Help! What Chores Are OK for 15 Yo & What to Expect in Quality of Jobs Done.

It seems like a lot of responsibility for a child who is expected to do well in school, play hard at Soccer and who isn't there 2 days a week. Maybe if you start with something more realistic, she will appreciate the lesser load and be apt to do this. I would also suggest establishing consequences, but again, keeping them realistic. Maybe her chores are to clean her bathroom and her room once a week. Therefore if the chores aren't done, she has to live in the filth. Anyway, I just think you should also praise her for doing well in school and putting time into soccer. That's a lot for a teenager right there.

I don't think that you are asking too much persay, maybe it is just your timing that is a problem. She should be capable of doing all of these chores but asking her to do it all in one day may be asking too much with such a busy schedule. Try to spread the chores out over the week. Even if friends are over, there is no reason why she can do one chore a day. If she is gone on a particular day for one reason or another, be understand and let her either make it up the next day or do it for her. She will appreciate your efforts as well. Also remember that she is 15 and most 15 year olds are kind of brain dead and can't really think about too many things at one time. Just because she doesn't get the work ethic now, doesn't mean that she won't get it when she is 20 and out on her own. One more thing, her mom's habits are no excuss for her laziness. This is just dad's way of babying her and she is taking advantage of you both by going along with dad. She is capable of doing thing correctly until you can get dad to lay down the law she will continue to do the jobs half heartedly. If she doesn't do it right the first time, make her do it again until she gets it right. That doesn't mean that she has to do it perfect every time but she knows the difference between a clean table and a wiped off table. Explain to her that if she would do it right the first time, it would take her less time in the long run because she wouldn't have to keep doing it. Praise her for her efforts when she does a good job just like you would your 4 year old.

Hi L.,
I feel your pain. I am sorry to say it doesn't get better at 16 either. However what has gotten better is my daughters cleaning ability. And that is because if it is not done right I make her do it again. And Again if that is what it takes. Sooner or later she will figure out it she does it right the first time then she won't have to do it again and waste her free time.
As far as the amount of work you are giving her. I don't think that is too much for a teenager. Especially if others are picking up the slack with the kitchen on days she can't do it. You need to be diligent about letting her know that it is her responsibility, if she does not do it then there won't be any fun to have. No friends over no going out nothing until her chores are done. And it never hurts to take control of the computer and texting. Limit computer use and take the phone away until her chores are done if you have to. When she has friends over, if she has not done her chores prior, she can do them with friends there. When I was that age I had a friend I stayed with often and she had to clean when I was at her house and I had to clean when she was at mine. And we helped each other as well.
Good luck to you. I hope this helped.

Hi, L.. I do think there needs to be a different time schedule for chores. Maybe, one chore each of the 3 days she is home. Then, one chore for Saturday, and one for Sunday. I lived with a picky mother, and as a mom now, I do not want to be that kind of a nag on my children. I do have a multitude of chores my 8 year old can do that he can earn money for, but keeping his clothes picked up and room clean are mandatory. I think your 15 year old is at a great age to learn to contribute to the family. I would give her jobs that you are not too picky about or just deal with how she does them. Your step-daughter may never see cleaning the way you do, and as long as she doesn't want to live in a pig sty, you are probably okay. I do not know any 15 year olds that have cleaning high on their list of activities. Again, choose jobs that don't have much error or that won't drive you crazy if they are not perfect. Good Luck!

As far as the quality goes, she should be able to do it well at this age. I would tell her that if a job is worth doing, it's worth doing right, and while cleaning the table well doesn't seem like a big deal now, think how that applies to the work she does in the rest of her life. If she does a haphazard job when she's in the working world, her boss won't just be annoyed, he'll fire her. It's hard to find people with good work ethics anymore, so instilling that in her is important. But she's also old enough to understand the logic behind it. Ask her how she would feel about it if all the work you did was only done halfway? What if you only halfway cooked the spaghetti? Or only washed half of her clothes? She needs to know that she needs to take pride in her work. Ask her if she feels proud of the job she's just done or if she just did a quick swipe to get you off her back. Maybe she would be more enthusiastic if she got to choose the chores she wanted to do. My sister and I divvied up the cleaning so I dusted while she washed windows, etc. and we picked the jobs we liked best and traded on the ones we both didn't like. Good luck!

