Help! I Suffer from Negativ-itis!

Hi again!

I came from a similiar home. And now that I am married and have kids I especially see it. I recently told my parents that if they don't have anything positive to say, to not say it. Needless to say, we didn't have much to talk about for about 2 weeks (while it lasted). I don't know of any books off-hand. The previous post advice was really good. I'll have to try that myself! Good luck!

There is a book called "The Optimistic Child." Also, I know of a wonderful parenting program on Irving Park Road (in Chicago) called Tuesday's Child. It teaches positive parenting and I would highly recommend it to every parent, not just the ones who suffer from "negativ-itis!" Let me know if you want more info, I'd be happy to direct you.

I am sure there are books out there, but I bet that you will get some good advice here too. I agree with the advice that you've already gotten.

A couple of things that I do .. .there was a preacher who was on Oprah and featured in People magazine who tried to do 21 days of no complaining (acomplaintfreeworld.org). I did it (it took a while), but it felt really good to finally be able to reach that 21st day. The goal is to not complain for 21 days. If you DO complain, you start your 21 days over.

The other thing I have done is start a grateful journal. Every day, you write down 5 things that you were grateful for that day. I have also partnered with a friend who was also feeling the "negativitis" and we each shared our 5 things that we were grateful for each day. Some days it was really easy to find things that I was grateful for and other days it was really easy.

It is so easy to stay in the negative state of mind. I think its great that you are reaching out for help. I think we all suffer from it at one time or another.

Good luck with your new process!!
B.

The Secret may really help too - book or dvd
Good for you!!!

I don't know what your religious and/or spiritual beliefs are, but I would recommend anything by Deepak Chopra, the Conversations with God books and The Secret. Even if you don't believe in all of the spiritual aspects of these books, it will help you to start seeing yourself, others and the world around you in a more positive light. Also, Anthony Robbins is a great motivator for positive thinking. Meditation and prayer also help. I've become a much more positive person over the last ten years by consciously making a choice to be one, and I've definitely seen the positive results of this in my life. Good luck!

This also helps with having come from a parent/relationship with an officious,patronizing,authoritarian type person. We pick up some of those characteristics and most of the time don't even realize the extent. Good for you (and your family) for identifying the problem. You are half way there.
I don't know about the books, but I have another suggestion.
Many times we speak before we think. By simply stopping and taking a moment to think about what you are going to say/do, you are cutting it off at the pass. Initially just see if you can say/do nothing at all. Formulate more positive responses in you head for some given situations. By doing this over time it will become more easy and you will actually start feeling, the more positive feelings. In other words, your feelings will start to match your comments/actions. This WILL take time so you have to be patient. I don't know that you will ever get rid of ALL those "negative" feelings, but your life will be tremendously better for you and your family.

You MUST either read "The Secret" or watch the dvd. It is about the power of using positive mental thought to attract the things in life that you want. It will change your life, guaranteed.
One of the best pieces of advive I can give you is to surround yourself w/ other positive people, don't watch/read too much news, and focus on the positive and beautiful qualities in other people, situations, etc. Even if you have to "fake it" for awhile, you can change the way you think! It's awesome that you are doing this for you and your daughter--it will change your whole life!

Congratulations to you for realizing the type of household you grew up in and knowing the positive environment you want to create for your daughter (and yourself)!!
:)

You can change your life and your daughter's life.
What a better time than now?

Please see my website, I believe you may find it interesting…
http://danyamotivates.com/

Feel free to contact me personally with any questions you may have or in any way I can help you.

Be Well,
Danya

Hi N D,

About two months ago I came across a book that helps with adopting positive affirmations. I've been using the book to rid myself of negative self talk for the past month. It's a small pocket sized book that you can carry with you and use as you need it....pretty inexpensive at$7.

I feel this book has already helped me tremendously! It's not an easy task but every day I see some improvements.

You may want to check other books by this author as well.

Title: Heal Your Body
Author: Louise L Hay

Hi ND, there is an excellent book to help you stay positive, called REAL MAGIC by DR. WAYNE DYER. It is at the library, but I bought it at the book store for $7.99. You may want to own it, because it is a good book to refer back to after reading. Good Luck

P.
childcare provider since 1996

Hi N.D.

It is so funny you sent a request like this only because I too am going through the same type of issues. I am actually seeing a counselor and one of the things she tells me is that every time I think a negative thought I need to try to think of a positive thought regarding the same issue. She said it is all a mental issue that you just have to retrain yourself to become positive. But I know it most definitely has been working and I am more conscious of my thoughts and what I say because I am trying to think of a positive thought every time I think of a negative thought too. I know it might sound wierd, but try it - you will see it changes things. Good luck!!!

M.

Check out flylady.net On the surface, fly lady is about organizing but deep down she's helps you learn to love yourself for the person that you are. She gives you ways to cope with the negative voices and clutter in our heads. And your house will be cleaner and you develop healthy habits. It's a lot of emails, but it's free.

Dear ND,

I was taking a class that wanted you to think more positve. So they told you to put a rubber band on your wrist and everytime you said something negative you snap the band. I think it really works because you don't want to get snaped. Good luck.
B.

