Help with 18 Month Old Girl Who Is Going Through Seperation Anxiety

Updated on January 13, 2009
M.H. asks from Meridian, ID
6 answers

I am a working mother who had a 2 week Holdiay vacataion in which my daughter was with me and my husband for 2 weeks straight. She goes to an In home day care with only 3 other kids inwhich she is the youngest. Also, another peice to the puzzle is I stopped giving her a bottle also during this vacation time and she did great. She is no longer on the bottle and is having screamming fits when I leave her or even the room. She is an only chils and has always done very well self interntain for 5-8 mintues at a time even if I leve the room. But now, she screams if I leave the room, she cries when I drop her off at daycare inwhich she never has done and she has a very hard time taking naps and going to bed without screaming out for me.

I have made the drop off time shorter. And I pass her to her peroviderwho distracts her and I hear her scream as the door shuts. When she goes down for a nap she screams. I have tried kneeling at her crib patting her back when starts to cry, I say Mommy right here, please lay down. and I repeat this process for over 6-10 minutes sometimes.

Do you have any suggestions for me to try to help my daughter understand I'll be back??

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M.S.

answers from Denver on

it is awful to listen to your baby cry.. but you are doing the right thing. keep the drop off time short, lingering only makes it worse for both of you. just make sure and give her a big hug and kiss, tell her you love her and that you have to go to work and will see her at the end of the day. she will go back to her normal routine soon... it is hard at that age when she gets a taste of how she might like every day to go... with the full attention of her parents every day.

as for naps, while many will disagree... if she was napping fine before without a drawn out crying before and during your vacation, I think I'd just let her cry it out. she will soon figure out that you aren't gone for good and will come back when she wakes up. I know lots of moms think this is cruel, but it is the quickest way. I am not a fan of this with younger children, but at 18 months she is old enough to have figured out what to do to make you stay in her room a little longer. another alternative is the book the No-cry sleep solution or healthy sleep habits, happy child.. they both have good tips for "correcting" changes in sleep habits.

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C.Y.

answers from Grand Junction on

Hi M.,
As hard as it is your daughter needs you right now. Obviously you have to go to work, but as for the rest of the time try to be with her just easing back into a normal schedule slowly. My daughters who are 2, 5, 7 and 9 have even had a rough time getting back to normal. I've had to lay/read with them a little longer than usual this week, but we are getting there. Even though it's sad sometimes, leaving and coming back is the best way to do it. Maybe having a picture of mommy and daddy to keep at night and at school? My two year old just got over this, but she never cried for more than a few minutes and was extra happy to see me when I got back! Good luck! Remember one day she'll be asking you to stay out of her room and you'll miss this!

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N.C.

answers from Salt Lake City on

HI M., it probably take some time , but since you weened her off the bottle she feels insecure. does your daughter take a sippy cup? well find something that she likes alot that will make her feel secure. and tell her that you love her and will see her later. it will take time for her to get used to not having her bottle when your gone.
I weened my son off the bottle just before his second birthday , we did have some ruff night for a week but than he got used to drinking from a sippy cup . and he does nust fine now . hope my advice will help you.

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S.P.

answers from Great Falls on

That happens at this age sometimes all on it's own. I wouldn't constantly remind her that "Mommy is here." I would just leave the room. She's old enough to know. Start by moving from the crib to a chair placed next to the crib and slowly over the course of several nights move it further away. Then, move to outside her room. Keep the door open and reasure her that it's time for bed and to lay down. As for daycare, find out how long she usually cries. Sometimes, kids scream for the first three or so minutes and then settle down right away. She's learning that you feel bad when you leave her and is taking advantage of that; so she can get more attention. The less time you spend comforting her, the better she'll be. Hang in there and good luck!!!!

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H.M.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Hi M.,

I know this can be SO hard. I don't know if this offers any comfort, but know that this is completely normal. 18 months is the right on the button for kids to start having separation anxiety. The best thing I've found is just making a quick break. Be calm, let them know that you are coming back, that they are "going to daycare" or its "time for a nap" or whatever the regular routine items are, but that you will be back, and make a quick break. It probably seems more difficult for you than it really is for them. They usually calm down much more quickly when you do the quick exit.

Good luck!
H.

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D.K.

answers from Denver on

It is a phase, it is normal whether you are with them all the time or not. It will happen again probably in later toddler hood. Just keep reassuring her. It is unrealistic to run to her side when she cries and it is about her realizing that there is cause and effect. You can leave, however you will be back. Don't linger when you drop her off, give her a hug and a kiss and leave.

I do part time child care and that is the best thing you can do. She will calm down, then will see you will be back.

Lay her down in her crib, make sure she is tired but not overly and walk out. When they are too tired it will backfire on you. She will be fine. Let her calm down and teach her to soothe herself, try a music box or white noise to help relax her, give her hugs, cuddles and kisses and tell her time to nap and walk out.
She won't need therapy she is at an age of anxiety and testing you. She will get over it soon.

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