Should I Be More Concerned?

It sounds like you and his mother are handling it properly. If it happens again you should stop it calmly, like you did. His behavior is inappropriate. Some sex play between children of the same age is normal, but a 6 year old doing this to a 3 year old is not, and should be looked into.

You did a wonderful job of explaining things to your daughter in a calm way. Good for you for not freaking out! I would suggest if you happen to be at your cousin's again to monitor the kids a lot better e.i. don't let them out of your sight.

The only thing I would have done differently was go outside RIGHT AWAY at first sight of them behind the chair and when it looked like he was manipulating his pants or private. Other than that, I would have said the things you said. Make sure you tell her that if he or anyone else ever asks her to touch their privates or see or touch hers she is to go to you right away and tell you. I personally would not let her be alone with him again without full-sight supervision. And yes, the little boy should see a child psych just incase he is starting to begin to act out or re-act to what had happened to him. Better to be safe than sorry.

Sounds like you did well with this situation. I suggest that you get a book written for young children about good touch, bad touch. I think that is even the name of the book I've read with my daughter and grandchildren. Look thru it at first so that you can pick and choose parts that are appropriate for your daughter. It's illustrated in cartoon like characters and makes brief easily understood statements. The book also includes a pamphlet with suggestions for parents while talking with their children.

I also suggest that the boy's mother also read this and/or other books about body parts with him. I think it is OK to wait and see where this goes with him before seeking professional help. Since he's 7 perhaps she can have a sense of where he's at with having been molested and the exploration he's doing now by having a friendly talk with him. Exploring at his age is very normal. It's unusual for him to kiss her private parts but not unheard of in the process of exploring. I suggest he may know about the kissing if he was kissed in this way or was asked to kiss or if he's seen anyone doing this. Say, in a movie his parents were watching when they thought he was asleep or if he burst into their room. It happens.

Since I don't know what happened to him when he was molested I can only guess about the result. I think it's very possible because of his young age and if he was not shamed about it that he is just fine and not acting out in this way as a result of his prior experience. If the cousin was also young it could have been exploring too.

Young children are not usually traumatized by being molested a few times in a non-violent way. They are traumatized when the parents punish them or say things that cause them to feel shame. It's the after effects that do the most harm.

Rarely does a 3 yo child have to testify in court. You don't say whether or not this went to court. If more happened after the molestation was stopped, such as being told that the offender was an evil person who will go to hell sort of over reaction in front of the child then he may need some counseling now.

If his mother will feel better about this if she has him evaluated then she should do that. She should be sure to find a reputable, experienced and skilled person to talk with her son so that he isn't psychologically harmed by the interview. She can call the American Medical Association, CSD and/or the police departments sexual offender unit to ask for names of providers. She doesn't have to give her name.

Based only on what you've written and my experience as a sex offender investigator my guess is that this is a case of normal exploration and not an indication that he will become an offender. I'm especially glad to know that the acts were seemingly consensual. Most often I've seen young offenders, usually approaching the teens in age, who've been molested as acting out in angry ways.

As another mother suggested it's likely that your daughter will forget that this happened. I also suggest that the boy doesn't remember his past experience unless someone made a big deal out of it.

I full on admit that when I was 7 a neighbor kid and I showed each other our parts. I think that it's just a development thing. This is when they truly realize there is a difference between boys and girls genitals and not just how we look with our hair and putting on make up vs men shaving and so on. I see it as your daughter is only three so she will more than likely forget before it becomes ingrained in her head, so just be patient with her and eventually she will know that it is a no no to explore someone else.
If I was your cousins mom, I would wait and see if there were any more incidents like this, after giving the private part conversation. If it continues, then I would look into the psychologist. But make sure you aren't shaming them about curiosities. I feel that if we shame them about being curious, then problems can occur later in teen years when sex becomes a huge issue. I know that I was shamed and every time the sex conversation came up with anyone, I would bow out and I knew nothing. I knew basics, but when it came down to knowing what exactly went on in my body monthly, I knew I bled to be able to have a baby eventually and that was it. Well that's my two cents.

I would probably freak out. Wow I'm sorry that happened to that little boy. I think your daughter will be alright, just teach her now what is okay & not okay regarding her body. I have a 4 year old and every so often I gentle remind her of what is okay & not concerning her private parts and she seems to understand. When I bring it up, it's usually while dressing her after bath. Also, I'd watch closely when visiting cousin. Take care & best wishes to you & family.

Hi J. i think you handled just the way you should have, children have been curious about body parts from way back when. I agree with Ashley about kissing the private part, and how would a 3 year old know to say that if it did not happen. Two of my daycare care boys, were got in a sexual position with their pants down. Children only know how to do these things if they have seen adults, or TV or like ashley said had it done to them. I would not let them play together except out in the open. it sounds like this little boy needs help. becoming a pedifile startrs some where and being permiscuies starts somewhere. But you did good J.

It's really not normal behavior for a six yr old to engage in that kind of behavior, especially with a younger child. Regardless of past molestation when he was 3, his parents need to reinforce with him that those are private parts and only mom and dad and his pediatrician can see them and he is never to pull his pants down to show anyone else. Furthermore, he is never to touch anyone elses or to invite anyone to touch his. Sometimes kids need simple clarity and to know what the proper boundaries are. I would do the same with your daughter.

your response was perfect - not freaking the children out was the way to go. If he was molested as a very young child, he definitely needs counseling to deal with that. It doesn't sound like he had "evil" intentions, but he "learned" some very inappropriate behavior when he was abused and he needs help to deal with that. Kudos to you for dealing with this, and if you can offer some emotional support to his mom (if she's open to that) it would probably help her.

You handled that situation so much better than I would have. I'd probably freak out and make a huge scene! It sounds like both of you moms did a fantastic job of taking care of the situation. I think the little boy should at least talk to a counselor, you just never know what kind of emotional scars molestation can leave behind. It's probably just curiosity, but ya just never know. I would bet that your daughter won't remember this past a few days. The bigger deal you make of it to her, the more she'll remember. From now on, I wouldn't leave the children alone together. I would make sure to watch them like a hawk. If things get too touchy feely, leave. It sounds like his mom would totally understand.

Poor him. While many people agree its normal to 'show me yours and i'll show you mine' its not normal when they kiss private areas. It is usually a sign that they are acting something out that was done to them or that they saw. He should seek counseling so that he doesnt do this to other kids. Your daughter is young enough that she may not ever remember or she may. Once she is old enough to make sense of it, it may affect her.

I think you handled this very well and I feel bad that one of the posters said you were a bad mother! I do NOT think that at all! At age 6 it is totally normal to be curious. 3 is a little young but not out of the question.. and I'm guessing it was the boys idea.
IF he did kiss her private area then that ISNT a normal behaviour... That is probably something that he has either seen or was done to him. If that is really what happened then he might need counseling. I nannied a girl who would "hump" other kids and that's exactly what she said too! I walked in her room one day and she was on top of another little girl and I asked her what she was doing and she said she was "humping".... very sad! She also tried to french kiss other kids. She knew WAY too much for her age. (I quit watching her when she was 6) I don't know where she learned these things and I pray that she wasn't molested... I think it was because she slept in her parents bed...
Anyway... I don't think some curiosity is normal... others you might need to deal with maybe with counseling or something. I definitly wouldn't let them be alone together anymore!
Good Luck!