Helping 21 Month Old Stay Asleep

Have you read the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley? She has a lot of great advice and tips on this. Good luck!

Hi there,

I hesitated even replying to your post because it's sounds as if you're very set in your opinion. (I refer to your second sentence, "I'm completely against the Ferber method..." I, too, am against leaving my daughter alone in the room to cry all night. However, this is not what Ferber advocates. I'm wondering if you've ever taken the time to read his work How to Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems or if your opinion is simply based on what "they say" -- as you allude to in your post.

The reality is that if you want to get appropriate sleep -- sleep that will enable you to be an effective parent, spouse, etc... -- you need to cease all negative sleep associations for your son. When I say "negative" sleep associations, I mean those things that become a problem for you to keep up or continue throughout the night in order for your son and you to sleep.

Thus, if you're rocking and/or nursing your son to sleep, and then put him down, when he wakes up -- because we all do, regardless if we're babies, toddlers, teens or adults, due to natural sleep cycles that we experience throughout the night -- he is going to expect that same condition(s) to take place in order to fall back asleep. Imagine (and Ferber cites this as an example in his book) that you fall asleep in your bed each night. Then, for some strange reason, when you wake up in the middle of the night, you find yourself on the couch. Who moved you? What happened? You'd probably be scared. Well, the same goes for babies. Your son is used to falling asleep in your arms. He needs to be put awake in his crib and he needs to learn how to put himself to sleep.

And he isn't going to learn that on his own.

Babies/toddlers/etc... don't know how to do that. You say your son is 21 months old; well, for nearly two years he has become secure in knowing that you will meet his needs. Trying to teach him to soothe himself and put himself to sleep isn't suddenly going to make him think, "Mommy hates me."

If you're serious about getting sleep, actually take the time to read Ferber and educate yourself about sleep patterns and sleep associations. If you don't like what he advocates (putting your child down awake and going in after three minutes the first time if he's crying and just standing by his crib without touching him; five minutes the next; seven minutes the following -- and staying with that seven minutes all night long the first night until he falls asleep), then modify it. Go in and rub his belly. Come up with a phrase that is calming. I don't recommend picking him up because of course he is going to get more upset when you put him down. And it will be more difficult on you.

I gotta tell you that I followed this system when my daughter turned five months. And my daughter is smiles all day long and is head over heels in love with me. She doesn't feel abandoned. She gets 11 hours of sleep each night -- she's now 9 months old. (Of course, if she's sick she'll wake up. But that's understandle.) My husband gets uninterrupted sleep so that he can function at work. I get uninterrupted sleep so that I can function as a full-time mom. And since we're not sleep deprived, we're not snapping at each other and/or on edge.

By the way, it took me three days to get my daughter used to putting herself to sleep on her own. The longest I let her fuss by herself was for 12 minutes. Now every single night she is put down awake in her crib and falls asleep within five - ten minutes while talking/cooing -- NEVER CRYING -- to herself.

If you tried Ferber's method or a modified one, it will probably take you a little longer because of the pattern you've already established. You just need to be consistent and persistent and trust what you're doing.

I hope you took the time to read this. I realize it's long. Good luck.

T. :)

Hi J.,
I have three young children and have experienced many of the same sleep problems with my oldest and youngest child. Sleep patterns have a lot to do with personality and the way your child is "wired", so he may continue to be a light sleeper all of his life. That being said, there is no way at 21 months that he should be nursing during the night when he wakes up. This is the #1 habit you have to break. It's bad for his teeth and it's not necessary for his nutrition. This means gently but firmly telling your son no to nursing and finding a subsitute way of settling him back down. If you are emotionally unable to deny him nursing during the night, you have to make an agreement with your husband that he will handle your son at night when he wakes, every night until your son knows he's not getting any milk during the night, period. Let your husband know this might take a few weeks, but it will be worth it in the long run.

