Hoping for Potty-training Suggestions After Two Failed Attempts
Updated on
May 20, 2008
N.B.
asks from
Lynn, MA
5
answers
Hi. My daughter, Gianna, is 2 1/2 (she'll be 3 August 1), and we're just coming off the second unsuccessful attempt at potty-training. The results were the same both times (even though we employed very different methods), and I'm wondering if anyone out there has any tips. The first attempt at training was a couple of months ago. I was interested in a more laid-back method, so we tried getting her to sit on the potty three or four times a day (right after she woke in the morning / after naps, shortly after meals). To keep her there and relaxed, we'd read stories or let her play with a toy. She really seemed to enjoy sitting on the potty and in fact would sometimes choose to sit there for up to twenty minutes or so after suggesting herself that we try. (We would always sit with her, so I'm not sure if undivided attention from either Mommy or Daddy was part of the lure as well.) Initially, we had some successes with her peeing and even pooping on the potty (though I don't think these were examples of her choosing to sit because she had to go so much as times when our timing just happened to be right). However, the longer we worked on this method, the less frequently she would go while on the potty until she started actually holding it while sitting on the potty at times when I knew she definitely had to go (e.g., right after getting up in the morning). She's also in daycare three days a week, and she was much less enthusiastic about even trying while there, telling our daycare provider things like, "Let's just try later." We were nervous that an actual problem would develop if we pursued a course that was resulting in our daughter actively holding in her urine, and since she seemed to be getting increasingly distressed about even sitting on the potty, we decided to take a break.
This brings us to this past weekend. Our daughter had been showing some interest in the potty again, even putting one of her dolls on its little potty and praising it after saying that it had gone pee, so we decided that we'd try again. Since the first method we tried seemed to be a bust, we decided to attempt the intensive one-day method recommended in some of our books, which includes lots of salty snacks and beverages and wearing underpants so kids will actually recognize the difference between wet and dry and know when they've gone if they have an accident. You start by modeling with a doll that can pee, and then you move to a rotation of ten minutes on / ten minutes off the potty until your child pees in the potty for the first time. Gianna thought the doll peeing was cool, and she really didn't have a problem with the ten-on / ten-off method--she even started running to the potty on her own when the timer would go off. Early in the process she did have an accident, which I think she sort of understood but not entirely since her worried response was "Mommy, I spilled myself" (the poor little sweetie!), so I explained what had happened and that it was o.k. because we were going to learn how to use the potty. Later in the morning, still having not peed in the potty, she had another accident. This time, I asked her to go to the potty, she said she wanted to keep doing what she was doing for one more minute, I (perhaps mistakenly) let her, and then the accident occurred. I was feeling o.k. about this, though, because when I asked her what Mommy had said we should do before the accident, she responded "Go to the potty," and then when I asked her what she had said she responded "That we should wait a minute" and then, most encouragingly when I asked what we probably should have done when I asked her to go at first, she said, We should have gone to the potty." This time we even practiced running back and forth to the potty quickly five times, and she really seemed to get the need for hurrying when you had to go. Following lunch, though, while she still didn't mind going to the potty, the number of accidents she had on her breaks started to increase. Finally, I decided that we'd put on some training pants for nap time (she refused a diaper) and maybe try again right after her nap when I knew she'd have to go. About three minutes into the after-nap potty session, she said to my husband and I that she thought she could feel that she had to go, we responded encouragingly, and she completely surprised us by freaking out and demanding that I pick her up right away--basically, it seemed like she was terrified by the prospect of actually going in the potty and that this time she wasn't going to be able to hold it (which I now presume she'd been doing earlier).
I really don't have any idea about how to proceed at this point. She seems to get the concept of the potty, she can calmly sit there for at least ten minutes, and after this weekend and all the accidents and all the earlier holding, I feel like she must have a sense of what it feels like when she has to go. But I don't know how to overcome this fear that's she's experiencing. I am pregnant right now (expecting at the beginning of July), and I don't know if this fear is related to her conflicted feelings about being a big girl when we're about to have a new baby or something else, but I would welcome ANY suggestions at this point… Thanks in advance for your replies!
