Help Please

I remember those days. I did not co sleep, but I did breastfeed all of my children until they were a little over a year old. I was up most of the night with my first born until she was 12 months nursing her every two hrs. I was tired and frustrated. When she turned a year I started letting her cry a little more. She did cry a little the first night, but within a few days she was sleeping pretty much through the night. I wont tell you that its easy. It was very very hard. But in the end it was worth it. A over tired mom cannot always be the best mom. Sleep is important.
With the boys, since there was two of them (twins) I didnt have the option to feed them all night long. They nursed through the night until they were probably 9 months old, probably every three hrs or so. Then I started to also let them cry a little more. They found comfort in their pacifiers and their teddy bears and blankets. Now they are almost two and sleeping great. Its a hard battle, and I wish you all the luck. In the end you will know what to do. Every parent finds a different method that works for them. Every child is different so you have to figure out what is effective with your daughter.

It is normal for a child who is used to the closeness and warmth of breastfeeding to want to be close to mom, to associate sleep with being next to mom's skin, and to prefer that to the solitude of a crib. That being said, my first daughter really stepped up the nursing around the same age when she started teething. I finally realized she was using me for a pacifier, and substituted an actual pacifier. Some children just have a really strong sucking instinct. The important thing when you do that is to make sure you graduate that pacifier at about eighteen months when teething pain has mostly subsided to a soft sippy cup they can suck on, so that they don't become attached to the pacifier.
C. at Loving Hands Family Child Care

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I would read and listen to tips, then just do what you feel comfortable with. I have 'heard' you should'nt let them play in their cribs as they will associate their bed w/ playtime. I have 6 children and nursed them all :),during the night too more than once. Ask her pediatrician or the nurses for suggestions. Sleep deprivation is the hardest part about babies, but it's kind of like childbirth, you will forget the pain! Try to take a nap in the day while she does, it really helps. Good luck, and hang in there!

We did not use the cry it out method, and will not for our second child. The Ferber method is not recommended by the Ped Assoc, and even Ferber himself has gone back and said this is "not ideal for all children". Your baby trusts you, and you want her to know you listen when she tells you she needs you-this will last a lifetime. I was given the advice to shorten nursing a little bit each time at night, and slowly let him learn how to put himself back to sleep. After several weeks, my son is now sleeping all night, and knows if he does wake up he will not nurse until the sun is up. He has slept in our bed every night and this method still works.
That being said, my son was 19 months, and his 2 year molars have come in. This is when most children (who have not given up on thier parents for night time assistance) begin to sleep all night because they don't need to wake up for feedings or for teething relief.
My advice? adjust to the schedule temporarily, if you feel she just nursed and woke up not hungry or in pain, put your hand on her tummy, curl up with her, sing, rock, something else to put her to sleep (even if she cries for a little bit, she still knows you are there for her) Eventually (especially when she is not teething and has eaten well) shorten nursing time, let her be a little more awake every few times. It's not just a habit, or routine, it's the only way she knows how to go to sleep.
If you use your instincts, you will realize crying it out doesn't feel right-use those instincts!! If it doesn't feel right, it's probably not. You can justify it, but it's not the only way and it completly goes against bonding which you've already started by sharing your bed (80% of the world does). Congrats for nursing, and co-sleeping. You are on your way to a great relationship with your daughter. Keep listening to yourself. Askdr.sears.com is a wonderful resource with great answers for co-sleeping issues, especially yours!
Until then, learn the beauty of a nap and a slightly messier house. It is well worth it.

Dear Laila,
My son was VERY colicy, that may not be the case with your daughter, but the only way I could get my son to fall asleep in crib was by the comforting sound of white noise while he was lying in his crib. I would turn the blow dyer on and put it in his room. After a few minutes he gave up and was asleep. It may be insecurity too, but the white noise is similar to the fluid in the womb. It is very comforing to him.
Hope you get some sleep.
T.

