Help with 2 Yr Old Sleeping in Own Bed

Updated on October 22, 2007
S.M. asks from New Windsor, NY
6 answers

Hello Moms,

I seriously need some help. I have to admit I started a very bad habit. My daughter was younger and sick for about 1 week. I had put her in bed with me and my husband. Ever since it has been harder and harder to have her sleep in her own bed as she gets older. I am currenlty pregnant now and cannot stand to hear her cry. I really am not with that cry it out method and I am trying to find other ways to do it. She has been getting up and crying for the past few nights and every time she gets up I have her fall asleep next to me or in her bed and then I get up. But then about 1/2 hour to 1 hour she is up again. I know the reason why she is getting up because I am not there. What do I do? I know that I have learned my lesson and the new baby isn't going to get treated that way. I mean it actually doesn't bother my husband and I but I just want her to get used to her bed. Could it possibly be that toddler mattress because when she sleeps in my bed she never gets up. Should I change it from her toddler bed to the full size bed and a normal mattress maybe that would help. I know that I have spoiled her alot please if anyone can help me try to fix my mistakes.

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So What Happened?

It is getting better since I posted. She sleeps more and more in her bed and less in mine. It still isn't all night but its better than before and I am doing it without cry out method. My nights are very simple we come home and we go to sleep. So some nights I have to lay in her bed with her but before I realize it we are both sleeping but then she sleeps in her bed for the whole night. Thanks Moms

More Answers

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C.H.

answers from New York on

Hi S.,
I had a similar problem with my 2 year old adjusting to a new bed. I was pregnant with #2, and we needed to have her go to a toddler bed fast. However, she never slept with us and always slept in the crib. We just went from the crib to the toddler bed. It was very DIFFICULT! I understand. What happened was I would lay down on the floor with her and then try to disappear once she fell asleep. She would cry and then we would lay with her again. This happened again and again. FInally, we just had her sleep in her bed alone, even though she kept getitng up and cried. Again, she kept getting out of bed, but we insisted she stay. Eventually, (after a long time), she learned that she wasn't going to get her way. It will definietly happen for you....but I believe that kids should cry it out until they learn. Or you could be dealing with it and a newborn. It's tough, but try your best to be consistent. You'll get through this-i did!

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Q.F.

answers from New York on

i know your pain, like you, i put myself in a similar position (i kept my daughter with me her 1st 6 months...and i will NEVER do that with a child again. even now when she's sick and my husband wants her in our bed i just can't allow it. it took me over 6 months to get her to sleep in her crib. i thought it was the bed too. we put blankets between the mattress and fitted sheet, music, changing her room around, staying with her until she fell asleep, the oceans wonder, even the shirt with either my or my husbands scent on it. nothing worked (until i had it ALL put together). we're holding off on putting her in a bed until she's trying to climb out of her crib (as my mother did with me and my brother). once she does, we're going straight to a twin bed! i don't see a point in a toddler bed, it's so small, the same size as their crib, only difference is they can safely get out of it without that huge drop over the side of the crib...and the twin is bigger, has a more comfortable mattress, and you can STILL put the side rails on that would be on a toddler bed (you just have to buy them separately which isn't a problem if that's what you want) if you feel more comfortable with having a bigger bed (full size) then go for it. maybe if you get her a doll, or stuffed animal to sleep with (possibly a bigger one, that you can put a shirt of yours on so she can smell you and have something solid next to her) maybe that will help. just recently my daughter's been pulling her stuffed animals or dolls up near her when she sleeps and she's only 1 1/2, so maybe your daughter just needs something with her...hopefully a doll can help. good luck, and congratulations on the new baby on the way.

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L.T.

answers from New York on

Hello,
I have 4 children. I have to tell you that it's hard to get your children out of our beds. I have a 8 yr.old autistic boy a 7 yr.old girl and a 21 month old son. My oldest is 18. But, for awhile i had my son and daughter together in our bedroom. This is when they were 5 and sick. I do the same thing, oh,you are sick, sleep with us and then they got into the habit of staying with us. After awhile it made my hubby and i miserable. I must say, we did finially get them out, it was hard. But, we had to keep saying no more. Now, my 8 yr.old autistic son wakes up every night and ends up in our bed. But, now i bring him back to his room and sleep with him until he falls back asleep then i go back in my room. It's not fun here. Alot of moving around. my 21 month old is in a bed, but doesn't fall alseep there, either in the playard while we are watching tv or i have to bring him up to his room and sleep with him until he falls asleep then i go back to my room. I would keep trying to bring her back to her room. Also,she knows a new baby is coming and she might just want to be with u. We also have a toddler bed in our room and when the kids are sick, they sleep there.This way they are not actually in our bed. Maybe u can try that.

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J.A.

answers from New York on

Hi!
I am reading now The no-cry sleep solutions by Elizabeth Pantley. I just started to follow that but our night rutine is getting better already. My toddler also sleep in our bed and I am trying now to let him fall asleep by himself. it is like one step forward and two back, but I think it is better then letting him to cry out. Good luck!

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P.M.

answers from New York on

I have a 21 month old, and he sleeps fine. We did a very modified Ferber at about 5 months. However, whenever I give him an inch, he takes a foot... To give you an example, at 10 months he decided he wasn't going to let me leave the room until he fell sleep. From 10 months to 18 months I stayed in the room while he was going to sleep. up to 15 months I would actually have to stand over his crib and rub his back, and from 15 to 18 months I sat in the chair while he fell sleep. What changed at the end was my patience. I was spending up to an hour just sitting there, and it was taking longer and longer every night. It started with 5 minutes at first, so it was harmless to stay in the room for 5 minutes; BUT AN HOUR!!!! in any case one day when he turned 18 months, I told him that Mommy was going to sleep as I put him in the bed and left. He cried and cried and I had to ignore it. He cried for about 15 minutes and fell sleep, and the next night 5 minutes and no more crying after that. I don't like to hear him cry either, but I really think the not liking to hear him cry hurt him more than if I just did it. He wasn't getting a good night sleep, and he was starting to wake up in the middle of night crying because I wasn't sitting in the chair. Now, he is all smiles when I put him in his crib, and loves going to sleep. I put him in and kiss him and say i see you tomorrow and that I love him. I think you just have to stay strong, and remember what the goal is. If your baby sleeps better and is better rested, I think it may be worth letting her cry a little bit. I'm not for letting her cry it out, I wouldn't suggest leaving her in the room to cry for long period of time. You know your child, and how long she can go for. Read the Ferber book, I didn't follow it exactly the way it said but tried to figure what my son really needed. So I went in more frequently and stayed in the room a bit longer. All I can say is the earlier you deal with the sleep issue he easier it is. It gets harder the older they are. Good luck.

C.B.

answers from New York on

The good news is I have never heard of any parent with a ten year old who doesn't sleep alone. She will want to be independent at some point. Other than that I can't offer much. I went with the feber method and my daughter sleeps great now but I had to live with some crying if I wasn't going to share my bed and get up at night. I didn't enjoy it but it worked. I have an independent 10 month old who doesn't even like to nurse lying down with me never mind sleep with me.

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