Help with Getting My 5 Mo to Sleep in Her Crib!

There is a great book called "The No Cry Sleep Solution", by Elizabeth Pantley. She has tons of ideas in it, and is very open-minded about the fact that not all solutions are right for all families. Hope that helps!

Hi Mandi:

Understand. I have a four month old and two other children. Each child is different and your daughter it appears wishes to be with you in bed. Why not flow with it? Do some research on it to help your husband. She will only be a baby for a shortwhile. The other option that I use is having the bed right next to you, a co-sleeper. That way she knows you are there.

Some doctors say that letting her cry it out only increases her level of feeling fear and abandonment and doesn't always work. Mothering Magazine is a great resource online and the editor's book on Attachment Parenting explains some great concepts on sleep.

Hopefully her crib is in a separate room.

First of all: routine: the same thing every night in the same order. for example: take her for walk in the fresh air (maybe right after dinner) then a warm bath in lavender scented baby bath. lavender scented lotion (give her a gentle massage as you put it on her), warm pajamas, then nurse her or give her a bottle, maybe try warming her blankets in the dryer before putting her to bed., Then gently put her to bed. If she cries rub her back and soother her with your soft voice, then leave the room. Set the timer for 5 minutes and go to another room where you can't hear her.. or put some headphones on - have a cup of tea. Go back in five minutes and if she is still crying.. rub her back again (don't pick her up), then leave the room and set the timer for 10 minutes. Go do whatever it takes so you don't have to hear her cry. She will not hurt herself crying.. it may actually help her get tired enough to want to go sleep, After 10 minutes if she is still crying do it again, increasing 5 minutes each time until you've reached 20. If she is still crying at this point..do a "mini-routine" - change her diaper, nurse her a little more.. or give her a small amount of formula. hold her or rock her for 5-10 minutes, then put her back to bed. You may have to do this whole thing all over again.. but most likely you will not reach 20 minutes this time.

Plan ahead for this routine. Realize that you will probably need about an hour a night to stick to this routine til she gets it. It should only take about 3 nights for her to get it. (maybe longer if she is stubborn)

and as you said.. consistency is important.. she is relying on you for everything and is not too young to start getting used to a routine if you establish it. It may be tough for a a few days.. and you may have set backs every now and then.. but if you stick to your guns.. she will get it.

make sure she takes her naps in the crib as well.. so she gets the idea that is where she sleeps.

if she keeps it up after trying this - you may want to see a doctor. and another thought... she may even have teeth coming in - try giving her a dose of ibuprofen or whatever pain killer her doctor recommends (like ibuprofen because it lasts longer) that may help if she is having tooth pain.

best wishes...

Consistancy is the key. It sounds so much easier. We went through this with my now 2 year old. And I found it helps to start with nap time. It's easier to let them cry and you keep going in every 10 minutes to reassure them. That means pick them up, calm them down and then put them back to bed. For me this took 3 nights of very few hours of sleep. But then he was done and we rarely have a middle of the night wake-up anymore. I don't think it will be as hard for you because your daughter is so young. It's very hard to let them cry so plan on turning on some music or going in another room, or call someone on the phone so you don't just sit there and listen to her cry. Good luck, you will be so happy when you do this!!!

Here are a couple of things to think about, if you haven't already.

-How does she nap during the day? A baby who takes "good" naps during the day generally sleeps better at night.

-Do you have a bedtime routine? Some tips: begin an hour before you want her down for the night. Include a warm soothing bath, unless baths rile her up. Dim the lights in her room, nurse her, and then spend 15-20 minutes reading quietly to her. Turn out the lights, turn on some soft music, and then just snuggle quietly with her her for a few minutes. Then lay her down with a reassuring pat and pleasant key words like "night night" or "sweet dreams, time to sleep." I would avoid saying "no tears." Tears are okay!

-Leave the room. When you return to her when she starts crying depends on her personality. For my oldest daughter, I would wait 10 minutes. For my youngest, I would go in immediately because it was usually a tangible "issue" that was easily resolved- lost pacifier or a bowel movement or something.

