Here We Go Again... - Dallas,TX

I might have been the crazy one but I don't think $80 ($40 for each class) is too much for the entire year. I was always way more generous than that. This was the person that spent all day with my daughter and did a tremendous job for 180 days out of the year.

It has been a long time since my children were in school but I cannot imagine the room mother thinking that she needed THAT much money to get gifts for a teacher!!! Unless there are also para's working in the class room that she is including in the gift giving $80 per student seems WAY out of line!!! Assuming that there are at least 20 students in the class....do the math...that is over $1500 !!!! I for one, would not entrust that amount of money to what is probably a total stranger...and assume that the money is going to be spent in the proper way! Unless there is a committee that is handling it and being held accountable to each other, I would think that woman is foolish to take that much money into her possession...she is just ASKING for trouble!!
I think I would explain that my children prefer to make their own gifts to give to their teachers and I would refuse to be involved.

I don't! I have my son make a card, and I send her a little something (be it a Starbucks card or Hallmark card, gift card). I do not make enough money to be sending $80 for a teacher!!! Geesh. Usually we get something from the room mom that tells us "exactly" what they want us to send as well, which I think is T A C K Y! It is my job to send what I believe to be a good "thank you" gift, not what someone else deems appropriate.
L.

IMy grandmother, mother, and I were all teachers. Sometimes we got small gifts, or a card with thanks. It was always the "thought" that counted, and a card with a sincere statement of thanks and some special comment was always most appreciated.

I suppose in this day and age when teachers have to spend so much of their own money, a gift card -- maybe at the end of the year -- maybe $100 from the class, would be appreciated, but I would think a teacher would be embarrassed to get much more than that.That would mean $5 each from a class of 20. If you are giving $40 per child, we are talking a minimum of $800 per teacher in gifts for the year. That is astounding to me!

Also, unless someone knows exactly what expensive gift a teacher would want, I think a committee might well choose something that would just turn out to be an expensive "white elephant" in the teacher's home. A gift card would be the only "sure thing."

In looking back to what I would have appreciated, I'm thinking that if parents had wanted to chip in to buy a set of the paperback novels I wanted my students to read (I usually bought them myself), or had asked what I needed in the classroom to make the day more effective, that might have been a nice gesture, but again, this seems way out of hand to me. I hope all the teachers at this school have not become used to accepting this largesse!

As to the comment from the person who wrote that her taxes should be enough not to have fund raisers, sadly, most people have become so set on the idea that all taxes are too high, that schools and other public services are being starved of tax resources. Find out how much each child "costs" in education each year, and then look at your state tax bill. In California, since Prop 13, property taxes no longer pay for schools. It comes from the state. Then think about the other services you get, like driving on the roads and highways, state highway patrols, fire crews when necessary, and so on. Check into what a decent private school costs per child. It's sad that children are forced to go out and sell wrapping paper to neighbors so their school can have basic needs met, but those are the facts since we started hating taxes.

S. Toji

That is ridiculous! It's over the top and exclusionary. These "über moms" are the ones that drive me nuts! Never giving a thought to who might not 1. want to contribute, 2. be able to afford to contribute, 3. the exclusion of the children who's parent CANNOT.
If it were me, I'd reply saying, "I'm opting out of the gifts from the class. We'll do our own gift."
Teachers HATE that kind of stuff-truly! They would rather have a construction paper card with a painted hand print that all of that B.S.
So very sad that some people just don't get it yet.

I just throw the request in the trash...lol!

I think you have a choice and that participation in the group effort should be optional. When I have done the room mom gig, I offer to get the end of year and holiday gift, and take donations, but all the kids sign the card regardless. $80 plus for one teacher sounds like way too much, and way more than any teacher would expect. Even at $40 per teacher, per child in a class, that is huge. I would give what you think is reasonable or do your own thing.

M.

I always say "thanks for asking but we are going to do our own thing". That pretty much ends it.

If you can't afford it then don't do it. I would much rather contribute to a group gift, then have the teacher have 30 coffee mugs for christmas. I don't look at it as throwing money around. Teacher's work very hard and most times have to contribute their own money for supplies, so giving a group gift of appreciation means a lot to them. I think it is the least we can do for what they are doing for our children. Group gifts allow the class mom to purchase a much nicer and useful present. Just my opinion.

wow i didn't even know that you were supposed to buy teachers gifts! i would be extremely irritated with this! i absolutely love giving gifts but....when you don't have the money you don't have the money! i know specially now i would not have that kind of money! i don't even give my parents, siblings, friends, etc that much as a gift! i def wouldn't be giving it to my childs teacher! but it is really good to know that ppl do give gifts cause i'm pretty sure my son would have been the only one that didn't give one. i would just tell them that you can't do that much. cause i'm sure you are not the only one who feels this way!

