Help! My Son Won't Sleep Because of No Paci!

I'd give it back. My ped told me there really isn't a problem if the kids just have them at night. He probably doesn't even use it all night. Wait until he is about 2.5 and then have him help you throw it away.

Abruptly taking away a comfort object can be very traumatic to a little one.

I would give him his paci back. Only allow paci for sleep times chances are he is CLOSE to giving it up himself.

Hi K.,

I know of many many parents that let their kids have a paci way beyond two years as long as the paci is only used for bedtime and/or naps. He will give it up when he is good and ready. My boys that took paci's kept them until just before they started school. I would let them fall asleep with it and for a few weeks would leave it by them in bed in case they woke up and wanted it. Eventually they didn't touch it after I took it out of their mouths and they decided they'd just do without. My youngest son is a thumb sucker. He is 8 now and still sucks his thumb to fall asleep. Within minutes of him falling asleep it is out of his mouth and doesn't go back until I try to wake him in the morning. He doesn't suck his thumb unless he's in bed and I calculated that he's not sucking on it more than 5-10 minutes total each day/night so I'm not worrying about it. He will give it up when he is good and ready and not before. Don't make it a struggle. It will happen by itself all in good time.

Hope this helps - S.

My son kept his paci for a long time. I could see that he got a lot of comfort out of it and didn't have the heart to take it away. We only let him have it during sleep times, not just walking around. When he got up the paci went into the "paci bed" (a shoe box in the top of his closet) until the next bedtime.

One night while we were on vacation, we lost the paci. He was old enough to understand there was nothing we could do about it that first night. We comforted him and stayed with him till he fell asleep. Since he did ok that night, we praised him and encouraged him that he was a big boy and didn't need it anymore. When we got home from vacation, we took the rest of the paci's from the paci bed and let him take them to Toys R Us and "buy" a toy with them.

It was a completely tear-free process. In fact, he was pretty excited about his accomplishment. He's now 5 1/2 and has perfect alignment of his teeth according to the dentist.

I'm not sharing this to be critical of you at all. You need to do what you think is best for your child. I know I felt a lot of pressure from people when I'd hear them talk about how awful it is that some kid they thought was too old to have a pacifier was still using one. I decided for us, it was no one's business how long my child was comforted by something dear to him and let him keep it until he could give it up easily.

BTW, my 3-year old daughter also still uses hers when she sleeps :)

To keep the peace and not traumatize the poor little thing, I would get him a new one, I am a wus! Sounds like he still needs it for security or whatever. All the new nightlights, stuff animals etc in his eyes are no replacement for his buddy the paci. Just because it seems to "be time", doesn't mean it is. What's the harm in letting him keep it? Sounds like it's just at night anyway. OR
You could probably talk him out of it "pacis are for babies and you are a big boy" You could put it "out" for the paci fairy to come and take it to a baby who really needs it.
I just don't think taking something away that he has had his whole life just because "it's time" makes sense to him...he's only 2!
I have 3 girls. Two never took a paci. The other had 1 in her mouth, 1 in each hand, probably 6 in her bed somewhere, we conveniently "lost " them slowly and there was no drama. I know it's a tough one, especially with a new baby coming. Good Luck!

hey K.
i Had the hardest time with my girls giving then up and tryed a few thing and all failed so i ended giving it back to them and only let them have it at sleep time we cut them and they cryed to they got new ones so it wont hurt for him to have it a little longer

I see you got a ton of feedback already but here's my vote--Get him a new pacifier, allow it for sleep time only and try again in 6 months. My oldest, who is now 4, was a pacifier lover and finally we had a smooth transition at 3 years and 3 months. I had planned to pull it at 2, but quickly learned how soothing and important it was to my daughter. I did some research and determined that for us, it was just more important to allow her the relaxation that her pacifier brought her at bedtime. This is certainly one of those topics that can be a bit divided between parents and while I do respect and recognize all the different styles of parenting, I do sometimes wonder why we work so hard to control and train our babies and toddlers so that they fit into what we are comfortable with. We know that sucking is a natural soother (up to 5 years of age some research says)and yet we want to give and take it away at our discretion. I personally have a hard time with the cry it out method for any child under 2, for any reason, as it ultimately messes with the nervous system and only enforces the parent as dominant figure of control--undermining parental trust. I don't believe young children are manipulating us adults. They may challenge us to expand our expectations or to broaden our understanding, and to grow our patience. True, they may surprise us with their stubbornness, determination and smarts--but they are ultimately trying to make themselves comfortable in a world of which they no very little about. Imagine from their perspective--"why in the world would my mom me doing this to me?"
In other words, there are many of us who don't feel like we should apologize for 'giving in' and allowing our small children a pacifier beyond what we planed. I can also tell you that every child is different--my second child never had any interest in a pacifier (and believe me we tried to introduce it!). So, it really doesn't matter what everyone else does or doesn't do! Best of luck!

