Hitting 16 Month Old

Give replacement behaviors....he doesn't know what to do when he gets tired and mad. Teach him sign language for tired or give him some other way to communicate his needs. Also don't react strongly because it is a cause and effect behavior as well. Say calmly, "we don't hit, but we can _______." My son used to hit kids and I had to teach him to give high fives or say hello. I actually found that giving a replacement behavior worked better then the timeout.

It is totally developmentally appropriate. he isn't intending to hurt. He is just seeing how it works. There are several good books that I have found helpful to read so as to know what to expect eg. Ames and Ilg 12-24 months (they have books for each year), Smart love by martha heineman Pieper and William Pieper. When he hits, you should tell him that we don't hit and show him an alternative gentle pat. Don't do timeouts or other harsh treatments as that makes it worse and doesn't work in the long run. If he hits when frustrated, then give him a cuddle and then explain that we don't hit. he will grow outof it. Some of it you just need to let go. Obviously around other little children, he needs to be watched so that he doesn't have the opportunity to do it to them. Good luck.

My 16 month old does the same thing--usually when he is really excited. It is almost like he gets an energy surge and that's how he releases it.
I just say No hitting--Hug don't hit and I give him a big hug. I don't punish, raise my voice or in anyway make a big deal out of it becuase he is looking for a reaction. I just say "We don't hit, we hug."

Hi D.! I read some of the comments the other ladies left for you. I have a daughter who is 3 years now. She went through the same stages. At this age the child is really learning how to get attention. They are figuring things out about you and the relationship with them. Hitting unfortunately is one of them. What I did with my little one was sit her in a time out. I would only allow her to stay there for close to a minute. Reinforcing when she would get up or crawl from the spot. I continued with this type of discipline toward the hitting, pulling of the hair and any other unsatisfactory actions that she would give. The reinforcement of I'm not going to give you affection or attention when you do this shows the child that this is not how you get mom's attention. My daughter didn't just do this with me but she did it with everyone around her. I had to tell people that this is what they needed to do to reinforce the situation. It took alot of guts to tell my mother/father in law but they realized as well that it worked. Now, my child is 3 and when she is doing something unsatisfactory she is told to go in time out. Now time out is a place of just sitting down. She will herself go to the spot and stay. She'll cry but she stays for each minute of her age. When three minutes is up I ask her if she is sorry and explain to her why I had to put her in time out, then if she shows a behavior of calming down we hug kiss, and she gets to go one with her day. I think I might have even started the time out when she was 14months. Of course it wasn't very long of a time out. But when ever I would get at my wits end with her I would just set her down walk away and close a door to cool myself off. I didn't want to show her how frustrated she was making me. I felt that it is important to stay calm so that the child will sense those feelings and will come down from their frustration as well.
Anyhow, I hope that your relationship with your daughter doesn't mirror you and your mom's. And, I hope that the situation your in with your mom teaches you a more compassionate one for your children. Good luck!!!

Hi D.,
I'd recommend Tuesday's Child. I started going there when my son was 2 because of hitting, biting, and tantrums. I couldn't go anywhere with him because I just couldn't control him. They have showed me a loving way to dicipline and it turned out that he has sensory integration issues which was part of the reason why he was so nuts- he was completely over stimulated most of the time and helpless to regulate himself. I have gotten tons of support from this place and my relationship with my son is a direct result. Give them a call, ya got nothing to lose and TONS to gain!
Blessings
J.
Tuesday's Child
###-###-####
4028 W Irving Park Rd
Chicago, IL

Hi D.,

Teach him the phrase "nice hands". When he hits take his hands and gentle stroke your face or arm and calmly say, "Nice hands, _______, has nice hands". Whenever you see him using "nice hands" like when petting an animal or gently playing with a stuffed toy or a friend, tell him, "nice hands, _____ has nice hands.

It's worth a try. I work with developmentally delayed preschoolers. Many have disorders that cause them to act out. We use this in our classroom. It takes persistence but eventually kicks in.