The next decision you have to make is what to do about sleeping arrangements. I must admit I haven't been so good about this either, because my first child is like yours and it took until she was in kindergarten to get her to consistently sleep well through the night. Looking back on all the things we tried and what we might have done wrong, I can say now that if I had to do it all over again, I'd have just shared her bed with her until I started getting enough uninterrupted sleep (say, at least a month's worth) and had the energy to approach the situation with a clear head. HOWEVER, since you are still nursing, (as am I with my 23 month-old), you MUST break the night-time nursing habit first. The good news is, if your husband takes over at night, which is most likely what will have to happen, your son may learn to sleep at night without you once he's learned he can't get your milk or attention. My daughter knows that once she's nursed for the last time (8 or 9 o'clock), that's it. Daddy takes over if she still fusses before bed. During the night, we both will tend to her if she wakes up, but she doesn't get any milk (unless she's got a bad head cold, because nursing seems to help that). Remember, when you love your child, you have to set appropriate limits. You have to say no to night-time nursing, for everyone's sake, just like you say no to candy or running into the street. It's what's best for your child, and what's best for you. If you need to convince your husband to help you, remind him that this is one of those times where Daddy needs to gently take charge of his growing son and calmly bring more order and peace to the family. It helps to let Dad know he can do something you may not be able to!

Best wishes from our family to yours,
L.

Hi J. - I had to respond to you to let you know you are not alone. I am in the exact same situation. My son is 19 months old and has pretty much always slept with us. He slept through the night when he was smaller and in his swing. But once he turned 1, he got a little too big to be safely buckled in and I had to get him to sleep without it. So he came back into our bed full time for the most part. He did sleep in his pack n play for a few house once I nursed him to sleep, but then he would wake up and return to our bed. I still breastfeed him and he still needs that for naps and nighttime, although we have been able to get him to fall asleep watching cartoons on the living room floor. I don't believe in the cry it out, tried it, but didn't work for us. I would also like him to self wean but fear that it will take another year or so and I can't help but think that once that stops the sleeping will improve. I belong to the La Leche League and the leader insists that he would wake up regardless of the breastfeeding, but I can't say that I agree. And I feel like I rely on it just to get him back to sleep and it just seems like it's never going to change. And I'm so exhausted anymore all the time and it's affecting me and my husband. He's been left to sleep on the couch the last few months. It's crazy. I am also jealous when I hear of kids that sleep through the night. It's not even believable to me. I have researched and read books and still can't get to a better sleep situation. It just helps to know that there are other families in the same situation. You can feel so all alone. I am a stay at home mom and it makes for a very, very long day after a very sleepless night. Let me know if you want to chat and talk more about this. Mommies need to stick together. Take care.

I say that every child is different and just because one child is sleeping through the night at 4 weeks old means that yours should. My DH and I have taken the approach that we just don't have any expectations as far as sleeping goes. I know that as a 33 yo woman I don't sleep why should I expect my child to. I know it is hard. Right now my 8mo is waking alot. Having her in bed with me means that I get as much sleep as I possibly can given the situation. Our 3yo still sleeps with us as well. I guess my suggestion is to bring him back to your bed so at least you can get some more sleep and don't have to get up when he wakes up. Remember, he is still a baby. And as for nursing through the night. My oldest was still nursing alot during the night at that age. She self weaned at about 30mos near the end of my pregnancy. So, he won't nurse forever. You have done a great job so far, just relax and enjoy this time that he is little...it won't last long :)

I've been through a bit of this. My three year old just started sleeping in his bed a few months ago. His dad initiated the new schedule. And he did and does occasionally cry a bit.

My daughter also started in our bed and moved to her own. With both, they would go to sleep with me in the family bed and my husband would come to bed an hour or so later and before getting into bed move them to his bed.

With my son, my husband started a bedtime ritual. They would go upstairs together potty, brush their teeth, and then go get into bed with a small lamp on not the overhead light. Then my husband would read my son a bedtime story. For the first couple of nights, he would then lie down in bed with my son until he fell asleep. Then over the next week or so he gradually started moving out of the room.

Now he leaves right after the story. My son still complains he wants to sleep with Mommy sometimes but he is able to go to sleep in his bed on his own.

