How Do I Get Ppl to Notice Im a Adut

Hi E.,
I have been on both sides of the fence. I had my daughter at 19 and my son at age 34! While I will admit that its MUCH easier the second time around it sounds like you are doing a fantastik job!
People say things without thinking! Trust me,it could be worse! I have once been mistaken for my sons GRANDMOTHER! So,my advice is just keep doing what you are doing and prove evryone wrong.
Have a good day! juju

Hi E.!
I just wanted to give you my support. I know how hard that can be. I was young and single when I had my first. People constantly thought that I was only 14, though. They treated me poorly for having a child so young. I never married the dad, and the only family I have is my sister, so I had to do it all on my own. As frustrating as it was, I've learned that none of that really matters. What people thought and said back then doesn't even matter now. My son is 16 and is a great kid, never in any sort of trouble at all, good grades, and just as kind and sweet as can be. *That* is what matters.

One person told me that having a child was going to completely f*&^% up my life! I never saw it that way, though. It was very hard, and I wish I would have waited until I was older, but that couldn't be changed.

Don't let it get to you, mama! I know how hard it is. In the end, what matters is that little child that you are raising. Keep doing a great job!

Teri

Sweetie, you are a child-don't take offense to this, i am 28 and i have an eleven year old so been there done that.wait till you enter her into kindergarten and you're 23 and all the other moms are near 40!! My advice, don't worry about it. Have a great family life, make friends with ppl who value who you are for everything you are and that means an 18 year old mother and wife.

E.,
First of all, don't ever worry too much about what others think:). I was married at 20 and had my first when I was 22, so I know what being a young mom is. You sound like you're doing wonderfully by your baby and I would like to commend you on that.
That being said, your email says a lot about you in other ways as well. I am going to list some observations here, merely to illustrate a point. I don't mean to offend, but to help you feel more confident that people will treat you as the adult you are.
Your email was full of "text speak," which denotes someone of a younger mindset wrote it. To be taken more seriously, you might want to consider always speaking and writing using proper punctuation and spelling. People will know you're educated, as I am sure you are, and will treat you in that way. I've re-written your piece as an example of what I am talking about. Again, please don't take offense! My first impression upon reading your email was "Wow! This is like a middle schooler wrote it!" Your words portrayed a knowledge of how to behave as an adult and a desire for people to see that in you. You need to make sure that your diction and writing portray that about you as well.

There a several different ways you could edit this; this is just one example:

"How do I get people to notice that I'm an adult?

Hi, my name's E. and I'm 18 years old. I have an eleven month old baby girl. For some reason everyone treats me like a little girl, even though I graduated from school! I've never had anyone take care of her: no babysitters, no daycare, and no "Mom, can you watch my baby?" She has only been sick three times; it was just a little fever and I helped it to drop on my own. She has never been to the hospital, only doctor appointments. I've breastfed and pumped, and I've made her homemade babyfood since she was four months old (she didn't take Gerber). I've given her plenty of veggies, fruits, and grains. She's a very happy and active baby. I'm married to my baby's father. He works and takes care of us. We're really happy! Everyone tells me I have made a mistake, etc. What can I do so that people will stop treating me like a child?"

Lie about your age-Just kidding. There will always be people in your life who will think you are stupid. That every decision you make is stupid. That think you've ruined your life. When I got married at 21 many people told me we wouldn't make it. We've been married almost 19 years. Don't let people get to you. Try thinking of it this way - It's not just you, those people would find something to gripe about no matter what.

If you are doing a good job, loving your child and providing a good home then don't let their nasty words hurt you. BTW, it took people till I was closer to 30 to start treating me like an adult. Still get some people who think I'm stupid for home schooling my kids.

E., what may be even more helpful to you than the other good advice and words of encouragement is to remember that what you are experiencing to a significant degree has nothing to do with your age. I was 27 when I had my first child and for some reason, parenting is an area that invites without your participation, comments and criticism from other people. The vast majority of the time it is meant well but the result is often the new mother second-guessing almost every move she makes.

If there is one thing I could do over, it would be trusting myself more when numerous people told me I was doing whatever wrong. What people say about us and what they think about us hurts, particularly when they are the people that were supposed to love us unconditionally, but the only thing that really matters is that you are building a good life for yourself, your husband, and your daughter.

It is a shame that you have been all alone with the exception of your husband because parenting isn't easy, no matter how old or young the parents are. In the past, young moms had their mothers, aunts, cousins, all there to help whether it is information, advice, or babysitting so mom doesn't lose her mind. Rather than focusing on the people that have done you harm, remember the way you feel today and when you have an opportunity to babysit for a mother that isn't getting any time away from her baby/child, take it. I was around 19 when it really hit me that if I hoped that people would be around to help me when I needed it, I needed to be the type of person that helped other people. As I have gotten older, my theory that I would not necessarily get something back from that specific person but it would return to me in other ways has definitely proven to be true.

You just focus on being the best and happiest you that you can be, nurturing that marriage because that is the important foundation of your life; those things are gifts you can give your daughter that are truly priceless.

E., I married and had all 3 of my kiddos before I turned 24. All my peers went to college(which I also did many years later) and had their children later. Pros and cons? I had energy, played with my girls, became a grandmother at 40, and will be a great-grandmother at 64 next spring. I am still young enough to enjoy my grands and great-grands. We might have had more money had I waited and gone to school first, but my girls say they had a young mother and that was better! I had people stop me in the grocery store and question my having my babies so close together---3 in 3 years. It was tough, but I was young enough to do it. You just have to ignore rude people.

