Help!!! One Year Can't Sleep Through the Night.

"Stubbornness" is an adult concept. Your little guy is expressing a need in the only way he has. And not all babies are able to sleep according to the same set of principles. There are as many sleep patterns as there are babies. In spite of the fact that some sizable percentage are able to sleep through the night or on their own from an early age, there are also a sizeable number who have a greater need for contact, comfort, and bonding throughout the night.

It may not be too helpful now that it's done, but that's a huge and abrupt change to force all at once, and a four-hour cry-it-out is pretty traumatic for a baby. That's a lot of stress hormones pumping through his little body, and stress hormones (cortisol and adrenaline) make restful sleep less likely. I can't even imagine what desperate feelings accompanied that experience, but he's apparently stressed and rattled now about sleep. Tension and too much tiredness are taking a toll on him and on you.

I'm big on bonding and trust, because I've wached many, many families over my 40 adult years, and the many families I know that thoughtfully employ closeness and bonding have children who tend to be relaxed and independent from early ages. And within those families, there is a huge range of emotional aptitude and "need," even among closely-spaced siblings. So it seems undeniable that they can't possibly all fit into the same cookie-cutter pattern.

So, I were in your position, I'd be inclined to start over on the sleep separation. I would keep him in bed with me again for a couple of weeks, or at least until his sleep settled down again, and then start out by moving him into a bedside co-sleeper if it fits in your room, or his crib beside your bed, and increase the distance between us gradually.

If there's no room to do that, but you have another bed in your home, I'd trade off with mom or dad sleeping with him on alternate nights so that he begins developing some emotional flexibility while still having the closeness he finds comforting. I'd also consult older mothers in my circle, get a stack of sleep books from the library, and begin exploring other options.

At 14 months, your son won't have much if any memory of this event in a few months, though he may experience a somewhat more intense period of separation anxiety (without remembering why). But a month at his age is a *huge* fraction of his life, and the changes he's experiencing by the week are probably noticable. His sleep patterns will probably change by themselves over the next few months, even if you were to do nothing different.

So there are probably fairly small but significant steps you can make to give all of you more restful nights. I know the idea of "not going back" to a previous pattern is a big on among parents. But it's exactly that – an idea, and there's no research that suggests that it's good to stick with a new pattern that is simply not working. And I've known dozens of parents who have backed away from changes or policies that turned out to be a bad fit, and experienced only benefits from keeping a view to results, not concepts.

Good luck. Sleep is one of the most challenging areas of child rearing. And billions of children and their parents have gotten through those issues.

Well one of the main rules in the cry it out method is don't go back once you started! On day 5 when he had a new freak out (which they say usually happens as just one last test to see if you are really going to make him sleep by himself) you should have just stuck to your guns and continued with the cry it out instead of holding him, trying to sleep on his floor etc. So from someone who as done the cry it out with a very stubborn child just start all over again and this time don't back down! Make sure you are doing a bedtime routine so he knows it's bedtime like, bath, story, song bed. Then you can do like you did before and keep checking on him every 10 min or so but when you do just walk in lay him back down if he is standing then walk out. No rocking or laying with him. After a while he will get the picture. With my first daughter it took 2 weeks before she stopped crying all together for bedtime. And my doctor even told me to give her benadryl to help make her super sleepy so she wouldn't cry for so long.

You could try having him sleep on a mattress on the floor next to your bed.

I agree with Peg M., who went into much more detail than I did late last night! Your baby has come to expect closeness at night, and suddenly that comfort is gone. A more staged approach to independent sleeping could be easier on him and on you.

First, good for you for knowing your own boundaries and acting on them. Believe me, I know how tired you are. That said, you have instigated a really big change for your son, and it will take all three of you some time to adjust. The only thing I would absolutely say to *not* do is bring him back to your bed. Not only would you be starting over again, but you will have taught him that if he screams long enough, he will get to go back in bed with you. Kids are smart - they know how things work. It actually sounds like you're all doing really well: you are consistently reinforcing the new pattern (we can be with you, but not in our bed.) A bottle of water or milk is probably not such a bad crutch to get him (and you) through this transition - even knowing that you will likely have to wean him off of that at some point. But if that helps him to soothe himself back to sleep, great. Do one thing at a time. Now, you're helping him to sleep in his bed. Later, you can help him learn to soothe himself without a bottle.

Honestly, I know you're tired, and I know you want it to be finished now, but it sounds to me like you're doing a great job. Be patient. Next week, it will be a little better. In a month, it'll likely be all over. Try to cut yourself some slack in other areas until this transition is completed - nap whenever he naps, drop household chores down to the bare minimum [clean underwear and food ;-)]. If you have family or friend who can help out, call on them for a meal or a break from your son. Also focus on giving your son lots of quality snuggly one-on-one time during the day. Daytime is the time for snuggles and closeness. Nighttime is for sleeping.

Best of luck to you - you're doing a great job.

You could try reading "The Baby Sleep Book" by Dr. Sears or "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" (for babies) or "The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers" by Elizabeth Pantley. I used ideas from all of those books for my kids.

Both of my kids start every night in their own bed. Our almost 2 year old still comes to our bed in the middle of the night about half the time. We are fortunate to have a king size bed, and you're right, it's tough to do that in anything smaller. I think the fact that he begins each night in his own bed makes a big difference. He used to come to our bed every night, then 5 or 6 times a week, now it's 3 or 4. He'll get there soon.

Patience, consistancy. It'll happen :-)

If you are just doing this for more room in your bed why don't you make a bed for him on your floor or bring his crib into your bedroom at first. Sounds like you are trying to make too big of a transition too fast. He is used to sleeping with you both and now he is all alone in a bed and alone in a separate room. I think I would cry too.

Don't keep going in to check on him. He'll just keep himself awake until the next time you come in. If you are going to let him cry make it worthwhile. He's got to cry himself to sleep even after he wakes up he's got to cry himself back to sleep. That's the fastest way that he will learn that he is going to sleep in his own bed now. Each time you go in you are reinforcing the crying.

Also, you are both at the point of exhaustion right now and it might not be an excellent time to try sleep training. My suggestion is to find the book Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child. Let your child sleep back in bed with you for a week or so, so that everyone is well rested and then start the sleep training from scratch when everyone is fresh.

You can do it. It will be worth it.

I agree with the idea of being consistent, but if you want to change methods, when my very determined daughter was that age we sat in her room until she was asleep, moving closer and closer to the door each night until we were just out of the door and then a little further away and a little further away. Having done co-sleeping I wonder if a titrated proximity approach might be a little bit less of a shock for him.

But also be sure that there is not a medical issue (tooth coming in, ear infection, etc) confounding things.

Good luck.

Sounds counter intuitive, but you're right he's napping less because he's overly exhausted. Sleep begats sleep and overly tired babies have a hard time calming down and going to sleep. That's a big transition for him. Will the crib fit in your room so you can get him used to the transition more gradually? For all sleep issues, I highly recommend Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's book, "Sleepless in America." She helped me with my boys.

I wish i had the answer for you but I am also battling this. I'm just now getting my 16 month daughter to nap by herself and sleep a few hours a night by herself. I find if I put her down half asleep then it's not so bad and hang by her side for a few minutes to comfort her then she'll go to sleep but we've yet had a full night of her doing this yet. Stay strong and you (and I, lol) will get through this Momma! Good luck and keep us updated!