My Little Guy Has the Blues

Is it possible to get him involved in a sport so he could make some new friends on his team? I had the same problem and asked his teacher for help. She helped my set up a few play dates with some classmates. That was a huge help.

A.

WOW! I know what you mean. I have a 7 year old and we don't have kids in the neighborhood his age either. It's really tough. Play dates are tough to arrange. Where are you located?

My daughter is 4 and we have the same problem. I made it a point to get her some friends her age this year though. Seeing her cry like that when her older sister is playing with friends breaks my heart.

I know you are a working mom but maybe you get him involved in some kind of activity on the weekend. This way he can meet other kids his age.

A little about me:
I am a stay at home mom soon to be a working mom.

Why can't you set up a play date with a friend from his class? There has to be at least one person he would like to have over. Maybe they can play after school on a Friday afternoon or better yet the friend can spend the night and be there for a few hours on Saturday too. (unless he chooses a female companion)

Kudos to you that you don't have the other two slow down their extra curricular activities, but yes I was the youngest so I know how that can be. I agree with the others now that your little guy is in school shouldn't be long to get some things rolling for him. Unfortunately we have get out there and make it work opposed to when they get a little older and make their own play dates. Where we used to live all my son's friends had moved so their was noone for him to play with until I put him in sports then we'd have some play dates. Good luck

We had this same problem with our youngest. He is 7 and finally has a friend he can go play with. Try to explain to him that when your other kids were his age, they didn't have friends they could go to either, but it will come in time. We would always invite others over in the hopes that he would develop a relationship with someone that would in turn invite him over. Now he has a child that is in his class that just happened to move in to a home around the corner from us and they are always together every weekend either at our home or his. Maybe take him for a special treat when the others are away...ice cream or a movie or McDonalds or something.

My son is also in Kindergarten and is the same way when his sister goes to play with friends. I try to tell him that his sister didn't get to sleep over when she was his age, but that doesn't help enough...
Ask him or his teacher who his friends are in class at school and send a note home to that child's parent asking for a playdate.
I also suggest joining a Mom's group. Meetup.com is great for meeting people in your area.
Where do you live? If you are near me, I'd love to get our boys together. :)
A.

I think you're doing all of the right things...making him feel included in as many ways as possible. His friend circle will develop with time. I think the best value system you have expressed is investing all of your extra time into your family. Priceless. They're too young to appreciate it, but it pays off when you see them demonstrating the same behavior when you're going to need them most...latter years from now!

Try finding out who some of his favorite classmates are. Chances are they live in the neighborhood, or reasonably close by. Introduce yourself to the mom, at school drop-off or pick-up. exchange numbers and you can invite your son's friend over for playdates. Hope that helps.

It may be time to schedule play dates - he may not have friends that live close - but a few moms can pick dates to drop their children off for a play date and then they are free to run a few errands. You can select specific days of the week and rotate homes. I remember my youngest expressing his displeasure and disappointment that his older brother got to do things he didn't. It is important that older siblings have their privileges because they are older and he will get his turn when he is their age - It is a hard lesson to learn for both parent and child that everything is not always fair and equal in life, the youngest will always be one step behind the older children -

I have had the same problem! The difference is, though, I stay at home. So, that being said, I'm not sure if you have this option. I finally put myself out there and invited some kids to our house on occasion. I've done this about once (on a good week, twice) and the disappointment he feels about not having friends over has really subsided. I also take he and my youngest one to the park while the oldest is away. It's instant playdate there b/c we always run into someone about his age. I understand how you feel on this one, some guilt, sadness...
Anyway, I hope this helps. I was nervous about inviting little 4 and 5 year olds over, it's not that I know the parents very well at all. But, I just felt like, "OK, I just need to do this" and the parents said Yes! I think they probably wanted their kids to have those playdates, too. Not easy with the younger ones, is it?!
Good luck! By the way, if you live close to Ramsey Park in Austin, that's a great park to meet kiddos!

My son is in kindergarten too, and I have trouble finding playmates for him because of my own shyness. I think that you need to find some creative ways to meet parents of kids the same age. It's going to take some extra effort because he's not really old enough to schedule a play date all by himself. Your older kids can ask around if any of their friends have younger siblings. Look for other moms in church, library, sports, boy scouts, PTA, moms clubs, etc. You could offer to watch another child after school if their parents aren't home. If you don't have a way to meet the parents of his classmates, type up a note for him to give his friends to invite them over.

I know you have a business to run, but a little time invested up front can be worth it in the end. My first thought is to see if your son's class lets parents come help at their parties. We just had a Valentine's party at the school and I got to meet some Moms. Another idea is to have a 1/2 birthday or early birthday, or its-not-even-my-birthday party at your house. Send invitations to all of the kids in your son's class and let them know gifts aren't necessary (unless it is actually his birthday). This is a great way to invite parents to your home (as most kids this age are accompanied by their parents and get to know the kids a bit. It would then be appropriate to call one of the parents and arrange and after-school play date. I don't know where you live, but get your son involved in an activity like soccer or basketball (our tiny town of Del Rio, TX has both). You are right, socialization and feelings of inclusion are necessary at this point of your son's life. If you happen to live in, or around Del Rio, I can hook you up (my daughter is 5). One last idea is to look for a local chapter of the MOMs Club (a support group for stay at home Moms who need activities to keep them and their kids busy. Usually members have kids who are younger than school age, but most have siblings and it would bond you with some other MOMs. Let them know you aren't interested in joining, just that they are a great resource for help on issues like these. If you have any questions please feel free to e-mail me.

