Help with My Mom... the "Babysitter"

i do not smoke and do not believe in smoking but if she is babystitting for free i suggest you get over it or find other arrangements its a huge commitment for a grandparent to babysit, i pay 68.00 per day for my 4 1/2 daughter for daycare

J.

Wow...sounds familiar, just be glad she does not smoke while he's there...that is the prob I have! My mother in-law does not watch my son full time, but does the grandma duty when needed, and we spend quite a bit of time there as well. She loves her smoking and says that it is her house, she will smoke when and where she wants...even if it's right in front of him. It has come down to where we've gone less, or I will take my son outside when she lights up, hoping she'd get the hint. It is so hard when they have the this is my place attitude. I would just try to explain how you feel in the nicest way and hope that it helps. Put it to her not that you're telling her, but asking her for the sake of her precious grandbaby she loves so much. You could even bring up the issue of don't you want to be around to see your garndson graduate high school, go to kindergarden, get married, etc, and how smoking hinders all of that. Good luck to you, may you have better luck than I did!!

I am sorry to say this, but, I disagree with you. It is your mom, and you have to take the good with the bad. Nobody is proud to have a smoking habit, but, it is her right, her house, and she is doing you a HUGE favor, and she doesn't smoke around her grandson. To ask her not to do something, in her own house, is asking for an argument. I feel she already knows your feelings, and she is doing the best she can, by not smoking in front of the baby. It sounds to me, like she is doing the best she can, and she is babysitting for free. She doesn't have to do that. You do have other choices and options. To talk to her about this, could open a can of worms, that can't be closed, once it is opened.

I think you said it just fine on here. You explained well that you appreciate her help but your baby's health is very important to you. I know it's hard. I tend to be afraid of conflict and I worry about people's reactions as well. But some things just can't be avoided. It's okay if she gets mad at you for a while (and she may not). She still loves you and your son. Conflict is not always a bad thing, it's a part of life. When you go to tell her, just remember that you are doing what's best for your son. You have to stick up for him since he can't do it himself.

My in-laws are smokers too. Since my son was born they only smoke outside or in the garage whether we're around or not. What a difference! Their house does not smell anymore. Whether your mom agrees to smoke outside, in the garage, or a closed room that the baby never goes in, it's best if she does it even when you're gone. Like you said, smoke gets on everything. I hope this helps and I hope you get lots of good advice.

edit- I just wanted to add that yes, she's doing you a huge favor but she is also family. Not that you should take advantage but I think that families are meant to be our support system and you should both be able to help eachother out when possible.

First, I gotta say -- I hate smoking, my parents smoked and both of them died from smoking. It's a terrible addiction and did I say I hate it? I did. Ok, but this is your mom's house, she is babysitting for free, and the toxins from the smoking are already there. One more cigarette in the morning won't make a big difference. (Plus there are toxins everywhere in our world. They're hard to avoid.) I think the benefits of having grandma be your babysitter outweigh the bad stuff. She isn't smoking when he is there and that's a good thing!

Well, I hate to say this but it is HER house. She is doing you a favor. You can ask her to smoke in another part of the house where the kid isn't. You can say that if she opens a window it would be much appreciated. If you tell her to stop smoking when she is watching your child, fine. Also think about the ramifications it may cause first. Is she a diehard smoker? Is she a social smoker? Yes, it would be better if she didn't smoke for her own health's sake but did you approach her with this before she was watching your child? Did you point that out to her BEFORE she was doing you the favor? These are just some questions you need to ask yourself.

I hate to say it but the situation is not in your favor. She is doing you an ENORMOUS favor by caring for your child and she can do things on her terms so long as you are not paying her. She is doing you a favor, not being employed by you, where you make the rules for her to abide by. If you want to make the rules for your child's care, you are going to have to find a caretaker and pay for it. Then you can call the shots all you want.

I do want to add though, that you are correct about smoke being very toxic and poisonous to your child and everyone else. It is not worth all the savings in the world to poison your child's system and leave long term affects in order to get free childcare. Smoking is disgusting and is not forgivable otherwise.

Good luck with your decisions.

Hi J.,
Could you have her come to your house and babysit? That way, if she wants to smoke before-hand in the car ride, at least it's not in the air that your son is breathing in. Other than that, you really should consider having someone else babysit. It's very unhealthy for you son to be breathing that in, but at the same time, your mom is the one helping you out. Maybe you can tell her how concerned you are for her health and try buying her the patch or helping her quit in another way. Tell her that you want her to be here for a long long time with her grandson and smoking won't allow that to happen. You can also blame the pediatrician. It might be a little white lie, but you could tell her that your doctor asked who babysits for you and that it was mentioned that she smokes and that he explained how terrible it is for a child to be around that. It might sound less threatening to her if you tell her the baby's doctor said all those things.... Best wishes!

Yes, your mom is doing you a favor, but that absolutely doesn't mean that your sons health should not be a priority. Second hand smoke is terrible as is putting a baby on clothing, furniture, that is filled with smoke toxins. Not sure how to approach it, maybe just ask your mom if she would mind smoking outside or in the garage if she knows your son is going to be coming over.

I think you should just ask her if she would consider airing out the house before you and the baby get there.
But it sounds like you already know what the answer is going to be.
Then you have to make a decision if you want your mother to watch your baby or not.
If it really bothers you, you might want to consider having someone else watch your child. I know it would both me.

Good Luck,
S.

She's your Mom and that's her grandson. You say that your son is your world and I know the feeling. I also know that my Mom feels as much love for my boys as she did for her own kids. So, just talk to her (one on one, without your son around) and explain what you said here.

I would find it hard to believe that your Mom wouldn't want to put the safety/health of your son first. If she isn't willing to do that, then maybe it would be best to find other childcare arrangements. I know how expensive child care can be (we pay close to $500 a week), but no amount of money would be worth it to have either of my boys exposed to that.

Good luck to you.