I did sort of the same thing with my daughter (now 8) when she was about 2 and 1/2. She was my first though and I was the one whoh hung on a little more. She decided around 3 that she was going to bed by herself and she didn't need me to lie down with her.

We were totally against the Ferber method after trying it. It worked wonderfully for my friend and her 2 younger kids. We tried with my daughter twice. The first time, she cried until she threw up. We gave up that night. Someone told me when that happens you have to clean her up and put her back in bed. We tried one more time. She threw up 2 times was still really upset and I lost almost a complete night's sleep.

My third son (6 months old) is now in our bed. I know what you mean about needing sleep and wish you the best of luck.

Every child wakes partially durring the night, that is normal. A independant sleeper will wake, roll over, and go back to sleep without so much as a wimper. While the "family bed" might have seemed to bring you together, it has prevented you from teaching your child the life long skill of independant sleep. My suggestion would be to start by not nursing your toddler at night. Have a firm bedtime routine that is calm and quiet. Put your child in his crib/bed and if he wakes go in, pat or rub his back to comfort him, maybe even sing/hum quietly to him until he settles back down. Don't pick him up or actually speak to him. If you stick to it he will be sleeping on his own all night in just a few nights. Good luck and best wishes

You should read the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth, M.D. I have 3 kids (oldest is 8 and youngest is 15 mo.) and I consider this book my "bible". I followed the advice in this book through all the stages and it never steered me wrong. My kids sleep great and I sleep great. When some new phase comes up I refer to this book, follow the advice and we are good to go. Check it out.

Hi J.. We have 18 month old twin boys who sleep with us and have since they were born. Isn't cosleeping great? My partner is still nursing them, and nursing them to sleep at night.

They do wake and nurse in the middle of the night once or twice... more when teething or sick. One little guy wakes up frequently -- he sounds like your son. The other one would only wake up once in the night, we think, but sometimes gets woken up by his brother, though not as much as you'd think.

I guess I don't have any advice, except to say hang in there. All kids are different. The Ferber method isn't for everyone. Sleeping with your kids is safe and great. Take naps to get up to 8 hours of sleep a day -- the dishes and laundry will still be there.

Good luck! And feel free to message me to commiserate more.

Hi, J.! I'm currently co-sleeping and night nursing (well, okay, around the clock day & night nursing) my 20 month old son and I agree wholeheartedly with those who suggest bringing him back into the bed w/ you. I'm sure you know it's MUCH easier to nurse at night when they're right next to you, so I'd say go back to that so you can get better rest.

As for those who haven't heard of nursing past a year, just know that the World Health Organization recommends a *minimum* of 2 years, so this is not only normal, it's recommended! Did you know that in most native american cultures, they nursed their children until 5-6 years old? Oh, and as for damaging their teeth with night nursing, that is a highly debated position with no clear winner - far from being factual.

I recommend you visit mothering.com's message boards, J.. There you will find more support from like-minded (Attachment Parenting) moms who can give you some solid support and advice. There is nothing wrong with the family bed. BUT, if you want, you could also consider putting your mattress on the floor and putting your son's toddler bed mattress or twin mattress beside yours - honestly, that's probably how I'd start out in getting him to his own bed. This does not damage his independence - it simply shows him you love him enough to want him close, you create a cradle of safety for him when he is in the most need of it, you form a bond that will last him through the rest of his life and bolster his confidence in himself as a person worthy of being loved and cherished. I honestly believe in my heart that people who stick their kids in another room and let them "cry it out" (so THEY can get some good sleep) are causing serious brain damage to their child similar to attachment disorder and that these kids will never grow to be as well-balanced individuals as those who are raised through AP methods. Of course, that's my opinion (and as someone raising a child with RAD, I live with that kind of brain damage every single day), but I say keep up the good work and trust your instincts - when you feel horrible listening to your baby cry, that is your instinct screaming at you to do the right thing and love your baby up close & personal, not ignore them until they tire themselves out (or quit b/c they realize nobody is there for them when they are in true need of love and support).