Hi D.,

I was so lonely as a kid that my heart goes out to your youngest -- would it be possible to just make friends with another family with multiple kids and to invite them over to your house as a family, and perhaps vice versa if they are agreeable? I don't think a five year old is going to make a big distinction between another five year old who is his special friend and a group of kids who play with him and his siblings, so long as he feels included. I'm a working mother too and have not had much time or energy to organize playdates, and another thing I found helpful for allowing my daughter to feel socially connected were swim lessons and gymnastics camp.

Good luck! If I were in Houston (we're in Ireland for a year), I['d invite you all over -- my daughter would feel like a queen if she had three kids to play with!

M.

The best way we've met my daughter's friends and their parents is usually through a birthday party. Next time you get an invite to one of his classmate's birthday party, go! Or, if there is a classroom party, get involved...there's usually a handful of parents that attend/participate. Or, on your son's next birthday, invite his classmates...even if just for cake and ice cream. Good luck.

My sister has moved and her little ones miss the play time. She started a play group with a new church that she found. She arranges different meetings at different locations such as the park, pizza places, library,and so on. It took a little to get started, but now she has several moms that have joined in with kids from 1 year on up. She has really enjoyed it.
Good Luck,

Kimberly L

Hello, If you are anywhere near the Katy area please let me know. I am a sahm and homeschool our 5 yr old son. We are new to the area and would love to meet new people for playdates and things.

Thanks, B.

Hi. My 6 year son old has a similar problem. He goes to school out of district, so he does not know any kids in our neigborhood.
What part of Houston do you live in? My son loves to have friends. He is also in Kindergarten.
L.

Hi D. S.

My name is Ruthie and I had the same problem with my son when he was in kindergarten. This might sound out of the ordinary, but I had a "get to know" your classmates party and it went over fantastic. And my son ended up finding a "best friend" and they still today do things together and they both have other friends. I don't know if it something you might want to try. I hope that this helps you in some way.

Ruthie

I am a pre-k teacher for four and five year old children. Can you have a friend over to play with him? Does he go to Mothes Day Out or do any of your older childrens friends have younger siblings? They can send the little ones to your house and that would give the older children time to be with their peers and give your youngest time with his peers.... Have you tried to find Mommy groups in your neighborhood? Another good thing to do is Mommy and Me time when the older children go out with their friends, you and your child can have alone time to do just what he wants to do. Maybe yall can plan activities in advance so he will look forward to having Mommy and Me time! Good Luck S. B

Dear D.,

This is just a part of growing up. Your son will grow out of this eventually. You are doing what you can for now.

This is what I recommend to help your son through this difficult, yet necessary part of development. If you attend church, befriend one of his classmates. Does he attend Kindergarten? If so, try and have him make friends. Go during lunch to eat with him and you can help him make friends. Try a mother's day out program twice a week, he will enjoy having time with kids his own age and doing things that mom doesn't do at home!! Try sports...soccor, basketball, etc if not in school, try YMCA or City Activities.

My little sister did this to make me feel guilty when we were kids. But, when she made some friends and they spent the night, she still wanted to be with me and my friends. I was her security blanket. She eventually outgrew this stage.

P.

Is your son in any kind of activity such as soccer, My Gym, T-Ball, or scouts? Perhaps you or your husband could participate in an activity with him that he enjoys. If no his age lives close by, then import them in! Does he have friends from school or church? You could initiate a playdate for him that way.

You know in our town library, they have a weekly group for that age group where they just all meet and an adult reads them a story. Check your local library and see if they have a reading group where he can meet others his age. If he meets some friends, maybe allow him to call them on the telephone, if they live too far for him to visit them. Also, maybe get the older siblings involved for 1 day a week they let the 5 yr old "hang out" for about 30 minutes with them and their friends; just enough time to make him feel good and not too much time that the siblings get annoyed. And he can look forward to this "special friend day". Best wishes for you, I know its very difficult as a parent to go through this. From: S.

D., you might consider being a "Big Brother" to a child your son's age. This will help your son, benefit the child and will demonstrate charity and altruism to all your children.

Hi I had the same problem with my youngest, I would make it a point to be at all the school events to meet a parent or two, get to know them let them know you are looking for a playmate for your child. I first would invite the mother and child over during the weekend was usually easier for me I also work. Ask the mother what she likes to drink coffee, tea etc. If you get friendly with her eventually you can drop your child at her house, and she would take hers to yours. I personally would get to know the family very well before that would happen but at least you have a playdate for your little one. It takes time to find the right people, some people dont watch their children like you do, or are too strict, or allow bad language etc. But be patient and dont give up it will be well worth it. I didnt find the right people and child until 1st grade and Matthew is in 4th now and he still sees his best friend at least every other weekend. He talks to him at least everyother day. It was well worth the search. You might even try putting a note in this location to see who might live near you with a 5yr old. Hope this helps alittle, and good luck.

As much as he cries for his siblings, he will welcome your involvement with playing with Thomas the train with him. Your bonding will be strengthened, and since they grow so quickly, you won't be sorry that you became his 5 year old friend.

He will make friends in the future, but never forget how Mom got down and played even though she was exhausted.

R.