Help with Neighbor Boy

Let's see, have my daughter be adversely influenced by naughty child to the extent that it changes her entire demeanor or tell the mom to keep her son at home until he learns to be respectful and obedient? I know what I'd do. No child should have friends over on a "school night" until 9 pm. My children didn't do that until high school! The mother is using you as babysitters while she manages with the new baby.

We've got O. of those! :)

The parents would let him LIVE at our house if we let him. He walks RIGHT into our house--no knock, no bell......sigh.

We make it a rule that there is no after school playing until homework is done (for my son) and when it's dinnertime, we tell him he needs to go home because we are going to be eating dinner. (He has stayed a few times for dinner when he seems interested.)

You need more structure to this arrangement! What about Tues/Thurs/Fridays, after homework and until dinner time?

I'd set boundaries. I'd tell the family that their son can come over a specific day a week for a certain amount of time. Or two days a week. I'd also sit your daughter and her friend down and lay down the rules for both of them. That would include no back talk or rude behavior. If a rule gets broken then the playdate is over. Tell your husband and anyone else who may be watching them that they need to be very black and white about the rules.

I completely, completely empathize with your situation. I've been going through something similar over the past year except the boy next door is 2 years older than my son, which exacerbates the attitude problem even more. The parents are completely negligent and never seem to know exactly where he is at any time, which makes me totally nervous to ever send my son over to his yard.

In the beginning, when my son first began playing with this boy, I would never know what hour this kid would show up at our door - dinnertime, 8:30 pm, 9:00 pm. Once he wanted to come in and listen to bedtime stories. Another time I caught him peeking in our windows during a brunch with friends. To make matters worse, my son loves playing with this kid, probably because it's a big boy paying attention to him.

I put up with it, put up with it, put up with it, tried to build a rapport with the Mom, with the babysitter. I finally had to put my foot down after numerous incidences (the kid is a trouble magnet and, as I mentioned, completely unsupervised at home).

Now my rule is that the boy can't play in our house and my son is not allowed over in their house or yard. They are only allowed to play together in OUR yard. Neither like the rules very much and they're constantly trying to bend them, but it has made my life significantly easier and has completely cut out the after-hours visits.

Just pick an earlier time and set some 'house rules' that apply to both kids. If your daughter is trying to be 'bossy' when this boy is around - you need to talk with her about this. If it happens with this boy - it will happen with other kids and you can't just prevent her from having friends.

We were always outside with the neighborhood kids until it got dark. If it was raining, we were in someone's house. We didn't wear watches and we knew it was time to go home 1) it was dark or 2) the mothers were yelling out their back doors or 3) the parent at the house we were sent us home.

Of course I want my son to have friends who are girls. How else will he learn that they are people just like him?

First, talk to the mom or dad and let them know that while the kids enjoy each other's company and you are glad to have him over there must be an early curfew on weeknights. You set the latest you are willing to have him over. They set the latest he HAS to be home. The earliest time is the one you honor. Then, they only have to call if something special is happening that changes that time and you both know what that time is. Since you aren't home, whoever is watching the kids should be made aware of the curfew OR no friends over when you or hubby aren't there.

Talk to you daughter, if she can behave when or after being with her friend then he has to go home. Praise her good behavior when it occurs (that is what we've had to do because if my girl is around her cousin, they are both bratty).

I would act very nonchalant and say that weeknights are early nights. Also don't be afraid to turn the child away sometimes or pick certain days which are best for visits due to schedules. In my neighborhood, you have to be really careful how you word things as it's a "community" in many respects and, IMO, people can be oversensitive when it comes to these things. I would tread lightly, but hold your ground.

Boy can I relate to your problem. My son's BFF lived a couple houses down and when he would come over it was an all day thing, meals included. I finally started feeling like a doormat for this family but I didn't do anything about it because I felt bad for the boy. Eventually, I started setting limits. I would send him home when we ate meals and when he would ask if my son could play I would tell him a time limit. I would say he could play until 4:00. If the parents were unable to pick him up by then, well he couldn't come over. If you tell the parents about the change in your dtrs behavior they are only going to get defensive. They are probably acting like siblings because of the amount of time they are spending together. Limit the time and that should improve. Good luck to you. It's a hard situation!

It is easy to play with just one kid but your child should make other friends. Limit the playdates to maybe one or two days per week and never after dinner.

I really hate to say this, but in my opinion, I'm going to look out for my child first and formost. Of course without effecting anyone else's child physically or emotionally. Meaning, I want my child to have the best education possible, which means she goes to bed well before 9pm! So if she had a friend over, that friend is going home maybe 5 ish, so that my child can do their homework, eat dinner, take their baths, and whatever else needs to be done. Which is difficult to do when you're basically being forced to babysit someone else's child. There are bounderies, and that kid's parents need to learn them. Hopefully this can all be done in a respected manner.

Most of the kids in our neighborhood don't go to bed until around 9pm either. So if the kids are out playing they need to come in by dark, if it's summer of course it is still light out then so it's a bit more laid back then.

I think if my kid was playing at a neighbors home and I realized time had slipped away and it was 9pm I would wonder what was going on...I would have assumed you'd be on the phone by 8 to let me know that the kiddo was on his way home. Time does get away from me sometimes.

Wow, my kids are 12 and 9 and are done with showers and are in their rooms at 8pm. I would just text the mom and say you have seen a change in your daughter and its gotten better the last few days since boy hasn't been over. because of this, you would like to limit their play time to maybe mon, wed, fri from 4-6". Or make whatever days and times that would fit your schedule. It seems like there have been no ground rules and there should be. My sons best friend lives on the next street over and their play time ends at 6pm, which is when we eat. So it isn't too late to do this. Good luck!

I have never allowed either of my sons to develop close "friendships" with girls, and I'd be the same way with a daughter (if I had one) and boys. Luckily my sons never seemed that interested anyway. It just gets awkward as the kids get older.

In your situation I would be even more leery (lacksadaisical parents on the other end).

I agree with Carrie that you need better boundaries.

Good luck.

I would first be fine with her being comfortable with u n ur husband not a lot of parents can be. Also I think the attitude n the sassy is part of the growing stage but as u do with the boy as u should do with her if she's sassy or attitude ish warn her tell her the first time clean up ur sassy ness or he goes home the second time it happens he's sent home. Also if it's real bad behavior just warn her first with keep it up u two won't play for a day. Ur the parent put the limit on it. Also if he doesn't straighten up. Call his mom n say hey I'm sending Johnny home because my husband asked him to clean up to do something else n he's not listening. If he wants to play with Molly he needs to follow direction. Don't just send him home because when he gets home the mom has no clue of why he's being sent home so he gets away with it. Think about it take control!