Hey girl! I remember those days.
Aidan was up to nurse 3 times @ 45 minutes each at that time in his life.
Get her on a schedule. A bed time schedule is key! A bath at 8:00. play in bath...hard. At dressing time, calm it down. Do a "baby massage" get her comfy and cozy. This is a good time to offer a bottle with rice, oatmeal, whatever she is on right now. I used to pump and mix banana flavored oatmeal for babies and give that right before bed. (make sure the nipple allows a flow)
Now, they usually fall asleep in your arms at that age...
Aidan had to learn to use his crib also. My mom did this with us, and I did it with Aidan.
Place baby in bed and stay there with your hand on her back...whatever till baby is asleep. Yes this could take an hour...everynight you will touch less and less. Finally you will put her in the bed and sit in a chair or lay on the floor till she is asleep. The following nights you will move back a bit till finally you are standing outside the door and about 2 nights after that - just put her in and leave the room.
I guess this took me about a week and a half. It seems like alot of work, but if your in bed by 10pm and get 5 hours of sleep...well what a blessing!
Good Luck,
B

I feel your pain. My first son did that. It was so bad that I had to wait until he was completely asleep before I could unlatch. If I did it too soon he would wake up crying and I would have to start all over again. He would wake up all through the night nursing. It drove me crazy. My sister-in-laws kids all did that (5) and she would just leave her shirt up and sleep right through it. I couldn't do that. I know it sounds harsh but I finally had to put him in his own room. He would cry and fuss but he did finally go to sleep. He would still wake up at night to nurse but not as often. I would let him cry for awhile before I would rush to him. He still was waking up to nurse at 18 months. We finally had to just let him cry it out for about an hour the first night. Every night after that he would cry less and less until he was finally sleeping through the night. I was 7 months pregnant when we did this. I sure wish we had done it sooner. With my second son I did things totally differently. Have you ever heard of the book Baby Wise? It is great! The basic idea is that you have a schedule that you follow which is when the kids first get up you feed them, then you play with them, and then put them to bed. It says not to feed them right before nap or bedtime. I would suggest you get this book. My second child was basically sleeping through the night at 12 weeks. He would go in spurts like if he was teething. One more thing - I wouldn't make the crib a fun place. You know how they tell people not to read, work, or watch tv in the bed because it could make it harder for you to go to sleep there. It may have the same effect on kids. You don't want to have her associate the crib with playtime. Have you tried a quiet cd while she is sleeping? Make sure she is not overtired before you lay her down. Good luck and I hope this helps.

Laila,
If you are nursing her and not useing formula (I did that as much as possible) consider using a brest pump and adding some cerial to it. It sounds like she is not staying full long enough to sleep through the night.
Good luck & God bless,
K.

Get her out of your bed. Get her out of your room if at all possible. Kids need to associate bedtime with their room and going to bed. This will be tough since she is older but it has to been done. Read "Baby Wise" and schedule naps, bedtime, etc. Also dont feed the baby to sleep. Establish a sleep, wake, feed, wake system. She is using you like a pacifier to get to sleep. Also, you may want to supplement and put some rice in her bottle to thicken things up before going to bed. It will have more lasting ability than straight breast milk (which is thin in nature). Good luck. It will be tough for a little while but she will get the hang of sleeping and then you will have a free bed and sleep time yourself.

I know you don't want to hear this. I'm only going to tell you this because I went through the same ordeal with my youngest. Lilly is 15 months now. I only stopped nursing three months ago. First, you have to let her cry it out in the crib. I know its hard. But, shes nursing more for comfort than for hunger. Lilly slept with me too. I couldn't stand for her to cry it out. It drove me crazy. I started sleeping in our living room for about four weeks. I only had to do this because we have a two bedroom house. My oldest has her own room. So, my husband and I bought a blow up bed and there we slept. Once she learned that she wasn't going to be fed eight times a night, she started to wake less and less untill finally she only woke only twice a night. Now she takes a bottle. So that has made it alot easier and alot more sleep. Second, get into a routine at night. Establish a bedtime. Question? Are you feeding her solids yet? They may help her stay fuller through night. Like cereal and fruit. I started Lilly on solids around seven months. It may or may not work for you. If you are or choose to feed her solids then feed, bathe, read a book, then nurse. After all this has been done. Lay her down in her crib and say goodnight and leave the room. Don't let her crying disscourage you from the goal! It might take several nights befor you have sucsess. Just try to be strong. Its so hard (I KNOW). You can do this. Besides your body needs the sleep! Now, if you want you can take a night gown youve worn a few times and place it in her crib with her so that she can still smell you close to her. Goodluck to the both of you. Oh, one more thing you can still nurse her at night, just not in your bed. Thats going to be hard too. If you have rocking chair then try that. Even if she wakes three times a night. Just don't go right to her when she crys in the middle of the night. She needs the sleep too. So try all this if you want! I hope I was helpful. If you need to ask me anymore, I'm here. My name Melinda. Sweet dreams to you both!

