Help Me Please !!! - Hayward,CA

My 21 month old daughter gets a good laugh out of hitting mommy and daddy in the face. When she starts hitting I gently grab her hands and say "we don't hit!" or "no hitting!" I then explain to her that hitting hurts mommy and it is not nice. I then tell her "gentle, gentle" while gently stroking my face with her hand. The next time she starts hitting I say "no hitting, gentle, remember?" She remembers and starts stroking my face again. I feel you just have to train them it hurts and they should be gentle. I tried punishing her by hitting her at first, but she just hit more because she thought I was condoning her hitting (by hitting her). I find that children can be rational beings and sometimes respond well to talks or explanation rather than punishment.

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K. :)

Have you watched Dr. Karp's Happiest Toddler on the Block? The methods worked so well for some of our friends who had a similar issue with their toddler that it became a bible of sorts for all of us who were entering toddler-dom with our kids.
You can rent it on Netflix. Good luck!

Hi P.,

When you see her starting to hit make her put her hands behind her back. Let her know that it is not nice to hit people. That will make them cry. When you get her to focus on putting her hands behind her she will indentify that behavior instead of hitting. It will become a part of her if you keep on her. She will get the message.

Hope this helps.

N. Marie

I wouldn't recommend spanking-- hitting to show that hitting is wrong seems doomed to fail. Have you read the book _1-2-3-Magic'? I forget the author, but it gives detailed instructions on the best use of time-outs, which is what I would recommend. Also, you can talk to her about how she's feeling when she hits (after a time-- you don't want to reward the behavior with one-on-one Mommy-time). She may need more words to express how she's feeling.

Tell her quietly but firmly, "we do not hit." Then use the only two tools that really work with toddlers, distract and re direct. In other words, "we do not hit. Wow, look at that bird!" Or, "let's grab our shovels and dig in the sand box!" I'm not sure a time out even works for a two year old, unless you're clear about the fact that it's not a punishment, but time to cool down.

When I put my son on a time out I tell him, "I can tell by your behavior that you are" cranky, tired, frustrated, whatever, "and I think you need time to calm down. Please go to your room and calm down." I don't use a timer. He comes out when he has calmed down, and he is learning an important skill- how to recognize when he is getting out of control and how to calm himself. He is also learning words to describe his feelings.

A two year old however, isn't really ready to understand all this. All you can really do is tell her, over and over, We Do Not Hit, and remove her from the situation. If you are calm and loving, she will learn to be too. Most importantly, please reconsider the practice of spanking as a form of discipline. What you are teaching her is that when people are frustrated they hit each other. I know this is not the message you want to send.

I would like to recommend a book, The Discipline Book by Dr. Sears. His simple wisdom really worked for me. Best of luck Priteeka.

I know you said you so time outs, but are you sure you are doing them correctly? Warning, explain time out in low voice w/ eye contact, walk away (not talking after that,) 1 min for each year.
I would pick up the Supernanny book or watch one of her shows to make sure. She usually covers it in detail in most of her shows.