Help! Newborn Who Fights Sleep

Updated on December 08, 2008
E.R. asks from Fort Myers, FL
11 answers

Hi mamas.... I could really use some advice, or at least some new ideas. I have an almost 8 week old son who is really struggling with nighttime sleeping. He usually takes one good 3 hr or so nap during the day plus 2-3 'catnaps' as well. I am breast feeding him exclusively, so of course he wakes up more often at night - usually every 2-3 hours. The problem is getting him to sleep. We have been keeping a little of a routine... bath, feeding, then rocking to sleep, but the time of night varies on how long he has been up since his last nap. He really has been fighting going to sleep lately.... even with the rocking, swaddling, shhh'ing, pacifier, etc. When he does go to sleep, he puts up a major fit first, then SOMETIMES drifts off to sleep, and even then for only 20 minutes or so before we have to start over. And he usually is giving all the signs that he is tired! It breaks my heart to have him cry so much just to go to sleep, but we are out of ideas.

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So What Happened?

Well, things have gotten a little better! I really appreciate everyone's advice. It gave me ideas and perspectives to consider. Right now we are trying to get his evening routine going a little earlier and having him ready for sleep when he has already been up for a couple of hours. This definitely seemed to help a bit. Also, I've been trying to keep the environment the same when we are going to sleep for the first time as it is when he wakes for night time feedings. This way he associates it with going back to sleep. I am more aware now of being sure he nurses for a good long while if possible as this seems to make him more drowsy - and likely to sleep for 4-5 hours in the first round. I'm so grateful for all of you... you were there when all my other resources couldn't help! Thanks!

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K.D.

answers from Sarasota on

I found the same as Traci. By then end of the day, I didn't have enough milk to satisfy him through the evening. I started pumping in the morning when I had more than enough and used it to supplement breastfeeding him in the evening. Also, I highly recommend the Fisher Price papasan swing. He loved the motion and when all else failed, it worked like a charm. We actually wore out the motor by the time he was 4 mos old. Great for when mom needs sleep/a break too! Good luck.

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N.D.

answers from Tampa on

Go to Target and look for this bear. It makes sounds from the womb and can be noise activated. So if it stops the sound and your child starts to stir about, it starts back up again. It was so helpful. Shhh-ing didn't work well for me either. And sometimes they just have colic. It's the same time each night around 7 or 8 pm?

http://www.target.com/Original-Slumber-Bear-Silkie-Pink/d...

1 mom found this helpful
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D.H.

answers from Tampa on

Being that young is tough. You are experiencing something very normal. I had two of them crying at the same time in the same manner. Before a baby is 9 months old you cannot spoil them, they need you. So whatever it takes for them to go to sleep (rocking, a swing, bouncy or on you) you do it for sleep salvation. You might be experiencing the witching hour. My two didn't go to sleep until 10 or 11 o'clock. One reason I heard this happens in the beginning is because their own clock is off. When we are pregnant and walking around during the day they are soothed by this and fall asleep, at night we would rest and they would be active (just one theory I heard). So they don't just come out knowing the day/night difference. You are doing fine with keeping the bedtime routine even if he doesn't get it. Also, I was told great advice in the beginning if you sometimes wait for all their cues of sleepiness you may have missed the mark. At that age they typically can go 90-120 minutes in between sleep. At the 90 minute mark start to look for thei cues and as soon as you see one start to get him to sleep.

And as far as breastfed babies they need to eat more often because they can digest that milk faster-it was made just for them. In the beginning he can eat between 30minutes and 2 hours so if he seems hungry it isn't always a supply issue but he could really be hungry. You can always call the lactation consultant from the hospital and see if they can check you for a supply. Pumping is not a good indicator of how much the baby gets or how much you produce since the baby will always get more out than a pump. Hope this helps

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T.L.

answers from Tampa on

mabey check to see if you are producing enough milk for him.I tried to breast feed,but did not have enough,and it showed in the night.hope you get some sleep!
T.
fl.

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H.B.

answers from Tampa on

I wouldn't recommend letting an 8 week old cry himself to sleep under any circumstance. Crying is their only way of communicating that they need something, it just hasn't been figured out yet :-) He may need cuddling, rocking, snuggling, walking, nursing....whatever it takes. Or maybe he isn't ready for bed when you are trying to put him down? Every kid is different. Is the environment set up for sleep (calm, quiet, dim)...do you have a sling? Most babies will fall asleep well by being in a sling close to mommy (or daddy). Does he fall asleep in bed next to you while nursing? That was always the best way to get both my kids to sleep in the day/night. Don't worry about all the 'warnings' of creating habits...these are babies/kids and only need us for such a short time in their lives. Enjoy being 'needed' while it lasts! How about a cozy swing or bouncer? I would say he is totally normal and not to stress or try to force him to sleep on your schedule...it's one of those natural things that doesn't work well to be forced :-) I notice on this list that lots of moms are battling with 'natural bodily functions' like sleep and eating....