If he is only using it for sleep What is the harm in him having it? My 2 older girls both had it until 3. Then we just took it away. It was a huge comfort for them.
As long as he is only sleeping with it it will not hurt his speech and usually does not harm his teeth.
Blessings, K.

Another mom here to say, let him go pick out a new one. At the age of 2, he needs something to comfort him, and since he is only using it at night time, all should be ok.

With our youngest we only gave him his at night and told him every couple of days that when he turned 3 the me-me (that is what he called his)fairy was going to come and take it away for another lil baby. The night of his 3rd birthday he was ready, he put it under his pillow, and the next morning it was gone, and he was fine with it.

I also wanted to add that I sucessfully breastfed both my boys, and both used pacifires.

I wish you lots of luck, ~D.~

Give him the 'broken' one or one with a slit cut in it. Tell him it's that or nothing. Put him back to bed and tell him that it is time to sleep...and keep doing it until he sleeps. Keep giving him the broken paci and leave the room. As soon as he gets up, do it again. I wouldn't leave him to CIO for this issue because he is truly stressed. He at least needs you to help him through the hard parts. IMO, stop the new stuff. At this point you are encouraging him to cry and setting him up for 'failure' by expecting him to have a bad night.

We have the same issue. We have cut the paci gradually out of the day, out of the car, only in bed. Sometimes if he needs a 'fix' he can go in one particular chair and have it for a minute or two. Then he goes and puts it away again and goes on playing. The next step will be me actually going in after he is asleep and taking it (since he spits it out anyway). It's just easier for us and him to do it gradually. There is no law that says 'no paci after 2'...yes, I know there are teeth issues and such, but I really don't think an extra month or so will make much difference there.

Good luck.

**after reading another post I have to add that I don't think he's playing you. I really don't. His paci has been his comfort for this long and YOU gave it to him in the first place...now he doesn't understand why he can't have it. It's certainly your decision...but sometimes our gut tells us what is right...and your gut seems to be telling you something.**

My oldest was just over 2 when he gave up his. He was not feeling well and has lost his paci. My mother in law got him a new one but it was not the right kind.( he liked the ones with the slant) I told him that was the only one he had and would only offer that one he would keep tossing it out when offered. He did learn to go to sleep with out it after a while. hope that helps.

Do you know anyone that has recently had a baby? If you do, I would tell your son, that a new baby was born and so now that he is a big boy, he needs to give his paci's to the new baby who doesn't have any. Have him put all of the paci's in a gift bag and take him to see the baby. Have him give the bag to the new mom. Good luck! If he's only using it at night, I'm not sure I would change his routine at this point though...

You have a couple of options...You could continue to ride it out and comfort him through it. You could get a new pacifier and wait a few months to see if he'll be more mature and ready, or you could get a new one and attach it to his bed with an 8 inch or so cord (short so he can't hurt himself). He can have the pacifier, but only in bed etc. It might help. Best of luck.

I'd bring him in bed with me for as long as it takes so we could all get some sleep.

AAAAHHHHHH poor kid, just give the thing back to him, and tell him only in his room.. that is his way of soothing himself. He will not go to kindergarten with it, so let the little boy be a little boy and have his paci.
This is what parents don't get, IT CAN"T HURT THEM,

Hi K.,

I will tell what we did when our daughter was 3 and still sleeping with it. We would take it out of her room when she wasn't in there. When she would go to bed at night she would ask for it. We would pretend to go look for it. Come back a few minutes later,with no luck. We did this for three days and she was broken of the habit.
It worked for us,good luck. Worth a try and easy to do.

Just my opinion, with the next baby,do not give them a pacifier. With our son we did not try to give him one ever. I went through the worst time with our daughter since she was given a bottle before I was able to try breastfeeding. It caused nipple confusion,which is very hard to repair after it happens. I told the nurses at the hospital that I did not want my son to be bottle fed or given a pacifier when he was not with me. I had 6 years in between our kids. I was much more mature and knew more by then.

C.

I agree with some of the other Moms - give it back! My three-year-old son still uses one most nights. Big deal. I seriously doubt that your son is crying in order to manipulate you and make you feel guilty - that's ridiculous. Just let him have it back until he's ready to give it up. It really isn't worth him being traumatized like that. Best of luck to you, K.!

Give him back his pacifier. Then when he is not aware, make it malfunction; ie. cut a slit in it or cut the top off. He will know that it is broken and it has to be thrown away. My 2 yo son threw his broken pacifier in the garbage truck. He was unhappy for a few days then life went on.