If you have come this far, I say there is no turning back now. I would cut out a lot of the stuff you are doing, so that training doesnt become a huge deal for her. I would stop the book reading while she sits on the potty and I would stop using the doll as an example. She cleary understands the concept. I would put her in underpants full time during the day. She will have several accidents, and when she does, just keep telling her she should of made it to the potty before the pee comes out on her clothes. And leave it at that. Have her do most of the cleaning up if she is able to. I would just lay everything low key, and I wouldnt make her sit on the potty at any certain time. She seems like she has full knowledge about what you are trying to achieve, I would leave it up to her and soon enough she is going to get tired of soiling her underwear, and having to be troubled to change. I would keep with a pull up at night til she is fully trained during the day.
One more thing, I would make sure she has full access to what she needs to go potty. Are you using a separate potty chair, or do you have that seat that sits on top of the regular toilet seat? Just make sure it is all set and ready for her usage when she feels the urge. Personally, I liked the seat that sits on the toilet better, buy my son needed a stool and a handle installed to be able to go on his own.
Best of Luck ....... I have trained 1 boy, and soon to try my little girl, several months down the road.
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A.F.
answers from
Boston
on
Ahh the memories! :) My son is almost 2 and 1/2 and he used the potty on and off from 11 months until almost 21 months. It was not too long before his 2nd birthday that I casually told him the peepee wanted to come out (similar to the other mom :) and that did it! Since that afternoon, he tells me when the peepee or the caca want to come out and we've been happily using the toilet. I have an 11 month old daughter and he's been telling her to go to the toilet if she feels that the peepee or the caca need to come out LOL!
I work part time 4 mornings a week and my son is at day care. We have yet to use underwear at night but he's good most of the time so I am thinking we'll move to underwear all the time even at night, in 2 more months when he turns 2 and 1/2.
Hang in there, it does happen!
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K.F.
answers from
Boston
on
Hi. I went through a year of stops and starts with my now 3.5 daughter, and also had a baby in the midst of all of this. For my daughter is was really an issue of control and on the advice of my pediatrician, we stopped all together, put away the underpants and potty and just dropped it. Eventually, she started to ask questions about who used the potty and didn't and who was a big girl with underwear. We just answered her and didn't go any further. This went on for a couple of weeks and then one day she was playing with a friend who is potty trained, and he asked why she was wearing a pullup because he thought she was a big girl. And that was it. She initiated full potty training that day and she never went back. We set potty times for her for the first two weeks, telling her it was time to sit. And then we stopped that and followed her lead. She is also in daycare three days a week and they followed my lead, and once she decided she was ready, there were no issues with going at daycare either.
Good luck. She will be trained before you know it!
K. mt Natalie 3.5 and Vivien 10 months.
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L.D.
answers from
Boston
on
hi,i tried my daughter when she was almost two and a half,we had a great week then accidents,lots of them.my mum told me to wait and leave my daughter tell us when she was ready,sure enough 2 months later she woke up one morning and said no more diapers,she hasnt worn one since that morning,even at nighttime,we had a few accidents but overall a very easy and quick transition.i know now it was because my daughter was ready instead of me being ready.i will be doing the same with my next one.hope this helps.
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M.J.
answers from
Boston
on
Ahhh...the memories are still very recent for us! We tried potty training right before our daughter turned two, but she wasn't ready. My son was born a couple months later so we took a break. Then on the second attempt at potty training, she was a little younger than your daughter when we were having the same problems as you (i.e. the fear of actually "going" on the potty even though she gets the concept). Then magically, one day I said something that clicked for her... She was sitting on the potty holding in her pee and I KNEW she had to go (but she was freaking to get off) so I told her that her "belly" would feel better if she just let the peepee out. Within 2 seconds she went and from that point on, she had less and less accidents because she recognized that it was better to relieve the feeling of a full bladder IN THE POTTY than to do so in her undies or pull up and feel all wet. Pooping took a bit longer, but it all falls into place. After about a week, we ditched the pull ups during the day, unless we were going somewhere. And we used pull ups for about 4 or 5 months at bedtime. My daughter turned 3 this past April, and since December/January we have been successfully using big girl undies 24/7, even at night with only a few accidents...you just have to accept that there still will be an accident every now and then for a good year or so. Just be sure to stick an extra pair of comfy pants/socks in your bag or purse (just in case) when you leave the house. Of course, every kid is different, I was shocked that what I said worked so well for us. It's worth a shot, and it might just be what your toddler wants to hear. Just be patient and GOOD LUCK!!! You'll miss the diapers the first time she has to go on a public bathroom toilet. LOL
