Help! I Need Suggestions on Disciplining a 3 Year Old!

Try 1-2-3 Magic (Book by Thomas W Phelan and Chris Webb!) It is a wonderful pragram that we have had much success with! Good luck!

Could it be that your 3 year old is acting out more since you have had your new baby? Kids frequently go through an adjustment period when a new baby comes along.

Also, I have four kids and I can tell you that ages 3-4 are the most difficult in my experience. Here's a book that has helped me:

"Respectful Parets, Respectful Kids" by Sura Hart and Victoria Hodson

http://www.amazon.com/Respectful-Parents-Kids-Conflict-Co...

My son was the same way and eventually, he started calming down sooner. I think it is really just a matter of time before he can control his reactions. Once my son turned 4, I saw a huge improvement, but he still flys off the handle now and then. His tantrums would last over 30 minutes sometimes and now it can be as few as 5 minutes. I know it can seem that what you are doing is not working, but it sounds to me that you are doing exactly the right thing and it is just a matter of time before he develops the ability to calm himself down. Rewards also seemed to help my son. I would reward him if he calmed himself down quickly. I focused on the calming down rather than the tantrum. Good Luck. Isn't it fun parenting:-)

Hi, JK!

I haven't read the other responses, so I apologize if I am repeating anything......

I have always tried to say "no" as little as possible. For example, when mine wanted a snack before dinner, I'd either say, "Yes, you can have a snack right after dinner. Let's get dinner ready quickly so you can have your snack. Can you help me set the table?" OR I would say, "Oh, sure! Let's make some appetizers, like at a restaurant!" Then I would include them in preparing some carrot sticks or red peppers with ranch dressing for appetizers. They thought that was cool, and I didn't have to stress so much over them eating their veggies at dinner.

Another book? Yes, we can read another book, and I will pick it out. (Then I picked out the shortest, fastest read we had, usually a "baby" board book) OR if I really didn't feel like it or was short on time, then I'd state up front that we will be reading two books only, you may pick them out. Then I'd point out after the first book that we had only one more to go. It gave them warning, so they were prepared for what was next. Kind of like when you have to leave the playground, and you give him the two minute warning.

IF it is feasible, (it isn't always, because of time constraints) come up with something fun to do once the toys are picked up. I really wanted to ____________ fill in the blank, (take you on a walk, make cookies with you, eat a cookie, play a game, read a story, go to the playground, etc.) but this room is such a mess with all these toys, I won't have time to do that. Mine always jumped up and said, "I can pick up the toys, Mama!"

These are some of the things that helped keep my children calm and obedient. I hope they are helpful to you. Remember, presentation is everything! :)

Blessings, J.

I recently had some behavior problems with my three year old at school, it was for hitting but the solution could still be affective. The director of the school told me that after 13 years of working with children she has learned that positive reinforcement has always had better results over punishment. So what I did was create a sticker chart and he gets a sticker everyday he doesn't hit plus a pack of fruit snacks for the car ride home. (for immediate gratification) If he has five stickers at the end of the week he either gets a little prize or we do something special like going to the big park or feeding the ducks. Now when I go to pick him up he comes running up to me "Mommy I didn't hit!" and is so proud of his hard work and good behavior. Kids don't have a lot of control of their own lives and doing the chart gives them accountability for their actions. A big part of doing the chart though is constant reminders of not only what we are trying not to do (hitting, screaming etc) but to also talk about how they should handle the situation instead and what you expect his behavior to be. "I understand you get upset when mommy says no but this is what you should do instead of screaming..." Do not try to talk about this during a screaming fit though, wait til he is calm and keep it short and simple, be prepared to talk about it multiple times. It is really just about training him on how to deal with and communicate his emotions. It has taken a lot of time and patience to get to where we are now, and he still has slip ups now and again, but don't we all! Good luck and hopefully you can find something that works for the both of you.

My suggestion is NOT to send him to his room, but instead PUT HIM in an isolated but observable spot where there is NO possibility of entertainment of any kind for 3 minutes IF he is quiet.
IF he insists on screaming or yelling, his time there starts over until he gets the idea.
YOU will have to implement this consistently until he learns that this behavior is NOT acceptable.
The SECOND he begins to scream you put him on the spot saying, in a calm voice, "You are screaming (yelling) at Mommy, stay here for 3 minutes."
NO other talking.
If he gets up, place him back, starting his time over....NO talking.
You must do this as many times as it takes for him to be there for 3 minutes.
At the end of the 3 min., get down at his level and say,
" You were on THE SPOT because you yelled at Mommy (or for whatever unacceptable behavior), it is time to say 'sorry'".
After he says "Sorry" to you, hug and go on with whatever activity was interupted by his unacceptable behavior.
Always get down at his level and look him in the eye when you say the above things.
Insist that he look you in the eye when you and he are talking.
He is NOT a kindergartener so do NOT talk yourself to death trying to reason with him.
Give yourself a break with this method of action which I have seen work many times on "Supernanny".
Here is the name of a good book: NOBODY SAID IT WOULD BE EASY by Dan Kiley, out of print but available on used book sites.

