Help! My 6 Year Old Has Attention Seeking "Bad" Behavior, Possible ADD, Advise?

J., before you freak out and put a lable on him try
thinking about food allergies! Dairy, glutin, sugar, eggs,
etc. Withold (one at a time) for at least a week or two.
Read all you can and consult a nutritionist, maybe at a local
hospital. Too often, parents medicate their kids, with a Dr's
orders, when it is not needed. One kid I know was sensitive
to bananas! Think carefully what he puts in his mouth every
day. Too much red or yellow dyes? Read labels. You didn't
mention if he behaves this way at home. If not, then that
indicates he CAN control himself. Have hope. Mary

I am a Kindergarten teacher. Try to set up a chart for positive behavior. When he is on track he gets a sticker. When the chart is filled up, he gets a reward. Start small, maybe the chart only has 5 boxes to fill up first but as you see a change in his behavior, you can add more boxes to fill up on other charts. Postive reinforcement goes a long way with my troublmakers!

J., you have your hands full! I am almost finished raising my 2 ADHD children--both girls. The youngest is almost 18 and a junior in high school. I'll be brief as I can but you need lots of resources! My suggestions:
1. You need a definite diagnosis first. Talk to the ped. psych. dept about working in tandem with ped. neurology. My girls were treated for many years by ped. neuro. at the Cleveland Clinic. If they no longer treat ADHD (our Dr. retired!) ask for another referral to a specialist. And he is NOT too young!! Find the best experts in the area--CCF is already there in my experience. Akron Children's Neuro dept. is also good, but you should always do psych. counseling alongside.
2. Don't be afraid of medication! The right meds with the right supports can unlock amazing things. Do lots of research, and keep a diary of the trial periods. Keep dates and times along with your notes, including doctors, dosages, etc. Later it will come in handy! Include behavioral notes.
3. Meds alone will never do it. A multi-faceted approach is best. It takes meds, counseling, behavior management and education management. Also, you have to expect changes as he grows. Puberty can bring major changes, so be ready to respond as needed.
4. Simplify, simplify, simplify!!! ADHD kids cannot focus and cannot control impulses. They are overwhelmed by too many demands for things they can't do. Give him one thing at a time, with praise as he completes. And give him lots of short breaks.
5. Pick your battles!! Remember, the most important part of this is protecting your emotional relationship with him, without abdicating your role as parent. There will be much you will have to choose to overlook at times.
6. You are his best advocate, but you need to know his rights, and your rights as his parent. ADHD is a protected disability under the law. In public schools, you can insist that he be given an MFE--Multi-Factored Evaluation, used to test for learning disabilities. I've met parents who didn't want to test, but I think they are not being rational. If your son has learning disabilities, it will make options available for accommodating his learning style, and drastically increase his successes. BUT--you need to be a constant, active presence at school, and a very vocal member of his educational "team." If your district is not a good one, look into open enrollment in a better one.
7. If he qualifies for an IEP (Individualized Education Plan), wonderful! As you both grow with this, you will see faster than anyone, what works best for him. You have a great deal of power in saying what goes into that IEP--but the schools may not make that clear. Speak up anyway!!! In the spirit of teaming with his teachers and tutors, you can still insist they include what he needs.
8. Look for his strengths and focus on them. ADHD kids are often highly intelligent, and incredibly artistic and creative. They usually see the world differently than the mainstream, and bring unique color to everything around them. That's too often overlooked because we spend too much time trying force our "round pegs" to fit into some very square holes! They need acceptance and unconditional love, along with very firm boundaries and very clear structure. They come to depend on the structure and routine of their environment, and changes upset and confuse them.
9. Don't ask more of him than he is able to give. It's tempting, because your parenting will not look like the parenting of many of his peers. Try to find a way for that to be OK! The best thing I can suggest is to find a parent support group. You will feel at times like you are the only one with these issues--nothing could be further from the truth! The most effective solutions I ever found came from other ADHD parents.
10. You need support right away! I recommend finding a local parent support group. Check out the website for CHADD, a national organization for children and adults with ADHD.
11. Read everything you can get your hands on, but start with Driven to Distraction, by Drs. Edward Hallowell & John Ratey. Both are ADHD experts, partly because both have it!
Whew! That's the tip of the iceburg, I'm afraid. I will tell you that my youngest, who has severe ADHD and is learning disabled across the curriculum, is now a successfull B average student, and is becoming an accomplished carpenter. AND--(warning: proud mom moment approaches!), although she still struggles to read and cannot spell at all, she adores literature (books on tape are amazing!) and she writes some of the most beautiful and moving poetry I've ever read. (Long ago we insisted that teachers focus on content instead of mechanics, so she always uses a spell-checker.)So, although it's an uphill road to travel, it is so very much worth it. God bless your family--I'll keep you in prayers.