hi J.. i completely respect your descision on how you are raising your son. i admire your patience and commitment to making your son feel "whole" and not leaving him to cry all the time. some parents force the "let him cry it out" stage at such a young age and it just breaks my heart. i envy the close-ness that you must have with your child as a result.

that being said, i personally can also anticipate that after a year of age... this may possibly be a problem for your son eventually as far as being indepedent and conifident on his own as far as bed time goes. i mean no disrespect, so please dont take it that way. i myself, just havent heard of nursing after a year of age, but i am hearing that more and more mothers are nursing for longer. and that is your choice as his mother.

i can however see it could possibly be harder and harder to wean him the longer that you wait... seeing as he is almost 2 years old now. i stopped nursing my daughter by a year of age. i worry that they become more demanding at that age, and if you dont set some boundaries now... it may be next to impossible for him to "self wean" at his age. it could take more coaxing on your part.

also about your family bed... if he has been allowed to snuggle with his parents in your big comfy bed for the last 2 years... where is his motivation to want to stay in his own big boy bed? i have to be honest... i would want to sleep with my parents too if i could!

i personally am against the whole cry it out aspect too... for the most part. but i am also a realist and have come to learn that sometimes it is necessary to a healthy extent. even though its difficult for me as her mother... i realize by encouraging my daughter to sleep in her own crib will eventually help her more in the long run. shes 15 months old. obviously sometimes when i lay her down, she "doesnt want to take a nap". but shes a baby and really needs to rest. and after about 10 minutes of a little crying or whining she falls asleep. i believe by doing this, she gets a sense of security in "herself" rather than always in mom and dad.

granted, when she is sick, or some other situtation there is an exception. when she cries in the night, i go to her and reassure her that its ok, but i also tell her its night time and time to go back to sleep. after continuously doing this, she listens and does fall back asleep. she also is secure to know if she wakes up and cries, shes not alone, b/c i will get up and go to her. where as many parents let them cry it out and "self soothe." what works for me is going in the room and letting her know that im still there.

i think you just need to find a happy medium for you and your son. you seem so tired and i just hope you find something that works well for your little boy and your family. i respect your close-ness with your son and i think that loving your child too much is certainly not a crime. but also think about the independent confident young man that you plan to raise him to be and perhaps that will help with the bedtime dilemma. i wish you and your family the best, and please let us know what you try and what works for you.

J.,
I know it may seem tough to let him cry, but it will not hurt him. I know i am a mother of 4. Try this, Put him to bed, in his own bed, and let him cry. Not for a long time, maybe five or ten minutes, then go in his room and hug and kiss him, and lay him back down. then allow a little more time to go by, If he is not losing his breath, or in hysteric just let him go a little longer. He will soon understand that you and daddy are the boss and he will begin to fall right to sleep and stay asleep. Your not abandoning him. Your just teaching him structure and consistancy. It is the best for all of you. Then you wont be so tired and will have more energy to enjoy your little one. And this way it wont be the "cry it out" method, it will be teaching your little one to "self sooth". I dont believe in the cry it out method.

J.- I know how you feel about getting quality sleep. Often times breastfed babies won't sleep through the night until they are night-weaned. Perhaps you can enlist the help of your husband. When your son wakes up have your husband comfort him and get him back to sleep. The book "No Cry Sleep Solution" offers some other great advice. I wish you the best of luck!

I have to ask... why are you so against the Ferber method? I researched and started this method with my daughter at 6 months. At this point she was still up every few hours and very hard to get down to sleep at the beginning of the night. After one week she was sleeping through the night. The first night was very hard, because she cried for 45 minutes. We went in every 3, 5, 7, then 10 minutes as instructed and it worked like a charm. She is now 15 months old and sleeps for a good 10-11 hours a night. She does wake up occasionally and sometimes she calls out for me and sometimes she just gets herself back to sleep. When she does call for us, my husband or I will go in and rub her back to reasure her we are there and then leave the room. She is usually sleeping again before I lay back down. The thing is all toddlers wake up during the night... it's inevitable. What "letting them cry", as you say, does for them is teaches them how to get themselves back to sleep. There is nothing wrong with teaching a little independence at such a young age. I know that every parent has their own beliefs, but I feel bad for you that you are still not getting any sleep. I wish you the best...

