Homework Help - De Pere,WI

Looking at some previous posts I have to say that just because she doesn't like to wear jeans does not mean she has sensory issues. Jeans can feel stiff, dig into her tummy and may not be as comfortable as leggings or cotton pants. My own daughters (6 and 3) don't really like to wear jeans for this same reason. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with them. They wear a lot of leggings with a skirt or dress, which looks very nice. If she doesn't like jeans let her put together some cute outfits that use leggings. I myself wear jeans everyday but I don't push my kids to wear them if they prefer to wear something else. I think it is overkill to say there is a problem.

my son's homework issues were related to the recently diagnosed ADD, but we had those very same issues getting the homework home- and then back to school again

You control what she eats, you control what she wears, and you are trying to control her homework. See if you can become more flexible in some areas, and meet her half way. The clothing seems to be the easiest one to let up on. If you acknowledge her preferences in that area, you may get more cooperation in other areas (homework). As a teacher, in my opinion the homework should be her responsibility, to sink or swim. It is not intended to be an extra responsibility for the parents. She can do it, or not, and the consequences are hers.

The pants/jeans issue is a Sensory issue--my daughter has mild Sensory Processing Disorder, and the issue of pants/jeans and the feeling of clothes (scratchy, itchy, too tight, uncomfortable) is a very real issue with her. (I had it myself as a child, though not to the extent my daughter does.)

I make her try on all her clothes before we buy anything, and if she even acts a little uncomfortable or says anything negative about the clothes, we don't buy them, because I know she'll never wear them. She doesn't like anything that zips or buttons or snaps on pants==likes only pull-ons/elastic waist. She is tall and large/big-boned for her age and already wears Misses sizes, so I've been buying her pull-on denim pants. We can shorten them usually with no problem, and she feels more like the rest of the kids (she's 9 and in the 4th grade).

It is my hope that as she grows and stretches taller and her waist thins out she might try "regular" jeans--or at least the jeans that snap/button and zip that have the elastic side waists. But that's her decision, not mine to make. It's not easy, but a little sleuthing and you should be able to find some clothes manufacturers who make dressy/casual pull-on pants. And yes, it's very possible that her clothes are bothering her enough that she can't concentrate on what she should be concentrating on. If there's a piece of clothing that irritates my daughter, you can bet I hear about it when she gets home!

***EDIT: I wanted to add that, until this year (4th grade), my daughter basically grew up wearing leggings and sweatpants. This year we're adding pull-on denim jeans and other pants that are elastic waist and can be shortened. But she still loves her sweats, and we've also bought her a few dressier athletic pants. I would much rather have her comfortable and happy than have to pitch a fit about clothes. Also, I've noticed there are a lot of boys in her school who wear sweatpants to school, so I don't feel as if I'm the only one letting my kid go to school wearing sweatpants (or other "not dressy enough" clothes). I figure the pressure of other kids as she gets older will necessitate us reexamining the "regular" jeans issue, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.***

I can't help with any suggestions on remembering to bring home homework. I can say, however, that having to do homework every night is a struggle in our household. My daughter uses every ounce of attention she has to get through the school day; it's like pulling teeth to get her to have a few more minutes of attention to spare on her homework (she's very intelligent, so it's not for lack of not knowing how to do the work).

Keep up the good job of feeding your family good food and trying to stay away from processed food. I know; it's very, very hard. Sometimes kids with sensory issues have a heavy metal toxicity built up in their systems, which can cause brain fog and forgetfulness. I took my daughter to an Integration Doctor, who tested her and found she was very severe in her heavy metal toxicity levels; she has since chelated four times, and it has made a tremendous difference in her listening, focusing, retention, as well as the moodiness, outbursts, and temper tantrums she'd been having. It's worth a look. You might discover your daughter's body is full of heavy metals and, after getting rid of them, you might have a whole different daughter.

Good luck.

As a teacher of students with add/adhd and behavior disorders, I hear this issue soo many times! There are many wonderful suggestions above (I really liked the checking box system in her planner), but have a few strategies I would like to add that have worked with students with the most severe organizational issues. Have you tried a homework folder? I know it sounds simple, but if your child has a central location where all her homework is compiled together it may be easier for her to remember. Allow her to select her own folder and decorate it, so it's not too "dorky" and she actually enjoys carrying it around. Reward her each time she brings it home successfully, and when that routine is established, reward her each time she brings home her folder with ALL her homework in it. Try to stay positive through that process, because that's the only way it will be effective. It may take a few weeks to establish this routine.
Secondly, communication with the teacher is KEY. As they say "the squeaky wheel gets the grease", so keep on asking the teacher for suggestions until you are satisfied and the problem is solved. Homework does teach responsibility and independence, but more importantly, it allows students to practice concepts learned in class. If students aren't practicing these concepts, they can fall behind. If you have computer/internet access, your teacher can send you electronic copies of the homework, or a summary of what the homework is about so you can practice the same concept at home. There are wonderful websites that parents can access that have practice worksheets in all subjects for all grades...these may help.
Stay positive, and keep on trying. You will find a way to help your child be successful!
G.