E.,
I was 18 when I had my first daughter as well. I got many ugly looks because I looked younger than 18. What they say, or do is not as important as how you take it. You know that you are being a good mother and God does not make "accidents" So carry on loving her and taking care of your husband and try not to let it bother you. If it gets too bad just let that person know that we all have a purpose in life and right now this is yours. Hope you have a great weekend! Keep your head up :)

E.,
There is not really anything you can do to make people treat you as if you are an adult. You will have to ignore the negative comments and move past them. You and your husband are obviously more adult then people realise and all that matters is that you know you are a good mother. What every one else things is null and void. Don't let their negative thoughts, of your situation bring you down. Keep you head held high and keep up the great work. That baby needs you, and from what you have stated, the baby knows that she can count on her parents to always be there for her.

You keep being a wonderful mom and doing what you are doing! A baby is NEVER a mistake! I was 22 when I had my first (Im only 25 now), and it was so hard even at 22. You sound like you are doin g a MUCH better job than I was, and you're 5 years younger than me. I don't know you but I am SO proud of you! Keep doing what you are doing and all the mean people will be eating their words. And no disrespect to the woman who suggested you maybe get a job....but I think the most respected job that a woman can ever have is a stay at home mom! It's by no means easy but you are making it seem like it is, which means you are doing just amazing! As long as you have your husband on your side, you will be okay :) Good Luck and may God bless you and wonderful family!

Enjoy your blessings, and ask those who say you made a mistake to look at your darling daughter and tell you how is SHE a mistake!

Young mothers have it very hard. It sounds like you are doing a great job from what you've written. My best advice is to try to ignore the comments and try not to surround yourself with the people who are so negative. If they are family, ask them for respect and if they can't give it, then let them know that they are being negative and that you don't need that in your life right now. Your best defense is to keep up the good work for a few more years. You have only been an adult for less than a year, so it will take time. Hang in there! I will be saying some prayers for you and your family.

E., sounds like you are doing a great job being a mom and wife, so you just keep up the good work and hold your head up high and be proud of your position. I do wonder who are the people being mean to you and saying you made a mistake. Is it friends, or family? Either way, if a friend says this to you I would tell them maybe the mistake you made was having them as a friend. A little mean, but true. Friends and family should be there for support and encouragement and not there to tear you down but to build you up. And be very proud that you are married to your baby's daddy because MANY young ladies with babies are not :(. Good luck E. and just remember to brush off those mean remarks and just love on your family!!!

Good for you for taking such great care of your daughter! That's really commendable. But, you have to realize that people will treat you like the huge majority of other 18-year-olds they know. Because, maturity is not a number. There are many parents who are 20, 25, even 30 and they are incredibly immature, even though they are "adults".

Just one suggestion: get thicker skin. There will always be mean people in this world, whether they are judging you or your family. You shouldn't have to just live with it, but you can't change their behavior so learning how to just let it not bother you is best.

It sounds like you have transitioned into Adulthood very well and I congratulate you for it. Unfortunatly, it looks like everyone is just looking at your age instead of how you are living and taking care of yourself and family. Are you and your husband living with parents or on your own. that might be a reason if you are living with family. If not then it could be that no one wants to let go and realize you Are grown. It took me until I was married and about to have my first child at the age of 26 before my parents and sister looked at me as an adult. I was living in an apartment with my husband and had been for 6 or more years, but no one wanted to see me as an adult. I would suggest talking to them, do not get angry so you don't come off as a child, but let them know that it hurts you that they do not recognize you as an adult. Good luck.

E.,
I certainly empathize with you and what you are feeling. While I didn't have children, I was also married at 18 and had many comments about my "youth". The one thing I learned is that my actions revealed everything about how mature I was perceived. While other 18 year old girls around me were in sororities and partying every weekend, I was working and helping my husband to pay for our living expenses and our college tuition. It didn't take long for people to start commenting on how "beyond my years" I seemed. I think what many of these ladies are trying to say to you is that although you may be very young, it is possible for you to be taken more seriously if you engage people in the correct way. You have sought the advice of women that are much older and wiser than you by asking on Mamasource....doesn't mean they are better than you but their experience has taught them hard truths that you probably don't know yet but would be very wise to learn from. No one is trying to pick on you but all are right....there is a time and place for everything. When you are texting on your cell phone, short language is best for time. When you are asking an intelligent and thought provoking question such as yours today, it is best to ask using standard and correct English. Don't take it as an attack on your intelligence, no one has meant that, it is merely on piece of advice to take the step of appearing mature. Like someone else said, make sure you are dressing and behaving in a way that is proper for a mother trying to be taken seriously. I'm not saying you need to wear mom jeans or old people clothes but if you are dressing the way I see many 18 year old "girls" today, then I would have a hard time taking you more serious than a "too young mother".

I commend you for doing so well despite the fact you are so young. It sounds like you really have it all together. Just realize that women especially can be very hard on other women so in some ways, you are just going to have to deal with some harsh judgements because you'll never impress everyone no matter how hard you try. You and your husband work on having a solid marriage and raising your child in a home of love and guidance towards morality and you will do just fine. If you are not already, I think the best thing you can do is find a church to become a part of and allow yourself to be loved and mentored by older Christian women. I have learned so much about being a wife and mother from ladies I have met over the years through church. Best wishes to you and your family.

