Too Young to Be Happy??

Whoo-eee, Honey! I'm in the same boat. My parents had a terrible marriage, and an even worse divorce...after years and years of them telling me that I should never get married or have babies, I eloped with my husband when I was 20 - no, I wasn't pregnant. I knew that he was the one for me, and I made my decision. We've been married for three years, and we have a beautiful 1-year old son. I knew that I wanted to be a mother, and because my mother was 31 when she had me (I'm the oldest, she had my sister at 37) I knew that I wanted children at a younger age than she chose to have kids. I got pregnant and gave birth when I was 22, and I still get treated like a teen in trouble! I can't imagine having a baby in my late thirties - it takes all my energy to be a good wife and a great mommy as is!

i think that everyone can agree it is not what other people think or what they perceive that should make you think twice about your happines, if you are happy, they will see it and soon they will get over it, if anything, usually people who are that adimitly apposed to other people's happiness, are lacking and awful lot in their own lives, so dont take it personal, take it as a compliment of things achieved that others strive for and sometimes never get!
i am a mom of almost four(due in march) and i am 25, my hubby and i are high school sweethearts, dating since 15 married since 19 and started with our first baby when we were 20. there will always be people who want to stick their two cents in all times, i personally love how people have the nerve to ask if i am married, when out in public with the three little ones.......people sometimes just dont get it! as far as strengthening your relationships with family members, just try not to talk too much about your happiness in front of them for a while, just live it and it will show! good luck to you.

No matter what you do, some people will always pass judgement. Parenthood is a very personal decision. Some people have always wanted kids so the sooner they can, the better. Others take their time to figure out what they want. Sounds like you and some of your friends are in different camps about this. You can't convince them to relate to your side no matter how hard you try. You know you've done the right thing for your life. Stay strong in your convictions and confident in your decisions and don't let anyone elses opinion sway your confidence.

Dear E., Honey, if I had a dime everytime I worried about what my or his family thought when we made a decision about our own lives not theirs. I would be rich. It took about 5 years before I realized I was an adult and was suppose to be making my own decisions. Everyone from both sides were shooting advice all the time and I married at 19 and had my first child at 20. I was so sensitive and weak and wanting everyone to be happy.

My husband and I have 6 grown children. I would say probably half of his and half of mine are divorced by now.

Now that I am older I feel if they had a life of their own they would and could leave mine alone. Whats the saying he who is without sin may cast the first stone or something like that.

I am happy and I don't judge others. If , others could stop judging me they may be as happy as I am.

Live your life your way!!!!! Bless you and your family. B.

Dear E.,

I understand what you feel about family thinking you were too young to be together and make a happy family and home.
My husband and I were 19 and 17 when we were engaged, after 2 months.They said we were young, too fast, all that stuff.
I guess you could say we proved them wrong. We will be celebrating our 13th year together! We have 2 boys, and are trying for another. We don't regret our decisions, or being together, we are happiest being together as a family, whatever we do! Noone knows how you feel about each other, noone can judge what is rightfor you.
I think you should simply tell the nay-sayers in your family that if 4 years and 2 children hasn't shown them you were ready that nothing will, and you would appreciate it if they would treat you like th adults you are, not their babies to scold. Obviously, do it in your words, and in a icer tone, but get stern if you have too. Marriage and kids can be tough enough on their own, you don't need external pressures and stresses included in the equation!
K.

I am 27 and my husband is 30. We got married as soon as i graduated high school. i was 18 about to be 19 in 2 months and he was 22. We had a baby(a little boy) at the time who had just turned 2. Of course everyone said we were too young and tried to accuse us of only getting married because of our son. which was not true. I have just told the family that didnt approve that we love them but it is our decision so basically when it comes to our marriage it is our business. And here we are, We just had our 8 yr. wedding anniversary, we are happy and we are pregnant with our fifth child due jan,21st.

