Help with My 5 Year Olds Attitude.

My 4 1/2 year old son does that same thing sometimes. He mostly gets it from his older cousins. I immediately put him in time out and tell him it's not okay to talk to me, or anyone for that matter, in that way. I don't get upset, I don't get emotional, just very straightforward, as I have learned that's the best way to deal with it. Try reading the book 1, 2, 3 Magic. It's an easy read and offers great advice for this type of behavior. When I quit getting upset and emotional, the problems got much better for me.

I have two parts to my advice. One, make sure he is getting a good night sleep every night. I find my kids get ornery, especially my son (almost 5), when their sleep patterns are off. Two, I too found that taking things away doesn't work, so sit him down and explain what you expect from him. Then, make a chart that he gets to fill out each day with X (good day) and O (bad day). Once he gets, let's say, 8 Xs all in a row he gets to pick something out at the dollar store.
Then it starts again but instead of 8 it becomes 12. A goal for him to reach with a fun result. I always pick inexpensive little things because our kids get too much as it is.
I only do this for about 6 or so weeks and then begin to say "see you can do this" and then the chart is done.

Good Luck

S. D.

My experience with my little boy is that he saves the "best" for Mom. I am obviously being sarcastic here! When I began to take his anger directed at me very personally, it was explained to me that kids will often vent anger/frustrations, etc with the "safe" parent; the person in their lives whom they view as safe enough to express their anger without risking judgment or rejection. I will caution you though that while this statement has a great degree of truth, there has to be a limit on what you will take from him. Although its comforting for him to know that he has a safe person with whom he can share his frustrations, its unhealthy for both of you to take the position that you are his verbal and physical punching bag. Its important for you to put limits on the extent to which he takes out his frustration on you. You mentioned also that you are married - question for you: How does your son view your relationship with your husband? Does he see Dad sharing responsibilities with Mom at home? Or, does he see Mom catering to and meeting Dad's needs? I ask this because I was in a situation when I was married in which my son saw his father start each day by going through a litany of demands and tasks that his mother (me)had to complete or else there would be a multitude of phone calls throughout the day in which I had to explain why his demands had not been met. I believe now, from going through that experience, that when young boys consistently see their fathers make unlimited and taxing demands on their mothers, they form a perception of their mother that her job is to meet their needs regardless of the consequences of doing so.....just food for thought.
Hope some of this was helpful.

L. T

I had this same issue with my son when he started school. I do feel that school has something to do with it. I have 4 children and he is # 2 but was so wonderful till Kindergarten. He is testing the waters and will see how far he can go till you put an end to it. All children do it they test you and once they know their boundries they back off some but you need to put a stop to it now or it will just get worse believe me my oldest is a girl and used to get what ever she wanted and turned into a monster when her brother was born she is now almost 11 and still throws fits when she doesn't get her way but with my son I knew I needed to stop it and he much better. Timeouts work well as long as you enforce them and so does having them do one of your chores something easy but because they were rude or mean to you they have to do something nice for you in return.

What you are experiencing is the results of your son's growing brain. He is in the process of learning how to understand cause and effect (concrete operations) and growing out of magical thinking.

It is disturbing to the inside of his own head, as things no longer seem the way they used to seem, and he is understandably getting lost fairly regularly as he learns new ways to use his growing brain. This sense of internal upset creates a lot of things: limited patience, demandingness (always a bid for more security), attitude (a result of his developing sense of personal power which is different than it was at 2)...

He will grow out of it and it helps to think of it as a natural phase (there is another, far more dramatic one that happens at around 13 that interferes with all kinds of things, creating the inability to withstand peer pressure to short-term memory problems).

Thinking of it as a phase makes it easier to stop putting him and you into warring camps. He is struggling with his new brain, just as you are struggling with the evidence of his new brain. You will find your whole life easier (now at when he's around 13) if you can see you both on the same side.

Punishment doesn't work because punishment just alienates people and makes them mad, it doesn't make them *more* inclined to do what you want them to.

Five year olds are testing you. And learning their boundaries. I would highly suggest you set some. Time out corners, being grounded from 'happy time' play time with a friend, and here's a thought. I've put three sons through a karate program. RESPECT is one of THE philosophies. Even for one's enemies. If you're in the Brighton, Milford etc areas of Michigan I encourage you to contact me and I'll get you in this program. Discipline for unruly, disruptive students is push-ups. Why? Because it gives them that 'time out', and it's a positive discipline method. They physically benefit from doing push ups, and will get to realize in time that the more cocky they are, the more push ups they'll get and they'll start to 'mend' their wicked ways. Try it. Start with 5-10. And don't let him get satisfaction by paying attention to his stuff. Walk away when he starts in. That nips it in the bud too

My best and only advice is to get the book Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn.
It is an amazing resource and will help tremendously.

I found myself with the same situation with my seven year old daughter. I do find school to be a big factor. She will copy behavior of kids she looks up to. Sometimes the loudest most obnoxious kid in class gets the most attention. My child is an attention junkie! We have not had a problem with her behavior at school EVER thank goodness. I didn't figure out where her back talk came from until she had a playdate and I met her little girlfriend.
We talked to her ALOT! We told her we thought that she was acting grumpy and we gave her an earlier bedtime and for the most part it has stopped. Every now and then out of nowhere she'll let you have it and we just tell her "Whoa where did that come from? Do you need a nap today?" Then it just stops.
Lasy year my husband worked 140 days out of town and the behavior was not consistant so I don't believe it was a factor. Good Luck!

He sounds like he is testing the waters. He knows there is that unconditional love with you, but others might not like him anymore if he's cranky with them. When he yells and is ornery, put a serious face on and say in a soft voice, "if you can't talk nice to me, then you can't talk to me at all" and turn your back to him and walk away. It will take a few times, but he will get it. I'm not saying it will work forever, but it's a start. I have a 19 year old boy and he knows now that he can't talk to me that way without a cold shoulder coming back to him.

I have a 5 year old girl who has been going through something very similar. Instead of taking away, we have a set reward system: a good day = a sticker on her calendar in her room. 2 weeks of good behavior = a night at the bowling alley with her Granny & her aunt she gets to bowl 1 game. It really seems to have worked. I also have resolved to not yell so much. I like you, work part-time, and my husband is gone > 12 hrs a day with his job, so I felt like I was just yelling all the time, and that is not good.

Good luck!
A.

Hi Jen,
My daughter is in first grade too and I have noticed the acting up when she gets home from school. I do think that it has to do with being good in school all day and they seem not to have the patience to do that all day. I found what works for me is, "if she talks back or does something inapproiate I make her write 25 sentences. This is challanging for her because is seems like alot, I found that it gives her time to really think about what she did and she gets to read it over and over again. I have my own notebook and pencil ready, make hime write. I WILL NOT TALK BACK TO MY MOM. or I WILL NOT SCREAM IN THE HOUSE, well I am sure you get it. Let him know the rules befor hand too. This will help when you apply this structure.

Goodluck L..

p.s. If he cannot complete the sentence and is remorsefull then make him appolgize and move on. Tell him if he repeats the behavior that you will be adding 10 more of the same sentence.