J.,
It can be exhausting. And advice from any extreme belief system can make it even harder to figure out what to do. No one knows what's best for every baby in every family, so in the end you got to do what your family feels is right. We also parented following loosely the attachment parenting style. However, my philosophy is wherever everyone sleeps best is the best place for them. That being said, neither of my sons would sleep long chunks of time until I night-weaned them. It would have been nice if they would have self-weaned, but I really needed more sleep. If you're interested in trying this approach as opposed to total weaning or total on-demand nursing, you could try telling your son that "milk" (or whatever you call your nursing sessions) goes "night-night" with the sun, and no more milk until morning. That doesn't mean he wouldn't ask, but once it's not an option, you may find you all sleep better in less than a week. At least that's what happened with both of our boys...around 18 months. With one of my sons who was a very adament frequent night nurser, I actually slept in the guest room for two nights, and he slept better with my husband. When I returned, I slept with jogging bra and long, snug shirts that made it less "accessible". It was actually quite a smooth transition after just 2 or 3 nights.
Good luck in whatever you choose.

I know that you don't want to have you let your child "cry it out", but sometimes that is truly what is best for everyone. My son's pediatrician told us that by six months of age there is no reason for a child to need any sort of nourishment during the night and that the only reason they would be getting up is for the comfort factor. My husband and I decided then and there that he would learn to self-sooth and put himself back to sleep. Yes it was hard to hear his cry in the night, but you would be surprised at how soon it stops. The first night he cried for about 15-20 minutes, the second night 10-15, the third 5-10, and by the fourth night it was only a little whimpering and then he was back to sleep. From the time he was six months old until now (19 months old), he has slept at least 12 hours a night and sometimes as much as 15 (plus he takes a good 2-3 hour nap during the day). You need to start by weaning your child off of the breast at night time and then slowly teach him how wonderful his room and his bed are (if you want to end the co-sleeping). It may wear your patience and your emotions thin, but when you are getting 8 hours (or more!) of sleep a night, you will be glad you did it! Good luck!

I nurse my children til they are 2. HOWEVER, I don't nurse them to sleep. We nurse, then read stories then they get put in their crib. We have never coslept. I honestly couldn't sleep well with a child in the room. I jumped at every sound they made. AT 6 weeks they were in their own rooms. Our 3 yo is welcome in our room, of course, if he has a bad dream. We will cuddle then he goes back to his room. When I put the baby down (she is 14 mo) if she cries for more than 5 minutes then I do get her. We do go to her & rock her if she wakes in the night & cries for more than a few minutes.
The one thing is we have ALWAYS from DAY 1 put our kids down AWAKE. They have always been able to put themselves to sleep once they were ready to sleep. I think the ability to self soothe is the best thing I can give my kids. I would probably night wean so he isn't waking to eat. I had to do that with my daughter at a year since I was going back to work & needed a full nights sleep. She now sleeps for 11-12 hours a night. My husband went in at night or if I went in I just wouldn't offer it to her. Eventually she just stopped waking. It took about 4 nights. Good luck. Sleep issues are so hard.

J. I listened to SO many people/family about letting my son cry it out....let me tell you (it's your choice and you live with it in the end) I wish I wouldn't have let him scream. My son would scream as if I was hurting him....it was awful. Needless to say, it was around his shots and now we learned he has autism (hmmm I don't care what they say I will blame vaccinating my son) the anguish I suffered as a mom.

I am a 1st time mom and IF I could "do over" I'd let my son stay with me.
People in 3rd world countries have family bed their whole life and it's deem ok. Here in the US/UK there is this "stigma" of what is/isn't acceptable.