We don't have to worry for teacher's gifts...as a matter of fact, our SD discourages giving the teachers gifts for fear of "showing favortism". We do, however have to either 1) MAKE ALL our children participate in fundraising (remember--3 children, VERY small community with other children residing, only set # of neighbors/friends/family members) or 2) we have to provide $40 for each child who does not participate in said fundraising. I don't agree with this at all because we do pay--and have paid for several years--school taxes that SHOULD off-set this. But I guess such is life.

As a teacher, I am shocked. I have had 4 parents that were FRIENDS go in together for an end of the year gift. That's because they were friends and wanted to. The entire class wasn't asked. I have also talked to some of my friends and a couple of us parents went in together to get our daughters' teachers a gift. I've already had my birthday this year and it was awesome. I got a baked cake, some brownies, and construction paper cards. I was so excited. You need to pass on that amount of money and do your own thing. I'm wondering if this is to pay for all party supplies and food for all the parties in the year. Our state only allows three. It is fine to do your own thing. My most appreciated gifts are cards with sweet notes from the parents and the kiddos. Teachers aren't in the profession for the money. For the person who commented about other people working all 12 months of the year. I must ask... "Do you know how much time teacher's put in? Do you really think we get the entire summer off?" That's funny. I wish I got paid by the hour. I'd be rich.

WOW -you were asked to give $80 or more??! I would NOT be okay with that either. Also, we usually don't even know when the teacher's birthday is, and I'm not so sure we have to give her a present. I think the room moms showing up and giving the teacher an extra planning time maybe while they have the kids make or sign a big card for her and maybe bring in a bouquet of flowers should suffice. As for Christmas/Hanukkah time and end of year -if every child brought in $40 -20 for each occasion, that would equal a REALLY nice gift card for both! I'm just stunned at the amount it seems you are asked to contribute. I would simply tell them that you and your child preferred to get your own gifts for the teacher, and I might add that $80+ is a bit ridiculous!

I respectfully decline. I have to deal with this every year, and I just say, "I'm sorry I don't have the money to contribute." or I'll say, "I don't have that amount, but I'd love to contribute $5."
People understand that not everyone has a bunch of money laying around. Just be honest, who cares what they think?

I would just tell them you can't afford that and give only the amount you can afford and tell them that your hope your children aren't excluded from putting their name on the gift because of it.

In addition, I would actually check your state laws on this issue. Here in MA public school teachers aren't even allowed to accept gifts over $50 because they are public employees and it violates state ethics laws.

$80+ ????? Wow! That is a lot! You do not have to pay it. You can bake cookies, brownies, muffins, etc. for all of those occasions! People love to get home baked goods and it is a very acceptable gift. It is the thought that counts! However, I will say that for my son's kindergarten teacher's birthday last year, we all chipped in $5.00 for her birthday, and she ended up with a $100 gift card to her favorite clothing store. So if there are 20 kids in your sons' classes, $5.00 is all that should be needed for a nice gift card. Maybe you could bake for Christmas and birthday gift, and then contribute $5.00 for the end of the year gift? Good luck, and don't pay the stiff $80 amount!

Heck no! What happened to each giving on their own. Not a good idea. Just say NO!

Let me first say that I love my daughters teachers and would love to get them great gifts. I will also say that the teachers we've had/have love things that the kids make themselves.

We do a teachers appreciation week at our school. In saying that we have a list of teachers favorite things, i.e. drinks, flowers, books, scents, restaurants, music, movies, etc. So at holidays or birthdays if YOU want to get something you're at least getting something they like because you have the list. So if a teacher list Starbucks you might get a starbucks card or case of Dr. Pepper. This also allows you to pickup something on sale because you might remember it was on a teachers list. When soft drinks are on sale at Kroger I buy a case for each teacher, then during appreciation week I send the case to school. Some of the teachers have refrigerators in their room so they can keep their own drinks. This you know they enjoy. If you're giving the teacher a visa gift card (so they can get what they want) why are they asking for so much money at once. That is a lot of money for someone else to hold onto and use and then not have the money when gift time comes, if you get my drift.

Our room moms have always sent out a letter, saying we're doing blah, blah, blah but if you want to do your own thing please feel free to; and you should feel free to. Go with your abilities don't let etiquette or protocol take you out of your comfort zone. Plus regardless of what school you're in, just because you''re at that school doesn't mean you have that type of money to do as everyone else does. People should take that into consideration. Don't make a big deal of it, just say thank you but we'll do our own thing.

