I need some advice from mothers with "HIGH-SPIRITED" children...if you are asking yourself what that means - you don't have one!!
;-)
I have two children who are high-spirited and TERRIBLE sleepers! Between them, I am a raving insomniac and it is really interfering in me and my husband's lives. My husband's salary supports the family, so he sleeps up in a guest room during the work week to get as much sleep as he can even though he handles my daughter waking up 1-4x at night, while I sleep downstairs with my son in his crib waking every hour.
My son is what I would describe as high-needs or high-spirited as well (from 0-10 my daughter is a 10 and my son an 8). I cannot put him down in his cib to sleep for naps during the day without him sitting up first and then standing up in his crib screaming. On the two mornings my daughter is at preschool, I manage to sit holding him in the rocker to fall asleep for a nap and then transfer him to the crib, but he'll be standing up in his crib after 10-30 minutes or so screaming. I am still breastfeeding and this is his prefered way of falling asleep, but will accept being held and walked/rocked to sleep too. At night he wakes almost EVERY HOUR, standing up in his crib screaming and wailing over the rail to be picked up.
We started to try CIO, but after only 5 short minutes he was already in such a rage, dry heaving and making blood curdling cries and screams I've never come out of another human being before (other than my daughter), totally out of control that my husband and I abandoned it.
Then we tried laying him back down every time he woke up after a sleep cycle and tried to sit up or stand up in the crib. He just screamed and got more hysterical after each lay down, that we had to repeatedly pick him up, calm him down and then try again and again. It maybe improved a little for the beginning of the night, but not after he'd been sleeping several hours and had built up his stamina again to fight us the rest of the night. We have spent many mornings awake from 4-7am battling the wills...I won't breastfeed him yet again, and he won't go to sleep unless I do!...and then only for another hour if I'm lucky!
Then we tried the No-Cry Sleep Solution, but it didn't work and my gosh is it too labor intensive to do every day and night for weeks and months on end for an already-sleep deprived mother and it made my son worse again!
We keep the kids on a strict schedule as much as we can, and since I can't get my son to nap religiously at set times, I've just incorporated a nap with my daughters:
7am - wake up
at some point, son catnaps in my arms at home, or in the car or stroller running errands
12 noon - lunch
1pm-3pm nap (daughter sleeps in my bedroom in her sleeping bag while I co-sleep and nurse my son)
at some point, son catnaps in my arms at home, or in the car or stroller running errands
7pm - son in bed/7:30 daughter in bed
I just don't think I can do CIO because of the experience of the strong temperaments of both my children. I tried CIO with my daughter when she was between 1 and 1-1/2 yrs old for a week just to get her to take a nap, and she SCREAMED and WAILED for 3 hours STRAIGHT each day and NEVER SLEPT! It didn't work, so I am inclined to think the same failure rate will occur with my son, and all I will have after trying it is an emotionally traumatized mother, son and possibly him hurting himself as he falls and flails himself around his crib in a fit and maybe even vomiting like some mothers have testified their babies doing in CIO.
Has anyone tried something that works with kids who just won't give up???????
REPLY: Thanks for those of you who are taking the time to give me your thoughts. Just for clarification, neither of my children have any allergies, infact, my pediatrician is shocked that neither of them have even had an ear ache. Co-sleeping is also not an option because I can't sleep with the nursing sensation, and my son refuses to ever de-latch (I did it one night out of desperation and never again!) and so he overstimulates my milk production which sets me up for plugged ducts and I have had my share of that and mastitis. Any other recommendations would be great.
I have a high needs baby too (breast fed babies are more attached) my baby also has eczema so if she wakes she will scratch herself. My solution was co-sleeping, not perfect but we are no longer sleep deprived.
What worked for me is to co-sleep with my twin boys,whenever they would wake up at night -- I'd give them the breast, and they peacefully dose off, and I did not have to get up at all. After we starting co-sleeping together (at 3 mos), my life and sleep became very manageable. I feel that some babies require more closeness than others (although, i feel that all babies at this age need to be close to their parents.) If co-sleeping is not an option, maybe his crib can be next to your bed. There are also co-sleeper beds you can put next to your bed. CIO is AWFUL in every possible way, and I'm glad that you did not go with it, and it did not work. It is one thing to not respond to every demand the child has, and completely another to ignore their needs for comfort, closeness, when they have no ways to ask for it but by crying. Many people say, "well we did it with our kids, and they are fine." They maybe fine on the surface, but this kind of experience is going to impact out in one way or the other. It is basically being ignored in their basic needs. It surely will affect their sense of security and self, and relationship with others, no matter how little they were. Somatic difficulties also may develop.
Also, giving baths before sleep relaxes babies. They both might suffer from teething. My boys were sleeping poorely from teething pains.You may give Hylanders' teething tablets. But it sounds in your case, it is the cry for closeness and comfort.