-When you do go in, either don't say anything or just quietly repeat your key words. Most people say don't pick up the baby. I think that depends. I usually did pick my girls up the first couple of times I had to go back in, but only for a few seconds up to one minute (I'd count to 30). After I'd done that a few times, then I'd just lay them back down without picking them up to snuggle, repeat the key words, and leave.

-Be patient! It can take weeks for them to learn new falling asleep habits. You're right, being consistent is key. Staying positive and loving is also key. I'm not a proponent of "cry it out" myself, but I suppose if it works for you (it did for many of my friends), great!

-Be consistent and very purposeful about the timing of naps. Rule of thumb is that the first nap begins 2 hours after they wake up in the morning. The second nap depends, but I've read that a person should avoid having the child sleep past 2:00 in the afternoon. That was always hard for me to swing, but if they were still sleeping at 3:00/3:30, I made myself get them up.

-An early bedtime is often better than a later bedtime. When my girls were infants, bedtime was 7:00, which meant we started getting ready for bed at 6:00! That gradually changed to 7:30 and is now 8:00 (they're 4 yrs and 2 yrs now).

Good luck! Go with your instincts and pay close attention to your baby's personality. It's different for all of them!

J.

P.S. As far as having Dad help, he can help with any of the bedtime steps! Keep in mind that often when kids are tired, they prefer the main caretaker (you!). This can make it hard to turn them over to Dad.

We had similar difficulities (EVERYONE does, so you're not alone!) with my first son. I tried different ways of doing things, but honestly what really helped us was a complete overhaul of our daily routine. I used the book "Babywise" by Gary Ezzo and it was a lifesaver. It is a practical book with good, sound advice and helps us mommies learn to teach our children how to go to sleep on there own.

I recommend checking the book out and reading through it...it was great for us!

Blessings! J.

Babies are so precious, and cause us so much worry because we want to make everything perfect for them. The first thing that will help you is something you already mentions...get a good routine. Once you decide on a good routine, stick to it no matter what. No matter whether you are tired or sick or whatever. Make it something that your husband can help with. Perhaps you nurse your daughter, then hand her to him to kiss and place in her bed. Once you put her in bed, let her put herself to sleep. She will cry for a while, but it is very important for babies to learn to "self soothe" and put themselves back to sleep. If they don't, you will have quite a problem when she is a toddler. I know how hard it is to listen to your baby cry. You can stay in the room with her if you think it helps, or you can leave the room and check in on her every 10 minutes. It is important for her to know you are there if she needs you, but it is normally best if you do not get her up. If she learns that you will always come, get her, and rock her to sleep after 15 minutes, you will be doing that every night for probably a year or maybe even two. I know how difficult it is to be a first time mom and have no idea how to get through these things. Good luck with your precious little one.

My advice is to get a book called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". I had no sleep issues with my first child, but my second ran me ragged this summer. When he was 5 months old I started working with this book and I'm so glad I did. I've seen it referenced so many times. Buy it - it's worth owning it as it talks about kids all the way into their teen years.

I went through this too. I highly recommend "The Baby Whisperer." I've read just about every book there is on this topic, and there are lots of methods and philosophies and approaches. Many of them work, but you have to choose what YOU are comfortable with as a parent. I personally am not comfortable letting an infant "cry it out" (one end of the spectrum), nor am I capable of the haggard exhaustion that comes with simply letting the baby nurse at all hours and following the strictest "attachment parenting" (the other end of the spectrum). "The Baby Whisperer" advocates a very middle of the road approach: it does not involve crying it out, but does involve building a routine and teaching the baby sleep skills. And it WORKS! I put in some real time and effort teaching her, and now she is the easiest baby to put to sleep that I know (I feel bad for all my parent friends. Mine is by far the easiest baby to manage now).

Since your baby is 5 months, you'd probably want to check out both her first book "how to calm, connect, etc...) and the second "...solves all your problems..." so you can read the chapter on sleep issues in the second. You can get them at the library, which I recommend with any baby book first, because then you can see whether it's going to work for YOU as a parent before you buy them.

The question you need to ask, is who is the parent? Put her in bed, let her cry and leave the room. Every five minutes that she still is crying, go in and show her that you are still there, but do not pick her up! This will be the longest week of your life. But as my pediatrian told me...she will not die from crying and she will not starve either.

