Help My Divorcing Neighbors Are Driving Me Mad!

It';s not your job. Tell the son that he is to let his mom know where he's going. He probably can't take the insanity any more than you can! You can offer the son sanctuary until it's time for him to go home. But boy is the MOM way out of line! Until they are irrevocably divorced and custody is determined, the boy has two parents. He does anyway. But you need to be able to have contact with one of them when he's at your house in case of emergency. Dads are just as possible. She's playing a tug of war and I wouldn't play into her dramas. She's pissed off. She doesn't need to make everyone around her miserable. Next time you talk to the dad, explain this load of hooey and that you do not want to be in the middle. Your sons are friends. That should be a consideration on their parts, without demanding you take sides. Hang up on her next time.

I had the same thing happen to me, it was awful. What I learned. Remember one of them will be living next to you for a long time. I pretty much ignore the people next door and they do the same. The Father did not want his son to play with mine becasue I went to court for the Mom and the Mom moved out. 1) Don't pick sides. only if you think the parent is dangerous to the child and you have facts you have seen.everything else is gossip. 2)tell each parent only things relevant to the children. 3) Change the subject when they try to pull you in or vent or say you have to call someone or go to the store, or get something off the stove etc.. they will get that you will not listen or get involved. 4) find out if they were given a parent coordinator, that person handles their disputes not you.
5) Encourage them to be positive around their son and do things for their son. My girlfriend did everything for her son that most people would never do( including allowing the woman her x had an affair with in her home!) because it made it easier on her son. She ended up being in a great relationship with her x's parents. She never said anything insulting about her x to his family, and they have helped her alot.

I agree that in the end you will be neighbors to one of these parents unless they sell the house in the divorce. In the meantime, I would nicely tell them that you and your family would like to remain friendly on both sides of the divorcing party for their sake and for the sake of the kids. Tell them how much you and your kids enjoy the childrens company and since it sounds like one of the parents has already left the residency - tell them they are welcome to call the house anytime to check up on the kids while they are their in your temporary care - but other than that if they are back home - they should really call and talk to the ex about previous playdates. Then, if you are called and the children are not visiting I would simply state that they are not currently there and he/she would need to call the ex.

I hope this helps - and good luck.

I"m not sure how much help this will be, but I wouldn't cut ties. For the reason u mentioned about YOUR son, but also, you are probably the only thing stable in this boys life right now. But I would invite both parents out to dinner, someplace public, less likely to make a scene (you hope) and tell them, that you are going to continue to do things the way you always have, until the divorce is final, and their lawyers say something otherwise. And that you do not appreciate being put in the middle. Flat out, but I'd tell both, then continue to do it.

Now, they might stop sending the boy over, but that would be THEIR action, and not yours, and might help with your son accepting it if it did happen.

JMTC. (just my 2 cents)

For the sake of the little boy I wouldn't cut ties, not yet anyways, he comes to your house to get away from his parents divorce.

I would however is to tell the parents that you are NOT going to get in the middle of their divorce and that you are not the go between and you don't have notify anybody about anything. It is up the parents to notify each other about what the boy is doing.

Not sure what the problem really is. Why do you have to tell them anything, my daughter has her friend over, and I have the girl call her mom or dad also divorced. Let them tell their son not to talk to dady or mom. Best of luck with the crazy parents, and your childs BFF.

This is where you need to step up and communicate what is happening to the parents - whether they want to hear it or not. It doesn't mean they need to be in the same room at the same time, as it could only come to more fighting.

Communicate to these parents that the stress going on in the home can take it's toll on any child, and you do not mind being there for their child in any way as you are the parent of his best friend and his friend is there for him to help him - as you are.

If I were you I would tell the mother and the father; that I am not going to play favorites in any way for the child while they are in a battle as this only serves to emotionally scar the child more. I am also at liberty to speak to whom I would - regardless of what their relationship status is.

It is not your job to inform one parent of any issue unless an emergency crisis happens with their child while he is playing - and chances are that it won't. Most likely, they know he is there and it is a complete power struggle at this point.

This is their issue - not yours. Do not let them pull you any further into their drama and stress any further than to just be there for their son, as he is your child's best friend. Their son can communicate with them his feelings, too... Or he can have a counselor from school help him as they have the 'tools' to assist with ideas, etc. for this.

Hi L.,

Don't allow yourself to let his parents put you in the middle. Your family is probably one of the only stable environments this boy has now. Poor kid. He probably comes over more often to your house just to get away from all the fighting. Children who are around two bickering parents will try to seek refuge wherever they can to get a break and have some normalcy. Don't punish this boy for his parents' faults. I would not feed into any of their mess. Don't take sides, relay messages, talk about one parent behind the other parent's back, etc. It'll be hard at first, but stay neutral and make it a point to avoid their problems. Let them know that you are only concerned about the best interests of their son when he is in your care just like you would be for any other child who befriends your son. If they love their son, they will want what makes him happy.

I just watched my niece/nephew go through this for two+ years!
When people are divorcing and there is a custody battle, the parents often get carried away with their possessiveness and control. They are in a terrible situation and unfortunately often lose sight of how their (desparate) behavior is affecting their children and others. Since your home seems to be a great place for him (and your son benefits too), I would just gently say to both parents (at different times) that your family loves their son and he seems really happy when he is "there with your son". Tell them how badly you feel for all of them, but for the boys' sakes hope that he can still come over. Tell both of them that there will not be any discussion of the divorce/his familiy's struggle because that is private and NO ONE deserves to be in the middle of that (especially their son). Tell them that if they both need to be informed of his presence at your home, that that is fine but that they should be communicating that to each other (or he will be the one to make the phone call if they can't say 2 words to eachother without a blowout fight). I might ask the mom for clarification about "not being able to communicate anything about their son to his dad". Tell her that the only things you would communicate to either of them would only be necessary information anyhow (ie he was not feeling well, already had dinner, finished his homework, etc.). If she still has a problem with that, reassure her that your house is simply a happy place for her son and that she should want that for him.
If you do, in fact, love him as a son...then you should do everything you can to keep him coming to your home....even if it means having to witness all of this. He needs all the healthy/happy experiences he can get, and if you stick to avoiding the divorce 'stuff', it should be a very therapuetic place for him....and your son gets to keep seeing his best friend. Gently remind both parents that he--like any kid going through divorce---needs all the happy experiences he can get, and that being with his best friend gives him that. Reassure both of them that you hope it can all work out so that everyone gets along regardless of the end result.
Divorce is always nasty :(