OR: Somehow have him lose the pacifier in a place you cannot get back too. My 2 yo daughter left hers on the now defunct Bob-Lo Island. Again it only took a few days for the unhappiness to go away.

Hi K.!
I agree with the other moms that say go ahead and give it back! He's still a baby at two. One of my best girlfriends took her kids (twins) pacies away when they were a little over two. She has continued to say since then how she wishes she would have waited to make her kids give it up. My daughter is almost three and still has her paci. I've thought about having her give it up, but it is such a comfort to her. She only has it at bedtimes and we have a special "binky bag" on a shelf in her room where they go during the day. Your son is not trying to manipulate you. He just needs to feel comfortable and secure while he sleeps. Maybe start the rule that pacies are only for naps and bedtime. Get him a special box like someone else suggested and decorate it with stickers and crayons and make it special for him.

Another thought - with a new baby coming soon your son is going to need a special comfort object more than ever. My eldest loved that her little sister had a "binky" too. She was a huge helper to always make sure the baby had one.

Good luck!! You will get through this!!

E.

I wish I had an easy fix for you, but unfortunately, the only solution is time. We took away my daughter's paci when she was 3 (we cut it and made her throw it out). She went from being a great sleeper to barely sleeping at all for the next four months. I cried ALL THE TIME. I contacted a sleep specialist who theorized that just like kids all walk at different times, babies give up their paci's at different times, too, and my daughter was NOT ready to give it up (we pushed the issue). She said that our options were two: 1) give her back the paci and let her give it up on her own time, or 2) stick it out and maintain a strict sleep schedule and eventually she'll work through it. Even now, 14 months later, I still feel like she is not totally "over" the pacifier. She sticks her hands in her mouth constantly and bites her nails and I am always wondering if it's because we took away the "ninny" too soon or if it's something she'd do anyway. But if you are committed to getting rid of the paci, you can do it! It may take a few more months, but eventually your little one will learn to self-soothe to sleep without the pacifier.
Good luck! I really feel for you.

We introduced a new snuggle thing a few weeks before we took away the paci for good. We also struggled w/him because we'd cut the paci, but he just didn't like it at all, so we ended up taking "all or nothing" approach.

We did it at about 12 months. I can't imagine trying to do it at 2 or older because they are so much more independent. The book we followed said to start doing it during a nap time, not during the time when he'd fall asleep for the night. And he struggled for 1 nap/1 evening, then the next nap, but the next night he was sleeping without it and we haven't had a problem since. Now we just have to make sure he has his teddy bear!

Don't expect him to change overnight. Let him know that you will be taking it away soon. Then, work towards getting him another comfort thing and playing with it for a few weeks, then pick a day and at nap time - don't give him the paci. (I picked out a huge teddy bear that he'd wrestle with and soon he was sleeping with the bear and the paci. Then eventually, I took the paci away)

Stay strong. You'll get through it. Our family did.

What worked for my children at that age, was taking the pacifier to the store and they got to pick out something they liked but in turn they had to give the cashier their pacifier. Of course we know the cashier did not keep it, I threw it away, but it gave them closure and only for a few nights did they have problems sleeping. After that they were great!

Did you try weaning him off the pacifier first?

Hope this helps.

Many blessings,

M.

Yeah I tried taking the paci away when my son turned 2 in June and the something happened. Unfortunately I wasn't able to handle all the drama so we gave it back :( I've heard the same thing that it does it easier...but when? Maybe you could get a book at the library about getting rid of the paci. We talked about the paci fairy taking the paci to the newborn babies. Sorry I'm not much help. But I wish you luck :)

K.; i dont think the pacifyer is the problem, sure he misses it, but i think his age is also contributing to it, my kids had the option of sleeping in our room if they could not sleep, i would put a little mattress under my bed all made and once comforted to go back to sleep i would lay them there, or pat their little backs while they slept, until we both fell asleep, the reason children have a need to suck is long gone, now its just a comfort for him, give him comfort in another way, its ok to comfort him and allow him to come to you and get some comfort, if all their needs are met the transition would be easier, give him the comfort he needs, he notices his surroundings more so and things can be fearful with out comfort, the sucking comforted him, now its time to make comfort something else, be it you, or a blanky, or whatever you need to give him comfort other than the pacifyer, just be loving and allow him the comfort , he will only be little once so enjoy the time you can be his comfort, D. s

Oh my goodness! GIVE IT BACK!!! He's only two! Still a baby! Like someone else said, he's not going to go to Kindergarten with it! Is it really worth all of the drama and tears?? What's the harm??