HELP! My 22 Month Old Daughter Acts up in Public

You are not alone...I hope that make you feel better. I have a nine year old and 2.5 old, both boys. My oldest was perfect anywhere we went. I told him when we went shopping that you must hold on to the cart..and he did. I thought it was my great parenting skills...UNTIL I had my Zachary! He doesn't listen he does what he wants. So...until recently he stayed in his stroller anytime I went shopping. It was much easy to pull the stroller and hold on to the cart then to chase him around the whole store. They do start to clam down, but for the moment it seems like it is going to last forever. You will see light at the end of the tunnel.

I have been following the suggestions of Yoka Reader-and it has changed the whole dynamic- run, don't walk to see what she says, we just love her-k

I am so glad to here people tell you that you are not alone! We have all had times when our kids behave in a manner that is embarassing. Be consistant. Be patient. Be firm. It will get better. If you are using a treat for good behavior.... You give him the treat in the car after the trip is over. Do not ba afraid to take him to the car and discipline him. Do not be afraid to say we are going home and you are getting a punishment. You have to have consequences. Much patience and it will get better.

Pop her butt in the cart and let her cry it out. You give in and leave and she wins. Do not give her treats while she is in the cart. Again you are letting her control you. When she realizes that she can throw fits all she wants and it won't help she will settle down. Strap her in the cart for saftey. Also, make sure the cart is not hurting her bottom. I used to carry a blanket and fold it and put it in the seat to make it more comfortable. You have to take control now or she will walk all over you later.

You said it all when you said she as 22 months. :) This sounds like normal behavior.

My husband and I have always incorporated my son into our normal lives, including taking him shopping, to restaurants, etc. When he was between 20-22 months, he started acting up a bit and we had to re-evaluate things. My husband found himself taking our son out of restaurants and such, usually in the middle of things, to calm him down and get him back under control. So, we took this as a sign that we needed to cut back on such things.

My son is 25 months now and after just a couple months with fewer public outings, we resumed our normal pattern and he is back to being pretty well behaved for a 2 year old.

I know you can't avoid things like grocery shopping. I found that my son would only sit in a cart if the grocery was the only place we were going. (In other words, his patience wore out if we had other errands before we got to the store with the cart!) We always try to get the kid carts that look like race cars and what not, and we get a free kids cookie from the bakery first thing when we get to the store. If he's good, we get a free kids balloon as we check out. And I immediately put the safety belt on him when he gets into the cart. If I fail to do that, it encourages him to demand to get out, try to climb out, etc.

Try not to be embarrassed in public. It's hard...but every one of those people who looked at you were remembering their own kids, nieces, nephews or friends' children who once behaved the same way. They weren't staring because you are a bad mom. You simply triggered memories....and usually a healthy dose of sympathy. :)

Hi A. - My 2 oldest daughters used to be disobedient when out in public, we went on a family vacation to Orlando and I MADE them wear harnesses, I was very afraid of loosing them. I gave them NO choice. You have to take charge, don't let her control you. Honestly, you have to show her you mean it. Be consistant, I know you feel embarrased, but you are NOT the only parent who has to go through this. Try to ignore her as much as possible, tell her a head of time before you leave the house what you expect from her, let her know the consequences if she doesn't behave - then stick to your guns. Maybe a practice run with a plan B for her if it doesn't work out. I wish I had a magical solution to tell you but I just know I did the above and they got the message. Good luck
M. F

You're in good company, as others have said, most toddlers go through this type of stage. I'm right in the thick of it with my 21 month old daughter. It's all a bit of trial and error, and some distractionary techniques have a pretty short shelf life, but here's how we generally make it through a trip to the grocery store or mall:

-I make sure to bring a sense of humour, something is going to go wrong, be forgotten or get difficult (I also have a 4 week old son). Don't worry about people staring or commenting, for the most part people likely remember what shopping with a toddler was like. I find if I stay calm and try to laugh to myself at the craziness of the situation, then I'm less likely to get completely stressed and feed my daughter's tantrum. If I start to get angry or frantic, then she is less likely to calm down. If I quietly ask her to look at me she'll eventually stop the howling.

