Help! Our 2 Year Old Still Co-sleeps, and We Are Expecting Our Son in 8 Wks.

I didn't read the other responses so someone else might have suggested this too, but how about putting a mattress on the floor in her room and sleeping in there with here for a few weeks to help ease the transition? You can put a rod in the window to hold it closed, or you could get an alarm system installed if you are really worried. I also hung up christmas lights in my boys rooms and leave them up all year as a night light, they love that! Good luck!

I'm in a very similar situation. I have a son that will be 26 months when baby arrives. He still co-sleeps and has never know any other way of sleeping. I have until January to figure out a solution, but what we have started is having my son sleep in the bed with just his Daddy and I sleep in the guest room. That way he is used to sleeping without me. It's working great! And the added bonus is that I'm getting some MUCH needed rest before baby joins us! When the little one arrives I can sleep with him/her for the first few weeks and then we will make a new plan. I've learned that no matter what plans I make, they always seem to change so I try not to plan too far in advance.

By the way...you have lots of comments regarding getting your 2 year old out of your bed. If you are not ready for that, you don't have to do it. I know families that co-sleep with two and three children. Don't let people try and shame you for co-sleeping, it's a wonderful experience!!!!

We got a California king bed (which is 72" wide x 84" long), turned it on its side and had plenty of room for our 23mo and newborn. You don't have to change anything if you don't truly want to. We placed the newborn by the wall, with the gap taken care of with rolled up blankets (tightly rolled), toddler between me and my husband. It helped so much for nursing the baby.
Just an idea. Go with what will work for you, I am only sharing our experience in case it might help. I don't regret anything about co-sleeping.

It will probably take longer then 2 months. I suggest that Dad start sleeping her room with her to get more comfortable and used to the idea of sleeping in that room once she is comfortable he can gradually start to move closer and closer to the door until he is out in the hall and the in your room. As for the window to help ease your mind what about getting those window bars they use a safety device to keep kids from falling out of windows. I don't know how easily they are removed but it might help ease you mind a little. Your daughter might sense your fear and feed off of it. She proably knows that something about her being her room makes you nervous therefore she is scared. Oh and I suggest that dad be the one to sleep with her so that she will be used to it before baby gets here since you will be nursing and need to co sleep w. baby. you don't want to her to go from having you in her room to being in your bed w/ baby. It will be too much. Expect her to regress a little w/ any progress she makes after baby arrives.

If you want her to sleep in her own bed then the only way to make her sleep there to MAKE her sleep there. She's not going to get kidnapped out of her own room. Stuff like that almost NEVER happens. Really. You can stick a pole behind her window (where it slides open) so that it won't open, even without a lock if that makes you feel better and invest in a home alarm system. They aren't that expensive.

Or buy a king size bed and allow her to continue to cosleep. That's what I did and it all worked out fine. We used a co-sleeper for the baby for a while, but I was an exclusive BFer and baby slept by me and no one else. Still, the co-sleeper offers comfort and security.

Congratulations!

I agree with Regina B!!!! I did not co-sleep with either of my twins. They did sleep in our room in a pack n play for about six weeks, mostly because I was paranoid. Fix the window. Fix whatever you feel that needs to be done to the house to make you feel better about the situation. Get a monitor for her room. If you will be uptight about what is going on, then she will be able to tell. Get her excited about her room. Neither of my kids were good sleepers until they were about 3yrs old. I just let them fuss for a bit and then go in and pat their backs and then walk back out. It will be hard, but worth it in the end. I am an emotional mom and don't like to see my kids upset, but I am learning that they need to do these type of things for themselves. Hang in there mom. She may just do better than you think.

First, so very sorry for your situation as a child. For your own sake, I would recommend first and foremost making her room (window) as secure as possible. Is an alarm system a possibility, as well? A piece of wood or metal bar across the bottom of the window opening is great (if you have that type of window that slides open). That will help put your mind at ease somewhat to help.
Second, and this is probably not going to be very popular, but you are going to have to "teach" your daughter how to sleep by herself and that will include crying (probably both you and your daughter). But remember, no one every died from crying and actually, crying can be a great stress releaser, as well. :)
So with that being said, it will again, take your teaching her how to sleep in her own room. I would give yourself a week or so. Have you ever watched any of the "Supernanny" type shows. They are great to help you realize that it can be done with persistence on your part.
As for comforting her, I think talking about the change for a few days will help first. Really playing up the "big girl" thing. Then, from there, you will need to do the cry it out method. Again, remember, no one ever died from crying.
Just my two cents. She has only been taught how to co-sleep, so now she has to learn how to sleep independently.
R.