Hi Mandi,
I have so much understanding for you! I remember so well wanting my son to sleep well and not have to rock him to sleep. I'll just tell you what worked for us, and I know every baby is different. At about 4 mos. old we'd rocked him to sleep and then it stopped working, I also knew I wanted him to be able to fall asleep on his own. So with the help of the book"Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child", we started letting him cry a bit before naps and at night. It was soooo hard!!!! I remember sometimes when he'd cry, I'd cry because I felt so bad and that I was a bad mom. Specifically at night, the very first night we let him cry, it was 22 minutes. The second night it was 8 minutes and the third night it was 3 minutes. After that it was only a minute or two and sometimes not at all. Now he's 16 months and he sleeps so great! We stick to the same routine every night and nap and he just lays right down, if he cries(which is hardly ever) it's only for about 10 seconds.
There are so many ways to raise a baby so I don't knock any couples choice and how to do it. I just know that every mom and dad want to SLEEP:) and have their baby sleep well too. Letting our son learn to sleep well by crying it out didn't last very long and it worked for us! I also stay home with him so I showered him with attention and love while he was awake so I knew he'd know he was loved.
Best of luck to you!

Right about 5-6mo is when we worked on getting both our daughters to sleep on their own. What worked for us was to work on naps first. We did not CIO, I just can't do it. I followed the eat, play, sleep routine to get us away from nursing to sleep. And if you watch for que's like yawn, eye rubbing, ect... if you put her down at the first sign. And I do mean 1st sign of sleepiness she should drift of easily. With our kids if we go beyond 15-20min from that first sign it's almost too late. My girls (4 and almost 2) are great sleepers now, but you wouldn't have known it at 3 months old, LOL.

I noticed you said consisitency was a problem. I think, that getting anything going in a consistent way is going to be your solution. Kids just seem to need a consistent routine, at least as far as I've been able to tell.

My son is a good sleeper, and I think I got somewhat lucky, but I also got a great book from someone in my family very early on, a person who has an advanced degree in infant care, and two kids of her own. Needless to say, I trust her. There's a lot of info in it, and a range of suggestions you can try. I'd say whatever you pick, just stick to it, even when it seems to be failing miserably at first. I had to hear a lot of crying before things seemed to get going along smoothly. Nowadays, we have a tough night every once in a great while. Most of the time, we sit back and enjoy listening to our son chatter and sing and lull himself to sleep.

The book is called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, by Marc Weissbluth.

Does she sleep in her crib for naps during the day? If she is nursing to sleep you may want to give her a paci/binki...what ever you call it. I had this delema with my oldest who is now 6 years old. You may also want to put on some soft music for her in her room. All else fails, let her cry. Have you ever fallen to sleep after a good hard cry? You have the BEST sleep! Yes it is very hard to listen to your little one cry, but it will benefit you in the long run. Try easing her into it...Let her cry for ten minutes at first or however long you can stand it, then the next time add another ten minutes and so on. Each time going in checking on her talk to her reasure her...You are doing great!

I used to nurse in bed and fall asleep, but more and more (over a few months) I would start putting her in her bed right after each nursing. Eventually both kids got used to it. It may not happen right away, but be persistent. Also, put them in their bed prior to your bed time, so they do get used to initially sleeping without you.

I've noticed when I am JUST at my WIT'S END, God gives relief and a big hurdle is jumped. I'd say, stick it out. Let her cry it out until she gets the clue. It doesn't take as long as you'd think. And you are NOT a bad mom to let her cry! I had ALOT of crying from both my boys before they figured out I was not giving in. It's okay to cry with them too. I like to take a shower while my 3 month old yells it out. I usually nurse him to sleep, but if he cries more than a 1/2 hour I nurse him again and he usually sleeps then. Most of the time he does quite well. He seems to want to fight for everything.

You are right, get a routine that works for you. What makes you happy will make her happy! You could nurse her to sleep and then give her to your husband or have your husband get her to sleep when she wakes up after a night nursing. Try different things until they work.
Wow. That's amazing to sleep with her so long. I lasted 7 weeks with my first and 3 with my second (I nurse them at night, but they sleep in a bassinet in our room). Sometimes the daddy bedtime comes later.

Oh, good luck! It does get better!!!!!