I see that some people mentioned 'not having enough milk'....this is rare, and is what most people think when their baby is fussy, but usually isn't true. If it is, you can take some natural supplements yourself like fennugreek, drink red raspberry leaf tea or coconut milk or pump an extra couple times a day to tell your body to make even more...You could always speak to a lactation consultant if you are concerned, but don't give up the breastfeeding, it sounds like you are doing well. Call Lucille at the Morton Plant in Clearwater. It is FREE to have a phone or in-person consult. There is also a Nursing Moms Care and Share group that meets there every 1st and 3rd Fri of the month where you can ask lots of moms questions in a very comfy informal setting. The lactation consultant is there and you can ask anything related to nursing, sleep issues, parenting, anything! Lots of great advice from other moms, in-person! Please check it out! Best wishes!

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A.A.

answers from Punta Gorda on

Hi E.,

I would do similar to Rosemary and lie with her in a bed. If you can learn to lay on your side and breastfeed while the both of you sleep, that may be a big help. It saved us! I was able to breastfeed exclusively (and boosted my meager supply) by having the baby feed all night, as needed. It took some time to teach my body how to get comfortable in those positions, but it was well worth it. And yes, eventually they outgrow it. Our daughter is now 2 and sleeping alongside us in her own toddler bed, with no nursing at night anymore. HTH!

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H.S.

answers from Tampa on

Hi E.,
Totally normal problem by the way. Both my son's did this. They don't know how to self soothe yet so they cry cry cry. Just keep being consistant and what we would do is this: We went through our normal routine of bath,singing, nursing and a book (goodnight moon) then we swaddled and put him down. He would cry (or scream) and we let him for 5 minutes. went back in to soothe him (remaining in the room) and then put him down and went in after 10 minutes. Usually with several tries he will go to sleep. Give it at least 2 weeks of being consistant. My son is 11 mos. old now and has been going to sleep fine for many months. You will get through it! :)

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R.

answers from Tampa on

My 1st baby slept on his own in his crib at 2 weeks with no problems. Not so for my second. She was the opposite. I was so tired and exhausted from her not sleeping through the night. That I put a bed in her room and laid next to her. I started her in the crib, but once she woke up for her feeding getting her back down was exhausting. It felt like I would never sleep in the bed with my husband again, but it all worked out. I enjoyed the time with her. It created a wonderful bond with her too. She needed me at time in her life and it felt great (yet exhausting). She now sleeps in her bed and has probably slept with my husband and I twice in the past year. It goes by quickly. If you and your husband are ok with it, then I would put the baby next to you in the bed. Just think, it's only been 8 weeks since he has been out of your nice warm belly. Wouldn't you miss it? Good luck on what ever you decide to do. Just remember you need to get some good sleep to be a good mom! Lack of sleep causes stress and depression.

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H.T.

answers from Tampa on

This is never fun to hear your little one cry to sleep. Sometimes, especially when they get a bit older (like my 10 month old), I think they are just overtired and just fight going to sleep. They don't want to miss out on any fun! But with yours so young, I wonder if he could still be hungry? I'm sure you have tried, and I'm not sure it is the best recommendation, but will he ever nurse to sleep? My daughter used to do that all the time (my oldest and my 10 month old). This is a habit that you do need to break later, but they go off to sleep so peacefully, and right with you! Also, you could try putting him in the swing or his bouncy seat? Even at 4 weeks, sometimes we would put my daughter in her swing and let her rock until her next feeding. We would let her sleep in there.. she was locked in with straps, so wasn't going anywhere and was safe. Again, not sure the best recommendations as maybe it doesn't teach them to self soothe or whatever, but hey, they are only tiny for such a short time and you can't really spoil them. My thoughts are he is too young to cry to sleep, like put in the crib and just cry himself off. I know that is not what you are doing, and some people might disagree with me. I'm not a cry it outter. However, I hear you in that you are even holding him and he is crying. Have you tried changing the environment? Walking outside with him (slight change of temp and noies, etc). That often calms down a baby. Either way, don't give up. He is just 8 weeks, so still learning how to go to sleep and live without being in your safe tummy! One last thing.. some babies like that white noise.. the radio or tv on static. I can't do that.. but babies like it.. it is neutral. Good luck!!

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M.R.

answers from Fort Myers on

Hi! I know you have a lot of advice here, but here's my 2 cent's worth!

I had several friends recommend the book "On Becoming Baby Wise" before I had my baby. It really helped set a feeding/waketime/sleeptime schedule. My daughter was 6 weeks old and began sleeping 8 hours at night, even while being breast fed.

It really worked for me and my daughter and she's 4 mos and sleeping 10 hours a night now and still breast feeding. It's important for both of you to get a good night's sleep!

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J.V.

answers from Tampa on

Hi E.. I know I am a little late, but I wanted to share with you a few things that worked for us when we were having the same problem. Start getting him ready for bed at like 6ish and donwn by seven. Newborns and Infants need twelve hours of sleep a night and two 2-3 hour naps during the day. If you wait to long he will get over tired and it will be even harder to get him to go to sleep. All babies are different but it's usually that many. After you get done with the bath time and rocking to calm him try having some type of background noise (mobile,the womb bear, a cd) anything that will calm him if he wakes and something he will get use to hearing so he knows it's bed time. Second lay him in his bed and give him his bottle there or nurse him so when he does drift off you dont have to worry about moving him and possibly waking him. That worked for us tremendously, we had a complete turn around I hope it does for you. I know it can be very upsetting and stressful but don't worry all three of you will find something that works for you. Good luck

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