-Have an army of supplies. In the grocery store, I don't even entertain the idea of letting my daughter out, in fact I do that safety belt up as tight as I can get it. I bring sippy cups, juice boxes, cheese string, goldfish, a mini magnadoodle, her toy purse, an old cell phone, a pen and paper, stickers, just anything that might grab her attention for a few minutes.

-Engage her in the trip. We walk around the store and I'll talk about what's next on my list. As in, oh look red apples, we need 5 apples, let's count the apples. Can you see the bananas? Let's go find the bananas! I also give her a few things to hold, like a box of pasta.

-Have a speedy exit plan. I write a list of things we absolutely need and then have a full list of all the things I want to get. If a meltdown starts and doesn't look like there's anyway it's going to end, then I quickly grab the things I really need and either come back the next day, or that evening once my husband it home.

-If at all possible, avoid shopping with a tired or hungry kiddo.

At the mall we use a toddler harness, it's got a monkey that goes on her back and we got her used to it by putting it on at home, calling it her monkey backpack and letting her play with it. She now asks to wear it whenever we get out of the car. I too don't like the idea of a harness on a child, but what I like even worse is running all over hell's half acre after my child as she darts toward an escaltor!

Anyway, good luck, it's a trying age. I try to remember that she's just figuring it all out too and there will be days that go great (and I make sure to let her know what a fantastic job she did at listening or walking or sitting or whatever) and days that aren't so great...and those days are why God created wine. ;)

My oldest was like this around that age (and still is sometimes at the age of four). Before I go anywhere with my two girls, I explain what they should and shouldn't expect, what we will and won't be doing. I no longer carry a diaper bag, but still have a tote or purse so that I can carry things that will keep them entertained. I never leave home with out a notebook and pens/crayons, a couple snacks, a travel pack of baby wipes, a small book and couple small toys (like the ones you get in kids meals or from goody bags at bday parties). Surprisingly, it doesn't take up that much space. If you have an old cell phone or a toy phone, that's always a hit with my kids. And play jewelry! And they aren't allowed to play with these things normally, so its sort of new when we go out and they get to play with them again.

Good luck!

Here is what I have found that works for my 21 month old son. I only go out around his nap time and I never leave without a go-gurt (hunger makes children wild). Also try making grocery shopping fun. I bring an entire pad og paper and I give my son a marker. I keep a pen for myself and I mark my list off in a certain way. Since I know my son will draw all over my list I just make sure I put a heart to the left of the things I buy- he can't draw hearts yet. Just keep trying. The only way to get your child to behave in public is to expose her to it. Practice makes perfect... Good luck- it can be rough at first, but just keep trying!

Amber had some really good advice. However, instead of the leash, like in the mall, I use the stroller. I don't go to the mall much, but on those rare occasions I let my 20 mon old get all his energy out playing in the kids play court,like at the OP Mall in Jax.
He went through a stage (a few weeks) when I didn't go out to eat much. We just hit the drive thru. He's better now.

Girl, I think we have all been there and done that, but didn't get the t-shirt!

I agree with Amber, you really need to bring a few things for her. Maybe you can have her pick out what kind of snack she gets. Let her bring one dolly. When you go to the store, stick with the cart. Don't let her walk around. I've used the leash on my son when my daughter was a little tiny thing and people stare. But I made sure at the store was different... that they had to be in the cart. My son is now five (I don't use the leash anymore) but he still runs off. I give him 2 - 3 warnings and he will sit in the cart if he disobeys me or shows bad behavior. Both of my kids are now better behaved and most of the time are able to walk with me. A two year old you cannot do that with... you have to be firm.

I remember one time that I was in Albertson's. My daughter was just born and my son was 2. I was new at the whole SAHM thing. I put him in the top part of the cart and my daughter in the big part (she was still in the car seat). He screamed and cried the WHOLE time! I was so stressed and upset - but determined to get my shopping done. I came to a point I didn't care what other people thought - as long as I can effectively discipline my children and if that meant they had to cry the whole time, so be it.

Just remember, the more you give in, the more they will push.

LOL i'll probably get the BOOOOs for this, but i use to carry a wooden spoon in my purse just enough so my daughter could see it, I told her there is a bathroom in every store we go in and i will take you in and wear that backside out. I swear i only had to tap her leg once...... and she was scared to death of it. My spoon worked wonders!!!!!!!!!