a 15 year old should be able to do anything including fixing full course meals. What helps for my kids to get their chores done is to have an expected chore list written out everyday. It is usually 1 or 2 things a day and doesn't seem overwhelming for them when they see that everyone has duties and isn't targeted at just one person. We also have a very busy schedule. 16 year old is in college and honor classes so has more homework and study time, he mows 5 lawns and works a job 2-3 days a week, is on the drama team and very involved in the church youth group but he also manages to find time for chores and video game/tv time for himself.
13 year old is on drama team, goes to youth outings 2-3 days a week.
8 year old isn't as involved as they are but he does play in sports part of the year and has to go with me as I am also involved in several things every week and work part-time.
one day I might have down
16 yr old. clean a bathroom, sort laundry
13 yr old. clean a bathroom, wash dinner dishes
8 yr old. take out trash, help fix dinner, wipe down counters and table after dinner.

another day
K mow lawn, do load of laundry
S fix dinner, sweep and mop floor
B take out trash (daily chore) vacuum

other chores they do, dusting, folding clothes, put clothes away, clean out vehicles--trash, vacuum, dust with armor all and if weather is warm wash the outside but usually take to carwash when needed.

Keeping their rooms clean is a daily thing and is not considered part of extra chores. If they aren't clean and I have to clean them, I will charge them money to clean so they usually keep their rooms up.

We alternate chores around so no one gets burnt out on doing one more than another. Sometimes they don't get the table that clean depending on how messy dinner was but I usually end up cleaning it again before or after the next meal so it will get good and clean by the next evening meal. I usually don't have to reclean after the older 2 with that though but sometimes have them reclean the bathroom floor if it wasn't clean enough but if bathrooms are cleaned weekly then they usually don't get that bad to need any recleaning done.

We all work together with the laundry as it seems to be the hardest thing to keep up with a family of 5. that helped a lot when I got sorting bins with 6 different bins to sort them by so now when a bin gets full to the top they know that is one full load of laundry and to wash it first. Sorting laundry is a daily chore as there is a full basket daily.

With teens it's hard to always get them to do things so having it written out daily seems to work well for us.

I think YOU asking her to do anything is asking for trouble since you aren't her parent.

My suggestion is for you to ask your husband to ask her to clean or to ask him to help but it really needs to come from him.

At the risk of sounding like "Well in my day. . ." at the age of 46, but here it goes.
My parents were divorced when I was 8 or 9 so I too was going back and forth between homes. Although, honestly at 15 I was going less and less to my father's becuase he just didn't get I was busy with school activities. BUT, by tht time I was a cheerleader and played basketball and got great grades. I also did ALL the family's laundry, and most of the dishes after meals, BD (before dishwasher!) Both of my parents were self employed so I did a lot around the house just because that's what you do in families, help. By the time I was a senior and driving, I also was working part time in addition to everything else. And because I was driving, many times mom would just give me a blank check and I did most of the grocery shopping as well. I certainly do not feel like I was abused in anyway! If anything I learned early how to multi-task and prioritize.
Now having said all that, it is a different world. Our 18 year old son just went way to college and I'm not sure he's ever cleaned a toilet! But he can mow like a pro and learned early how to do his own laundry. Our 14 year old daughter's room is usually a pit but I pick my battles. She is a straight A student in a rigorous private school where they tend to teach 1-2 grade levels above public. She too goes from volleyball to basketball to softball. And I don't work outside the home. So life is different.
I agree with one of the posters who said it may be that you're the step-mom and maybe it would be different if your husband asked. But the otherside of the coin to that is that it shouldn't matter who asks! Not knowing or understanding your house, maybe your expectations are to picky. When anyone else in our house folds towels for an example, they are not folded the way I like them, but they are done! I don't complain because I didn't do it! But food off the table and a clean floor are minimum expectations.
Maybe change her duties. I think someone said that have her keep her room/bathroom clean. Instead of having set chores on certain days make some of it sound like she is doing you a favor because you're busy. And/or when she is there it's her duty to clear the table and load the dishwasher/unload the dishwasher. Or be responsible for her siblings while you clean.
Sorry I don't have a good answer. Part of it is just her age and things do get better.

Good Luck and in good health,
Lori K