Hey E.. I understand. My husband and I are high school sweeties and have been together for 11 years married for 4 years (well almost). We are 26. Everyone thought that we were too young because my husband was still in college. Yet he managed to work full time, have me to deal with, and take a full load of classes and graduate with 2 business degress early. My mom had me when she was 39. My sisters are 13years and 8 years older than me (my mom lost a boy and girl between each child). But I never had anyone to play with, my mom was always too busy, etc. Now, my daughter has no family to play with either. All the cousins, my niece (21 yrs old) and nephews(14 and 17) too old to play. So I knew I didnt want to be old when I had my children. I wanted to be done by the time I was 30. However, now that I am back in school... we wont be having another until then. So I am bummed by that. But my point or I should say my belief is that i personally think it is selfish to wait to have kids until you are in your 30s or 40s (unless there are fertility or didnt have a partner). I have been called old fashioned and whatever. But I think the younger you are when you have the better it is for the child. you children won't care how fincially well off you are or where you travelled. They will remember if you played dolls with them or played ball in the front yard. And as far as your marriage is concerned... tell people that you were incredibly blessed to have found your soulmate so young and that you will still have many many years to enjoy each other.

You are young but I was 22 when I had my first son. No my parents weren't happy but I was married, happy and just like you. To tell the truth, the only people you can control when it comes to actions and attitude is YOU! If the others don't like the way you live or don't agree, they will get over it or stay away from them. I am not a heartless mom (of 4 now) but the way others judge you sometimes gets really old. Like you said, you are married, old enough to be so and happy. Why do you want to be burdened with the way others feel you should take care of YOUR life? I am very close with my parents now and we have just proven them wrong I guess you could say. In fact out of the three of us kids, they say my husband and I are the best example of what a marriage and family should be. Now I must tell you we've been married 22 years and have 4 kids but I will never forget how it all started out.
My oldest son is soon to be 21 and he just had his first little girl. (My first little girl too:) I was not happy and was going to have nothing to do with them I was so mad! They are not married and are really not settled as far as futures, jobs, etc. You know, it's like what are you going to do? Life moves on, they are adults and they will figure it out.I can only go two days now without seeing my first grandchild and I must admit, I didn't like the circumstances but I've gotten over it and life has moved on. She is the cutest and I can't imagine life without her, she is almost 4 mos old. Just hang in there but don't let anyone tell you how you should run your life or when you should have kids or anything else. Don't let them make you feel bad. You sound like you are very in tune with what you want out of life, have common sense and most of all, are very happy. It will work out. Life is full of lessons and as long as we learn along the way, I guess we've succeeded. Good luck~ If I were your family, it sounds like I should be proud of you.

Hi! I am currently 29 and have been married 10 years. I was 19 and my husband was 20 when we got married. We got a ton of flack from both families. (We now have 2 kids, a 4 year old and a 2 year old.) Anyway, my best advice is to just be honest. Tell your naysayers (as kindly as possible) that you appreciate their concern, but you are VERY HAPPY, ok financially, the kids are healthy and happy, and you know what is best for you. It was very common in past years to get married very young. My MIL married my FIL when she was only 14 and they have been married about 45 years. I know this is hard, but you just need to say your piece and try to ignore any future nastiness. Maybe they don't realize they are hurting you and will stop when it's brought to their attention. If not, you still know in your heart you aredoing what is best for you and you can't really make others happy. By the way, CONGRATS on having a great marriage and kids!! Not everyone can say that. :) Good luck!

your never to young to be happy first of all you are happily married no one has he right to say anything about anyone in this world today i was married at 18 and had my first child my daughter who is now 22 and very well adjusted by the way i was 19 when i was pregnant i was 25 when my son was born hes 17 and peoples point is what...your happy and no one should get you down your children were born in wedlock which today isnt all that common a lot of women want the kids but not the husband so let them look down to you you know your in the right after all they dont support you or do they pay your bills

E.!

hi i am 24 as well married to my hubby jeff for 3 years and together for almost 9 years and we are very happy and have 2 children and one due in dec and yes we were looked down upon by his mother and everyone else because i was only 20 when i got pregnant and 21 when i delivered i ended up dropping out of college when i got pregnant and we were only engaged when i found out i was preggy with our first child, everyone thinks that i trapped him esp his mom and that we were way too young even my parents say to this day they wish i would have waited but i dont im glad i didnt!! dont listen to what they say as long as you guys are happy that is all that matters!!!!