O.K. - the answer here is NOT to put her in her own room, for a variety of reasons, all those fears you mentioned - its not worth it. I would make your family bed bigger....add on another twin to the existing bed, and make it big enough for everyone, mom can be between the two kids - baby in the middle between both parents. Your daughter will feel safe having you next to her and won't feel replaced - mom will feel safe not feeling that someone will take her out of her room, etc. I also think you should have some precautions in your house - not sure what type of area you are living in, but get the window fixed, maybe a locked gun available, etc.
Do NOT put your daughter in another room, you will regret this highly.

Our 4 year old still co sleeps with us and my 2 year old daughter has always slept in a co sleeper, attached to the bed. I do feel more secure with both of my little sweets right next to me. We have an older house and where my sons room is, which is pretty close, is hard to hear because of the acoustics/lath and plaster. It did take some adjustment at first, not wanting to wake him when his baby sister would fuss in the night, I usually would take her in the other room, nurse her, change etc and then get her back to sleep. Now they are both use to each other's noise and don't wake up so easily to them. My husband will sometimes go in my son's room to get a better night sleep, ie if he has to work early. My 4 year old loves to sleep right up against me all night, that is where he feels the most safe:0) All kids are different and if you are not wanting to put your little girl in the other room, frankly I can't see myself doing that especially if I had your experience, sorry:( from when you were little. You and your family may have to try a few different things, but do what is best for you, not what other people think you should do. You know what your mama sense tells you. These little angels are gifts from God and He is watching out and over them. Such an honor and some humility to be a parent. I just know that when my kiddos are 10 they will want to not snuggle with mommy and I will be so sad when this precious bonding time is gone:(
PS my 4 year old still nurses to sleep too!!! Despite my OB recommending me stop nursing him before little sissy came along, because it "would be too confusing" for him. Not the case. We worked it out and you will too.
Best wishes and congratulations on your expanding family!

start with a big stuffed animal in between you and her.. and then one on the other side of her.. or a doll that she picks out in the store... do that for 0ne week.. then move her to the floor near your bed on a sleeping bag with the toys... if she cries.. just put your arm down to comfort her... then slowly move her out of your roomm... where does she sleep for naps.. in your bed or hers..if hers.. then keep it that way.. if yours.... put her down for naps in her own room.. good luck

Hi,

I understand your dilemma. I suggest getting a toddler bed and putting it next to your bed in your room. Start out slow by playing in the new bed, putting her baby dolls to bed there, then have her lie down there and rest while you rest on the bed. Then move to naps in there and then sleeping in the bed all night. Do this before the baby comes! Then she won't feel like she is being kicked out of the bed. Make a big deal of her new big girl bed and how nice it is- how much her dollies love it and she will love it too etc. Ask her to teach you how to rest in her bed if she doesn't want to get in it-- keep asking questions and be very interested in her answers. She will love it and grow to love her new bed. Then slowly over time you can move the bed closer and closer to her room where eventually she will be in the hall and then in her room. It will work. I promise! Good luck

M

I'm with whomever said to get a mattress and put it on your floor. This will take longer than 2 months. I never co-slept with either of my kids and they've been really good sleepers. We are expecting our 3rd child (a boy) and our girls recently had to move into the same room instead of having their own. I think it's been harder on me than them. Sometimes I wish they would snuggle me at night but I never get that started because they need to be able to soothe themselves at night. I will sleep with them on weekends sometimes as something special we do but most of the time, they are in their rooms in their own beds where they belong. You've got a long road ahead of you but I would suggest starting immediately to atleast get her out of your bed and onto the floor. I wouldn't try to get her out completely until everyone is used to the new baby being around. I'd also suggest not starting this with your new baby. It really is better for them in the long run.

I have an almost three-year-old who slept with me and my husband until around two when he decided he wanted to sleep in his own room, in his own bed. (I think I cared more than him.) At two and a half we had another baby, and my son decided it was not too cool to be sleeping in the other room by himself anymore. We fought him for about two weeks... no one was sleeping, crying fits, little bed on the floor in our room, etc. Now... I sleep with our son and four-month-old and my husband sleeps in the other room. The babe sleeps through the whole night (nursing around 6 AM) and she never wakes up my son. She's always slept like this. My son is happy, sleeps 12-14 hours a night, I sleep, and my husband sleeps. It works for us.

We had a similiar situation, we bought my then 2 yo her own bed with her sheets and pillows she picked out. We put the bed in our room, at the foot of our bed. She was excited to sleep in her big girl bed but could still crawl into our bed if she was frightened. We got her in the habit of sleeping in her bed before her sister was born. Now she crawls into our bed maybe one night a week , but she knew she was to crawl on the other side of baby so she couldnt harm the baby in her sleep. I understand all your concerns,. its a hard thing isnt it? I pray it all goes well and smoothly for you. Both our daughters are still in our room at this point so thats all the advice I can give you. :)
HTH
M.