Personally I would have her checked for Autism, have her tested it doesn't do any harm. The fact that she doesn't like the feeling of certain clothing items (jeans, socks) tells me there is a sensory issue. A major side affect, if you will, of children with Asbergers (autism spectrum) is to have sensory issues and have issues with organization. They too are generally of high intelligence. It wouldn't hurt to have her tested.

I really hated jeans when I was a kid! I hated the way the felt and how they made it look like you have a boy part when you sit down. LOL, I got over it... now I own like 50 pairs if jeans and worked for a huge denim retailer for 7 years!

I think my husband also went thru this... where he only liked "swishy pants"? Like Nike Nylon pants.

I don't know if wearing a diffrent brand would have made a diffrence when I was a kid or not... but maybe try something else? I really like the Gap Kids Jeans, and my daughter never complains.

On the plus side... Leggings are in! She will eventually get over her dislike for denim, plus I don't think anyone will think she is rolling outta bed and coming in her pj's, lots of kids do it. Also another great option is dresses and tights? I just like the leggings cause they are thicker... Wal-mart has a lot of leggings to pick from, and they are only like $5.

As for her not remembering her homework... I'm sure she's not the only student. I feel like they are pushing kids too fast, too early! I wouldn't jump to a conclusion that there is something wrong with her. How come her teacher can't remind her... after all she is only in 3rd grade! And the school year just started...

Good Luck!

I don't have many suggestions on the planner and homework. It sounds like you have tried a lot of things. Our son's teacher has everyone fill out their planners together at the end of the day and then pack up their backpacks. My son usually only forgets when he leaves early. I'm surprised your daughter's teacher doesn't do something like that. But on the jeans, I have a 7th grade son who suddenly stopped wearing jeans in 2nd or 3rd grade. He still hates them. He did have mild sensory issues. I buy him athletic pants. They look a little better than sweats, but are still pretty loose and comfortable. They come in different thicknesses and fabrics and a variety of colors. Maybe they have something similar for girls or you could even buy some of the boys' styles in bright colors.

I don't have any advice regarding the homework issue. But, my little brother was the same way with pants. Until he was in 5th or 6th grade, he would only wear sweatpants. Then one day, he had to wear a pair of jeans, and I don't think he has ever work sweatpants again, even around the house. Don't worry about what people are going to think, you know that your daughter is getting dressed every morning. I wouldn't make clothing a battle at this point, let her wear what she wants, it's not inappropriate clothing, just not the norm.

She will need to take responsibility for her own homework, this is not your issue it is hers. Yes we all want our children to excel in school but we can't do it for them. When she stats making poor grades because she forgot her homework it will sink in when the appropriate action is taken for the poor grades. Alot of parents take the childrens responsibilities on themselves don't feel alone but your daughter needs to step up on this one. I would also stop reading into so much when she doesn't like the feel of something. I hate wool and the way it used to make me itch but I still wore it. I love cashmere but don't wear it all the time. If you want her to feel more comfortable ask her what she wants to wear and go from there. Try and relax a bit alot of this is just growing up phases and it will pass.

My daughter is also 8. I couldn't get her to do her homework, clean her room, or anything. I finally called her teacher almost in tears. Teacher said my daughter is nothing like I explained in school this must be a power struggle at home. She said she would talk to my daughter, and offer her a reward for doing her homework for a week straight. She also said if my daughter didn't do her homework she would keep in at recess as punishment. Well my daughter was so upset that I called her teacher and embarassed that when the teacher had a talk with her she straightened up right away. We haven't had anymore problems.

My son is also in 3rd grade and has a similar problem. He has an "agenda" book where he writes his assignments which is probably similar to your "planner". On school nights I put a little check box on the first few lines where he will write down his assignments the following day. As he puts the books/sheets into his backpack before going home he checks off the box. When all of the boxes are X'd off, he has all his homework. This can be done quietly, without the other kids being aware of it. His teacher and I worked out this system and it seems to work well.

Hi Rai,

Your daughter isn't the only third grader that struggles with this problem. I taught elementary for several years and know it happens OFTEN. Guess what? This kind of responsibility has to be taught and modeled and for some isn't learned over night. It drives me crazy that many parents and teachers expect kids to be able to do things that they haven't been taught to do or given time to do independently. She is only in THIRD grade!