I don't know that I can help you. I'm a single mom, my sons dad and I never got married, broke up before I actually had my son at age 20. I have lived with my parents and my sons dad's parents to help get through school. As much as they love to help and don't address their unhappiness with the mistakes I've made very often, there are still moments in there, that I feel belittled. I will have my master degree in less than a year. I found it best to accept their feelings when they make comments, and say I know you view what I did as a mistake, I am going to make a good life for myself and I thank you for your help along the way." Then I walk away and leave it at that. I think it's harder to address when it's not openly talked about. As you and your immediate family grow together and stronger, others will see that it wasn't just a spur of the moment thing and there is true love there. Unfortunately, we can't change the way people think and feel, we can accept their feelings as their own and control the way we react about things.
Congratulations on your wonderful family! I wish you the best of luck!
Best Wishes ;)

E.,
Honestly, they are probably jealous of you and wish they had what you have. You cannot buy the kind of love that you have or the precious gift of your children. I was twenty three when I had my firstborn son and was married at twenty. Now, I am twenty seven, with three children under 4 and I wish I had started having kids a couple of years earlier than I did! My husband is wonderful and I too have experienced the kind of "passive hostility" you are experiencing even from my own mother. I really don't know how you can deal with this because the problem lies within the hearts of the people who are reacting to you in this manner. I can tell you that you don't have to try to "prove" anything to them. Let your love and your life speak for itself. Continue to enjoy and live life to the fullest, Seize the day! and don't let other people's disappointments with their own lives steal the joy of your own. Pray for them and love them, but don't let their attitudes get you down. God Bless you!

J. F.

Seeing you are 24 that made you 20 when married.
21 is fully considered an adult from what I gather.
Years and I mean years ago many people dated and married in their mid to late 20s.
Now days it is 16 18 and older.
I don't agree with under 18 marriages myself, probably never will.
I figure you should complete high school.
Most it seems that don't complete high school turn to welfare systems.
As for you, if your husband is working, you have a clean house, your children and yourselves are clothed in decent clothes, not worn out and holes in them, and there is plenty of good food and bills are paid, well, you are doing better then a lot of others out there.
If any of these are a part of your lifestyle as not being, then that may be part of their downside in your life.
I have seen very loving couples in piggish dirty houses, and I don't visit them.
And I have seen loving filthy rich snooty people that feel they are above others that I wouldn't visit either.
All in all, final sentance would be, if you are doing good in your home, and family and financially ok, then hell with others opinions or thoughts, and looks at your family. If they don;t like it, they don't have to visit or associate with you and keep there thoughts and opinions to themselves.

Let me know what your secret is!!!!

My husband and I were high school sweethearts and married when we were 21. Now I'm 32 and he's 33. We've been together now for 17 years. We have a 3-year old son and a baby on the way. I had hoped we would start our family at 22 or 23, but we weren't able to get pregnant at that time.

I remember our pastor questioning our decision to get married so early during pre-marital counseling. Of course, we wanted to do the right thing - what God wanted. But, we both felt a peace about getting married at that time nonetheless. I'm so grateful we did. We've had a strong marriage through tough times, infertility, extended family issues, etc. - God's blessed us with the gift of each other thoughout it all. Not that I'm for going against good counsel... But, honestly - that decision - to get married when we did - we've never regretted.

I don't know if our story helps.

Once you have made your decision and have started your family; what's done is done. I am so sorry that others are not supporting you in doing this amazing thing - hard and remarkable as it is - being a family.

Hi E.

First off congrats to you and your husband on a decision well made. I'm 40 been married for 24 years now and i have 5 kids myself their ages are 23,22,19,17 and 16, and i havent regreted having them young at all. They are wonderful and i get to enjoy them while i'm young and can keep up with them. On your family and friends just stand your ground let them know this was a decision that you and your husband has made and either their welcome to join you in sharing your life and if they dont then their loss. Having children at any age is the most wonderful thing a person goes through, and to have them grow up while your still young is even a more wonderful part in your lives. My son is getting married next year and let me tell you this now i'm waiting for grand babies. Being a grandmother at a young age just makes you even younger LOOKING,,lol..
So to everyone that thinks having babies at that age is to young , i give you this i'm 40 when i go out with my children they never think i'm the mom which is wonderful when i see their faces when i say these are my kids.
So E. never you mind them ,,you do whatever you and your husband feel great with...
Welcome to everyone to share your wonderful joys and ba bye to everyone who thinks they kinow everything.
By the way its wonderful to rub it in their faces when your kiddies areyoung adults and no one believes your their mom.
So you and your husband enjoy them as much as you can because before you know it their leaving off to school or walking down the asile, life is way to short to care what other people think of your decision its yours and your husband period.
Take Care

