Help with Separtion Anxiety

You are doing everything right. Keep your goodbyes short and cheerful when you do drop-off. Other than that there is sadly not much you can do as it is something they must get used to and accept. My 18 month old cries horribly when even grandparents come over to see him since he is such a mama's boy and of course it makes them feel awful and me embarrassed. He is gradually getting used to it and crying less and it is just a painful process until they do.

Children's books are so helpful with these kind of things. There's a great little book called The Kissing Hand about a mommy racoon who kissed her little guys hand in a special way. Ask your librarian for others. Also, give him something he can put in his pocket or something he can wear that connects him to you.

Dear L. G,

I wanted to give you a daycare providers advice, which may not be the same as all daycare providers. Something that I have learned throught the years, is that not all kids feel comfortable with all adults. I personally don't think a kid should be stressed out the whole day. I have a couple of ideas to see if it helps but if not you may need to find a new sitter. First off do little trips with the sitter watching them. Like running to the gas station or store that way every time your gone it is not half the day. Explain to the kids even if you don't think they understand say I will be back in a little while. If the kid is still crying after you have been gone for 10 min then you should think about a different sitter. Not every kid is right for every sitter and not every sitter is right for every kid. What does your sitter do to try and help the kids adjust to you leaving. I have found that a quick good bye and a distraction from me helps the kids not cry as much. If you seem happy about the kids going to daycare they will pick up on that, but if you are nervous they will be. I don't know about your church, but our church has different ladies in their every week so my daughter hated going to the nursery. Try a little reward for them not crying when you leave. I have one kid that as soon as he comes I take him and we go get a M&M and his mom leaves. I have another one that I take potty so the mom can leave and now there is no crying. Ask your sitter what she is willing to do. Maybe you can bring a small snack for everyone to distract them. Maybe she can put on music or read a book. Good luck.
B.

Listen to your instinct- it doesn't feel good to leave your children that way for a reason! When you honor and respect your children's need for attachment and staying close to you, they paradoxically develop a genuine sense of security and independence in their own unique and gradual way. This way also optimizes Trust and Relationship.

Be willing to stay with them as long as they need you (which may be the entire service), making it a place they are free to come and go from with you (ie, spend a little time all together in the service, then come play for a bit with them in the nursery, go back and forth a bit). Eventually, it will become a place that feels comfortable and enjoyable and they'll be willing to stay and hang out while you leave. At this point you may agree to come back and check on them periodically and/or ask the attendant to get you if they need you. Eventually, they'll be running in there saying "bye, mom!" Again, Trust & Relationship are required here, which take time and consideration to build. But when you make that investment by honoring their needs, it will pay back in dividends. Take heart, this phase of their lives will not last forever!

You also might appreciate the wisdom at gentlechristianmothers.com.

I can empathize. My boys are 4 and almost 3. They also have had SUCH a hard time with separation anxiety and it always felt it was worse than other kids too. Like for Awana Cubbies last year, I was the only parent that had to stay with my son the whole time each time to avoid great anxiety in him from the separation. Over the summer, he suddenly snapped out of it and does alright now. Now he walks in on his own to sunday school and Cubbies, and he talks a lot more with my friends and such...MUCH less shy. It was at about 4 years 3 months old old that was his turning point, when he finished two weeks of Safetytown camp this summer that I had signed him up for with a good friend. My almost 3 year old is still VERY difficult with separation. The only separation he generally does alright with is Lifetime's child center when he recognizes the staff working that day and he's with his brother. He does not go to Sunday school or nursery, but rather sits on our lap for church because otherwise he will cry, huff & puff the ENTIRE time off and on...not worth the anxiety. He also has some trouble with sensory overload that does not help with the separation. I think a lot of our hard time with separation stems from them being with me all the time at this young age, but I think of it as, you can't have it all. They'll outgrow it, even if it does take longer. Sorry this is not much help, other than I can really empathize with you and there is light at the end of the tunnel!

See if the church nursery or the babysitter will allow you to offer them their favorite snack if they don't cry. Mine would cease in a heart beat for a popsicle at the babysitter. At church we would do a small cookie.