Generally I would say my husband and I are best friends and that I trust him. He recently went to a managers conference which is all male with the exception of three females. Two of the females he knows fairly well being in the same district as he is. At this particular conference lots of drinking ensued. I talked with him earlier in the evening and he was slurring his words a bit and I knew he had been drinking quite a bit. I did not hear from him before he went to bed (he usually calls me when he is away right before bedtime). When he got home the next day he started telling me all about the events from the night before. He was paying his tab at the bar when one of the females (married) he knows well asked if he were leaving and could he walk her back to the hotel. He said she was wasted and agreed it wouldn't be safe for her to go alone. On the way out supposedly another male manager walked back with them as well. He said from there they all got onto an elevator and got off on their respective floors. I was furious because to me it was blurring lines when you are that drunk. He says nothing happened and he felt like he did the right thing making sure she got back to her hotel ok. My questions were why didn't she ask the other two females to walk her back and why my husband??? Why didn't he call that night? He says he came back and passed out. I just don't know what to think. I have a lot of old baggage due to my father cheating on my mother so I am trying not to put that on my husband. Something just doesn't set right with me about it and I could use some perspective. Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks,
D.
Thanks moms! I knew I needed some fresh perspective and that I was probably letting old wounds cloud my judgement. I appreciate all of your responses and getting me back on the right track. You are all right. I trust my husband and should be grateful he was honest with me. Thanks again!
It doesn't sound right to me. I don't think he should have walked that other lady to the hotel room, or drink so much that he passed out.
Lots of really good people, when drunk enough, away from their spouse, with the opposite sex will slip up and cheat. I think it is possible that they were both so drunk that they did something.
I wouldn't worry about it. My husband usually calls me before bed when he is away as well. There have been occasions where he was away for the evening to visit a friend or what not and didn't call simply because he got drunk and passed out. I know how he is when he gets tired even when he is sober so passing out drunk is completely believable to me. LOL. I wouldn't be bothered by the fact that he walked her to her floor either. I wouldn't stress about it.
I guess I'm very confused on why you are upset. I have to think your "baggage" is clouding your thinking, along with over analyzing this.
He told you about it. I don't see anything wrong with her asking someone she felt like she could trust to walk with her. He was being a good coworker and making sure she made it to her floor.
Why he didn't call? My best guess is he was drunk and simply forgot. Drinking does and can impair your thinking.
I really think you need to let it go and not dwell on this very minor event.
My first thought is that she was looking for protection from a man, not other wasted women. It is smarter if your husband asked another guy to accompany them too. That way, if she tries to make a move on him, she might think twice and he could leave without thinking she has been abandoned.
I'd give him this one out of respect for the fact that he's never done anything questionable before. But then suggest to him that he keep himself above question by asking another guy to accompany them both. And if he travels with this lady again, he should kid her at teh party not to overdue because he wouldn't want anyone to think that he is being specifically selected for a reason. (Then, if she does ask, she's been forewarned and will have to go elsewhere for a steady arm.)
Just my thought, but if your husband had something to hide, I don't think he would have even mentioned the events from the night before, and probably would have just said he went to his room and passed out. I don't think you have anything to worry about; he sounds like a gentleman :)
Well, as someone that doesn't know you AT ALL...or your husband...it's quite hard to judge what you are asking us to judge.
That being said....most women I think would as a man to walk them back to their hotel rather than a woman because men are "protectors." While I certainly think I could kick some serious a$$ I will usually ask a man to walk me to my car or whatnot if I feel less than safe.
I don't know what you are talking about "blurring lines". he didn't say anything that sounded "blurry".
It sounds to me like you have some issues with your dad...not your husband. I think you would be making a serious mistake calling your husband out on this one.
L.
D.,
It sucks to feel uncertainty about how a situation played out, but I think if your husband has been honest with you in the past he needs to be given the courtesy of your trust. It's hard not to let past events dictate the present, but you're right not to put your experiences as a child onto your marriage.
I'd trust him, but perhaps request he use a little better judgment on the drinking when away on business. If nothing else, getting that drunk with co-workers does seem wholly unprofessional and could just lead to all sorts of things being misconstrued.
If he did something I don't think he would have told you about this particular scenario! I think it was nice that he walked her back. She's married too, and no that these things don't happen, but this sounds innocent to me. I certainly don't see them hooking up with another male manager around or even heading toward the same room and giving him any ideas that could turn into company gossip. We all have baggage about something, and it's good you realize your baggage may be what's clouding your thinking here.
your very first sentence is all you need to review.
nothing else matters, not blurred lines, or alcohol, or what~ifs. You either trust....or dont trust him, and that is the only resource you have for the truth.
Maybe the woman asked him to walk back with her because they were both heading back to the hotel at the same time. I would do this to anyone, male or female, who happened to be leaving at the same time as I without thinking a thing about it (the fact that they could be married wouldn't even enter into my mind because it is just a walk with a coworker). It has been a long, long time since I've been three sheets to the wind but I think it is completely plausible that he passed out after he got to his room especially if he was slurring his speech when you talked with him earlier in the evening and more drinking ensued. Unless he refuses to answer any questions you have or his answers just seem totally crazy I would probably let it go and mention that maybe next time he shouldn't get wasted.
Set those feelings aside. It all comes out in the wash sooner or later. At this point, you have no proof he has done something wrong and can only go on what he is willing to tell you. As for passing out drunk, sure, it happens.
I think it's really hard to make judgements on situations without having your past experiences pop up. That's hard sometimes. Just a suggestion for the future: we have a rule in our house that if we're not together, noone gets drunk. A social drink or two, maximum. But then if we're with his friends, I'm the driver and stay sober, and if we're with my friends, he's the driver. If on vacation and together, we can do whatever we want, together. It's not just about "driving" though; it's about making sure there's the ability to have good judgement when apart, and that everyone feels comfortable and respects past experiences we've had in our lives.
I would let this go but have my radar up for anything in the future that may not seem quite right. However, just be aware that once you start to not trust someone in a relationship, you can't "forget" things that you find out, such as starting to check his cell phone, etc. That may be a road that you don't want to go down and if you do, you may not like where it leads. Good luck.
It sounds like you really don't trust him.
Look at it from this viewpoint.................
Maybe the woman asked him to escort her because she knows him better than the other co-workers (male) and knows she would be safer with him (instead of 3 drunk females) because he is an honest person and would not take advantage of her.
Communication is key in a relationship. He did not have to tell you anything but he did because he trusts you.
My husband travels a LOT and there are times he is completely exhausted from leaving home at 4 to catch a 6am flight, then driving 2-3 hours to make the appointments needed and not getting to his hotel until 9pm. We are in contact throughout the day and I know sometimes when he gets to that hotel he does pass out from exhaustion.
You've always trusted your hubby and you say your are best friends. Don't allow the old baggage from your father make something out of nothing here and destroy or damage what you have.
Best wishes.
If you trust him and you are best friends- do you really think he'd risk you and his kids over a 1 night stand with another married woman?
I suffer from cheating in my past too- I try not to let it dominate me with insecurity. If he did cheat on you, it'll come out eventually. No point in creating a mess over something that may not have happened.
Just try to reconnect with him and see where things go.
good luck-
Ask one of the other female who went what happened or the male guy who went with him. I think you should for the most part trust your husband and just watch to see if it was nothing more than him being a gentleman. Don't push it or he might want to clam up next time something happened. The mere fact he told you what happened on the trip and that he took the lady to the room is signs you are probably being suspicious. I would give him the benefit of the doubt.