Hi E.,

Like most everyone else, I don't really have any advise, just encouragement. You are an awesome Mom and never forget that!! No matter what other people tell you. You love your baby and your husband and they love you. You have a happy and healthy family, so forget about what other people say to you. I know it's hard, but try to let it go and enjoy this time in your babies life...it really does fly by too fast!!

I don't know if I have any advice really- just encouragment! Hang in there! I got married at twenty and by twenty-two had two little babies! It was great except that everyone thought I was 15! I guess some of us just look young adn it really doesn't matter what you do or wear, people feel they have the right to comment.
Don't let what others tle you effect you and how you raise your child, you made the decission that was best for both of you and it won't be the same for someone else- but it was right for you. We had a lot of people tell us that 20 was too young to get married and looking back 10 years, 20 is young, but I wouldn't change anything! It really is all a matter of perspective. Someone who is older or waited longer to have children might look at you and not understand "how you can do it". I have a sister who was married at 18 and she also got a lot of unwanted comments.
Just smile next time and say"he's the best part of my life!" no one can argue with that!
good luck!
~C.

Hello E.,

Unfortunately we are unable to control the actions and thoughts of others regardless of what we do, say, or think. You have to just continue to do your very best at being hte best wife and mom you know how. Hopefully there has been a great example for you to follow after like your mom, but if not we are here. I suggest that you surely pray about it and then leave it all to God. He is there and ready to help. We can really only govern ourselves and hope that others will respect us. Although you are young you can do it. God doesn't make mistakes even though we do. Please never make your child feel as though they are a mistake. You guys will have to work together and the road may be difficult, but with God it is possible. Walk with God and soon the others will have no choice but to take notice whether they admit it or not. God Bless!

Hi E.,

You sound more "together" and well informed than some older first-time moms I have met. You know you are doing what's best for your baby and you and your family are happy, so don't worry what others may think. Let the Lord direct your path and you and your family will prosper.

God bless you, your baby and your husband!

M.

Hi E.. Wow, you're doing an outstanding job as a mom. All children should be so blessed. I think you should try to tune out the negative and continue to focus on your family. There's no better proof that you're up for the task than to prove all of the nay-sayers wrong. Don't ignore those who have sound advice though. Those who just have experience to offer (I still get and appreciate sound advice about raising my kids). Ask the others to please stop bringing the negativity into your life and around your child. God Bless you and your family! You're doing great....M

Congratulations on your beautiful family, E.! It sounds like you're doing a great job!! My advice is to realize that these frustrations are common to most (if not all) 18-year-olds AND most new parents!!

One of the things you can do for yourself is to find or form a support group. The hospital where you gave birth may be able to connect you with a "play group" of other parents and babies who were born close to your daughter, so that you can have a group of other people who KNOW how hard it is to do what you are doing, and while there may be one or two who don't treat you the way you'd like to be treated right away, as they come to know you and learn how much thought and effort you put into your parenting, they may become your best supporters! If you don't have any luck finding a group through the hospital, your doctor's office, or your church/community, look to Mamasource and form your own group!!

Keep in mind that everyone your age is going through some major life changes, and few do so gracefully! Be glad that this precious little girl loves you absolutely, and know that some of your peers may be jealous of this relationship! You and your husband can be a great support for each other, too! Also know that with breastfeeding, your body is still pumping lots of "mommy hormones" that may leave you feeling a little more sensitive. So between your age and your post-partum state, you will need to make a conscious effort not to take the careless statements of others personally. I had a few friends who married young and had babies early, and I've never thought that their choice was a mistake! I thought that having found a committed, loving relationship earlier than most of us was a great thing. Isn't a loving, supportive, committed relationship what all of us want?

Continue to focus on your immediate family and nurture the relationships that are encouraging and supportive of your new family. Keep in mind that 18-30 is a time full of opportunities for personal growth, and don't forget that your daughter will be 18 when you're only 36! Parenting is hard work. Enjoy the perks of being young parents (your body will thank you, and you'll have an easier time physically "keeping up" with your precocious toddler, not to mention you and your husband will have "completed" your "job," at least with this child, when you're still young enough to pursue all kinds of interesting opportunities). When others' thoughtless comments begin to bother you, make some time to do something you enjoy that will leave you feeling replenished!

If the comments are coming from "friends," let them know that their comments are not useful or kind. If they apologize and "see the light" then you can continue the friendship; but if they don't see their error, realize that they are NOT friends, and you'll be much better off without them! If the comments are coming from family members, it is a difficult situation, but know that you can choose to spend time apart from these family members without having to sever the bonds forever. Your focus right now needs to be on yourself, your husband and your precious daughter. Good luck!!

E.,

Congratulations on your baby and welcome to motherhood. Just a note from an older mom - a large part of growing older is you just stop caring what people think and are more confident in what you're doing. Focus on your family and keep doing a great job. The rest, you'll soon realize, doesn't matter anyway.

R.

E.,

You're 18 years old - you are an adult! You ahve a baby and you're taking excellent care of her. You are married to her father and you are happy. So what "everyone" tells you doesn't matter. Why are they telling you that you made a mistake? Are these people you know? If so, you don't have to associate with them. Surround yourself with people who will treat you like an adult. I am assuming you were pregnant in high school? It doesn't matter. You graduated and you are now a wife and mother. Try to figure out why you think they are treating you this way. Maybe it is because they don't like your husband? I don't know. But, if it were me, I would try very hard not to spend too much time around them. If these are family members, you should tell them that you don't appreciate the way they treat you and if they cannot treat you like an adult, then you don't want to spend time with them.