E.:

Just like you last respondent stated "don't worry about what you extended family thinks about your life!" If you are happy that is all that matters. I am 35 pregnant with my second child and my mother thinks I am too old. But me and my husband are so excited! I don't care what my mother thinks, my doctor stated that I am in good health and everything is fine. So I don't let it bother me. Look at this way, when your children are older, you will still have a yound heart and young body to be able to keep up with your kids, and when they have kids, your grandkids, you will still be young! If you are happy and not in any despair over finances, your family should be happy for you, and just tell them, "I am happy and what would make me happy is if you keep your negative comments to yourself and just be happy for us." At the end of the day, you and your husband are what matters to your family ~>(husband/wife and children)and when you are happy that is all that matters. So like one great book states "Don't sweat the small stuff!" Be happy!

R. B.

i was somewhat in the same situation you are in now. only i was 18 and he was 20. By the time i was 21 i was pregnant with my third kid. There isn't much you can do to change there minds. Just go on with your life and don't let them bother you. They will come around it just may take sometime. We been married now for 7 yrs and only 2 yrs ago did our families start to expect the fact that we was in love and gonna live our lives the way we wanted to. I know it's hard and i understand everything you are going through. But give it time and they will come around. Just don't show them that what they think bothers you any.If you ever need to talk you can im me on Yahoo at babyg_gone_mad.
M. W

All I can say is congratulations enjoy your happy life and ignore others. So your happy why can't every one just let you be happy. Its your life and you get to live it.

WHAT HAS AGE GOT TO DO WITH HAPPINESS????IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE DOING A FINE JOB. JUST CONTINUE ON YOUR WAY AND KEEP SURPRISING EVERYONE. MY IN-LAWS SAID OUR MARRIAGE WOULD NOT LAST 6 MONTHS - WELL WE JUST CELEBRATED 31 YEARS ON OCT. 4TH. YOU DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. GOD BLESS

Hi, E..
That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! Don't you listen to a word, and try your very best to not react to the passive hostility! I was married at 23 . . . young? Maybe, but it all depends on the era, culture, etc. We've been married 12 years now and it gets better every year! :-) I can only imagine how difficult it is to ignore those insensitive morons, but do your best, be happy and keep on living life your way.

I have the same problem, I am 24, married, and have 3 beautiful children all under the age of 5. Judging from other peoples responses to our choice I may as well have been in Middle School when I had my daughter. I have found the best response is polite rudeness, when someone tells me how they felt they needed that extra time to grow up (obviously they still needed some more time to learn what tact was) I just simply remind them that right now I can chase my kids without feeling winded and that my husband and I will still be young enough to enjoy each other once they are in college. Other than that the best thing to do is simply roll your eyes as you walk away because they are set in their ideals and will not stop believing that we or millions of other women before us are wrong to put our families before a career or as one over 30 mom put it "sowing our wild oats".

I wish I had advice but I am kinda in the same situation. I got married when I was 20 and had my son when I was 23. The only reason I had him so long after our marriage was b/c I miscarried twice. Ever since I was young, I wanted to be married and have babies. That is what I want! I have alot of family and friends that think I am too young to be tied down to a family. But you need to do what makes you happy.

Your in love..happy and have TWO wonderful babies, thats awesome. And like some others have said before people say some mean things when thier jealous.. i'm a single mom I wish your fam would just see your both loving parents and have your life together...good luck :) and I honestly think parenthood is a double edge knife...you never can make everyone happy!

E.,

You are not too young now! I think they are crazy. :) There must be other reasons that make them lukewarm on your marriage, but they're just using an excuse that they think is acceptable to say. Why in the world is this still an issue after so many years?