As a special ed teacher, mother to an 8 year old with ADHD and having other health issues in the family, PLEASE contact a good pediatric neurologist. This really seems more than ADHD and most doctors with slap that label on and not search further.
My son was diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnea at 4 years old, a change in meds. for the ADHD and eliminating dairy due to an intolerance(he gets very aggressive with dairy) and he's a happy healthy 8 year old. He doesn't have O.D.D. that the doctor wanted to label him with.

I can so appreciate youer concerns. A little over a year ago I became very interested in the effect on nutrition on children due to some bahavior issues with my grandson who was living with us during his dad's tenure in Iraq.

Dr. David Katz of Chief of Preventative Medicine at Yale says that the #1 predictor of behavior in children is related to what they eat.

We made some changes in his nutrition and added a product called Juice Plus to his diet and it was amazing. If he had not been here in my house and I had not seen it with my own eyes, I would never had believed it.

Am willing to share more if you like. Feel free to contact me at any time.

I have also seen huge changes with my daughter who has a disability. There is a growing body of research pointing to nutrition and its affect of ADD and ADHD.

I work in a nonpublic school in Piqua for Sp Needs students and we have seen lots of good things in our kids with this.
C. R

Hi J.,
Have you noticed if he might have any sensory issues? I would consider having him tested for allergies and also read "THe Out of Sync Child" See if anything rings a bell out of this book. I am an early childhood developmental therapist and behavior consultant. I have seen this before and it could be as simple as this. Let me know if you need any ideas for physicians,etc.

Blessings,
S.

Don't automatically think something is wrong with him or look for a diagnosis or lable. I am a preschool teacher and have worked with a lot of children with behaviors that mirror your son. I most recently had a child I worked with in Alaska who would do the same behaviors as your child as well as throw a full garbage can after lunch and throw chairs and toy buckets. When I first started working with him the current teachers would send him to the director because they didnt know what to do with him. He would calm right down in her office and seem really happy. After lots of observations I found that he was seeking attention and it didnt matter that it was negative attention but to him it was attention all the same. In the directors office he would get one on one attention.

I talked with his family who was split and both parents were re-married. At the fathers house he was the oldest of 6 blended children and at age 5 that was a lot for him. While you dont have the split family or large numbers of children, your son is in the middle. Middle children tend to be overlooked a little, they see their older sibling get to do everything first and the youngest get all the "baby" attention he used to. I dont doubt he gets a lot of attention but he may need extra and found that he gets it by acting out.

This is what I suggest you try. It worked for the child I worked with. It takes a little time and is worse the first few times you try it. But if you stand ground and have everyone he is cared for by follow the same rules, assuming he doesnt have a disabiliy he will stop the behaviors. (execpt the few that are normal for children)

First when he is doing things "good" or in a way you approve. Tell him, make it a big deal. Say things like "I really like how you put that toy away" or "Thank you for helping me...." Make sure you tell him what he did that you liked, not just the generic good job. Also when he tells you he is mad or upset make sure you acknowledge that too, "thank you for using your words to tell me whats bothering you" You have to give him options for what he can do that pleases you. When he does something like hide or has a fit, let him and ignore it. Say, when you are ready to come out and talk then we can..." Or I see you are upset and when you calm down I will talk to you. Then become busy but stay near to make sure he is safe as well as other children. Put somethings away, not anything he messes up but something like paperwork. If he is in the middle of the floor step over him. Let him know you are there but not give attention to the fit. Every few min. you can tell him, I see you are still upset, or I see you still arent ready to listen. The second he calms down give attention, Thank you for calming down so we can talk, or I see you are ready to listen. If he starts right up again, get up and walk away. Let him know he wont get what he wants by throwing fits or items. Make him responsible for cleaning up what he distroyed as well. I would tell the child I worked with, whatever you throw or dump you will pick up when you are finished and that we will sit here until you do. I would really like it if you used your words so you dont have a mess to clean up, its your choice. We sat there until he turned the chairs right or picked up the paper. It did take a lot of time at the start but quickly within a week I saw great improvement. His fits were worse the first 3 days and then shorted quickly after that. I stood my ground on what I needed him to do and gave him choices about how he did it. Giving him some choice made him feel powerful and that helped him make better choices.

