Help Me How Do I React

I think what makes this sort of totally normal behavior so upsetting to adults is that we have forgotten that childhood innocence and curiosity. They don't know about sex and therefore their play is not sexualized at that age. We don't get why butts are that funny to kids, but they are! Bathroom humor runs amok at this age!

Unfortunately though, Hazel is right. The foolish, idiotic Zero-Tolerance policies at schools may be a big issue, which force us to deal with natural child behavior in a very unnatural way. I agree that you may want to focus your energy on explaining why personal boundaries are so important and why our society does not approve of such behavior.

She is only five and I highly doubt she has the intent to break rules when she does these sorts of things. Maybe she just really enjoys making the other kids laugh (and nothing gets a group of 5 year olds giggling more than butts and boy/girl parts). Maybe grab up a joke book for her age at the library so she has some new humor material. I know this is so hard, and difficult not to take on as your own shortfall, but it's not. Kids are kids and I am sure your daughter will quickly grow past this phase. Good luck momma!

Hi Robin,

I agree that we don't want to make too big a deal out of it, however, we do need her to understand that this is socially inappropriate. While it's one thing for she and her friends to be showing their bottoms to each other at home, her school will have far less understanding or indulgence with her. (The Zero-Tolerance policies are not going to allow wiggle room on this.) And while she felt badly about doing this, she needs to understand that she and her friend could get into very serious trouble, because school is a place where kids must keep their private parts to themselves.

During future playdates, I'd keep adults and kids in the same area. I know it's inconvenient to have to watch your daughter *all the time*, yet this is for everyone's good. For today: let her know that you need her to make safe and healthy choices for her body and her friend's body. "When you want to show off your bottom, what can you do instead to be funny?" and "The next time you want to touch someone's body, where are safe places to touch?" (Arms, pretty much.) Write down her answers to these questions-- it will have a positive effect. You can tell her, too, that she did the right thing to talk with you about it, and that you want to help her.

And that she also needs to know that if she's *still* having a hard time making safe choices with her body, (just like anything that involves safety: hitting, biting, etc.) that she'll have to stay with you until you are ready to go outside, etc. with her... that she won't be able to go alone. (You might save this remedy in your pocket, just in case something happens in the future... I don't think it would be wise to threaten her with this.)

My guess is that while things felt "fun" and 'silly' with her home friends, this other little girl today may have gotten upset, or let her know that she didn't like it/think it was funny at all. This may be the reason for the tears-- she may have gotten the message the hard way.

H.

I agree with Kerry I...don't make a big deal out of it. Kids are experimenting and testing, it is how they learn. I would spend less time punishing and more time discussing personal space and privacy.

My gut instinct is that if you made a big fuss about it the first time she did it and she continues to volunteer this info to you she is probably doing it to get a reaction from you.
Perhaps you should not make TOO big a deal this time and tell her firmly that it's not acceptable and give her a punishment but not give her that over the top response that she may be looking for and see what happens.
Good luck!

My cousin was molested by her father for 16 years with her mother in the next room. My aunt never knew. It is time for a serious heart to heart, and maybe even a pediatrician visit. The pediatrician could not only evaluate her, but talk to her about how this is wrong. It is wrong for it to be done to her, and she needs to always be able to talk to you in case it does happen. The pediatrician could also talk about the serious consequences of doing this to someone else. Sometimes it sinks in more when it doesn't come from mom or dad.

You say she's never been molested, but can you know that for sure? I was molested at that age, me and my brother, by our sitter. It was our neighbor's son and his parents were really close w/ my mom. My parents didn't know till I was 15 and told them. I'm not saying she was, but I would just hate to see you dismiss the idea so quick.