I say it's a personal choice. NO ONE HAS TO DEAL WITH WHAT YOU ARE DEALING WITH NIGHTLY.

My marriage was on the rocks based on NO ONE was getting any sleep.
Do what feels right for you.

Hi, J. --
Just wanted to say "right on" with your attachment parenting approach. I completely agree with you! And yes, after a while it can wear you out. But the waking could very well be just from hunger.
Can you feed your son something substantial just before bedtme? I know you said you're still nursing (which is great!) but I assume you have him on solid foods too. I've heard that rice cereal with milk is good, or maybe something with protein and/or fat, both of which will take even longer to digest.
By the way, if he sleeps better in the family bed, you may want to start putting him to sleep there again. I know I'm in the minority on this issue, but you mentioned he feels most content there.
Good luck!
W.

I know that many disagree with the way we elected to do this, it may work for you. My son nursed until he was 17 months and was difficult to wean (I was pregnant & thought it best at that point) He co-slept with us the whole 1st year. At 12 months, I got rid of the crib for both him and his sister, we used a mattress on the floor for him and a toddler bed with her. The hall was gated so that they could only get to our room. They were put to bed in their own room and would come back to our room if they woke up and chose to. My son had a sippy cup with water if he wanted a drink, instead of nursing him. I don't believe he was actually hungry in the middle of the night anymore. It was only a week of difficulty encouraging the water over nursing. (New issue with potty training, LOL) My daughter self weaned at 12mos, so she was easier. They are now 5 and 3, and have mostly weaned themselves from our bed, I sometimes wake up with one or both in bed with us in the morning, but they don't wake me when they come in, and haven't woken me for years unless something was wrong. Sometimes they just want to be close to us. Good luck, hope this helps a little.

Hello,
Sleep is very important for emotional and physical health. Both my boys, (aged 2 and 14 months) did not sleep through the night until I stopped nursing. They pretty muched weaned themselves, but at a early age. I'm not sure if you'll need to wean to get a good night sleep or not as I had to. I have to say, it is nice to sleep a good 8 hours!! Good luck with whatever you do.
Brooke

why do you want to make yourself suffer? My son is seven months old and has been sleeping through the night since he was four weeks old. He needs to learn how get himself to sleep.You need to let him cry sometimes.If he is tired it will probably not even last that long. Most of the time after a few days he will go to sleep fine in his own bed. Make sure he has a blanket he likes and a stuffed animal. He will be fine and you and the family will sleep better.Do it now so it does not get worse when he is older.

We have the same scenario as you... 20 mo old son. We are also very against ferber, we do attachment parenting, USED to co-sleep, family bed, USED to nurse and rock to sleep. Wanted to let him self wean, I wore out around 13-14 months and wanted to wean him. IT HELPED so much with his sleep. This is what we did... I used to take him up & nurse to sleep, he'd wake every 3-5 hours and want to nurse again. I loved the closeness and always being the comfort for my lil guy.

When we decided to wean, i put my husband on Daddy bedtime duty. They'd go up to family bed and snuggle, have a bottle (toddler formula) and read books. I spent a couple nights on the couch (making nursing unavailable) and he kept an extra bottle in the room in case of a waking. The nursing wasn't as important to DS as the comfort of parent+snack-Whether mom&nurse or dad&bottle. He was weaned within a couple weeks. Turns out, Daddy is just as soothing and comforting to lil guy as mom.

Then we were still co-sleeping, no nursing, but asleep through the night (9-9! YAY!) Except, my son moves around a lot, my husband was getting kicked a lot.

SO NEXT... we made a "big boy bed" for my son on the floor next to my side of the bed. We took the legs off our bed so there's no "under the bed" anymore and we're closer to him.

He thinks it's cool and likes his own bed. he's been sleeping there and IF he wakes he MAYBE crawls up into bed with me (1-2x/week usually 6am-9am)Not bad so far we're happy.

