the kids off to him by about 4 pm. Good luck. you are not alone. Yesterday was a bad day for me. I was ready to ship the kids off and go back to work!

First of all, you are not the only mama who feels this way.

Here are some things that help me.

Does your bank have online bill pay??? This changed my life. Mine is through Wells Fargo and costs $10 per month (which I would almost spend on stamps anyway). You can set it up to pay your bills automatically. I have some of my bills paid on the first and some on the 15th. I do have a few that I have to go in and manually put in an amount, but mostly it just does it. LOVE THIS. I don't have to worry about making my payments on time.

Art projects....it is about the process, not the product. I throw away about 99% of the art that is produced in my house on a daily basis (although my children do not see me do it!)

Get your house organized so that you can feel a sense of peace. Make at least one room in your house (your bedroom?) your sanctuary...a place where you can go by yourself and unwind. If you declutter your house and have a place for everything, life gets so much easier. Your house will not always be clean, but if everything has a home, you should be able to pick things up quickly and put them away. It is when there is not a home for everything and you don't know where to put stuff that choas begins.

Toys-when the kids have so much, it doesn't mean anything. Get some laundry baskets and put a bunch of the toys in a closet and then rotate the toys. When you bring them back out, it is like they are new again. This way, there is not so much in the house and they don't get board with the same old stuff.

Hope some of this helps.

Good luck to you.

I first would suggest some quiet time for the kiddos...probablu when the two youngest are napping. During this time, I would tidy the house, get dinner preperations out of the way and then I would make sure I had at least 15 minutes to yourself. Read a book, magazine, sit down, whatever. Everytime you tell yourself you don't have the time, you are making your situation worse. You are the most important person in the equation b/c your kiddos feed off of you and your mood. If you are calm and at peace, so are they. I would imagine they are acting up because they can sense your stress. If you feel the need for a schedule, I would try something like this....

wake up
snuggle in bed, read a book, etc
breakfast
maybe watch some cartoons...be sure to give them something to do during this time b/c most of the time they don't have the attention span for just tv
do something together....play chase, hide and seek, sing songs
midmorning snack
go for a walk, play in the driveway, take a bath, have them help you with cleaning....kids love to help....give them a dust rag and a spray bottle
lunch
(1pm) nap or quiet time for the kiddos...definitely for an hour or more
snack time again...have them help you make it...smoothies, cookies, whatever
in the summer, head outside again,,,treasure hunts, scavenger hunts, park
come evening, I usually turn the tv on again for quiet time while I finish dinner, have them help with the dishes or sing songs while you do the dishes
read some books, take a bath if haven't already
bedtime around 7-8pm

I would encourage you to find a rec center that offers lost cost classes for the kiddos and so you can meet other moms. friendship go a long way in making one happy. take care and good luck!

Try the website www.flylady.net - it was a great help to me when I needed a schedule for cleaning and stuff.

The other thing to remember is that your house does not have to be perfect all the time. It can't be with small kids. Just enjoy them and find some parenting websites with crafts to do with kids. Find a mom's group that has playgroups for kids and so you can get some grown-up time. Schedule playdates with friends.

Find out when storytime is at your local library. Find out when the free days are at the zoo and the kid-friendly museums around you. Just get busy with stuff outside the house - create a schedule of out side stuff and then make a schedule for home stuff.

Good luck.

Hey N.! I know your frustration. I am a single mom so I know how long the days are when your husband isn't around much to help out. First of all, I agree with earlier suggestions for pre-school. Your kids will benefit so much from this. It's a win-win. Another option, I know people who have hired mother's assistants to come into the home for a few hours a week to help out with chores or playing with the kids. Great assistants are kids still in school who won't charge you a lot but are looking to make a little extra money. You might consider a cleaning lady. I know you are probably short on cash but your sanity and happiness are so worth it. Trust me, you will find a way to afford the extra help. Bill pay online is actually free in most banks if you have a check automatically deposited into your checking account. Another suggestion that I think is invaluable are playdates. Your kids and you will be much happier if you take the time to do these. There are several moms groups in the Denver area that are great. You may want to look into groups such as Mommy and Me Plus One Makes Three or other groups geared toward moms with more than one child. You can find these through Meet-up.com. It would be beneficial for you to get out and do some socializing for your own emotional health. If Mom's happy, the kids will be happy! Never underestimate that statement. I would sit down with hubby and have a heart to heart about what he can do or offer for help---whether it means him allowing you to spend some extra money to make your life a little better. Again, if wife is happy, husband is happy! It can be overwhelming and even become depressing. Make sure you are scheduling some time for you. As said in earlier posts, do not obsess about the clean house or other things that really don't matter in the long run. What is really important is that you enjoy this process and your children and appreciate the time you have with them. They grow up so fast. Start getting out of the house. IT will make a huge difference! Good luck and hang in there.

Just so you know, I was married for 11 years. After becoming a stay at home mom I became overwhelmed by it all and sounded a lot like you. I didn't get out as much as I should have and was always worried about trying to get it all done while enjoying the kids. I never seemed to have enough time as my husband worked a lot of hours. I hated to spend extra money I felt we didn't have to make my life a little easier. Long story short, I became unhappy. I lost who I was. This strained the marriage to the point of things happening which eventually led to the marriage coming to an end. I say this to let you know that your marriage/family are way more important than money or clean houses or anything else. You need to get out with and without the children to remain happy. Trust someone who learned the hard way.