Suggestions:
*Keep the organization in place...planner, homework folder, notes, etc.
*Talk to your daughter and have her "walk" you through her day, especially the end of the day. Little ones don't see the cause to their effect as easily as adults. You might pinpoint the issue after you ask her lots of questions...like the parent posted earlier about the job situation.
*Keep in contact with the teacher as needed (even if it is daily!). As another person posted, "the squeaky wheel gets the oil." This is so true! You don't have to be needy, but you can communicate the problem and the teacher may have a new idea.
*Keep positive reinforcement as your main tool. Punishment isn't as affective.
*Does your 7 year old remember things better? Can she be excused a minute early to help her sister get her homework?
*Ask the teacher if another student in the class can help remind your child to bring her homework home. Maybe the teacher can integrate this help into a program he/she already has in place.
*I often tell students (esp. older ones) that I tutor to put a star or smiley face next to the subjects in the planner that they need to bring something home for. EX: For reading the student is supposed to bring home a certain book and read certain pages. The student puts a large or colored star next to the subject name. When the student packs up for the day, he/she can see the stars and make sure to pull those materials.

As far as the pants thing...let her be comfortable! She is 8 and can wear the leggings and knit pants and look age appropriate and probably really cute! Kids look like they rolled out bed when they've actually rolled out of bed...and SO WHAT! As long as your kids are getting the right amount of sleep and given a comfortable, non-rushed routine in the morning, and given breakfast, you're doing a great job!

I came across your post tonite and felt like I was reading about my own dd. She is a very bright, artistic, sensitive child, but there were some things I could'nt understand, now after years of frustration we finally had a sensory eval done and they did find sensory issues, not overly severe compared to the cases you would normally read about, but she hates clothing in general, cannot have tags or scratchy material, if she could live in her sweats day after day she would. I have gotten to a point that I let her wear what is comfortable for her, if it makes her life easier and less stressful...why not. She will grow up and have stress in her life soon enough I don't want to add more if it isn't a big deal. She too forgets homework at school and at home when she goes to school. She is 10 and there is nothing so far that I have found that helps her remember. The schools this year make them keep a 3 ring binder and the homework papers go in there but I have noticed she rarely brings that home. I know she does get a lot of it done at school but we still struggle.

She does have mild ADHD but we do not medicate her as she reacts horribly to most meds, she doesn't even get tylenol unless she is 103.0.

We are currently using the reward system to help her remember her homework and stuff. If she remembers for the entire week she gets to do something special on the weekend like a mom and dd day or special dinner she likes, etc. and if she can remember for the whole month she gets to go shopping for something she really wants, like and outfit, toy or maybe a new book, things like that.

So far it is working 75% of the time. I think part of it is age related and the older she get the better she will get.

Good luck to you.

Hi Rai,
The response by Kirin L. blew me away. You are not controlling your child, what you are doing is called PARENTING. I just wanted you to know that you are doing a great job. As parents we ARE in charge of what our kids eat and wear because they are still learning to make appropriate choices. That is why 8 year olds HAVE parents and don't live on their own.

You sound like a creative mom who is well invested in seeing your daughter succeed and feel good about herself.
Remember....you are NOT controlling, you are parenting and only you can determine if you are too strict or not, not some random internet poster.

ARGH -- Homework! I feel your pain. I also have a 3rd grader and the amount of stuff they need to get back and forth from school and home is (I think) waaay too much for 8-9 yr olds. At conferences we just laid things out for the teacher: That we appreciate the need for kids to learn organization, routine and personal responsibility...But it wasn't gonna happen by magic. We insisted that she give us morning "to-dos" and afternoon "to-dos" so that we could drill them into his head at home -- Since the hectic classroom was obviously preventing her message from getting thru. And now we also have been assured that homework will *always* go home on Friday and be due on Thursday and spelling tests will *always* be on Friday. Now if only we could figure out a way to deal with the non-routine stuff that we often don't hear about (We have a field trip tomorrow, I needed rocks for science lab, I was supposed to turn in my student council poster...)

Rai,
I had this same problem with my son at about that age, he was in fourth grade. He too would be upset when he realized he had 'forgotten' his homework, again.

Here's what worked for us. I told him that maybe I would have to come to school every afternoon to help him remember to bring home his homework home, since he couldn't handle that responsibility. Now while that is not a real and efficient way to actually solve this problem, the threat of having Mom have to come to school everyday was very embarrassing for him. He didn't know that this was something I couldn't and wouldn't actually do, but I said "As your Mother, if that's what I have to do, that's what I have to do!" And I made sure he knew that his friends would know that was why I was there. Like another poster said, embarrassment was the key. I also laid out strict consequences that if he did forget homework, he would be grounded, no more yelling, he just knew. But really the embarrassment route worked like a charm so we didn't have much grounding.

