Help Me with My 19 Month Old!!!!

Updated on September 25, 2009
S.D. asks from Lake Dallas, TX
5 answers

Hi Moms,

I have a strange situation.... My husband is in the Navy reserves and has been called to active duty to be deployed. He has been in the US for 3 months, and we (myself and my 19 month old son) have been staying with him for the last month and until he leave.
My son has started hitting and telling us NO or DONT. I'm sure it is from all the comotion going on and from being in a hotel room for the past month. There is not a lot to do where we are stationed. I hate to keep putting him in time out, plus it doesn't seem to be working. Does anyone have any advise on how to discipline him at this age and what to do in this situation. I know he is doing most of it because he is bored, but I can't just let it go either. What should I do???

Thanks!

S.

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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

According to Love and Logic, the more choices you can give a kid, the more in control they feel and the less out of control they get. Don't know if that'll help at all. Take him on walks as much as you can - some kids calm down when they have outdoor time. See if the hotel can recommend any parks, etc. nearby, and check out the local mall - some have great kid areas to play in. Also, check out meetup.com for moms groups where you are - just search the zip code and put "moms" in the subject and the distance you want to stay within (1 or 5 miles). I'd e-mail the group to see if you can participate on a short term basis so you and your son can stay sane and have some fun. Hope that helps a little! Good luck, and thank you to your husband.

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Y.H.

answers from Dallas on

To Lisa very well said. I think you are on target with your response. The words No and Dont are normal for those heading into the terrible 2's. Plus I am sure its words he hears most also.Keep strong and dont let him win.

P.W.

answers from Dallas on

Most towns have a library. See if there is one near you and spend some time there. maybe there is a story time. Find other mom's for support and playgroups wherever you can.

Get some good old fashioned blocks, crayons, play doh and oversee carefully so that he doesn't destroy the hotel...maybe sit outside.

I hear you about too many time outs. I always felt the time outs worked more for my sanity than actually being helpful to correct a behavior. Pick your battles. I wouldn't make a big deal about NO or DON'T. He is just frustrated and you do want him to express himself. Calmly help him when he is frustrated. Hitting is another matter. I'd just stop him (you can gently hold his arm) and explain he hurt you....don't be mad, but maybe a little sad.

Bless YOU S. and your family. I hope it gets better soon.
P.

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L.S.

answers from Dallas on

"Happiest Toddler on the Block" get the dvd and read the book. It changed my life when my son was a toddler. Also, keep in mind he probably doesn't get the time out thing yet it would appear. You may have more luck redirecting him. If he's bored, get him out of the house as suggested. Even Target can be fun at that age. Take lots of snacks too. ;) Walks through the neighborhood or the play area at the mall can be good for little guys to run their ya-yas off. My son is very active and I find that if we don't find a good physical outlet for him, he does a lot worse as far as behavior goes. You don't have to sign up for expensive classes, you can do all of this cheaply or even for free. Also, limit tv! That makes a HUGE difference in my son's behavior. HUGE. You might consider cutting that back significantly. If you don't belong to one already, consider joining a MOMS Club or something like that. MOMS Club was great for putting us in contact with playgroups and other playdates so we could get out of the house. We could just quickly email the group to get together at the park, etc. It really made a difference for me when I got to be around other adults -- especially when my husband was out of town or the country for work.

Good luck with your little guy. I think you're on to something when you say he understands everythign going on. I think that's why it's important that both of you get some outlets and support. If mommy's happy, he'll be happy.

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J.W.

answers from San Diego on

If it makes you feel any better, this is about the age when striking out tends to begin.... and most children go through this stage. Not that it makes the situation easier to deal with, but at least you know it is normal and there are ways to help your toddler with it. Nothing will make it change over night but I love the tips from Happiest Toddler on the Block by Dr Karp... I bet the local library would have it. I kind of agree that at this age, time outs are not as effective. If you can identify the patterns of when he is doing this you might have an easier time in curtailing it before the frustration leads to hitting. Toddlers love to grow into their independance and often want to do things for themselves. They also have a funny way of saying NO for everything, even when sometimes they even mean YES, so I would sometimes ask my toddlers "Are you saying no, but you mean yes?" And this would get them thinking, sometimes changing their answer. Choices of things to do are another big deal, they want to be able to pick sometimes what they wear, what they eat, when play time is over... if you can remember to give a choice when it is convenient for you at a couple of routine spots in your day this will satisfy their need.

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