Yes, you are young - very young to already have a year-old child. But that doesn't mean you are not capable of being a good mother, wife and person.

A lot of churches have 'young married' groups where you and your husband could spend time with others like yourselves. A lot of them probably have children too.

Be kind to yourself. Just remember - you don't have to be around people who drag you down and make you feel bad about yourself.

If you made a mistake (are they talking about getting married so young?), it's YOUR mistake, not their's, and if you discover at some point in time that you HAVE made a mistake, you will deal with it yourself - it's not THEIR problem. If these are family members, keep in mind that they love you and they are probably concerned about you. Tell them that you appreciate their concern, but you need them to love you and to believe in you and not run you down and try to make you feel bad.

Be good to yourself and keep taking care of your family!

Good luck.

Hey E.!

I read your post and just smiled. You are doing an awesome job! Better then a lot of people who are older then you.

If you're happy, that's all that matters. If it is your family making these comments I think they probably just wanted a different path for you.

You keep doing what your doing and shake those haters off. Don't let them get to you.

The only other advise I'll give you is to make sure to learn a trade or go to school when you can. You always need to have something for yourself.

If you continue to do all the these you're doing (acting like an adult - well not acting but BEING an adult) they'll eventually see you as an adult. If not, doesn't matter because you are handling your business.

Keep up the GREAT work!

God bless you, your husband and your baby.

M.

E.- It sounds like you are doing a great job with your daughter. As moms we all face criticism. I face them every day and I am almost 30! Please hold your head up high and show everyone that you are confident in your own skin. Every day you choose the best thing for your daughter and that is worth being proud of. Maybe look for a young mom's group in your area--MOPS or playgroups--and join to meet some other moms who can support you.

E., I have been in your shoes before 15 years ago. It is very frustrating when others judge you solely on your appearance. I continue to struggle with this since I do not look my age, they think my 15 year old daughter is my sister. lol
The best thing I can say is to not take it personal. Be confident in the things you do, and do not allow someone else to influence your mood. It seems like you have a good grasp on your responsibilities and are doing a great job w/your daughter. Do not surround yourself w/mean people, it is not healthy for you. Keep on doing what YOU know is right and take care of your family. In time those around you will treat you better.
Hope this helps! Good luck and even though I do not know you, I am proud of you and your husband creating a family and raising your beautiful little girl. =)

E. - having a baby at any age is hard challenging work and I'm glad you got so many words of encouragement. But, I'm going to given you my opinion...look at your posting. There is no punctuation, no use of captial letters where appropriate, and misspelling (and I don't mean the occassional mistyping). If this is at all a reflection of your outwardly appearance or behavior, then it's not surprising that people will treat you like a child. Again, just my opinion.

E.,

WOW...it sounds like you are doing a WONDERFUL job. Don't let this get to you...I am in my late 20's and have 2 kids 3 and 1 and people still give me and my husband a hard time that we are way to young to have 2 kids. Please...that is all I think. I have gotten to the point that I take it as a compliment...I must still look really young. I'm not going to grip ;) Keep up your hard work!!! It is the best work you will ever do in your life.

Hi E.,
TUNE IT OUT, GIRL! It sounds like you are an INCREDIBLE mommy, and for the people making you feel less, don't be afraid to tell them to mind their own business! They deserve to hear it, and you deserve to be treated like the responsible adult you are. I was 18 when I had my first daughter, so I understand what you're going through completely. It WILL pass with time. Try not to let it get you distracted from being the mommy and wife you want to be. You are doing GREAT. People who love pointing out others' "mistakes" usually have miscellaneous mistakes of their own that they regret...don't let them project their own "baggage" onto you. And if these are people you see regularly, don't be afraid to tell them to "zip it or get out"...that precious baby deserves better, so do you, and so does your husband. You and your husband should be applauded for the responsibility and maturity you are showing, way more than many older "adults" show...Congratulations for your family. Keep taking care of each other, be happy if you're happy, work on it with patience and understanding if you hit a rough patch (like everyone does), and don't let anyone take away what the three of you have. You are as blessed as you'll let yourself be. Stay positive, respond with kindness but firmness with the naysayers, and keep loving that baby and your hubby.

Blessings and hugs to you from one former "young mom" to another,
K.
PS...Private message me anytime if you need any advice or just a listening ear, etc... :)

NOTE: OMG, I just read through a few of the other responses criticizing your "grammar and spelling" and GOOD GRIEF!!! E. was not asking for a spelling lesson, she's looking for some encouragement. Play "teacher" on your own time...that's just ridiculous and sounds more like the "judgmental" BS she's already plagued by. You're doing great, E.. (Tune all that out, too...lol)

I know how you feel! My husband and I started dating in high school when I was 14 and he was 16. We decided to get married when I was 22 and he was 23. It was very hard for everyone to start viewing us as "adults". They still treated us and looked down upon us as kids. So, we decided to move from Florida to Texas to get away and have time to discover ourselves and "grow up". It wasnt easy, but we got through it and now we are doing great! When we go back to visit, now 4 years later, everyone has totally changed their view of us and respects us more. It was the best decision we ever made, moving out here. It forced us to depend on each other and God and not allow our family and friends to interfere. I am sure we wont be here forever, and will probably move back to FL eventually. Good luck and stay strong. You are doing a great job! : )

E., people are often rude, insensitive and thoughtless. Ignore them. If you are acting like an adult then the people who are around you most often will start to treat you like one. If they don't then don't be around them. You should surround yourself and you child with people who are uplifting and bring out the best in you. Good luck!