Good Luck and remember this too will pass. My son now 18 was the same way as a toddler. I owned and operated a home day care and he was always hitting the other kids, UGH! Today he is a very compassionate young man.

L.

Is it excitement or frustration? if its frustration we say "use your words" and "nice touch please" (and show him nice touch), or "you are mad, no hitting please, say "i'm mad!".
we did time outs in a pack and play so he couldn't escape.
then went to the stairs and sometimes and belted booster if it was a real bad day.
he listens well and sits on steps now : )
good luck. we had a phase for about 2 months

This is a very normal thing at this age. Often the child is frustrated at not being able to speak, so you can. Speak to what he seems to be saying, I want this or that. Say,"do you want ...." then, depending on whether or not he can have it you either give it to him or say in simple words "no, it...". Is he cranky because he's not getting enough sleep? This is an age (among many) when he will make efforts to be in charge and you need to be on your toes to stay in charge. Is he deciding when and if he naps, then get on top of that and make sure he gets his naps. But the speech is the key. If he has a few words, say "use words, don't hit" encourage him to learn to speak his desires and frustrations. Actually, punishment in the form of time out is not at all the best solution and luck will have to be on your side for it to work. Assume that as yet he is not capable of making choices to do right or wrong and is just trying to communicate with only the animal insticts he has. "Why angry?" will be good to use sometimes when he hits, and also just grab his hands and don't ever allow him to make body contact with his hands again as you try to get him to communicate verbally. Also, do not spend any words on telling him hitting is wrong until he's a little older (2 and a half) because he will have all his little brain can do to understand what you are saying about his feelings. I am sorry about your not having a relationship with your mother, I feel for you. Realistically, mothers are not always a great help in raising children because the times are so different and the old methods have been proven to not be the best. You have yourself and a compassionate husband and your church and there are any number of sources such as this one to learn from other mothers.

D.,

I recommend the book Toddler 411 to help with this issue. My dtr. started hitting around 18 months. I put her in time out. Since she was 18 months I gave her a 90 second time out. If she got up before the timer beeped she stayed in time out for another 90 seconds. She eventually learned not to get out of time out until the timer beeped. When she was 14 months and needed a time out I sat with her on my lap in silence and would not talk with her. The whole key to time out is ignoring them for a certain time period. It was a lot of work in the beginning but it has really paid off now that she is two. Hope this helps. You need to have patience for discipline at this stage, but it will pay off in the future. My dtr was in time out for 40minutes once before she stayed in time out. If she got out of time out I quietly put her back in with out saying a word. Toddlers will continue to test you it's normal. Try not to get upset. I have found time outs are therapeutic for mommy and child. Again I highly recommend Toddler 411.

J.

i say no hitting forcefully, put the child down and turn away from her and walk away. i do it as many times as it takes to reinforce that hitting only results in NO attention, not positive or negative attention.

I wouldn't worry to much. It's probably just a phase and more than likely just him testing a way to get your attention, or it could just be excitement on his part. At 16 months they can't control themselves and don't really understand that , that is wrong. I wouldn't worry to much about it...lots of kids go through that and turn out to be wonderful children. :)

This is what I did...it worked well for me. After the hit to my face. I would grab their offending arm, and hold it. (this usually surprises them and puts them on pause) I would then look them in their eye, and say "No" (they understand that word very well) "We don't hit, that hurts mommy". I would put them down immediatly and walk away. If they go into a tantrum, I ignore and find something to occupy my time. Eventually they realize that hitting and having a tantrum won't get responses. After they have calmed down a bit...I usually try to distract them, by offering to read a book or something after they have calmed down. That is my way of reinforcing positive behavior. I react to the good behavior, not the bad.

It really should clear up on it's own if you stick to a universal reaction to his hitting or tantrums. Time outs won't really work at his age, he's to young to stay still. BUT, walking out of the room into a room that maybe has a gate in front of it, means you have removed yourself from the situation, but he can still see you, but can't get to you.