One other thing I found out was happening. My son had a class job at the end of the day. It was his responsibility to go down to the lunch room lockers and retrieve all the cold lunch boxes for the kids in his class. He gave me the excuse that he didn't have enough time to write down his assignments in his planner and gather his homework because he had to go get the lunch boxes. He didn't even take cold lunch, but this was his job. So we had the big conversation about how he had to make sure his own personal responsibilities, like his planner and homework and coat, ect. were done before he could do or have a class job. And if he couldn't handle doing those things first then I would be calling his teacher to have him removed from doing that job because he just couldn't handle it and his own responsibilities. Again embarrassing thought for the boy. I didn't even know he had this job at the end of the day. So it may be something you can look into that may be preventing your daughter from getting her stuff together.

By the way this situation with the class job came up again this year (6th grade), he is supposed to raise and lower flags with a couple of other kids. Well the other kids finish their planner first and want to go out right away to take down the flags and won't wait for him to finish. So he was leaving the classroom before he had all the info, and when he would get back the info was gone from the board. Same conversation again! You have to get your stuff done before you have a class job. Can't handle that, no job. The class jobs seem to be very important to him and he was specially hand picked to do flags this year. So far this has worked again!
Good Luck,
V.

Maybe you can try twill or corduroy pants?
It would be nice to have her try the pants before buying, and make sure she feels comfortable in them...

Does she have a binder? Would it help to have a binder with tabs in there for her different subjects and a folder specifically for homework? She then could have everything in one place and bring the binder home every night.

We have homework issues with our daughter too. Not the bringing it home, but the actually doing it. She's in 4th grade and has at least 2 pages of homework every night, sometimes as much as 4. 4 pages of homework for a 4th grader? Seems like a lot... Except Friday. Her teachers this year don't give homework on Fridays.

She likes to cry and snit and say she doesn't know how to do it. Leave her alone to snit and she'll eventually do it without problem - she is just crabby that she has to do her HW before she can go play... now it's almost dark before she finishes!

I wouldn't worry about the pants thing. My daughter rarely wears jeans to school. She likes skirts with tights and leggings - capri with tall socks or full length, but almost always with tall boots. Leggings in the winter though require her to wear tights underneath ~ Much to her displeasure though she has to wear snowpants regardless of whether she wears the tights!

You should let her pick out a handfull of leggings and funky socks and maybe the coolest pair of shoes/boots to go along.

People aren't going to think she just rolled out of bed and went to school... My daughter puts together outfits that make me wonder sometime if she can actually see what she's putting on... I just have to chuckle and let her go and she hasn't been teased yet. I think kids are more tolerant of other kids now then they were when we were young.

Good luck!

Hi,
I work in an elementary school and see girls wear leggings and stuff all the time. I don't think it's inappropriate. In fact, there's a lot of really cute outfits that don't include jeans! I have also seen a lot of really cute jeans that have the elastic waist band (some are even thick colored waist bands)that may work. As far as the homework goes, if it's a homework worksheet, could you put a clip on her assignment notebook so that as soon as she's given the worksheet, she can clip it into her notebook? Good luck! Thanks for taking an active role in your daughter's education!

My 2nd grade daughter has always preferred cotton leggings, pants, and sweat pants, and that is what she wears to school every day. I don't like blue jeans much myself! They are uncomfortable to sit in or to move around to play in. I don't think she or I have "sensory issues" either, we just like to feel comfortable and not distracted by our clothes pinching and digging in! There are a lot of cute options (and we normally just shop at Kohls/Target/other inexpensive stores). I've noticed many girls in her school wearing similar outfits.

I would continue to work with the teacher on the homework issue. I would think 3rd grade teachers would have seen this problem many times and would be willing to help with a solution. I would talk with the teacher in person to express your concern, since emailing has not helped.

Hi Rai
It sounds like you are doing everything you know how to do and more. commend yourself for that it is not a easy task. i personaly don't think people will think she just rolled out of bed if she wears sweats and leggings all the time and if they do WHO cares if it is what is going to help your daughter do the things she needs to do. You may also try finding that one thing that really motivates her. the thing she asks to do most often and tie that to her homework that is just what worked for our son he was very motivated to play video games so now that is his reward for getting his stuff done. Good Luck and hang in there. T.

When I was in 5th grade I HATED jeans (actually all pants) too! So I wore shorts the entire school year! In MN!! Get her whatever clothes she's comfortable in.

As for the homework, just keep up what you're doing. Unless the teacher would be willing to remind her for a week or two straight and see if that gets her into a routine.....

my son had the same issues..that boy hated jeans of any type...he said they were scratchy,cold an very uncomfortable-tried every brand out there..finally just gave up the fight.let him wear decent sweat outfits..whatever we could find to make him comfy...it worked,by 7th or 8th grade-he was in jeans an comfy..is there a teacher or tutor that could go to her locker an help her at the end of the day??...or bring her back pack to all classes an just put her work in??also i found that the more i fed into his forgetful behavior the longer it carried on..attention seeking...just because she doesnt like certain clothes doesnt mean shes autistic or other behavior issues..its no different than foods we dont like.good luck...