How do you get people to notice that you are an adult? You act like an adult. It seems that you are well are your way. Some people you can't change. Some are always going to have an opinion about your decisions. (You're too young. You're too old. You're not doing this or that right. blah. blah. blah.)
You can only demonstrate by your actions that you are indeed responsible. And even then some people will not see. Learn to shake it off. Take care of your family and don't worry about those others.

I understand what you mean. I think it's great that you are such a good mom and you stepped up to the plate and you have made a little family. I was treated like that when I had my oldest and I was 22 when I had him. Some people if they knew you before just don't always see you as a grown up. Part of me thinks that's cause that would make the feel old too. If they continue if they are not family memebers I would try not to be around them. If they are family tell them how you feel. They may not realize what they are doing.

Good luck and may God bless you and your family!!!

E.,
For some reason in our society, people, especially women, are overly judgemental. Maybe it comes from our insecurities - so we criticize each other and put each other down to make ourselves feel better. I remember when I was almost 21 and had my first baby - my mother-in-law would come over and tell me he was too warm and pretty much undress him. Then my mom would come over and tell me he was too cold and wrap him in too many blankets. People told me I fed him to much because he was a chubby baby, even though I was just breastfeeding. By the time I was 31 and had my third child, the criticisms didn't go away, but I had gotten stronger and was able to ignore the stupidity and rudeness. Just keep being a good mom and work on believing in yourself and your family. Sounds to me like you are trying hard and doing a good job. Maybe you could just look them in the eye and say, I love being a mom and it is no mistake." Good luck.

Hi E.,
Sounds like you're doing a great job!!! :) Keep up the good work & don't get discouraged. Unfortunately women are tough on each other. You may not be treated like "an adult" until you look like you need botox injections. ;)
Take care and enjoy life!
~K

Hmmmm. You might not be able to get these folks to treat you like an adult, but you know the truth, right? So do your best to ignore them. It's hard, I understand, but don't discount advice from older people either. Consider their ideas. Sometimes we get defensive and miss out on good information that can help us.

Come up with your own mantra that sounds right for you. For example you could make it "I'm okay with it." And smile, don't be sarcastic.
So when someone says:
"You shouldn't be married so young." You say, "I'm okay with it "
"What do you know, you are just a kid." You say, "I'm okay with being a young mom."
"You could have been in school." You say, "I'm okay I'm not."
"You shouldn't let the baby do that." You say, "I'm okay with it."

and keep smiling!

E.,
If you are taking care of your little girl and happily married to a man who is taking care of both of you... then don't worry about what anyone else says.

You seem to be doing a good job with your daughter, better then some people I know who are in their 30-40's. You just keep doing the right thing.

And if people want to say things, just politely tell them that if they do not have something nice or encouraging to say to you then to please keep their comments to themselves.

Honestly, your grammar does not make you sound like you are an adult, your request makes you sound like a 13 year old girl. Maybe if you act more like an adult in other aspects of your life then you will be treated like one.

Hi E.,

I am a younger mom, I got married at 21 and had my first baby at 23. I am only 4 foot 9 inches and look extremly young due to a growth hormone disorder that I have. When I was pregnant I had a preacher come up to me and just say "I will pray for you and your situation." and I said back "Thank you, please pray for my husband too." I cant even begin to tell you all the looks I have gotten over the years and the questions. People judge based on just a glance all the time, its just how we are as humans. Over the years you will get better at dealing with it, just keep doing what you are doing. I am a big believer that all moms just stick together and support eachother no matter the age or situation. We all need support and respect even if we are 18 or 38. I hope this helps!

It sounds like you are taking care of life as an adult. Continue to do so and, eventually, people will figure it out or you will learn the confidence to ignore them. My husband and I were married 8 years before people quit giving us a hard time about not understanding married life. They couldn't understand our joy and had to discount it as immaturity. Our marriage is built on God and is wonderful. Now, at 10 years, they just think we're weird. So, continue to maturely handle life. Love your daughter. Love your husband. May God give you the strength, confidence, and peace that you need. And, may He send some friends into your life that affirm you and bless you. Blessings!

You know what, I know my older sister went through something similar in a sense, but back in the 60's. My sister is very tiny, she's like 4"10 and looked very very young for her age. People on the street even thought her baby was her baby sister or something. My sister was married at the time as well. What can I say, she looked young and as much as that made people give her unwanted comments, the truth is, she just had to grin and put up with it. Peoples opinions are just that...an opinion. Be secure in the kind of mother you are and how you present yourself speaks volumes anyway. You can't keep people from being opinionated, but you can show them how wrong they are with your actions. Just keep being a good mom. Don't worry about what "other" people think. Some people you wont ever see again anyway. As for family members, hopefully they aren't making comments but if they are, again just smile proudly and show them what a great mom you are. Be proud of yourself E.. (:

If you want others to treat you like an adult you need to represent yourself like an adult. Just because you got married and had a kid does not make you an adult. There is something in the way you speak to people or carry yourself that is causing people to not treat you with the respect you feel you deserve. I would look into yourself and start there instead of worrying about others. If you feel you are a mature adult then act that way. Also, start writing in real English. If you are chatting with your friends it is one thing to use broken grammar and phrases. It is quite another if you are asking a chat room full of strangers for their help in helping you be perceived in a more mature way. I can tell you love and care for your family and that is a good thing. Be happy with this and move on knowing you are doing the things you feel are right.

