Hitting at School

You are not overreacting in fact if someone spit in my face I would probably have done the same thing. That being said I think you are doing all of the right things. Is it possible for your son to be present when talking with the teacher so maybe he will confident to express himself to her with you there. At that time maybe he and the teacher can come up with a plan if someone is bothering him how he should handle it. This is such a tough time for a child to realize the difference between tattling and speaking up. I always taught my children if they felt threatened or that someone is going to harm them then it was okay to ask for help. If they saw someone hurting someone else they should speak up, but if it was something that wasn't their business, and it wasn't going to hurt anyone then the teacher would handle it. When you meet with the teacher I think you will get a better perspective on how she is going to move ahead. He will get it he has to find his own way. Good luck!!

I do not think that you are over reacting or being naive. You have some good questions that the teacher should answer for you and your son.

I suggest that this is mostly a matter of your son figuring out how to get his needs met in this new situation. Talking with the teacher will help both of you better understand her ways of helping the students which will in turn help you son know how to get help when he needs it.

Teaching your son not to stand up for himself in situations where he is being physically victimized is not doing him any favors. Being a student in school now is not like it was when we were kids. Teachers simply can't help like we want them to. I have two boys, age 2 and 3.5 and I will teach them to respond to physical bullying with physical defense. I applaud your sons assertion of himself.

My son had the same issue in Kindergarten. He is very tall for his age & is a gentle giant - very passive aggressive. I spoke to the teacher & asked her if she could inform the entire class & even remind them that it is not "tattling" when someone physically violates you. Hands & bodily fluids belong to themselves & if someone disrespects them or is a bully then you tell. If the teacher does not respond then have your child tell you when he gets home. Make a note of the occurrence and/or email her. It works. If it doesn't then you go to the vice principal. Good luck!!!

I totally understand your frustration. I find issue with the subject of tattling in that there IS a difference between informing the teacher about something another child has done and essentially putting their nose in someone elses business. My son was taught to "use his words" in K. When he tried to tell the teacher a classmate was hitting him or doing something completely inappropriate he was told to "use his words!" to ask the other child to knock it off. Sorry but that's like telling a puppy once to stop biting. Too generalized. Another time he told a teacher that a boy in his class threw one of the girls to the ground and he got his name "moved" on a behavior chart for tattling!
I think your son probably put up with this other child longer than he's disclosed or remembered and that was his breaking point. Has this kid tried to take his crayons since then? I had asked the teacher to go over the rules of tattling as in what is tattling v. What is asking for help in dealing with another child or if you see someone getting hurt by another that is not tattling. Some kids just get so scared about taking care of their own needs when their "words" prove futile that they do what your son did and set a complete boundary with the sting of a slap!

since he already feels that the teacher isnt going to respond to him teach your son how he should react in different situations. teach him to think about it. although i am sure i would have slapped that kid too if i were in kinder! When the other kid spit at him I would have just given a dirty look or a look of discust. Looks can be warnings to other people. Seems like a verbal would have only encouraged the other child. For the crayon situation I would have told my kid to say in a firm voice " do not take my crayons". If the child tried to take them again I would tell my son he should say " If you want to have something of mine ask first" again in a stern loud voice. Of course your son dose not have to allow it either. See if playing out different situations and telling your son how to react helps him understand. You can do different things like act like your going to do something he knows is dangerous or bad then ask him what he should do. if its a danger situation tell a teacher if its someone being rude tell him what he should do. i know its some what a lot for a kid to handle but teaching him now what to do will help him in the long run. also if its not working or the other kid keeps spitting,stealing then tell the teacher but ...stop, think, then react.

I'm glad your kid stood up for himself. Expect him to get in trouble. When my daughter was pulled and hit back she got in trouble too. Its just the stupid way the school handles the situation. I made my child a little of a victim because when she stood up for herself and hit back and she got in trouble. I was trying to teach her to tell an adult. It just made it worse. Its better she just hit back and take the punishment because then the bully knows that she will hit and he will find an easier victim

What it comes down to (IMO) is bullying rule, that if you see someone trying to hurt someone else, either verbally, emotionally, or physically, then that is the time to tell the teacher.
If you see something like one kid taking another kid's eraser or a child ripping another child's paper, I would not necessarily tell unless you see it escalate into the offending rule (above).
If the teacher gets angry at the child who tells on someone who appears to be bullying, then that teacher needs to have their head examined and I would definitely have a talk with that teacher about ignoring my child or reprimanding him/her for wanting to stop bullying in his/her school.

Nope you are not over reacting, we've had similar issues. Now we know the teacher can't be everywhere and do everything at once, but there are times when they need to listen and pay attention to the students. Things like stealing crayons, or name calling is not tattling when you tell the teacher. These things are disruptive and spitting and name calling are part of bullying and should not be tolerated. So if the teacher considers that tattling I think you have a problem! You definitely want to explain to your son the difference between tattling and telling the teacher. I always told my son if someone is hurting you or someone else it's not tattling.