I've been in your exhausted shoes. CIO is cruel when a child needs something and has no other way of expressing it. You also have to have some relief or you will go crazy.
After a long road, I discovered that cranio-sacral massage dramatically changed the way my daughter slept. If I had tried this earlier than when she was 5, my life would have been so much better...and so would hers! She had some sensory integration issues which were 80% eliminated by a series of 6 cranio-sacral massages, but I knew she was a different kid after the first one. She slept all night and woke up happy for the first time in her life! Now she gets a massage about every 2 months to keep her on an even keel. It's worth $100 to find out if this could change your family's life. www.kenpiercy.com is my favorite guy. It is super-gentle, clothes on, you can sit on the massage table or couch holding your son while he works. Ken works on newborns to the elderly.
A pediatric chiropractor might also help. I like Melissa Shelton in Plano. Insurance often covers chiropractic, so this can be a cost-effective therapy to try. Make sure the chiro you choose sees lots of little kids and comes recommended by other moms. Go fill out paperwork in person so you can see the waiting room and who is sitting there. If it looks like your pediatrician's office, it's probably a good fit.
A weighted blanket also helped my daughter sleep. You need to talk to an occupational therapist to figure out how heavy a blanket to try. The OT's I know usually let you borrow one of theirs for a week to see if it helps before you buy your own.
Your son is screaming because he needs something, but he can't tell you what yet. It's terrible for you both. Hang in there.
Books you might also appreciate:
Raising Your Spirited Child (Kurcina)
The Out Of Sync Child
S.
SAHM of 3
My second son is very stubborn and the one time we thought we would let him cry for 10 or 15 minutes, just to see if he would eventually calm down and go to sleep, he ended up screaming and crying so strongly that he was drenched in sweat and near hysterics. We never tried it again and, frankly, I think the CIO method is a bad idea for most children and their parents. I agree with the 2 other moms who said just let your son sleep with you and nurse in bed so you can both get some sleep. I have always let my kids sleep with me and have had no problems, but it's your choice-sleep or waking every hour. When he gets a little older and is no longer breastfeeding, you can tackle him sleeping in his own bed in his own room. Good luck!
SuperNanny's Infant Care book has a modified sleep training method that worked wonderfully for us. But it took 6-8 weeks until our strong willed daughter did not fuss about going to bed. She was 5 months when we did it and now bedtime is super easy. Once you find a method you feel good about, be consistent and persistent. You're teaching a life skill so it will be difficult at first but it's an investment in their future sleep habits. Good luck!
Sounds familiar!
My daughter is now 5 1/2, but when she was little, she wouldn't sleep unless she was swaddled and rocking side to side or bouncing in one of those chair things that vibrate (can't remember their names). I tried every "technique" in every recommended book I could find, but nothing else worked. Once my daughter outgrew swaddling, I was at my wits end. I found the Fisher Price flutterbye soother crib toy that plays a little cartoon on the ceiling and plays music. Initially I'd have to go in and turn it on for her when she'd wake up, but she quickly caught on. For quite some time, we'd hear it go on several times during the night, but she'd remain quiet and would go back to sleep on her own. Even when she outgrew her crib, we left it by the side of her bed for a year until she no longer needed it. Now she sleeps perfectly fine all by herself...so thankfully they outgrow it!
Someone mentioned food intolerances. My daughter has food allergies and we're looking into intolerances to other foods now. She also has juvenile arthritis and asthma. I don't know if any of it was related to her inability to sleep comfortably through the night or not, and I'm not suggesting your children have any medical issues, but just thought I'd mention it because of the food intolerance comment.
I would definitely consider possible food intolerances in this case. My son was like that, only napping if I was holding him and not for a long stretch of time and waking 5-7 times a night. He also was constantly spitting up and had skin problems. He was EBF and things didn't get better when solids were introduced. I have since found that he is gluten and dairy intolerant (and I found I am too). Once we removed ALL the offending items from our diet, things completely turned around. Intolerances can be ANYTHING in your/his diet and he can get the proteins from your milk. That however definitely does not mean to stop nursing him. Formulas can be an even bigger problem with intolerances/allergies. Here is a blog from a fellow Yahoo "foodlab" group member which discusses her "spirited child". Good luck.
http://www.raisingaspiritedchildnaturally.com/
I would suggest the Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child book. There are different methods you can try if you don't want to CIO. In the book, it explains that if a child is sleep deprived, they will have a harder time going to sleep and that's what it sounds like to me. It will take a while for your baby to get caught up on his sleep, but will be worth it in the long run. Every mother and baby is different and you have to do what you feel comfortable in doing. Good luck!! I hope you get some sleep soon!