Don't sweat it. Just be polite. It's your life, and you are happy! Don't make problems where there aren't any. Good luck!

Hi E.! I am almost 24 and am in a similar boat. I have two kids...30 month old and 11 month old, and I'm happily married. Unfortunately there's nothing you can really do but be happy and enjoy your family. You will not be able to convince others to change their mind, and if they don't want to understand why you made the choice you did...they won't. So I guess that leaves you with the choice to ignore/push aside their hostility. Yes I know that's not easy. Good luck!!

A.

E., I'm glad to hear that a "young couple" is happy and doing great! It really hurts when the people closest to us cannot be happy as we are, I'm in the same boat here. I have talked to my Grandmother about stuff like this, she always tells me the same thing. "No matter what you do, it won't be right in some people's eyes. Just do what makes you happy and eventually they will get the point." You cannot make people feel what you are feeling, or see things how you see them. If something is said to you, keep telling them how happy you are and how great things are. Eventually they'll get the point. Don't let their attitudes and ideas on the perfect family ruin your attitude towards life. Keep your chin up and remember what is really important. :)

How does Ray feel about these people's opinions? Are you sure it's truely how they feel? Just continue to be yourselves and keep your family unit strong. It's a wonderful thing you have going. You are blessed. P.

I think it is wonderful that you have a family and are happy at such a young age!! Continue to be true to yourself and to your family. Remember that your kids come first. Always be honest and communicate with your husband. Always be his best friend. I think that in time, your family will see that you and your family are happy. They are probably just worried. In todays world, odds seem to be against the sanctity of marriage and family. Its a process you must work at day by day. Have you ever just come right out and asked your family members why they are so hostile towards your family? Sometimes frank honesty is the only way to know what others are feeling. I have a 22 year old daughter who has a 4 year old and an 8 month old. She is divorced and the father of her youngest is a bum. I have seen her happy and I have seen her sad,and as her mother, I can't do a thing about it. You are a very lucky woman and regardless of how your family treats you, keep true to yourself and your husband and the rest will fall into place. Good luck and God Bless!!

Honey if ANYONE knoes anything about this its me! I was 16 when i got pregnant..I had my daughter at 17. We were judged by soo many ppl, family and not.

You just have to learn to NOT listen to the negativity. Let them say and htink what they feel they need to. But the key is to NOT let it bother you. You both knew what you wanted and went for it. I think your a perfect age to have kids. Whats wrong with the ages you are? I mean if you are happy and complete in your parenting and family then its really nobodys bisiness to say anything about you.

You know your happy and wanted this and when the negitivity starts just look at your little family and smile and maybe say somehting nice like. I wish you were all as happy for me as I am. Were completley happy with ourselfs! I wish you could see it and share it with us! And maybe just kindly walk away smiling?
Thats how I handeled alot of things after I got sick and tired of being put down

I would sit down with your extended family and tell them how you are feeling. They should, as your family, be happy that you're happy, even if it's not the way that they think it should be. Talking to them about how you feel, and listening to how they feel may help resolve the issue. I have had times when I thought my family (or friends) have been looking down on me, and really it was something else completely. I hope it works out ok. Good luck!

I think you should ignore what they think of you and live your life. Not to say that you should keep to yourselves or anything, just that who cares what they think? You are adults and can make your own decisions and if they don't like it, too bad.

Hello E.. I'm sorry to hear your families can not learn to be happy for you. In my opionion, learn to be happy for yourselves and if anyone, including family, does not like it, oh well. I got married at 23, so it's not that young to get married and have children. Just remember it's what you and your husband have chosen to do with your life and if it works for the both of you it's not really anyones business. If someone looks down on you it's their problem, not yours. I think happiness and peace are hard to come by at times so if you have it enjoy it, life is short. - ENJOY YOUR HAPPINESS, EMBRACE IT, BE AT PEACE WITH IT. Unfortunately sometimes we have to take inventory of the people who love us and who except us for who we are -as our genuine self- and surround ourselves with others who give us peace. It's not a good thing to always feel self conscience about your choices. Just remember you are an adult and are responsible for your choices. I'm not sure this helped, but it has helped me through my life. I'm 40 today and it's been a long journey and learning experience. I'm also happily married for 17 years and I have learned to surround myself with love, joy, and peace. I always remember life is short - enjoy it. God bless your family and love, joy, and peace to you.