Think about why you care what others think of you. If you're doing the right things, which it sounds like you are, or at least trying to do what's right and grow as a person, then who cares what they think. A confident adult does not need the general approval of others, but will seek wisdom from those they trust that are involved in thier lives. There are always going to be people who disapprove of you for some reason or another, whether you're 18 or 80. Don't let it get you down, and realize that it is thier issue and not yours.

Hi E.,

I glanced through some of the many responses you got. Sorry If I'm duplicating information.

I would look for a young mothers playgroup. You could even put a post here asking for moms ages 18-25 to get together. You would probably get a lot of support.

I went to a playgroup recently and although the moms were very nice, they were all 10 years younger than me and I didn't have a lot to talk about with them. I didn't have my first until age 31 so I felt like a senior citizen there!

Good luck. Sounds like you're off to a great start and your daughter is blessed to have you!

Peace,
M.

Unfortunately people will always judge you. All you can do is be the best parent you can and hope your child turns into a decent adult. Even the worlds best parents make mistakes. I am afraid that you are being judged for your age. The fact you had a child and are married at such a young age. It's not fair by any means but you also cannot stop people from judging. Just try your best, be respectful and teach your child good manners and proper etiquette and in time you will be treated better. I learned at a young age it doesn't necessarily matter what other people think. They are just people and as long as your are trying your best that is all that matters. Just think of all those people you tried to impress throughout grade school and highschool, how many of them are still your friends?? I have a few friends from highschool and I never once tried to impress them. It is too time consuming wonder what other people think all the time. I hope this helps a little. It's sad but with age you will earn respect.

Hi E.,
I too got married right out of high school. I had two little ones by the time I was 21. People don't expect you to be very mature at 18 these days due to so many teens who are immature and gimme cubs (not self-sufficient). Just tell those people that you can appreciate that they are entitled to their opinion, but that you are quite happy being a wife and mother. That it suites you and your family. Don't take it personally. People worry about all but their own issues to correct. It sounds like you are a concerned and caring mother and wife. Keep doing what's right for your family and don't allow others' comments to make you weary or angry. And, by the way, congratulations on your marriage and the birth of a miracle.

Bev

WOW! that is a hard one! you are a great mom! especially being so young and making your own baby food, etc. you are right on the bandwagon! Maybe you did make a mistake but you are doing things to change the path for your destiny and future for yourself and your little one. Think about what is important to you. Do you want to finish or go to community college/school? Or maybe they just think you are going to be another statistic so consider searching for employment and working. I know this is extremely hard when you want to be with your little ones. it is heart renching and heart breaking. Find something you can do from home also.Bless you!

Dear E.,
I do hope you update us! I was extremely interested in your post and in the responses you received. I was very impressed with how responsible you and your husband are. It's true that you are very young parents, but you're not the first and you won't be the last!

To me, the grammar and spelling in your post indicated that you had a different take on communicating than I do and than most of the moms posting on Mamasource. It's the approach people - mostly younger people - take when they are informally texting each other. The fact that you did not use proper spelling and grammar, that you used "textese" to communicate indicates to me that you may not understand how to adapt your communication and/or behavior in different cultural contexts.

I use different social behaviors in different contexts. I'm still myself - I have just learned to adapt to the situation. I wear casual jeans when working in the garden, a "uniform" at work, and nice clothes to church and when going out to a restaurant to celebrate a special occasion. I use my fingers to eat pizza and the proper fork when at a formal dinner. I act one way with my friends (loud and cracking jokes), another way at lectures and movies (quiet, listening mode), and another way when I'm in a situation that requires me to interact with others in a professional manner.

There are the inevitable truths that you are very young to be married and to have a baby, that many young people are not mature at a young age, that certain stereotypes exist in society, that some people are rude and inconsiderate, that others will focus on the negative and lament the "coulda beens." As if every story had the same ending!!!!!

Sometimes you just have to be mature enough to overlook another person's rudeness. Forgiving people goes a long way in staying "sweet." Sometimes you just have to play the hand you're dealt with in life. You just do the right thing.

Sometimes you have to be savvy enough to dress your role and not your age. So, even though you're young and cute and all your friends are dressing in the latest fashion, you might need to cover some of that up and dress so you look like a mom.

You might need to learn how to write a Mamasource post that uses traditional grammar and spelling to come across seriously! I'll take you seriously no matter how you write, but think about it: how do you want to come across?

I don't know how you dress or act or why people are criticizing you! Your description of how you are parenting sounds wonderful! I'm so impressed! But I have to admit that I was astounded at your post because of the grammar and spelling. I want you and the other mothers here on Mamasource to understand that I am not criticizing YOU when I comment on your presentation. YOU sound wonderful. But the presentation is child-like and comes across as uneducated. And the way you wrote the post without regard for tradition and cultural grammatical norms makes me wonder if there are other areas in your life that you could "tweak" to come across more like a responsible adult. Mind you, I'm not saying you are not a responsible adult: I'm talking about how you "come across."

I am going to repeat here that I am not criticizing you or your parenting. I am making a comment about what the social norms for behavior are in this culture. When I took sociology classes in college we were taught how to notice the differences in cultures and societies. That is the only thing I am doing here. I'm pointing out something that I noticed about your post - that it doesn't fit the cultural norm for formal adult communication, that it is more like the type of communication used in an informal texting situation. This type of textese is more frequently used by young people. Please understand what I'm trying to communicate.

