Hi! I'm just curious about other people's opinions concerning preparing foods for a party if you have food allergies.
I have an egg food allergy, so when I prepare certain foods I use an egg replacer. In cookies I use applesauce. I use Vegenaise, a soy-based mayonnaise that does not contain eggs.
When hosting my own party I will choose foods that do not contain eggs, or in the case of desserts (since most desserts contain eggs) I will use an egg replacer. When it comes to salads, I will use my Vegenaise instead of mayonnaise. If we are having sandwiches, I do provide a small jar of mayonnaise for those who want it, but that's something one can fix to their own liking.
My mom says that I am rude to subject my guests to my food limitations. In some cases the taste of the food is altered slightly due to the absence of eggs (most people compliment me on my cookies, they are very good made with applesauce!). The alternative is to not be able to eat the food I made.
When going to a party at someone's house I usually bring a dish without eggs as well. If possible I'll choose something that doesn't have eggs (veggie tray, chips) but if I have to bring a dessert I'll make it without eggs. Usually at parties I have to eat ahead of time and eat sparingly at the party since dips usually contain mayo, many pastas contain eggs, even fried chicken can be dipped in egg. Most desserts contain eggs. If I bring my own dessert without eggs I at least know there is one dish I can have.
Is it really that rude to make and serve eggless meals?
As an added note, my mother does not make any eggless desserts for me at her house an is not particularly careful if what she serves as eggs or not. As a result I have trouble eating at my mom's house!
Thanks for your insights! I never thought of comparing it to a peanut allergy, which calls for a lot more vigilance! I get very sick if I eat eggs, but I don't usually end up in the hospital. Just because I don't end up in the hospital doesn't mean I shouldn't take it seriously!
I remember going to a party of a child who was lactose intolerant and she had a cake made with special milk. It tasted different but still good!
I think my mom is insensitive to my food allergy because I developed it as an adult. I was sick for a long time and no one could figure out why until finally I was tested for food allergies. She remembers me eating cakes and cookies as a child and can't understand why I can't eat them now. Plus she loves cooking her desserts and is afraid substituting something would ruin them (and if the dessert is ruined then the holiday is ruined!)
So far no one has complained about my parties and the food is usually gone so I guess I'm worrying needlessly. Thanks!
I do not think you are being rude at all! Most people probably wouldn't even realize it and if they do you can share your receipe.
I think you should go about it in your own way because I have never been to a party that is the same as any other.
Best Wishes!
I do not think you are being rude. You serve at your party what you can eat (and it isn't a horribly restrictive one and you offer alternatives). Afterall, you are the one stuck wtih leftovers- right? Your mom is along the lines of mine...my daughter is peanut (anaphylaxis), milk (severe eczema), egg and fish allergic -- not sure her reactions to these but they are pretty strong allergies and she has never had the items in pure form since the testing. My mother also attempts to serve milk and milk products to my 2 year old and poo-poo the rice milk alternative and soy yogurt products. I should note my mom is only 51 - not 90! She is thankfully respectful of the peanut allergy and avoids having any contaminated products or chocolate or bakery products around.
I recently had an opposite problem of yours -- I went to a nephew's birthday party (turning 4) -- they had peanut butter cookies with peanuts on top, peanut butter cup icecream and a bakery cake. I could have handled keeping her away from the bakery cake (she hates even homemade cake) but trying to keep a 2 year old from picking up droppings of the other kids (there were about 15 kids ages 19 mos-19 yrs) or touching where they touched after they were eating with their hands was horrible for me. We ended up sitting outside during the dessert stage and then leaving directly after. Since then my mother in law has awesomely requested that everyone avoid having peanuts or peanut butter items when we are around so I wouldn't have to be the one to do the complaining.
Good luck -- and know that you won't be able to change your mom. Just suck it up and do what feels right and works for you.
I do not think you are being rude at all. I think it is wonderful that you found some good options to make the foods everyone knows with substitutes. I would be happy eat your foods, I think most people would. I also use egg replacer because my kids are allergic to eggs.
Sorry - little late to respond to this but, thought I'd share and show support anyhow. I am a parent to children with multiple food allergies. I rarely make anything with their allergens. Until we had to do the egg challenge for my eldest son, we did not have eggs in our home. When I host a party, all of the foods I serve are safe for my kids. I also request that if people bring foods that they be free of peanuts at least. I don't usually encourage people to bring anything unless my kids will not be present. Both kids are airborne, contact and ingest allergic to most of their allergens.
As an adult, I was having issues with MSG. My mom reacted the same way as your mom.. in fact, she actually added MSG to stuff for awhile to see for herself how I reacted. I would pass out. I ended up in ditches on the way home from her home more than once. After 15 + years of avoiding MSG and my mom's food, I was finally diagnosed with Narcolepsy. MSG was a trigger for it (probably since it affects the nervous system and Narcolepsy is a neurological disorder). I am not so sure even now she is 100% on board but, I haven't been to her home in 7 years due to my kids being allergic to cats. She doesn't live close either so, I really don't have the opportunity to eat her food anymore either.
I have learned what I can expect from her and what I can't. It has helped with being overwhelmed with anger and disappointment and I can just enjoy from her what she can give. Hope that helps. A.
I don't think it is rude at all and many people are more aware today about food allergies and you never know what to expect. What if you or your daughter were allergic to peanuts? Would it be rude to protect your daughter from possibly eating something with peanuts? It is the same thing for a vegetarian, do they have to serve meat at a party because their guest might want it? I don't think so. My husband used to think I was rude when I would ask a guest to please not smoke or go outside on the sidewalk if they really needed to (away from the door). The smoke gives me a very, very bad headache and I sometimes have trouble breathing if exposed for a long time. He doesn't think this anymore and insists on it as well. BTW, I would think your mom could make one dish without eggs. It isn't like you are boycotting eggs, you are allergic.
I think it is so sad that your mom is not more thoughtful to your food allergies. I have several friends who have allergies (one w/ gluten, one with some dairy and others) and food restrictions, due to diabetes. I always serve one item that each are able to eat. Does your mom not understand a true food allergies and its consequences???? Time for an education!
You are not being rude. You have a right to serve whatever you want and are not being extreme in anyway. Tell your mother to make the desserts with egg if she wants to. Good luck!
I do not think you are rude. My daughter was allergic to milk and we would make her cake with soy milk for her birthday. When we were going to someone else's house I would always make sure to bring a dish she could eat. She was allergic to corn also. My older daughter was vegan, now she is only vegetarian, so I would make a vegan cake and a regular cake for her birthday. The vegan frosting had a very strong soy taste to it and I could see how people not use to soy would not enjoy it.
I do not think you are rude and I feel bad that your own mother is not more thoughtful of your needs.
I do not think it is rude. I think your mom is rude to not offer you foods that you can eat. That egg is sneaky, I have been made aware because my girlfriends daughter has an egg allergy and it sneaks up in most foods. When we invite them over for dinner, I always make sure I have plenty of foods that her daughter can eat or that we go to places where they have the allergy menu so you can figure out what is in each of the dishes. Your mom must not enjoy trying new foods, as if she did she would welcome the food.
Good luck and keep doing what you are doing.