This is what we're doing this week. My daughters' teachers birthday is this Friday. One of the Mom's said she was going to get a big card and wanted each girl to sign, draw, etc something on it. She was then going to get a basket and if anyone wanted to MAKE something or pick something from the teachers list of favorites to go into the basket, please let her know. She would be glad to then wrap it for us. Now that's gift giving from the heart.

What??? I think a gift is your choice. I get my kids teachers and bus drivers a Christmas tree ornament by choice at Christmas. I would say no thank you and do what you feel comfortable with. I think it's rude to tell people to put money in for gifts.

I wouldn't do it. I have not been asked but if I was I would say no I prefer to purchase gifts on my own.

I've been both, room mom and mom with out a cent to donate to a class gift. Being in both situations really helped guide how to handle the situation when you are dealing with 25+ families. For one, I never expected all the families to contribute to a class gift, heck, I didn't expect all the families to even receive the note!! But, I always asked for a reasonable amount ($5 to $10 dollars) and I only spent what I received. For teacher appreciation week, I would do a very inexpensive project that included a finger print or a signature from every child in the class (I did flower pots with finger prints and painted something about "thanks for helping us grow" on the rim...took a class photo and purchased a frame with matting and had the kids sign the mat) both were pretty inexpensive and the teachers loved the gifts. You don't have to ask for such an outrageous amount and either expect everyone to pay or to not give credit to the families who cannot contribute when it comes time for signing the card. If enough parents comment (sweetly and non confrontationally) to the room mom that $80 is just too much to ask for, maybe she'll lower it to a more reasonable amount. If not, decline the request, it is completely unreasonable.

Our school has never had "room moms" and I'm so glad. Everyone is an their own person. If I want to contribute to something fine and if I don't or can't at that time then fine I don't have the "room mom" being the "eagle eye". I think it's absurd!!

I would tell them you can't do it right now and if the time comes when you can you'll give then otherwise tell them to plan for you to be on your own. For X-mas I go to blockbuster and get a gift card and a couple things of candy and the teachers love it. They always say that's something different and it's not the usual teacher gift. Do your own thing.

P.,
I completely agree with you. I have had several papers sent home with my son every week asking for money for this and money for that. We do not have the money to pay for EVERYTHING. In this case, I would give the teacher a gift personally from your child and not contribute. If the room moms do not understand that you can not afford to contribute that much money, then that is their problem. They do not need to assume that you have the money or that you want to provide a gift to the teacher for ALL occassions. Good luck to you.

Put it up front and say you cannot afford that but you will offer something else. I did that many a time. Or say you can only give five dollars every three weeks til it's paid. It is a lot of money and we are not all rich. Plus for instance I recently donated money for a shower and sadly regretted it. The presents were really bad. Oh well, live and learn.

I agree with Terrie. I am a room mom and we were given guidance on what to ask for, and set limits, so that all the teachers get about the same thing. Don't blame it all on the room mom. I think most of them are just trying to help so that you don't have to go and get a gift on your own and getting the teacher something nicer by pooling money. Just be nice about it... tell them that you can give whatever amount you have and that's all you can do right now or say that you would prefer to do your own. Or ask if there is something else you can help with (like shopping) instead of giving money. You could also ask if you can pay it as the gifts are bought instead of all at once. Try to remember the thought and intention behind all this and not make it all about the money. Everyone knows times are hard and money is short, so just be up front about it. No one's going to care as long as you're nice about it.

I offer to bring a dish like cupcakes for a bday etc and say we are at that age were my kids like to pick out their own teachers gifts so we will pass on the classroom giftcard but thanks. Also to make it easier maybe mention...and I think it is important for my son to be a part of the gift purchase and gift giving, its a great learning experience for him and makes him feel special doing it. Thanks so much though...anything else let me know. We always give our own gifts but I imagine lots of moms like being able to pay and be done. We do not have the extra money and I do believe it is important for the child like I said above. Good luck.

I agree that $80 is alot, I am assuming you are adding up all the $ requested. I have never seen $ collected for a teacher's birthday. I think it is great that they ask for parents to chip in and give the teacher something really nice for a Christmas gift. They are only requesting it. It is not a requirement.

OK...this is from a room parent's point of view. Yes we ask for money for class parties, teacher appreciation week, teacher birthday gift, etc. But, in my school we are told how much we can ask for and we are given the form letter that is already approved. We do not get to pick the amount or even what we can say to each parent.
Contribution to the fund is optional and we get about an 80% participation rate. I would suggest that you either say nothing (which is what normally happens) or just say that you will be handling the gifts on your own. If you would like to contribute to the class parties, you can contact the room parents and ask to help. Generally room parents are the ones that get stuck serving and cleaning-up during parties. Room parents are generally happy to help and do not care about who contributed or who did not. We only want to know what our budget is, so that we do not spend more of our own money - which we generally do anyway.