I took it a step further and asked you if you might be making the same type of misstep in other ways: behavior and dress. I am not trying to criticize you. I'm asking you to examine yourself to find the answers to your own questions/observations. "wut can i do so ppl can stop treating me like a child"

I hope that you are not offended by my post and my comments and questions. (I also hope that other Mamasourcers will read this response with understanding and without a critical attitude. I am not criticizing E.. I am asking her to think about her life and figure out the answers to her own questions.)

Wishing you all the best in life!

An ancient mom,
A.

Being treated like an adult comes from surrounding yourself with mature friends. Although I was not in your position of being a young mother, I found respect and integrity grew from changing the group I hung with. The transition to true adulthood really happens between the ages of 24-28. People still view you as a young adult/college student up until then. However, if you are desiring to be treated like an adult you simply need to find people who you can build relationships with. MOPS, a good church or place of worship, volunteering somewhere, a neighborhood group, or even an association. Being an adult doesn't just mean showing you are independent. It happens when people feel you are investing into a relationship with them. Trust me I know plenty of older 20 somethings that are still children because it is all about themselves. I am glad to hear that you are a very involved parent, and parent and wife that is a big part of adulthood. Find other parents to build relationships with and try to invest in getting to know them and when they see that you are sincere, hardworking, and a great friend your age will float away. Also work on your written presentation. Presenting yourself as an adult means using punctuation, capitalization, and good grammar. This will matter more when you build those relationships and you start emailing or if you are looking for groups to belong too. It shows that you are both educated and hardworking and that goes a very long way in this world.

E.,

I suggest you begin by treating yourself and others with respect. When speaking (and when writing), use correct grammar, spelling punctuation, and complete sentences. I echo others in this group that your initial request comes off sounding like a young girl, as opposed to a young woman. If you speak the same way as you write, I am not supprised that you are treated as a child. Improve yourself and you will respect yourself and the others will follow, or not. But, at least you will know that you have done what you can.

We teach people how to treat us. When you teach others that their opinions don't matter, they will stop giving it to you. When you act like an adult, people will treat you as an adult, even if it takes time. You have got to BELIEVE you are worthy of respect from yourself and others before people will treat you with respect. Hold your head up, realize you are doing a good job, write, speak, and act like an adult and never whine about your life. Be a lady, a good sport, and very, very grateful for the blessings in your life.

The best advice I was ever given was that if you DO NOT want someone to believe a rumor about you is true, live as if it isn't true. In other words, you want people to see you as a mature adult instead of a goofy 18 year old who had a baby and wedding too soon in their opinion, then act like someone who absolutely knew what she was doing and is thrilled about it. The rest doesn't matter. Good luck!

That was a hard message to read without punctuation, that aside, don't worry about what other people think. Take pride in yourself and your family and forget the negative comments from callus people.

E., Super Mom,

First of all, do you ever take a breath? You need to start using periods in your sentences! I'm worn out trying to keep apace!

Secondly, it sounds like you have a great life and are a wonderful role model. You should keep your head up and be proud. Perhaps you feel like you've done the wrong thing by starting a family at such a young age. You've done everything right! If you believe in yourself as you should, then others will look up to you! Some adults may even be a bit envious that you are so "together". Pay no heed to them. Instead, in Life, you need to surround yourself by positive people that you admire. Don't stoop!

Thirdly, you may want to counsel unwed mothers and teach them how to be great moms and to pursue educational goals. Bottomline is self-esteem. Who in the world could not be prouder than to be a Mom and to do a great job as well?

Lastly, take good care of your husband. He needs you just as much as your baby does.

Since you are so young, your family and friends should help you out by babysitting, going shopping for you, inviting you over for dinner, etc. It takes a village to raise a child!

Godspeed! Happy Halloween! Don't overdo the candy stuff! and Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family!

Fran C.

Why would they say that about your husband? Has he done something to you or against you that everyone knows about? Are they just concerned for your happiness? Let them treat you like a little girl, it won't last forever. If it gets to the extreme where you can not take it anymore, then just talk to those people and let them know how you feel. Just act like an adult, talk like an adult, and write like an adult and eventually everyone will come around.

E..

Congratulations on your marriage and the birth of your daughter. There is some really great advice given already and if this is something you already got, just chalk it up to another mom who's been there and done it. :)

Being as young as you are, it's hard for people to take you seriously, because of your age. From an older person's perspective, you don't have the wisdom of the years...but that's okay, you will get there and you are doing a great job working that direction.

First, you are going to have to get a thicker skin (that too comes with time), because you are going to get a lot of advice and commentary with being a mom and a wife. And most of it's well meaning.

Hold on to your husband! Don't let the man go. He'll need you. Being a strong wife and strong core is central to a healthy happy marriage.

2nd--do not nurture negative relationships :) If you can't cut out negativity, politely ignore it, or just say, thank you but I have it covered. :)

That's all I got time for now! :)
Bless you and yours!

E., I was in exactly the same boat. I had a teacher who even told me I would never be happy! Just continue to conduct your life in a responsible manner. Continue the excellent care of your child and people will eventually acknowledge you as an adult. Please do not hang your opinion of yourself on the opinion or actions of others. Is there an older woman you look up to? That kind of friendship can help through any doubts you might have.

E.- It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job with your daughter, your husband and your life! Keep it up!

One thing you might do to get people to treat you like an adult is to step up the impression that you are giving off to the world. Your post has no sentences, no capitalization,no punctuation and is written in text message speak. It screams "kid" to me when I read it- even though the content concerns your adult life. Please know that I say that not to be mean or critical- I just wanted to point out that people really do judge things like that.