Next someday we'll get him into his own room!??
Hope this helps.

hi J.! one thing i heard is that it takes 4 days to break a habit. this may sound crazy but i've done it! get in the crib with your baby. let them see they have a cool bed, etc. move from in the crib to laying beside it until they fall asleep. one problem is that they want to know you are there and you're not going to leave them. so give a lot of reassurance that you're there and then a lot of praise of what a "big boy" he is and that you're proud of him! as far as nursing, does he take a pacifier or do you offer him a bottle/cup of water instead? he's young, but does he respond to rewards at all (stickers, ice pop, anything like that)? just so you know, every child is different and i can relate about not letting them cry it out for long because my husband gets up at 5:30 a.m. and my oldest is such light sleeper. hang in there! it will get better!

All I can say is what worked for us. We were dedicated to the family bed until the kids were 3yo. And I nightweaned at 18mo with each of them, offering water in a cup and telling them the milk wasn't there after the sun went down, it did help them sleep longer stretches through the night. I could never leave a child alone to cry, so we made sure they were always held when they cried. They cried a whole lot less and slept a whole lot better with us. It's only a few years out of their whole life, and forcing a child or baby to sleep on their own IS cultural, which shows you there is no right or wrong solution. Some kids do it with no problem, some kids need more comfort. But again, I definately suggest you night wean, for everyone involved. We would lay down with them and let them go to sleep, leave the door open and leave when they did finally drop off. I had one who took a long time to go to sleep so I adjusted my sleep schedule and went to bed earlier (with him) and got up earlier instead.

As for the Ferber Method, I don't ever advocate leaving a child alone to cry before the age of 3 or 4yo. And never ever to the extent where they are vomiting. Ferber has retracted some of what was in his earlier books, but his ideas on sleep cycles is spot on, it might help you understand them better. But I do not condone his methods, in spite of the fact that his info is pretty good.

Hi there - I don't think there is an easy solution, but I would let my daughter fuss for 5 min. and then go and settle her down and comfort her {but NOT take her out of the crib}, and do the same every 5 min. after that - they just tire themselves out - but at the same time they know that your there for them :] ....give him a sippy cup of water instead of nursing him at night, soon he'll think "why am I getting up for water?" and self sooth himself back to sleep {which as you know is a skill they must know sooner or later}. What an amazing mommy he has :]
XOXOX K.

You are a super kind, super tender, conscientious mother who wants to do the kindest gentlest thing for your baby. No one likes to hear their baby crying, and it is so awesome to feel the closeness of sleeping with your baby. The only "price to pay" for this choice, is that the baby will depend on you for sound sleep. Whereas the "price" of letting them cry it out at first, is hearing them cry. Both are tough prices. If you continue with the co sleeping, you will probably have to do without your sound sleep for quite a while longer. Lots of my friends are still helping their 3-5 year olds to sleep every night. I opted to "walk away" at bedtime from the start, so my babies never had the attachment to co sleeping. I never really had to let my kids cry it out, because they knew no other way. Once they were fed and comfy an dry at night, it was time to sleep. They cried sometimes which is to be expected, but after age 3 months, they were comfortable sleeping without help. To this day, I still miss them at bedtime after stories, and wish we could all cuddle to sleep, but I feel they should feel safe and good in their beds on their own, so I look at it as a kind thing to do rather than mean. My two year old loves her bed, and asks to go to bed by herself. This isn't for everyone, I think you are doing a wonderful job doing the best for your son-but if you can't take it anymore sleep wise, and decide to switch methods, they usually only cry it out for about 3 days to a week before they realize the new system if you're firm. If you give in, they will always cry and try to get you to sleep with them. Remember, you are a great parent, and you give your son closeness and love all day-it's really YOU who wants the closeness at night, your son is happy, and knows only what you teach him at this age. Good luck whatever you do!
a m y

I have an 11 month old that co-sleeps with us (when he sleeps!) I also find it brings the family closer, however I have another baby due in May and wonder how this all will go....our son is also a poor sleeper! (i am very jealous of my friends reports of their kids sleeping through the night at 3 months!) I guess we should just hang in there. They will be sleeping in their own beds by highschool.... or will they?!
K.