How Can I Get My Head Right? Scarry Morning

I think if this happened at my house I would sit down with my husband and make a list of ground rules for how to handle the morning. Maybe set up a time-based schedule to help keep each other on track so there is less running around in the morning. Divide child-related chores between the two of you so you both share responsbility. Make a point of getting certain things ready the night before (maybe pack lunches, lay out clothes, etc). If there is another adult in the mix, such as a babysitter for when you go to work, maybe see if she can come earlier to help out. Then I'd sit down with the kids and talk to them about their responsibilities for the morning. I'd also talk about safety and where they are allowed to be and not allowed to be. If they like to wave good-bye to you, allow them to do so from inside the house at the backdoor or a window. Tell them what the consequences will be for not following these rules. I can't imagine how scary that was for you. Best wishes to you.

We all have days!! A couple of weeks, I got my daughter in the car, start to back up, and she says "mom you forgot to buckle me"!!! I hope you have better afternoon :-)

To avoid such problem in the future you can establish a chain of care, as I call it. When one of you with the kids, do not assume that the other person will automaticaly pick up where you left off. As you ready to leave, tell your H : " Honey I am heading out, kids are on you now, did you hear?". Get the aknowledgment and ask him to do the same when he no longer watches the kids and wants you to look after them.
Communicate better.

Most men seem to live in their own world.....don't ask me why.....and it takes time, patience and a lot of talks to get them where they need to be........I raised my boys to be different, and they are good with kids, theirs and others.....

Here's what I had to do with my husband after we ended up with his kids at a very young age ..........I waited until the kids went to bed and sat him down........you need to do the same.........tell him one or both of your boys could have been killed today by you.........ask him how that would have made him feel and you feel........you have to put him in the moment, and when he says, yea, but it didn't happen.........stop him and say, but it could have.....today the kids were lucky.............Tell him what you expect from him......all of it.....tell him how you feel.....let him know the stress he is causing you by not paying attention to the kids...........explain that you understand he is getting ready, so are you......but the kids are there and they need attention as well.......they are your TOP priority in the morning......as you are getting ready......

Next sit the boys down. Tell them that if they leave the house again like that, you are going to ground them or whatever it is you do for punishment......they need to be responsible for themselves here just a tiny bit.........they knew they shouldn't be out there.......don't be too hard on them, but let them understand how scared you were and why......they are getting old enough to understand some.......

It always seems that the MOM is supposed to be super woman......and Dads are the slackers, and I know that isn't always the case.......but more than not, it is.......so explain it all to your husband and let him know he is letting you and the kids down...........if you have to, have this talk once a week.......he'll get it eventually.......

Take care and hang in there....

It happens to everyone. We all have close calls. Everyone has forgotten a child, locked a child in the car, lost a child in a store/amusement park/parking lot, etc. Don't blame yourself. You are still a good mom, and certainly don't blame your husband!
When you get home today call a family meeting. Apologize for screaming like a lunatic, and you and your husband talk calmly to the kids about what could have happened. Be straight forward with them, they need to be scared too.

OMG! I would have totally freaked out and I would be pissed at my husband, too! Even when they are Great Dads--they're not Moms--we don't have an 'off switch"!
This isn't a matter of him giving them a cookie right before dinner--this could have had catastrophic consequence!
I like the idea of getting your husband's attention and saying "I'm LEAVING--here they are." Or tell him and tell the kids--go to daddy now I'm leaving" etc.
This driveway/back over thing is O. that I have instilled the fear of God into my son about! I suggest you do the same. Really lay it on thick! My poor kid won't even get out of the car til the engine is off! lol There are some issues (driveway blind spots/crossing the street/playing in a car, etc) that I feel you just need to scare the bejesus out of them about.
I don't agree with the spanking idea though.

well i would probably be just as mad at my husband, but i would be just looking for someone to blame in that kind of crisis. i don't think it is your husbands fault. it could of even happen to you. and 4 and 6 yr old boys i think you said? well they are boys and they are going to slip out of anyones fingers and get into some kind of trouble! that is extremely scary, that would be the worst start of the morning! i'm so sorry that happened, i'm just thankful and i know you are that nothing bad actually happened! and maybe you both need to sit down with your two boys and explain to them that that is very dangerous to run behind cars like that, and they could get very hurt and even die. i know it is horrible but my 4 yr old already knows that if he does something dangerous he could die. i don't like hearing it come out of his mouth but i'm kind of glad he does know so then he is scared of doing things to get him hurt.