We used a sticker chart with my son for various things. For example, we put up a calendar or a page with the day listed. If he did whatever it is that we were wanting him to do, like not screaming when being disciplined, he would get a sticker. When he had 5-7 stickers (whatever number you want), he would get to go to Home Depot and play on the lawn mowers... This was wildly successful for us!

Hope this helps you too!
-r

When my boys were that age I remember days and weeks like that only worse with my 13 yr old bipolar. We would be in the grocery store and when I wouldn't get hime what he wanted, he threw a drop down disgusting fit. He would scream, kick whatever was near him and the last draw was when he decided since those tactics were getting him moms attention he straightened his arm and tightened it and began to run it down a shelf knocking whatever it was (I don't remember) but I picked him up without saying anything to him and told my two year old to grab ahold of mommy's belt loop and don't let go. As we passes customer service I told the manager that there was a full cart in whatever isle I left it in and that I was removing my son from his store before he destroyed it. He was not allowed to go to the store for three months. That is how long is took of him either staying home with step-dad and staying in the van with him. But have you ever tried a reward system? At this age is can be very simple. By using poster board you can make it whatever size you want it, then have him go through magazines with you and find pictures of toys and glue that on the left side and draw a line under it the length of the board; this one means pick up toys. A plate of food means eat your food. If you find one with his favorite snack use that one for positive behaviors whether or not he is allowed snack at the time he thinks he should have it. Make a grid and use stickers as rewards when he does something on his list. Then once a week you can both count up how many stickers he had earned and do something special. 0-10 a bear hug and kiss from mom for accomplishing this much. 11-20, he can pick a movie or have dinner at McDonald's. I am sure you get the idea. Another thing that worked for me for when the boys were in the car and just not being quite, I can up with a plan. The next time I took both boys with me they were told that if they behave in the car like they are suppost to and with inside voices they would earn a quarter or prize out of the prize bag. I picked up little things here and there that I thought they would like and put them in the bag. Hope this helps!!

When my kids were/are 2-3 years old, I try to say "no" as little as possible. It got to the point with my oldest that I would say it just once or twice a day. So when I said it, he knew it was important and I meant it. That doesn't mean I let him get away with whatever he wanted - we still had rules. I just phrased it differently. I totally saw his behavior do a complete 180 once all the negativity was taken out. I also gave him choices (2-3 choices that I could live with) and that also helped alot.

"please walk on the sidewalk" not "no running in the street"
"yes you can have a snack, right after you eat dinner in an hour" not "no snacks"
"pick out the 3 books we'll read at bedtime"... and then count down after each book "ok, 2 more books", "ok, this is the last book and then lights out"
"you can wear this pair of shoes or that pair of shoes - your choice!"

As for the tantrum (screaming), put him in his room so you don't have to hear it. Let him know you'll let him out when he's quiet. Then stick to it. If it was triggered because you told him to do something, like pick up toys, then make him do the task as soon as he's out of his room. That way he learns he can't get out of doing things because of a tantrum.

My oldest has ADHD, Asperger's, high anxiety and is, according to many teachers/doctors, one of the most stubborn and independent kids they've ever met. If this worked for him it should work for your son. :-)

hi JK,,,i haven't yet got close to getting the kinks outa my lil boy (age 5), but here are 2 things that did help..believe me, he could probley win a screaming com=ntest with yer lil boy :) ( and the word 'no' was a problem here also, and with my lil boy, to him we were hurting his feelings). 1st, pay attention and see if it happens worse at any particular time of day, 2nd any food to look at? we noticed our lil boy got alil better after we stopped letting him eat lil debbie cakes ( lotta choc and sugar), now he has to earn them. And lastly, i went out and bought a Melissa and Doug magnetic chore board. He was 4 when i did this. If he got thru 2 days with all his smiley faces, he would earn 1 ( split the pack in half) lil debbie cake. It worked real good. It wasn't used for chores, just had things on it like, no whining, no hitting/kicking, get ready for bed, and you kin make up yer own also. But thats wut i tried...good luck.

Punishment has to deter the crime, but with a stubborn 3 yr old it can be difficult. Try a swat to the bottom and take away something he looks forward to, then in his room for at least 15 minutes.
A swat to the bottom is to get his attention. Take away whatever it is he is screaming about or something he looks forward to daily, like a TV show, a toy, or if he is screaming about not reading the book again, let him know you are not going to read to him the next day. Of course, let him know beforehand what the punishment will be. Then, stick to your guns, calmly.

Good for you for not giving in. I think that you are on the right track. Try replacing the request with something he can do. "Too late for a snack right now but you can put the spoons on the table or sit right here and you can help break up the lettuce etc". Often giving a "you can do this instead" choice will provide something that the child can do and not just the no.If the screaming continues then his room and calming himself is a good solution. It is my strong opinion that a strong willed child should never have their spirit broken, but guided down the right path. A strong will is what gets you through life.

I don't know if you've done this or not but something you can try is talking to him about the screaming when you go in to talk to him after he's calmed down. You can even praise him for calming down if he does it quickly, you can even try giving him a chance to calm down before you send him to his room.

I hope this is helpful.

Ages 3-4 are tough. We used 1-2-3 Magic. You can get the book or video at the library. It works for just about any age.