Everyone's been there - you have to stop giving her SO much power - if she wants to act up, just tell her she can make a fool of herself all she likes, she just will not get a reward. YOU MOM - YOU have to stop being embarrassed and just act as if she's not there, and not throwing a fit, the more attention (bad or good) you give her during the difficult times, the more she'll do it and Play you like a fiddle!
Good luck Momma!

I have a 22 month old boy who thinks he should be able to do whatever he wants! I am giving him less and less choices if any.
I have been reading a few things online for suggestions...I have been counting him out at three. I'm not thinking of it as three chances but more like 3 seconds. He also gets put in timeout in the living room in a chair or a chair right by me if I'm cooking or something. We've also started taking a spanking spoon with us wherever we go. What I've found that is best is my tone of voice and quick reaction to his bad behavior and then lots of excitement and reaction to the right behavior.
Last week, I could not get him to say, "please" until I begged and finally walked away. This week, he says it almost without me even having to ask him.

Just remember, you are not the only one going through this...we will survive our toddler phase!! :)~

Hi, A.. Well, she's into the 2's. Don't expect her to act like your son or any other child; she's obviously a very independent young lady and wants to get up and do stuff. The problem is that she has to learn how to live with the rest of the world. That's the challenge for the 2's -- learning how to balance "I want" with what is good behavior around the rest of the world.

I know it's embarassing, but you can't stop taking her out in public. If you do, she'll never learn how to act well, and she'll always be a holy terror in public.

You have to be firm with her. I do suggest using the harness so that there can be a compromise between her walking around with a little freedom and your need to keep her safe and not destroying things. If not the harness, then perhaps the thing that goes around the wrist, but she might be able to take that thing off.

Try doing time-outs at home for a minute or two at the most when she acts up. Show her that this kind of behavior is not acceptable and she won't be able to participate with others when she acts this way. It's going to take time, so be patient and have the attitude that you are teaching her how to be a good citizen.

Don't let her screaming intimidate or embarass you. She already knows that she can get her way by screaming, so she's developed quite a loud and horrible scream, hasn't she? Don't let her get the best of you. She has to learn how to do things Mom's way, and then she can get some things to be her way.

Make sure, also, that she gets plenty of physical activity at home so that she's not like a caged bird set free once she gets out of the house. It sounds like she's more active and physical a personality than your son is; that's OK, just give her the activity she needs so that she won't go nuts when she's outside. Make sure she has some time when she gets to do what she wants, and then she has to have some time when she has to do what you tell her to do. Again, this is the major challenge of her age now. She has to learn how to balance her wants with the needs of others.

A firm "NO" is a good tool to have at this time. Don't go back on your word, because if you do, you're TRAINING her to scream louder and longer to get what she wants by wearing you down.

Get some supportive friends, other moms, around you.

Peace,
Syl

Amber has some really good advice.

I think if you do not make riding in the cart a choice, that will help in the long run. I would even go to a store as a dry run, explain to her in advance that she'll be riding in the cart, mention it again when you arrive, and bring toys along for the cart ride. If she doesn't follow along, remind her that the cart riding is the only way you'll continue in the store. If it doesn't work, leave the store. There's a really good book called "easy to love, difficult to discipline" that discusses this subject.

I had the same type of issue with my second son when he was about 18 months. He would put his hands all over everything. He never wanted to sit in the cart. He would scream and cry if he didn't get his way. I got to the point that I would leave the store every time he started acting like this. The last thing you want to do is try to bribe them to behave because this will only make the situation worse. I can remember one time when we were having dinner at my mother-in-law's and Nick didn't want to sit down to eat, so I tried feeding him in my lap while I ate. He wanted no part of it. He kept getting up and getting into stuff he wasn't supposed to touch. He would scream every time I tried to make him sit in my lap. I finally got so mad at him that I picked him up put him in his carseat and we went home. I wanted to strangle him that night, but obviously didn't! I got to the point that I didn't take him anywhere for a few weeks. My best advice is when she starts acting like this, remove her from the situation. She'll realize really fast that when she acts up, she goes home. I know it's hard not going anywhere for a while, or not taking her, but it worked for me. Best of luck!