Help with Pooping Accidents

My guess is that if it were medical and a genuine accident, he would be upset about the accidents.

If my son started doing this, I would have him help wash out the nasty underwear. I wouldn't make this a punishment - but it would be an absolute requirement. I'd just be very matter-of-fact about the whole thing. Sort of an action equals logical consequence concept. (I did this when my son was wetting the bed. I didn't get upset or anything. It was simply his job to help me take care of the mess. He'd strip the sheets and put them into the washing machine. He'd use Lysol wipes to wipe down the mattress. And would then help me put clean sheets on the bed. Once he had to accept responsibility for cleaning the mess, it didn't take too long before he realized he had an incentive to avoid making it.)

L., I think you are totally on track to take him to the doctor. My husband had elimination problems as a child and it was quite a while (and lots of trauma for him) before they discovered that it had a physical cause and wasn't behavioral. I've been reading lots lately about potty training regression because my daughter is going through it, and I found some helpful info by looking on google. Can you think of anything that has happened lately (change in routine, etc.) that might have caused the regression? Or maybe something happened at preschool/playdates? I wonder if the leaving it for awhile in his pants is because he doesn't sense it, or because he is embarrassed/upset about it? (My daughter has been hiding when she does it in her pants.) I also read that an incidence of constipation/pain can cause fear about going for awhile afterward. I know these aren't real solid to-dos, but hopefully they might help point you toward a solution. My best to you! A.

My son also started doing this at right around age 4. He'd also been potty trained (no accidents) for a year. He'd go stand in the corner of a room and say he was trying not to go (instead of not going to the bathroom???) We just didn't get it. Nothing we did made a difference. It was SO frustrating because we knew he could use the toilet. Well, about a month ago he was going to go camping with his dad (BIG DEAL!!!) and he pooped his pants on a Monday. I told him if he went in his underwear again he couldn't go camping with dad on Friday. Well, they went camping and we haven't had even close to an accident ever since. Dad is planning to take him camping again this summer as a reward. We just had to find the right "button". This lasted about 6 LONG months before we found it. I hope you find your button soon!

I would try and note if there is a pattern when these accidents happen. Then I would tell him it's potty time and have him go to the potty and "try" during these times. That happened with my son around that age and he had been potty trained by the age of 2 on his own. I agree with the woman who said to just matter of fact have him clean the dirty underwear with you there, not showing anger just that is what we have to do with dirty underwear.

If you make him responsible for clean up I guarantee that this problem will be over after just a few times. Of course you will have to do the real cleanup after him, but don't let him know that you are.

Have him wash out his own underwear - with your supervision of course. I nannied for a boy who liked to have power struggles (he won most of them with his parents). After potty training him, he still did not like to go poop in the potty, so he started pooping his pants at nap time. After me cleaning up the mess for a day or two, I made him come clean up his own mess. He didn't like that at all, and I never had any more problems getting him to go on the potty.

My advice is. Listen to Brenda D.;O)

L.,

My son is also 4 1/2 and has only been potty trained since April. I FEEL FOR YOU!!!!!

I'm adding at the bottom a link to all the great advice that helped me get him out of diapers/pull ups.

Several things worked for us. 1) we made him clean up his own messes in the bath tub with the coldest water possible coming out of the tap, and 2) let him squat on the toilet so the "monsters" that were trying to get him/his poop couldn't get him/he could tell them to go away.

Hope this helps,
Melissa
http://www.mamasource.com/request/8244745171971866625

I'd say that there may be a medical issue behind it- he may be constipated and leaking around the "clog." Take him to his doctor to find out. Being trained before doesn't necessarily mean that he can tell when he needs to poop now. The area can become desensitized from constant pressure. They may have to put him on Miralax to get him cleaned out, and it takes a while to regain the ability to feel it (the need to poop.) My son was a late potty-trainer with this problem. He is now 6 and still has problems with pooping, although thankfully the problems are becoming less frequent. Making him clean up the messes has not helped. The less of an issue I make out of it, the better it is, because anxiety over it only makes it worse. I buy cheap underwear, and we throw it out when it's poopy, and he takes a shower to clean off. Good luck to you! Don't be too hard on your boy until you know what's causing it!

Children get distracted easy and forget sometimes that the body is telling them something important. If your son is otherwise a healthy growing boy...it would be important to teach him the responsibilities that come with having BMs in the pants. When my son went through this, for the first few weeks I tried to pass it off as being something innocent. But then I began to realize that my son was taking advantage of this. And began taking the opportunity to "skip" using the restroom because he didn't want to go into the bathroom because he was preoccupied with other things. I tried my best to teach my son that going to the bathroom in the potty is what growing boys do. Big boys go in the potty. I reached a point where I made him clean up his own messes when I knew he BMed in his pants on purpose. If for sure, you knew it was an accident (he just didn't make it to the bathroom on time when he was headed that way) then I would assist him in the cleanup. This way he learns that he is able to get help when he really needs it. As for the bathroom, should he have to go and you notice his cues...don't ask him to go, TELL him to go. Just tell him to go to the bathroom. I learned that when I asked my son if he had to go (and I knew he did really have to go) I was giving him an option. I don't want to do that. I want him to understand that should he have to go, he should. Hope this helps. :D

My son starting pooping his pants again at age 5 --- saying he couldn't tell when he had to go --- basically, he got too busy playing and just didn't want to take the time for a bathroom break. He used to hide his poopy pants from me under his bed --- and the dog would find them --- and it got crazy for awhile. I talked to a friend who is a family psychologist -- she said next time, make him clean his own mess. Well -- that worked! We got a green bucket, and some cleaning solution and showed him the procedure (which he hated) --- after a few times --- he stopped. He is now 13 and barely remembers all this. SO - you will get through this and all will be fine with your son. Good luck!
N.

L.,
Our oldest son has had the same issue. It used to happen from stress and getting in trouble, but since he is 7 now we realize that it is more than stress. our son is like me, we don't know we have to go until the last minute. I don't know what it's called but our bodies don't register that we have to go until it's almost too late. He is getting so much better because I stopped making a big deal out of it. I have thrown out many pairs of underpants because I have gotten tired of cleaning and soaking. If you are not willing to throw them out, then my suggestion is to use LAVA soap to scrub them, then soak them in water with BORAX. You may find that there are still stains, but you won't smell the poop. Also, wear gloves when you wash them out.
Best of luck to you.

Definitely have him clean the mess up himself, and make him an offer he can't refuse (like the camping one mentioned previously).

Have you had any major Changes in his life the last few months. Some children have a real problem with change and will act out in a way they can control. My son is like this. If something happens beyond our control, potty training goes down the drain. Hes almost 5. Best thing I can suggest is reward program. Maybe give him soemthing else he has control over, besides potty training. Good Luck

My son started having accidents when he was 5. He also said he didn't know when he would go and he would try and hide it because he was embarrassed. I took him to the dr checked him and said he had something called encopresis. Basically he became so constipated that the stool would leak around it and he would have accidents beyond his control. The dr. put him on miralax for a couple weeks and he hasn't an accident since.
http://www.webmd.com/digestive-disorders/encopresis this website explains it. Good luck. He may be doing it on purpose but also know he might not have any control over it. The one thing I noticed was the poop was kinda dark and seemed to be more smelly than normal. I hope this gives you another idea.

I had that same frustration with my son. He did the exact same thing. When I took him to the doctor's they diagnosed him with encopresis. It's an actual medical condition where they can't feel that they need to have a bowel movement. Their nerves stop functioning from having to much bowel and so it just seeps out. You might want to ask your doctor. Just thought I'd share. Not sure if it's the same thing or not. Good luck.