My doctor advised I leave my children in the bed to cry it out. I didn't have the nerve to do it. I still have a 10 yr. old that can't hardly sleep at all if not in the bed with us. It's been so many years now to get a good night sleep I wouldn't know how to act. I would not make it a habit to put toys in the bed and let her play in there during the day. If she thinks it's a place to play then she won't rest there. I hope something here helps.
Sincerely, S.

I am a big believer in the "let them cry it out" idea. It worked with three of my four children. My oldest didn't sleep through the night until he was 1 1/2 because I jumped when he cried.

As long as her diaper is clean and her belly is full, let her cry it out. Also, something that will REALLY help is to move her crib out of your room. Don't let her sleep with you or in your room and it will immensely help.

She needs you to be well rested so you can safely care for her. Good luck.

Laila,
Hi.... I to did feel you pain at one point.... This is what I did many years ago... #1 Get the crib and toys ( no toys in the crib ) out of your bedroom, this way baby will not see you and she does need her own space as well as you and your husband. ( Try and make your bedroom the romantic hide-a-way. ) I gave my daughter a sippie cup with water for the crib at night along with her passie. Be sure to have a night light and remind her that she is a Big Girl Now!!!! A Special Blanket will also help.
This first week may be hard but do not take your daughter out of the crib at night. She may cry but let her cry it out. This will be the hardest part but it will die down. Stick To Your Guns!!!!!
Hang in there & try and get some sleep!!!!

Dear Laila,
When I had my daughter almost 15 years ago now,I was in the same predicament. First you need to get her in her own crib- trust me, I know it makes you feel secure having her there but it won't get any better. Secondly, the best advice I received from a relative of mine was let her cry, as long as you know she is full and dry and secure, she told me let her cry.. she said to me its going to hurt you and it did, but she will be fine. I was at the point where she was in her crib and I patted her back to put her to sleep, the moment I stopped she would pop her head up and start crying. I would pick her up and lay her on me again and again and I was so exhausted. So the night I spoke to my relative I took her advice. My daughter cried for about an hour, she finally drifted off to sleep and slept for about 4 hours or more, I checked on her periodically and she was fine and from that day forward she began sleeping all night on her own. Now every child is different but the fact remains that they are FINE, it is us that has the hard time letting go a bit. I have 3 children total now and it has worked with all of them so just try it. Feed her, change her, let her be--it will hurt to hear her cry but she is fine, if you want to wipe her tears do so but don't pick her up, tell her it is ok and walk out of sight.

Take care of you too you won't do anyone any good with sleep deprivation.

A.

Is she eating baby food yet? Try feeding her a good dinner before bed, then nurse her. maybe she will stay satisfied longer. Also Maybe someone could come and take her for a few hours a couple times a week so you can sleep? If she takes your milk from a bottle, she could be fed by your husband for a feeding at night. Hope this helps... I remember getting NO SLEEP it can make you crazy.
L.

oh gosh... brings back memories. It was at this age that we got kind of serious about our kids learning to go to sleep on their own. We used the Ferber "cry it out" method, which worked for us without much crying but I know lots of people don't like this idea, and there are a lot of other methods/books out there that people recommend. Whatever "method" you use, I think they all agree that kids need to be put to sleep awake and learn to fall asleep on their own. Once they've mastered that you can work on the nighttime awakenings. The problem with making her crib "fun" is that she probably doesn't associate it with sleep either. Try to cut down on the crib fun maybe? Also, is it possible to get the crib out of your room? For myself, I came to realize with my son in the room that I was waking up and feeding him at the slightest peep. We all slept a little better, I think, when we put a little more distance between us. Good luck, I know this is hard...

of course I am no expert, but I think you really need to get her into a room of her own, if you have one. I've always thought it was cruel to try to get a child to sleep through the night when they are looking directly at you. She sees you there, she will cry louder because she saying, "hey, hi, HELLOOOO, get me out" At 7 mths she probably does not need to be nursed throughout the nite. When my daughter hit 7mths I stopped getting up to nurse her and we let her cry it out in her room. She cried 40 min. the first nite and 20 the next and that was it (until she turned 2 1/2, but that's another story) My son was about 8mths he cried 1 hour the first nite and I think I went in there, then he cried 2 1/2 hrs and I went in there, he just wasn't having it, but we have never shared rooms or beds w/our kids (THAT'S JUST US, DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU). But still I don't think you can expect a kid who wakes up at night to go back to sleep on her own when she is looking directly at you. I know some mommies get really edgey with letting their babies cry. Me, at the times that I did it I was so tired and fed up with losing sleep that I saw no other way out.