I need some advice about hitting. My almost three year old raises his hand almost every time he gets mad. He is so sweet and polite 95% of the time and then when his little cousin takes a toy from her . . .whack! He hits her and knocks her down. I step in to discipline, pick him up to take to time out, and he hits me the whole way to the corner. I explain calmly and firmly we don't hit. I do all the stuff from Suppernanny :), telling him I understand he gets mad and frustrated but hitting is not the answer. I have also tried incentives. We have done a sticker sheet, for rewards. Every day of not hitting earns him a sticker, then when he fills his sheet he gets a small reward.
I do see things are working at times. He will raise his hand to hit me when he gets mad, and sometimes he freezes, looks at me and drops it down. I tell him how that was such a smart choice and I'm proud when he makes such smart choices. So here is the kicker, I'm a single mom, so he spends his days with grandma, who also has 2 other kids there. She has said she is not sure how to handle his hitting. I explain what I do, but we are obviously not doing everything right. I had to be out of town for work for 3 days, I got back and he was hitting and fighting me ALL day long. I need some help and advice. Thanks.
Is Grandma putting him in time out for hitting too? My just-turned-2 is kitting and kicking in frustration as well, and we hold his hands and feet when he tries to hit us and tell him firmly "No" and if he continues, it's a time out for 2 minutes.
I think the key is consistency. Good luck!
C.,
My experience is that kids definitely go through hitting stages, even more so if they're around other children who hit, but it's also just a natural reaction for some kids.
I'm an older Mom (so I've got a more old-school mentality - so please take my advice with a grain of salt) :-)
When my son went through that stage, I bought him one of those inflatable toys (like the incredible hulk, etc., even one of those blow-up easter bunnies will work) and told him this was his punching toy, and it was okay to hit this toy - but never anyone or anything else. I think it's really kind of a 'boy thing'. Sometimes boys just have to act in a physical way, where girls tend to whine and cry about things. We went through a few of those blow-up toys and later he graduated to a small punching bag with kid-size boxing gloves in the basement. My son is now 18, and of course - doesn't hit. :-)
My youngest daugher is now 4 1/2...when she hits me, she is immediately sent to her room for a time-out until she is ready to come back and apologize and I let her know this is very serious and wrong to hit any person (or animal). I got her an inflatable toy and told her she can hit that if she needs to hit, but she doesn't do it nearly as often as my son did at that age.
hope that is helpful,
Dear C. B,
Im a grandmother of 9, raised 2. one is back at her home with her mom. and thee other one is still with me. he is only 17months. the other one i raised is 10years old. its really hard raising children now days. i have done the same by putting them at a corner for about 10 minutes. and then if that does not work i will not let them play with that toy for a few days. they do forgot about the toy. but the reason i do this is has helped me with my grandkids. all of them from time to time. i will also let him know that hitting is wrong has you have said.that it does hurt people. and it can really hurt the person that they hit.and how would it feel if that happened to them. I have received some good movies about kids in my past. family films. that i have put on for my younger grandkids. and they love it. but the movies are for not being mean to each other. or even how to be nice. caring , loving. and how to teach each other to play with eachother. there for all ages. so i hope this helps. good luck to you. D.
Dear C.,
My daughter is just getting out of this stage. We have tried so many things. It's hard because she was around another kid who hit all the time and their parents didn't handle it the same as me. So the time out thing didn't work. When my daughter would hit me or someone else, I would pretend to cry and say that she hurt my feelings because she was being mean. Now she gets mad and screams a little, but no hitting. I also told her that if someone makes her mad, she should come tell me so I can help her. I can't help her if she was mean to someone else. I should also say that my daughter just turned three. I have told her she needs to use her voice instead of her hands and feet. Now she says that she mad at me or whoever and then we go from there. It will take a little while no matter what method you try, but the key is to make sure you and grandma are doing the same thing. You might want to ask grandma if one of the other kids hits or if one of the kids used to hit. Good luck.
B.
I had a hitter, she is now 6, it does get better. This is what I did; oh 1 thing to keep in mind, their age. They can understand no, but other than that their little minds only rem for so long; with that being said make sure grandma is stopping as soon as he does it, I use a timer for time out. The sticker sheet is a good idea, but a week is a long time for a young one, try 3 days and work your way up. Tell him hitting isn't ok. I also told my little one it is ok to get mad, but she has to hit a pillow not a person, we are human and have to find a way to vent, kids do too. I also had to teach her when we do wrong there is a price to pay and she is the one who makes the choice. That is something that will come with time and age. Stay on top of it and grandma needs to be on the same page at all times or it will show him mixeds signals. I hope this helped.
Hey! Been there done that. The key is consistency! You have to be on the same page as grandma and you both need to handle the problem the same way. Here is what works for us. Praising is always good and also try role playing with him when the two of you are home. Have a doll play the hitting partner. You get mad at some imaginary thing the doll has done, steal a toy, and start to hit the doll. Stop and ask him if this is right. Tell him why this is wrong and give a different way to handle it. (pick a different toy, share etc) Then explain that when he hits you are going to put him in time out for 2-3 minutes (usually I base it on 1 minute for each year). Tell him after he is done he will be required to tell her he is sorry and can ask to play with the toy. Help her to give it to him at the appropriate time. If he gets out of time out he will be put back until he can stay there for the time. It will be tough the first couple of times but stick with it. It is worth it and it teaches him such important social skills that he will use for the rest of his life (respect for others and kindness) Hope this helps!