After you get him to calm down at home. Try school again. Tell you teachers what worked. Let them know he is a little needy when it comes to attention and will do anything to get it. Let them know you understand they have a lot of children to deal with and not a lot of time. And then ask them to give a little extra when he is doing things the teachers want. Like "thanks for standing in line for me, I appreciate it." stuff like that that makes him feel special and seen.

I hope this advice helps or at least points you somewhere that helps you. If you have any other questions please ask.

I just wondered if you were sure that this is a medical problem. Does he act this way anywhere but at school? I just kinda wondered if it isn't a discipline thing. ADD could very well be your culprit and I would look at it a bit more. I would hate for you to punish his behavior and find out that he couldn't control it for whatever reason. If there is nothing wrong though, you might want to re-examine your discipline strategy. Could be he does things like this because he knows he can. Not trying to pick or anything just brainstorming trying to come up with anything that could cause this type of behavior. Please don't think I'm criticizing. Shannon

First question. Does he behave this way at home? Does he seek your attention? Having ADD makes them unable to concentrate but usually not the out burst that your son seems to be doing. I can't believe a school does not know how to deal with your child. It is unfortunate that if you don't have a child that is "normal" the schools don't want to handle them. I am a parent with a child that has ADHD, developmental delays, and speech disorder. He has a aid with him and our school does very well. I also work with kids with emotional disabilities. Make sure you do everything you can to help your child and make sure you stand up for him!

Hello,

Medication should definately be a last resort, but still a option. My son who isnow 19 yrs old, had alot of issue's at age 5 also. I remember going to pick him up from kindergarden one day and the teacher asked to speak with me alone. She told me "If tomorrow starts anything like today, you will get a phone call to come get him". I was shocked to say the least.
I kept thinking, what could a 5 yr old be doing that is so bad? Apparently he was being VERY disruptive in the classroom, to the point that she found it hard to teach the other children.
I had my son seen by a neurologist (because I didn't know where to start) and had him tested by a Psycologist. He definately has ADHD and a few other things we found later.
He was removed from public school and placed in a SBH (Severe Behavioral Handicap School).
My son is on meds, and I thank God everyday that we found the right ones for HIM. Without those, it would have been worse than what it was. He graduated this last summer and it was a LONG haul, but I am soooo proud of him. He did what some said he couldn't do!
We also cut out sugars and stuff like that which made him even ore hyper. Have your son see a doc and see what he says, and have him tested.

Good Luck
T.

Does your child snore at night? There can be a direct correlation to sleep deprivation due to interupted sleep pattern from the snoring (mouth breathing, etc) and behavior. You and your child may not even realize he is snoring. Not saying that it can be this simple, but also it's worth a try.

it takes awhile to diagnose such young kids, so try to be as patient & understanding with the school district & psychiatrist as possible b/c an incorrect diagnosis could be devastating (i.e wrong meds could make things worse!). most districts should offer a tutor or someone to help keep your child up to speed on schoolwork, otherwise they are violating the law! (unless he was expelled...i believe). i worked in a clinical setting for 2 1/2 years that was designed for kids (ages kindergarten through 12th grade) who couldn't function in a mainstream classroom...it wasn't for MRDD but mental health concerns & dual diagnosis... however, that was in idaho! unfortunately, i'm not sure what options there are in ohio...my suggestion is to put some kind pressure on your child's psychiatrist to get you in touch with a program or person who can help you begin to manage his behavior. any psychiatrist should give you options (if they are not, find a different one!) & advice & also be just as concerned that your child is not receiving education at this critical age. i hope this helps... when i hear stories like this it makes me want to go back to work! :o)

You are entitled to a Free and Appropriate Education for your son, although it is possible that for a time it may have to be through a public school system. Our son is 5 1/2 and is exhibiting some autistic tendencies. He is in the local public school system and we couldn't be happier. They have worked hard to make sure that he is in the environment and receiving the extra help that he needs in order to succeed. All of this WITHOUT any diagnosis - that takes over a year to get through Cincinnati Children's Department of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics. A public school CANNOT turn you down because your child has some behavioral problems and you never know, you may be pleasantly suprised as we have been.