Hi Mommy A! I too can lean toward the negative sometimes...check out "Positive Thinking Every Day" by Norman Vincent Peale. Here's a link for you:

http://www.amazon.com/Positive-Thinking-Every-Day-Inspira...

Good luck and take care!! :o)

Hi ND,
I grew up in a very dysfunctional household and like you I worry about the effect I may have on my kids as I try to cope with life..after having negative parents. I had gone to therapy and I believe the workbook I did was "Repeat after me". It had some very good exercises that made you think and change. Good luck!

My mom is the reading the book THE SECRET and I think that might help.

I got this info from http://walking.about.com/cs/fitnesswalking/a/bepositive.htm

Turn Around the Negative Self-Talk
From Wendy Bumgardner,
Your Guide to Walking.
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Do you find yourself putting yourself down? "I can't finish this workout." "I can't lose weight." "I'll just come in last place again."
This destructive habit is often a self-fulfilling prophecy - we talk ourselves out of improving our performance or maintaining good new habits. We talk ourselves into just giving up.

Failing Again and Again
Many of us have failed time and time again, especially with diets and healthy eating habits. And so when you once again make a resolution to eat healthier, you carry the guilt and frustration of those failures. You start off not really believing you will succeed. Any little slip up leads you to criticize yourself and reinforce that you will just fail again.
Self-Talk
Monitor your self-talk. What are you saying to yourself when you have a setback? If you skip a workout do you tell yourself you are a lazy slug? If you give in to a big portion of your favorite treat, do you tell yourself that you will always be fat and will never stick to a healthy diet?
Analyze Why You Went Wrong
Instead of criticizing yourself when you slip up, sit down for reflection.
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How many times in the past few days have you done it right? What feelings did you have that led you to go off course this time? What could you have done differently to address those feelings? Were you feeling deprived of treats and so you gave into the big piece of cake? Could you have asked for a half-size piece of cake, or taken a bite and then passed the plate around to your friends? If you skipped a workout because you were pressed for time, was there a time when you could have gotten in five minutes of stretching or a quick walk or jog so you weren't completely inactive?
Positive Self-Talk
Once you've analyzed the reasons and come up with a course of action that would have kept you more on course, now talk to yourself in a positive way. "That cake was delicious. Next time I'll savor a couple of bites rather than taking a big piece." "I needed some breathing space in my schedule and so I missed the workout. I'll bring a resistance band to work so I can get in some exercises while on hold on the phone."
Practice, Practice, Practice
The more you catch yourself in negative self-talk and stop to analyze why you are criticizing yourself, the more you can redirect yourself to positive action. Eventually, you may begin congratulating yourself on doing the right thing rather than criticizing yourself for doing the wrong thing. Negative feelings and negative talk won't cease completely, but if you use them as opportunities to analyze why things went wrong and to focus on positive actions, you will turn them into tools for improvement.
Fake It To Make It
Beyond negative self-talk, I give myself positive self-talk even when it's not quite true. I tell myself throughout a tough workout that I love it and it is good for me, even as I want to quit. At the end I tell myself it felt great, even as I drag myself back to the locker room. At the end of a long training walk, even with new blisters on my feet, I tell myself it felt great to have made it that far. Rather than thinking that I must be aging or will never get more fit, I am thinking that I am somebody who loves the training and will challenge myself till I achieve new levels of fitness.

Good luck!

I, too, grew up with a lot of negativity in the family but inspite of that I am a very positive person. There comes a time in a person's life whereas he/she can take only so much. You have to make your mind that you are going to change your way of thinking.

If, a person isn't for me , I cut the individual loose cut whether he/she is family or not. Life is too short for all of that animosity. I just recently lost my mom and the love of life who was the father of my child. I started getting bad tension headaches which was raising my blood pressure. It was time for me to decide who I was going to choose ... myself or my negative family members. Every since, I have been living my life to the fullest.

A little about me: A mom to a 25 month old very active toddler.

I would recommend going to your library and picking up books on tape - Dr. Phil is great - So when your driving to do chores, work, or at home - the tapes are very uplifting vs. listening to the news which is usually always negative. Depression can be a form of negativity so please make sure your health is in order. Take sometime to reflect on why your parents were negative, and if you are following the pattern of your parents, which I know you don't wanna do, try to focus on your behavior at the time. For example -instead of saying "my husband never helps me out" say "I would like my husband to help me with the dishes, groceries, or laundry." Always find in each day a blessing your greatful for. The sun shining, food to eat, a safe place to sleep at night, my child to show the world. Remember it takes baby steps so enjoy your day today.

Hi N D!

What interesting timing for your request. Our church is currently doing a series titled "Choose Joy". I've found it amazingly eye opening for me. If you'd like to listen to any of the messages they're available for download as MP3's here: http://www.ccclife.org/storyPage.asp?pageID=22. And if you'd like to catch the last two messages in the series live I invite you to check out Christ Community! We've got 3 campuses: St. Charles, Aurora and DeKalb.

Peace,
L.