How Do I Make New Friends?? Long - Sorry

I'd give your friend the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she was in town only very briefly--maybe she was overscheduled. I live 400 miles from my hometown and miss my old friends SOOO much, but sometimes when we go there, I don't have time to see them at all, so I don't even let them know I am coming. I have come in for less than a day and managed to squeeze in a wedding AND a baby shower, but had to get home to my own family. I have come in for 5 days and had EVERY day jam-packed with family functions, responsibilities, and of course, the added stress of traveling with small children.

I'd just give her a call, or post on FB, and say "Oh, I saw you were home for Tommy's birthday. I wish we could have met up. I miss you!" Something general and not accusatory. I wouldn't write this friendship off just yet :)

I am sorry that you are going through this. But please know that you are not alone! All of my closets GF's live out of state, and my sister, across the country. Have you heard of meetup.com? There are Mom's Clubs, nationwide or other child-centered meetups. Hopefully you can find one near you. Good luck :-). You can find many of your interests on meetup.

I would also encourage you to reconsider your feelings about your friend. I live half a world away from my family and friends. For the first few years when I went back to visit my family for family events it turned into a marathon hopping from friend to friend. If was exhausting and not very enjoyable (also keeping in mind that this was my annual vacation!).
Since then I no longer try to meet up with everyone, not even with my best friends sometime... it depends on our itinerary. Maybe this was a quick "drive by" visit and she just really either didn't want to or could not fit in another visit. I have been there, it happens.
Also this was not HER party, but I assume her sister gave it - so I am not sure how close you are to the sister, but maybe it was her who for some reason did not think of including you.
YES, go ahead and make some new friends. But don't write this one off just because she doesn't call or visit you every single time she is in town.
Good luck.

Hi girl. I am in Houston and feel lonely a lot.

You state that you are Jewish. I am black. Years ago while living in Las Vegas a Jewish lady and became very close. Our children were also close in age. Do not try to limit yourself to friendships with only whites, Jews, young moms, or SAHMs.

R.

Oh, hang in there! I can relate to how you're feeling in a way and once I decided I really wanted some new women in my life, I stretched myself to be able to meet them. Things I would never do, but now I've got a great group of friends. One of them posted on here that she had just moved to the area and was looking to meet people so I reached out to her and we met for a public play date (I wanted to be sure it wasn't some crazy person LOL) and we've become great friends. By meeting her I reached out to another girl who had been coming around a bit and asked them both out for a girls' night out dinner and we had a blast. It was uncomfortable (for me) at first, but I'm really glad I did it. I also made two more friends at gymboree and inviting one of them to play; now we're better friends than our kids. :o) Just start reaching out to peole. You may have a few misses, but you'll connect with someone. I know you're jewish, but would you be willing to go to a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group in your area? They typically meet at churches. Look up Moms and More as well. Have you met anyone recently that you like...invite them to a playdate or something. you mentioned you've attended the same synagogue for several years, just open up conversation with someone who looks friendly. I promise, you'll be so glad you did!

It is hard to make new friends our lives get wrapped up in our families and work. Check out meetup.com or the local group of the http://www.themommiesnetwork.org/locations.php You will find other mOms lookImg for friends as well.

My best friend and I have lived in different states for 10 years now. Whenever I'm in SoCal or she's in Oregon, we try to get together. Sometimes it's only for a quick lunch. Sometimes one of us is too busy and we don't connect. But we talk by phone at least twice a week. We also encourage eachother to build other friendships with women who live close by. We've each made good friends in our respective communities but nothing replaces our friendship with eachother.

You can make new friends and keep your old friends, too. When my kids were little, I'd meet new mom friends at the park, at church, at kid activities as they get older. Just getting out there is half the battle. Lots of other moms are lonely, too and would welcome someone to talk to. So if you see one sitting by herself at the park or Mc Donalds playland, take a chance, ask if you can sit near her and strike up a conversation. If you hit it off, give her your phone number, ask for hers and see if she'd like to meet at the park or someplace again.

I can SO relate to this. My 2 best friends I met when I was 10 and 12. I am an army wife and have found myself in your shoes before. What helped me was a couple of things. In my opinion the most important is to put yourself out there. I met a very dear friend of mine while staying in a hotel while waiting for our furniture to be delivered to our new house. We were both doing laundry and ended up talking until the wee hours of the morning. Another friend, which has become more like family, I met while we were both taking out the trash. You just need to start talking to people in your neighborhood, church, school, anywhere!