My OPINION is to just ignore it. If they aren't happy for you involve yourself with people who are.

I think you need to take everyone' opinion as what it is an OPINION. Why should anyone judge you for being young and having a family, there can also be things said for those who wait. If you are happy and you love your husband and your family, who cares, IT YOUR LIFE!! More than likely they are jealous that you have a wonderful family, Brush the passive hostilty to the side and make comments outloud, like "I am so happy to have so and so by my side, and I am so grateful for my two children. Dont be ashamed!! Share your happiness with those family members and if they dont react confront them, make them aware that you see that they are not truelly happy for you and ask why, sometimes it is something so little and putting it out on the table is the best thing. Take it from someone who is also a young mom that got pregnant then married and got some head turns. I introduced my husband to my parents at the same time I told them we were having a baby..lol

It's sad that some of your family isn't supportive. All that should matter is you're happy & you're doing want you want. Be the loving, caring parents you know how to be & in time others will see that everything is o.k.. Luck to all of you. Peace ~ M.

congrats, while not all young married couples can make it work, i got married at 19 and was divorced 3 years later, with three kids to think of, you seem to have it all under control. my advice, let them be jealous. you have what every person dreams of having, and though it'll never be perfect and you will have problems, you seem to have made the right choices and you are strong enough to get through whatever life throws at you. be prouod of the fact that you have managed to get where you are at such a young age when there are those out there who spend a lifetime trying to find it, it only took me an extra few years thankfully, and you know what we are 25, and 26 and we still get those looks, we have 4 kids under age 7 between us though too, but we are happy. so stop sweating the little things, so your extended family thinks its all going to blow up in your face eventually, prove them wrong, and even if they are right prove to them you are mature enough even at your young age to deal with it and be happy. if this is your biggest problem then heck i bet almost every other mother out there is jealous. good luck and like i said you should be proud of all you have done not worring what other ppl think. take care. KAri

The decision you and your husband made were for you not for anyone else. I know it's hard not to consider what others may think, but it's not their life, it's yours. Politely tell them thank you for their opinion but you've made your choice and your sorry they didn't approve. If the future if you need their opinion you will ask. If they really love you and are true friends, this shouldn't be an issue. Ask them what's really bothering them, it could be they are jealous at what you have together and it manifests this way.

well I'm 25 years old and I've been with my husband for 7 years and 2 out the the seven years we've been married. I have a 5 year old boy and a 1 year old boy. We were right out of high school when we had our first child. That's young. But for the record love has no number, it is blind. Noone can tell you who you can love, and noone should judge you. For those who do just simply tell them that. If your happy that's all that should matter. You shuld not worry about if they look down on you, life is too short, and to be perfectly honest, people who do that to you are just jelous, because they have not found a love so pure as yours. Just my opinion. As for solutions, you make them yourself, if your happy then tell them, they need to no that and no more.

I think you two have it all together. All that matters is that you are both happy in the decisions you havemade and that you have made them together. You have a life of your own to live and be reposnsible for. What is right for one family may not be right for another. Stand your ground and be strong. Let your family and friends know you repect their opinion, but this is your life to live. It sounds like you have a happy life with your husband and children and that is all that matters.

Life is too short to be around negative people. Be happy enjoy your life, tell your family and friends that you love them but if they don't stop the negativity towards you, you will stop spending time with them.

L.

E.,

I wouldn't worry about it too much - let your relationship speak for itself - you and your husband sound like you have it all figured out - your extended family is probably just jealous that you have it figured out at such a young age. Don't let family members and friends make you feel bad about the decisions you've made.

You're relationship sounds so much better than relationships that have waited "until they were older". Be secure in what you have and don't worry about what other feel - usually it is just jealousy.

Family member will get over it and as far as friends go - they are probably more jealous that you have someone and also sad that you're no longer single to hang out with them with out any other responsibilities.

Enjoy your family and don't worry about others.

-Mel