Maybe you could help her transition by moving into her room with her for a couple of Weeks so she gets used to it. Then make sure you also have a twighlight turtle it is the best. After a couple of weeks tell her you are moving out. You might have to let her cry it out. If this sounds too difficult or mean then just get a toddler bed and tell her that she can sleep in toddler bed at your feet or in her room. Or just keep her in bed with you and add a cosleeper to the bed for baby. Or you move out of room and sleep in other room so you can sleep well and baby wakes Boone but you

getting a bigger bed is by far the best, easiest solution. or 2 mattresses on the floor next to each other to make one big bed, with plenty of room for all of you, perhaps with separate blankets so that you don't wake each other up so much when you roll over. or, dad can sleep elsewhere, and daughter can choose whether to sleep with him or with you & baby. she clearly still needs you, which is perfectly natural and as it should be, and she will need you even more after baby is born. she is your world, you are her world, why would you want to cause her so much pain? you say you can't bear to imagine her being taken from you by someone else, but you are considering taking her away from you, yourself! your baby waking up during the night shouldn't disturb her sleep, as long as she isn't sleeping touching him, since you will simply respond to his needs right away and quietly nurse him back to sleep. keeping your daughter in the family bed will work wonders as far as their relationship and will prevent her from feeling abandoned or dethroned. she may also want to nurse again when baby nurses, and i would recommend that you not withhold it from her. it's true that babies and children don't die just from crying, but they can be very traumatized by being abandoned. hopefully other people like dad will help you to get enough sleep by taking her for playtime sometimes so that you can nap with baby. you've done a wonderful job meeting her needs so far, why would you want to stop now? sorry if this sounds too preachy, it is just hard for me to understand why so many parents make things so complicated when it can be so simple. children really do eventually leave their parents bed and want their own bed. mine did at about 4 years, but i continued to snuggle them to sleep after that, and they were always welcome to come back into my bed. your heart is truly big enough to expand to love them both and meet all their needs, daytime and nighttime.

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We have taken the side of the crib off and have it pushed next to our bed and we have a bumper there. My son is 2 and still nurses, after he is done I tell him to get into his bed and he crawls in there. It took a week of crying but he just goes there by himself. We also have a new one coming in April. I think having my son in the crib and we have a sunggle nest that we will put between me and my husband for the new one and I think that will work out great. I also have the same fear about my son being taken and we installed an alarm system and that has helped immensly. When we put our son in his room I know that if anyone comes through the window the alarm will sound and we will be able to get to him. Congratulations on your new baby, it will all work out!

Try transitioning her to a mattress/bed in your room. You can always start out with her (or daddy) and move into your own bed later. You can also keep her there for a bit after #2 arrives. If you co-sleep w/ number 2, then the waking shouldn't be as loud and probably won't wake your daughter.

You can move somewhat slowly for the transition, where you/hubby sleep with her on the floor mattress for a few weeks, then let her know you will be getting her to sleep and you will move into your own bed - right there - after she falls asleep. This worked pretty well for us, even after our son was born. I could put my son down and then get my older daughter down with cuddles, then move to my own bed. It worked very well and my son never woke his sister at night.

Oh, as for the window, you could put some bars on the outside (safe if there is a bed/dresser, etc. near the bed, too. The bars will also protect from child falling out window. When I lived alone and before an alarm system, I got a set of window locks that clamp down on the window track. This made me feel much safer and they held quite tight. It is a very inexpensive solution. Not all alarms will go off if a window is broken, only if the window is opened and the contact broken.

Good luck. I recommend the Nighttime Parenting book by Dr. Sears

I don't co-sleep, but am always anxious about someone taking my daughter in the night. We invested in a video monitor. I swear by it. It is like having her right at my face all the time. The video and sound are great. She is almost 2.5 and I still use it and travel with it everywhere.

I like Allison's suggestion about moving her to the floor. They sell these neat toddler beds and fold out mats (we used this to transition our daughter to napping ...she only napped in the car or stroller until almost 18 months). We just graduated her to a toddler bed for napping. Next we'll transition her crib to a toddler bed.

Also, for all big things I am all about talking about it weeks in advance. The dr, the bed, the trip we take. It works for us.

Best of luck!

I think you have some good answers for the emotional transition. I just want to suggest something that I did recently for my baby, to get her back to sleeping through the night. You could try taking her to an acupuncturist who does acupressure on babies/children (they do not use needles on children, just acupressure and massage). They get a little out of whack with growth spurts and can be chronically uncomfortable which wakes them up while sleeping. This might help her sleep longer, it worked for us, immediately.