Hitting? - Groveland,MA

Hands are not for hitting, by Martine Agassi, is a good book for tots. Positive Discipline A-Z is a handy parenting reference book. See if you library carries both.

When my daughter went through the phase, I looked her directly in the eye, said sternly "no hitting. hitting hurts." and walked away. Usually, she did not find it funny that I walked away and would cry! Then, after she calmed down, I'd talk to her about feelings -used simple words, like "It's okay to be mad, but it is not okay to hit." Or try to figure out what was bothering her to make her hit, and verbalize it to her... sorry, can't think of an example right now... it's been awhile... basically, talked out loud about feelings whenever the opportunity presented itself.

Good luck!

you're not alone!! he does understand and he is showing you his frustration. think about it from his perspective: how would you feel if you were being told no all the time? frustrated! at this age they want to "do it myself" and you are "cramping their independence"! and that's okay!! that's your job!! i try (not always possible) to redirect and be cheery; but (and this is especially hard with boys who are more physical) don't tolerate hitting. "don't hit mommy...Okay Mommy!" because he is testing your limits, persistence and authority. i have 3 boys and 1 girl all under 6. good luck!!

My almost 18 mo old started hitting recently. I ignore it as when I've reacted she thinks it's funny (of course) and will then repeat the behavior. I haven't seen it again since those first few days, perhaps she's moved on for now. She also started standing on the bed, climbing the couch and a whole bunch of other new things. They are all the same, her exploring what she can do. We have a negative connotation with hitting (obviously!) and we impose those motives on the kids when at this age, that is not why they are doing it. Whatever you do, don't hit her back.

Obvioulsy I haven't seen the long term effects of this method but it makes sense to me.

Hi J.
I have two teenagers now, but have worked in the Daycare field for over 20 years. Redirecting is the key to stopping the hitting. Also when you say gentle, show him with your hands on his arm. This way he gets the concept of gentle.
It is normal at his age so don't worry.

P.

My daughter did exactly what you are describing for a while, probably around the same age - the good news is she did stop. I think she was mostly doing it experimentally to see what would happen, and our reaction when it hurt definitely encouraged her to continue experimenting. If we were playing with her and she hit us, we would just say sorry but that we couldn't play any more because she hit us and we would get up and leave. I think we put her in time out a couple times too. The good news is, after a few days she did stop.

Someone just sent this link on Mamasource the other day, it is such a wonderful explanation of why kids hit and why we shouldn't ignore the behavior but be consistent with saying "No" even if it's a million times. I thought if I ignored it, it would stop, but this website explains how confusing that would be to a toddler who is starting to test his boundaries , especially in his own home. A big shout out to the Mom who originally sent this link, I have already passed it on to all my Mama friends!
http://www.natickpediatrics.com/healthykids/toddlerhitsme...

Take care and good luck!
S.

He probably is hitting to get your attention, he is bored and needs more of your attention. When he is not hitting say thank you for not hitting .

Hi J.,
My 19 month old did the same thing, still does now and then. I've noticed a couple things.
First, when my nephew did it to my sister, we were all very judgemental and thought she should've done things differently. When my son started doing it, I had a lot more sympathy for my sister.
Patrick thinks everything is a game. He likes hitting us. He likes hitting his brother (3yo). He likes hitting the cat. We say 'no' and he giggles. If Mommy and Daddy are both present when he does it, we both say 'no.' One of us holds him in a 'time-in' and the other tends to the 'ouchie.' Then he has to apologize. This is usually a hug, or patting on the back.
If we get angry, or riled up, he thinks it's more fun. If we ignore the behavour, he thinks it is OK. The only thing that works for us, is getting down on his level, so he can't pretend that he didn't hear you, and being very serious. "We don't hit." the offending toy gets taken away. He has to face the ouchie he caused to someone else. We have to be extremely consistent with him. He likes to push our buttons and is always testing the limits.
We also try to give him appropriate outlets for his behavior. He can hit a 'drum' or clap his hands, or stomp his feet. 'If you're angry and you know it, stomp your feet.'
There's also some theory that by hitting and throwning their arms around, the child is learning to identify where they are in relation to the space and objects around them. But my thinking is that even if the behavior is developmental, there need to be limits. Touch gently.
Good Luck!
C.

Our son started this at 8 mos. Slapped me. (He knew what he was doing) We redirect, and give a firm "NO". He laughed, slapped again, we repeated the redirection and the "NO" and after another laugh, followed it with a flick to the nose. Sounds rough, but stops to behavior instantly, and he was quick to change. Still does the behavior with a lot less frequency. Always starting with the "NO" and the distraction and redirection. the flick comes when the slap is obviously purposeful. Worked well for us. He is 1 year now, and knows all about gentle touch. Stage to go through :) Good luck.