I would take a deep breath. There are a few things going on here. First your child is fine. Second your all at fault. You need to sit down with your husband and have a conversation first and then bring the kids in. They are way old enough to know not to run behind a car. Whether it is raining or not has no bearing on this. Its a safety issue. You said your husband was running in and out getting himself ready for work. Who was in charge of the kids at that time? You? Your husband? The Sitter? You need to lay out some groundwork and some consequences for the kids. Good luck and glad your little one was safe.

The six year old is certainly old enough to be talked to, about why it's not a funny trick to run out into a driveway, and why he and his brother need to help out in the morning, by staying in the house until your car drives away.

Then you and your husband need to set a rule that as you leave, since I assume he takes the kids to school, that you will close the door no matter how inconvenient to him for a few minutes, and drive away. Only then will the door be opened again. But I think this does need to be combined with teaching the kids to be responsible around cars, why it's so important, and how sad you would all be if one of them got hurt by a car.

S. Toji

I am sorry for what you went thru this morning. I am sending you a hug.

For once I agree that you may have had grounds for a firm spanking (and I don't say that lightly). The children need to be appropriately fearful of running behind cars (especially ones about to depart).

The other thing that I would think is "hey - this was a wake-up call." You probably ARE trying to do too much, and you may need to re-examine how you and your husband are managing things. Perhaps your children were subconsciously trying to get your attention (and BOY did they!).

Good luck and hang in there. That had to be a terrible feeling. You are doing your best so don't be hard on yourself. Just use it as an opportunity for growth.

This is sadly what happened to my 5 year old nephew, Evan, in June. His dad thought that he was inside. He wasn't.
Since Evan's death, we are WAY more cautious than most about backing up. We make sure that the one who is leaving can see my daughter and that her hand is being held. She's 3 and unpredictable. You're right to be upset, but take this as a wake up call for both of you. Sit them all down and talk plainly about the dangers of cars. Take care. I hope your day gets better.

I ditto both Grandma TM and CherryJam below. Excellent advise....you were clearly and rightly scared by what happened.

However, it is not entirely your husband's fault that the kids ran out to play in the rain. The kids impulsively chose to do that. Did they ask if they could go outside? By 6 yrs. old your son should not be leaving the house without the adult knowing before hand, even for fun. Time to set some ground rules with him. Younger brother just followed.

You're husband has a need and right to get ready for work and should not be blamed here. The kids need to have clear expectations and understanding about the morning routine for all.

Very scary. You are right. You cannot do everything. You and your husband just have to have a talk with no computers or T.V. so there are no distractions. Decide who will be in charge of the kids' whereabouts in the morning. You just need to communicate better. Thank God nothing happened to your kids. My kids do that in the morning too sometimes, and my husband and I are both very careful to make sure they get inside before we back out. Just have a better system and everything will be fine. You are still wonderful parents, so don't kick yourself or your husband over this.

It does sound unfair but it also sounds like your hubby may have ADD or ADHD like one of my sons-in-law. He can seek help for this and take meds, which mine does and it has helped him focus at work better. Meantime, I'd do whatever you need to to be sure your kids are safe at all times. My daughter has to take most of the responsibility for the kids' safety but if the task is very clear to him, he does it, tho he sometimes drops the ball. Younger kids have shown up in winter without a coat because he never thought of it etc. Your kids need to have very clear boundaries and expectations so they can take whatever responsibility that is age-appropriate. I'd be upset with them as much as with him if it were me. They're not toddlers! Let me ask you something else. Is there any other choice you can make that doesn't involve your leaving the house before the kids are settled safely somewhere - start later, work part-time, not work for awhile etc.? Maybe that isn't possible but sometimes we overlook the obvious.

OMG How can you not know to keep young children in the house especially when a parent is trying to leave. How can you spell that out that is common sense. I would sit down with him and find out what he is thinking. I would blame hubby too.

Are you telling your husband when you are leaving? If not then I would side with him. This is a serious matter of the kids safely and you have to talk to him.

I don't see the point of punishing a child when their father is supposed to be watching them. You should talk to them about going outside when mommy is leaving but I think the blame goes to who is watching the kids.