What kind of behavior is allowed at home? How often do you discuss appropropriate and inappropriate behavior? It should be discussed ALL THE TIME.....not just about things that occur in your household, but if you see a child helping another child....acknowledge and discuss. Same thing with poor behavior, discuss and discuss what should/could have been done instead.

Reward and acknowledge the postitive behavior of the others. Make SURE there are consequences for the inappropriate behavior.

If you suspect ANYTHING in the diet is adding to the behavioral issues.......get ALL DYES AND SUGAR OUT OF THE DIET. Eliminate ALL processed food. Many times the chemicals can trigger or add to an already difficult child.

I would AVOID meds. They should be a LAST resort.

J.,
You should watch the "Boys in Crisis" video series. I work with many special needs kindergarteners and there are so many methods to try. It is difficult to say which one will work for your child and his/her particular situation. Public school system cannot refuse him education and would need to set-up a behavioral IEP to assist him in the classroom. You should also know your rights as a parent of a child with special needs. Read through the "No Child Left Behind Act" and get a hold of support groups of other parents with children with special needs. Education is paramount for your child and the earlier the intervention the better.
I am a teacher and a single mom of two wonderful children. I know that we need to be our kids first advocate in life and educating yourself to your rights and available assistance will help! Best Wishes!

J. B., I know people getting help with a phenomenal juice called MonaVie. Your body can heal itself given the right nutrition. Below is a copy of an email from someone using MonaVie for a child with ADD.

YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELEIVE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!

THANKS FOR SHARING THIS KELLY!!!

Our nephew went for a parent teacher conference for the first time since being diagnosed with ADD. They said he was doing wonderful and that the medication must be working well for him. When Mike's sister and Bro-in-law told them he wasn't on medication they asked for information on the product! The Principal, teacher and guidance counselor all want to know more.

Thanks,

Kelly
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God Bless!

You mention the Catholic schools but what about the public schools? I am not sure what system you are in but the public school district would be responsible for helping him with a multi-disciplinary team.

Hi, you might also want to have him tested for BiPolar or Oppositional Defiant Disorders. I have taken a few classes on these and I also have a 6 year old who I am in the process now of having him to see a psychiatrist because of his behaviors at school and home. He does things such as kicking little girls in the nose, squirting taco sauce on fellow classmates, making noise in class, cannot concentrate when he is with his fellow classmates so the teacher sometimes puts him at a desk away from the other children just so he can concentrate and get his work done in class, etc. You get the picture. Actually academically he is doing fine, it is with the respecting others property and respecting authority, following directions and the such that he really has the issue with. I too am at my wits end on this one, but just wanted to let you know that it could be other disorders as well as ADD or ADHD.

We have not personally gone through this, but we have dealt with it through our nephew who is going on 10. You may want to ask the psych about a language issue. Our nephew (who in all other aspects seemed to communicate quite well) had trouble putting emotions into words. He would get very angry and then sad about things and he would often act out. He has been working on those specific issues in therapy and we have seen quite an improvement. Just another option to look into. Best of luck!

Hi, my son is now 16 so there is hope...my so was "kicked out of pre-school" for the same kind of things. He has been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome (a high functioning form of Autism) and is now doing VERY well. He was a big challenge for many years though and like you I didn't know where to turn. Just love him as much as you can and keep pushing the doctors to find what is wrong. There are many ways to have him tested. Many questions run through my mind like are you there when he's being tested in the room? If so that could be the problem. Have they put him in a classroom type setting to test him or is he alone, he may not like other people around him he doesn't know, there are many things to consider. If you have questions for me please contact me, and I will pray for you both.