Keep up the good work, you'll get the recognition you deserve!

Hi E.! I just read some terribly rude responses by people! They are telling you that your grammer and spelling make you seem immature but I will tell you this.....their bad manners are VERY immature!

E., the best way to let people know that you are an adult is to have confidence. You are doing a great job and be proud of yourself as a person and as a mom. If you don't feel confident, fake it! If people can't be happy for you, then that means they are not happy with themselves. Hang in there, my friend!

E., as I don't personally know you or your family who are treating you this way... I only have some general advice. First, congrats on your baby and your new marriage! But as for advice... ALWAYS take the high road, when people say you made a mistake, say, "sorry you feel that way" or "I see why you would say that", "but, my daughter is the greatest think in my life and she has helped me grow and I wouldn't change that for the world right now". People, especially older family members are always gonna see you as a "baby" or a young girl and they just want the best for you and your life. Just try to stay positive. At 18 (heck even in your twenties and for some people thirties) you still have a lot of growing up to do, not to say you haven't done well so far, or that you aren't ahead of most 18 year olds.. just because you are legally an adult and have started your family, embrace others advice and life's lessons, we can never learn or grow enough :)

I've read your request and the responses, and I must say there's some good wisdom there for you to consider. It blesses my heart to hear how you've taken such good care of your baby. I work in public schools, and I see 14 year old girls having babies, and they don't have a clue.
Don't be offended that other people still see you as a child. You've had to grow up pretty fast from what I read, and it sounds like your doing a good job. Do take the advise for cleaning up your grammer and the way you speak. It should help. I want you to remember something: Your childhood is a precious gift. There is nothing wrong with being young...it slips away SO FAST, and too many people take that for granted. Enjoy your youth...yes, you can still enjoy it!
Now, I'm not saying go wild and crazy and forget that you have big responsibilities. I just want you to enjoy your life at every age! May God bless you and your little family, and you're welcomed to message me personally if you need more "wisdom." :)

E.,
I adopted my first child at the age of 45. My daughter was a year old when I adopted her. I can't begin to tell you how critical my family was toward me as a mother. They found the most insignificant things to criticize me about. As mothers, we tend to be hard on ourselves anyway, but I find that everyone has an opinion about how you're raising your child. You can't let all that get to you. You just remain confident in the things that you're doing because regardless of how good a mom you are, you will still receive criticism. People are very hard on moms while dads are not measured by the same standards. Stand tall and proud and remember to give yourself some time to refresh...whatever you find will renew your spirit. In other words, pamper yourself.

It's all in presentation. Dress like a mature teen when around your child. Leave the party clothes for girls night out. Use proper grammar and manners. And yes write in proper english. I was a mom at 20 and know it's a battle to be taken seriously. If you doing the things you say you do, it's a big first step.

Dear E.,
I was once in your shoes. I had my son when I was 16 and my daugther at 18. I wasn't so lucky as to have the babies daddy stay around. The thing I have relized in my years since having them, that being a young mom is not easy in anyway. I will tell you that you have to stand up for yourself, learn to put your foot down. But you must also learn to take advice from others. I know that you may think that you know all you need to know,my oldest ones are 11 and 10 and I still have to go to older people and say hey what do I do. I know its very fustrating, I am almost 30 and I still have the days that I feel like people are treating me I am a child, but I relized that they aren't really trying to make me feel that way, but are really just trying to help. You sound like a great mom, as long as you do the best that you can do for your child and your family, that's all you can do. Be proud of the decision you made, and tell the people that are negative that if they can't be happy for that then you don't need them in your life. Good luck.

Just keep doing what you're doing! You sound like a very good mother to me. By continuing to take excellent care of your baby, by nursing her and feeding her healthily, you will show the world you know what your #1 priority is @ this point in your life.

All I think you are lacking is some confidence in your own good instincts. Is there a moms' group you can join? I would recommend you call DAPE (Dallas Association of Parent Education) and ask if they can refer you to a Preschool PTA. I don't know what part of town you live in, but I know Lake Highlands has a very active one. So you will be MUCH younger than all the other moms there, and probably less educated than them. So what? They claim to be all about supporting parents - let them know you want to be the best parent possible and need emotional support. Best of luck to you and hang in there!

You are obviously proud in being a mom and a wife - show that you're proud in other ways -I have to agree with the two other posts - your grammar really doesn't show your emotional age, which, being a mom, is obviously older than your physical age. Take pride in how you represent yourself to others - whether it be verbally or physically asserting yourself. If you have confidence, others will notice and won't feel the need to 'cut you down'. I'm 34 - still learning that concept :). take care.

E.
I feel your pain, I also got married at 17, got pregnant, and had my first baby at 18. I know that people thought I was making a mistake since I didn't finish nursing school at that time and I basically put my life on hold for my babies. I had my second baby at 19. I would encourage you just to continue loving your baby and your husband. My children are now 11 & 10 I have graduated from nursing school and achieved many goals. Make sure that when you reach a goal - going to college - if that's what you choose, buying a home, etc. Make sure to make it a big deal so that others will realize that you have been able to accomplish so much as a young mother that lots of people without children never accomplish. Also, make sure that you portray yourself as an adult. Watch what other teens do - constantly text, talk on the phone, their language, both spoken and oral, their clothes. It may be time to step into the world of more adult behaviors. In the long run all that matters is that you are happy and your baby is happy. Congratulations on your family.

A.