Another way that I have made friends is through my husband. My husband is one of those very outgoing, friends with everyone type of guys. Before I had found a job I was doing the SAHM thing and not getting out much, so he would make friends with the other married soldiers and then we would invite them and their families to dinner so that not only could the guys chat, but then us wives could get to know eachother and the kids could make new friends as well.

Think out of the box and I'm sure that you'll do just fine.

Start doing activities out of the house that you like to do. Talk to others when you are at these events that you like to do. Sooner or later you will find the right connection with someone and sooner or later become friends. I now have a group of women who a few years ago, politely moved backpacks on the bench to let the others sit down, while the kids played, we now take vacations together and do many activities. We joke that we now drink more than when we were in college. We have a great time and force our kids to be together and find stuff to do. They will always have someone throughout school that they know, even if they aren't best of friends they do know that they can count on each other like siblings.

Updated

Start doing activities out of the house that you like to do. Talk to others when you are at these events that you like to do. Sooner or later you will find the right connection with someone and sooner or later become friends. I now have a group of women who a few years ago, politely moved backpacks on the bench to let the others sit down, while the kids played, we now take vacations together and do many activities. We joke that we now drink more than when we were in college. We have a great time and force our kids to be together and find stuff to do. They will always have someone throughout school that they know, even if they aren't best of friends they do know that they can count on each other like siblings.

S.,

I would look into joining a moms club. I met some really great people through mine and became close friends with a few. It will also get you and your son out of the house a little, which will help you feel positive:)

nickie

It's always good to reach out and make friends, regardless if you have 2 or 20! First, I do want to say don't be too hurt by your friend not calling. I just went back to my hometown for 3 days because my sister had a baby, and did not call my dear friend who I've known for 24 years (been involved in all of each other's big life events). I was helping my sister finish getting ready before she went to the hospital, I was visiting with my grandmother who has been very ill, and then my sister had her baby. We have a ton of family in the area but I only saw my immediate family, plus my BIL's immediate family. I didn't even see my uncle's family who lives next door to my sister and down the street from my parents! I truly wish I could have seen my friend, but there are only so many hours in a day. I was able to sneak in a quick visit with her last November when I went out by myself when my grandma was in the hospital, but it just doesn't happen every time. It's not because I "can't be bothered", it's because I don't always get to do everything I want all of the time. I hope seeing it from the other perspective helps with the hurt.

I wish there was a sure-fire formula to follow to make friends, but it's really a lot of work! Reach out to other people around you at synagogue, the park, mommy-and-me classes, storytime at the library, wherever you go. Bring cookies to that family at synagogue you think you'd get along with. When you hit it off with someone at the park, say "I'd love to meet you here at the park again. How about next Tuesday at 10am?" It can take some time to find the person or people who you get along with AND your schedules are compatible AND similar life stage AND lives nearby, but it can happen, and usually when you least expect it :)

I actually live outside of Denton, so if you'd like to meet at the mall play area sometime (or park if it warms up!), message me. My youngest is 2 1/2, and it's just me and him during the day right now.

Hi S.,
Let me take this opportunity to invite you to MOMS Club! Not sure where in Denton you live, but I belong to the NE chapter; there is also a south chapter. We meet every last Tuesday of the month for our general business meeting, but we plan things all month long. Field trips, moms night out, playdates, craft time, etc. Message me at ____@____.com if you want more info, or check out our website (which is being updated) at www.momsclubdenton.com
Also, I realize you are Jewish so I'm not sure how it would work for your family, but our very best friends in our life are those we've met through our church. Perhaps you need to get more involved in your local congregation?
How old are your kids?

It is hard to make friends once you leave school. Co-workers are stand offish, it seems. Unless you are younger. It seems as if some of the ladies that I have worked with, mostly over 40, do not want to be friends. They are now settled in their life. Anyways, thats off subject.
You will have to go online to find locals in your area, of the same sex with similar interests. Like Mommy Play groups. I do not know if iVillage has them. They seem to have everything. You just have to use precaution, while online friends are fun to chat with and hang out "online" with, there can be people who are predators and opportunists. Even though, you will have them in person as well. You must use sound judgement. Again, I am off subject.
But try to reconnect w/childhood friends, not just by talking to them online, but set up a lunch date. Share memories, and always smile and be happy. I hope you never come across anyone as sad and lonely. That signals neediness, and thats when people will run the other way from you.
I think you should try reading some books too. You can escape to another world, and at the same time expand your vocabulary, and increase your brain power. Visit the library, meet people there. while at the library, look for the fun events that they have to offer, meet more people at the events. And what could be better than going to church. Joining a church, you will have instant friends, and family. Church can be a place of warm and welcoming...but again, these people are human too, and never appear needy. Just be yourself. Smile and be happy. You are in my best prayers!!!