Hi N.,

Sounds like you are very overwhelmed. My name is A. and I do organizing for a living. I just happened to see your request for help. One thing that I do on the business side is meal planning schedule planning etc. Perhaps you could use my services that way. Based on what you have said I believe that I could bring some peace to your life. Non business related it is difficult to suggest something without seeing the way that you do things. I would recommend sitting with your husband and laying out what you need help with and ask him where he could help out and if he can't if you can hire out for some help. Children need and want boundaries and disipline where they think so or not. It makes them feel like you care enough to make the effort. Routines for each member of the family is good so everyone knows what is expected of them. You will be a better mom when you take care of yourself. Not having resentment is very important. Sometimes we can not change the current situation and when that is the case if you can breathe and accept you are where you are that can help. I hope this helps. You can reach me at ###-###-#### if you have any questions.

Love and Laughter,

A.

First, don't think you are the only one that feels like flying the coupe every now and then. I think that's completely normal. If it's not, then you and me are in the same boat. I went to a seminar put on by Children's Hospital about toddlers and how to deal with them. And the psychologist speaking said that we don't have to be "perfect parents". For two reasons, #1, there is no such thing, and #2, that's not what our kids need. Our kids need us to be good enough. And if we were all there to find out to be better parents, we were already good enough. Her point was, chill out, just by asking for help you are demonstrating your love for your children.
Second, get your 4 yr old(and 3yr old if you prefer) into preschool. It doesn't have to be an everyday thing. I found one at a rec center for two days/wk, for two and half hours. And it was only $65/month. It is just enough time for me to take the other two (19 mo. and 1 mo.)to the store, or the bank, or any other "running" around I have to do all week. That's 6 hours per week I have set aside for strictly running errands. Unless it is an emergency, I don't go anywhere all week long. I know that doesn't help your scheduling, but it creates a base and you can plan everything else around it.

3 little kids is a really tough order. I can see why you feel overwhelmed. I feel that way and I only have two! :)

First, artwork...I FEEL For you there. This is going to sound bad, but I "store" the art in a trashbag and once a year (love to say I do it more often) I go through and throw a bunch of it out and keep a few treasures. I do put a few up on a wall so they can see their art, but I "gather" it in a bag. The good news is my 7 year old just turned the corner on that and now she throws a lot of hers out - my 5 year old still thinks they're all treasures! :)

As far as a schedule, I only have 2 (but 17 mos apart) and I've worked from home for a long time - so different sort of challenges. My theory was to have an outing almost every morning....just walk to the park, go for a walk, arrange a playdate (maybe with another Mom you can sit and talk to) and then they don't seem so bored for the rest of the day. I also rotated toys...put about 1/2 of them away somewhere and when they seem bored, just dig out a "new" toy.

Anyway, a couple suggestions! I can see how you feel frustrated and I think it's totally normal! :)

N., I just recently quit my job after being a leader/manager in the military and corporate America for the past 9 years. I only have one little one but am well versed on how to be scheduled and organized to meet your desired objectives/goals. That was the first thing I did when I quit my job. Send me an email if you're interested in talking further! I would love to help. ____@____.com

N.,

Why do you think you are not supposed to say these things out loud? All moms feel overwhelmed at times and it is ok to vent and to have a good support sytem to vent to! I think preschool does sound like a great idea. If it is 2 or 3 days a week or whatever you decide, you could then schedule that time to do your housework, finances or running errands. Setting yourself on a schedule will help you to feel more organized and help to set a schedule for the children. On days when you are home, get the kids out of the house going to the park or for a walk. It will help work off some of their energy and just getting outside revitalizes you. Do you belong to a gym? Working out will help relieve your stress and make you feel better about yourself and give you a break from the kids while they are at the nursery. Getting into a moms group such as MOPS or getting involved in a church will help you develop a network of moms and friends that can be a great support system. Friends are so important to have, because you need other moms to talk to that can relate. I know you said your mom was not around much, maybe a womens mentoring program through a christian church would be helpful to you. You could research different churches in your area and see what the best fit for you would be and what types of programs they have. Taking time for yourself is important and will help you to be a better mom. I know you probably dont think you have time for working out, or moms groups and such, but just getting conneceted with other moms and getting your children into daycare and playgroups will be a big benefit to you and help you get more organized. Help this helps.

Hi N.,

It definitely sounds like you have your hands full!

Just wondering if you've considered preschool for your 3- and 4-year olds? My sister in-law just went through something similar with her 3-year old and now she wishes she would have got her into preschool earlier. I understand it is an extra expense but even if you do it a couple days a week, it will give you a bit of room to breathe and help get yourself organized. Plus, preschool will help your kids socialize with other kids and may even teach them to play with each other more often when they are home. It could also be a way to introduce new games and activities to them. Who knows? You may even meet other moms that you could connect with on your days "off."

Best of luck!!